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  • FIRST POST
    • lovesmakeup
    • By lovesmakeup 4th Mar 18, 2:08 PM
    • 13Posts
    • 11Thanks
    lovesmakeup
    Help Dire Straits
    • #1
    • 4th Mar 18, 2:08 PM
    Help Dire Straits 4th Mar 18 at 2:08 PM
    I'm going to try not to ramble and just give the facts.

    My dad died two years ago and I inherited enough money to put down a large deposit on a house. I had to take out a loan for 12k to cover the stamp duty as I didn't receive all the inheritance I thought I was going to receive.

    I have struggled really badly with depression since as the way he died was horrific and I had to leave my job (working with suicidal mental patients) because of it.

    Since getting my house 12 months ago I've managed to spend thousands. A friend tried to help me sort things out 6 months ago and she had to give up as I was basically still spending. In fact I spent another 5 grand.

    She's since realised what I've done so has sat down and explained that if I continue I could lose my house. She wasn't being dramatic, she showed me the financial state I was in.

    I need help. What do I do?

    All of our expenses are committed ones, like the mobile phones - do we default on them? Will this affect my remortgage in 12 months? I have a large personal spending allowance but it covers my fuel and anything I need including haircuts etc. Same for OH. If our personal spendings are too restrictive we're likely to blow all of our money.

    Our overdraft is at 3600 so with the help of our friend we've opened two new personal accounts with a different bank and then a joint account with another bank. We won't have access to the joint account for a while, she will so that we don't transfer money to our personal accounts. This is the reason we failed the first time as she gave us a budget of 200 each and then by the end of the month we'd taken 4 x that amount so we need not to have access. Our council tax has bounced every month for three months, my car payment has bounced for two months and they've served me with a default notice.

    Statement of Affairs and Personal Balance Sheet

    Household Information

    Number of adults in household........... 2
    Number of children in household......... 0
    Number of cars owned.................... 2

    Monthly Income Details

    Monthly income after tax................ 2000
    Partners monthly income after tax....... 1340
    Benefits................................ 0
    Other income............................ 0
    Total monthly income.................... 3340


    Monthly Expense Details

    Mortgage................................ 767
    Secured/HP loan repayments.............. 530
    Rent.................................... 0
    Management charge (leasehold property).. 0
    Council tax............................. 143
    Electricity............................. 182
    Gas..................................... 0
    Oil..................................... 0
    Water rates............................. 40
    Telephone (land line)................... 0
    Mobile phone............................ 160
    TV Licence.............................. 13
    Satellite/Cable TV...................... 35
    Internet Services....................... 0
    Groceries etc. ......................... 100
    Clothing................................ 0
    Petrol/diesel........................... 0
    Road tax................................ 31.93
    Car Insurance........................... 158
    Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 66
    Car parking............................. 30
    Other travel............................ 0
    Childcare/nursery....................... 0
    Other child related expenses............ 0
    Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 101.75
    Pet insurance/vet bills................. 160
    Buildings insurance..................... 39.84
    Contents insurance...................... 0
    Life assurance ......................... 22.23
    Other insurance......................... 0
    Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 0
    Haircuts................................ 0
    Entertainment........................... 0
    Holiday................................. 0
    Emergency fund.......................... 0
    My expenses............................. 487.5
    OH expenses inc smoking, fuel etc....... 375
    RCN..................................... 30
    (Unnamed monthly expense)............... 0
    (Unnamed monthly expense)............... 0
    (Unnamed monthly expense)............... 0
    (Unnamed monthly expense)............... 0
    Total monthly expenses.................. 3472.25



    Assets

    Cash.................................... 0
    House value (Gross)..................... 290000
    Shares and bonds........................ 0
    Car(s).................................. 28000
    Other assets............................ 0
    Total Assets............................ 318000



    Secured & HP Debts

    Description....................Debt......Monthly.. .APR
    Mortgage...................... 191.25...(767)......1.34<
    Car............................8000.....(330)..... .0<
    Van............................12000....(200)..... .9
    Total secured & HP debts...... 20191.25..-.........-


    Unsecured Debts
    Description....................Debt......Monthly.. .APR
    Lloyds Credit Card 0%..........1121.95...25........0
    Sainsburys Credit Car..........4900......160.......28.9
    Tesco Credit Card..............1837.86...25........0
    Lloyds Loan....................10426.....270.......10
    Lloyds Overdraft...............3600......150.......20
    Total unsecured debts..........21885.81..630.......-



    Monthly Budget Summary

    Total monthly income.................... 3,340
    Expenses (including HP & secured debts). 3,472.25
    Available for debt repayments........... -132.25
    Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 630
    Amount short for making debt repayments. -762.25


    Personal Balance Sheet Summary
    Total assets (things you own)........... 318,000
    Total HP & Secured debt................. -20,191.25
    Total Unsecured debt.................... -21,885.81
    Net Assets.............................. 275,922.94


    Last edited by lovesmakeup; 04-03-2018 at 2:24 PM. Reason: got my house value wrong
Page 3
    • Silver Queen
    • By Silver Queen 5th Mar 18, 9:20 PM
    • 373 Posts
    • 1,758 Thanks
    Silver Queen
    Hi lovesmakeup. I love make up too. I had thousands of pounds worth of make up too. I would strongly suggest you go cold turkey on social media for a bit as this will help a lot. No pretty Instagram pictures, no Facebook make up pages, no YouTube. No make up discussions. Stop keeping up with the latest products. No you don't need the latest highlighter, or eyeshadow palette, no matter how pretty or different it is. Once you step away for a while you realise how ridiculous it is to be spending thousands on coloured powder and goo. If youtube is the problem, I strongly suggest you watch some minimalism videos (Sarah Nourse is a favourite of mine) as it will help you realise how excessive your collection is. I still love make up and still have some but I just keep my holy grails and I sold everything else. Please try Facebook, depop, carousell. Good luck.
    Debt Totals May 2018::
    350 Natwest Credit Card / Now 0 (paid off and closed 04/2017) 15,500 postgrad loan from parents/ Now 10,250 500 train ticket loan from parents / Now 0 (paid off 16/02/18) 2,000 Overdraft Now 0 (paid off 09/03/18)
    • marliepanda
    • By marliepanda 6th Mar 18, 8:14 AM
    • 5,622 Posts
    • 11,797 Thanks
    marliepanda
    I wrote a response to Flowergirl that I've deleted as I think I reacted pretty badly to it! I read it last night and I just thought....below the belt love.

    what does the banner say at the top of the DFW board?
    "Pls remember Debt-Free Wannabe's for support and help not judgement"

    I empathize with the OP, I can't quite necessarily comprehend what losing a parent to suicide can do to you - I suspect the OP is relatively young and it's obviously had a great impact. Telling someone to "Grow up" really is not on.

    I think she probably knows what she has to do but maybe we could not shoot her down like that. Otherwise she's not going to come back to the forum for help.
    Originally posted by ohbumstoitall
    Unless something has been removed or edited there is nothing on this post that suggests her dad committed suicide, so having a go t another posted for being harsh in that situation isnt fair... there is also nothing to suggest the age of the OP.
    • ohbumstoitall
    • By ohbumstoitall 6th Mar 18, 9:55 AM
    • 85 Posts
    • 108 Thanks
    ohbumstoitall
    Unless something has been removed or edited there is nothing on this post that suggests her dad committed suicide, so having a go t another posted for being harsh in that situation isnt fair... there is also nothing to suggest the age of the OP.
    Originally posted by marliepanda
    "I have struggled really badly with depression since as the way he died was horrific and I had to leave my job (working with suicidal mental patients) because of it."

    That was enough of an indication for me
    • lovesmakeup
    • By lovesmakeup 6th Mar 18, 10:00 AM
    • 13 Posts
    • 11 Thanks
    lovesmakeup
    "I have struggled really badly with depression since as the way he died was horrific and I had to leave my job (working with suicidal mental patients) because of it."

    That was enough of an indication for me
    Originally posted by ohbumstoitall
    Correct.

    I'm still here, just a bit wary of being any more honest as I feel like I'm being beaten into the ground. I wasn't saying I WANT to spend 800 a month - I was stating what I have been spending. Being told to grow up had me in tears. I have had no choice to grow up.

    I'm not here for sympathy, I am here for guidance but I'm also not here to be subjected to contempt
    • determined new ms
    • By determined new ms 6th Mar 18, 10:39 AM
    • 6,833 Posts
    • 40,011 Thanks
    determined new ms
    Correct.

    I'm still here, just a bit wary of being any more honest as I feel like I'm being beaten into the ground. I wasn't saying I WANT to spend 800 a month - I was stating what I have been spending. Being told to grow up had me in tears. I have had no choice to grow up.

    I'm not here for sympathy, I am here for guidance but I'm also not here to be subjected to contempt
    Originally posted by lovesmakeup
    Some people are of the tough love approach to encourage the person seeking help to take drastic action. All comments are meant in the vein of helpfulness though. We often give advice in the way that would be most motivating to us.

    Since reading your thread I have today made a record of everything on our meal plan and worked out costings. It's coming to about 3 and there are 3 of us (one is a child but with a health appetite. Would be happy to post if it'll be helpful.

    I work ft but over 3 days so am getting in to the habit of batch cooking on non working days. It really is no extra work - or maybe just a smidge - to double up and make one for the freezer.

    I've only just returned to working ft in the last month and so am having to try to be more organised with food. I tend to make a batch of soup in the slow cooker to last 3 days with a couple of portions in the freezer. last week I made a big batch of spicy/cheesy bean rice. Again I made a big batch had it for 3 days and froze 2 portions for this week.

    Re make up. I've been really trying to work on how I feel about myself over the last year. Feeling dissatisfied with how you look is rarely about appearance. I find now apart from occasionally I just wear a smidge of eyeliner, mascara and a bit of blush and that's enough. Try cutting down on what you wear each day till it gets to the level you are comfortable with.

    I read this is Jan and it really was the final straw in accepting myself as I am:

    https://www.frugalwoods.com/2015/07/27/less-makeup-more-confidence-my-frugal-beauty-manifesto/

    I honestly think when women are wearing lots of make up, it doesn't look natural. why not just be happy with who you are? You are enough and beautiful as you are.

    Keep trucking it is a gradual process of scrutinising your spending, and working out the sweet spot for yourself
    DF as at 30/12/16
    Wombling 2017 3016.55/Roadkill 8.73
    Wombling 2018 145.73/RK 0.04
    • anna_1977
    • By anna_1977 6th Mar 18, 10:45 AM
    • 684 Posts
    • 937 Thanks
    anna_1977
    Correct.

    I'm still here, just a bit wary of being any more honest as I feel like I'm being beaten into the ground. I wasn't saying I WANT to spend 800 a month - I was stating what I have been spending. Being told to grow up had me in tears. I have had no choice to grow up.

    I'm not here for sympathy, I am here for guidance but I'm also not here to be subjected to contempt
    Originally posted by lovesmakeup

    Hey, sorry to hear you feel you're getting a beating. You clearly have a spending habit. However, you seem to want to curb this.
    Do go through makeup and sell it on eBay, sell everything you can for the moment. Use any of that money to pay over debts, even if only a 5 overpayment. It all helps

    Please do get in touch with stepchange, they will be able to help you. Your credit file may be screwed for the next 6 years with defaults etc but that's actually a blessing in disguise for you. You don't want to be able to get anymore finance.

    Please don't stop posting on here, keep everyone informed of how you are getting on. There really is some great advice on here and people that will help.
    • warby68
    • By warby68 6th Mar 18, 11:19 AM
    • 937 Posts
    • 9,557 Thanks
    warby68
    Correct.

    I'm still here, just a bit wary of being any more honest as I feel like I'm being beaten into the ground. I wasn't saying I WANT to spend 800 a month - I was stating what I have been spending. Being told to grow up had me in tears. I have had no choice to grow up.

    I'm not here for sympathy, I am here for guidance but I'm also not here to be subjected to contempt
    Originally posted by lovesmakeup
    OP, I think its the urgency of your situation that prompted some of the strong posts. When you're only at the very beginning of tackling your overspending habit BUT have already got to the point of not paying priority bills, you don't have much time to take it gently and slowly as the consequences are looming quite quickly for you. What you DO have though is loads of areas where quick improvements are possible.

    Unfortunately it may be too late to prevent your remortgage being trickier although you should be OK with your current lender to get something.

    Try and read the messages and not infer the tone too much, you're clearly very upset about everything so that won't be easy. I think people can see you 'on the brink' but with plenty of scope to pull back from it and that's what they want to get across.

    Be brave, pick a couple of things to tackle today. You will feel so pleased when you take a bit of control
    • a_silver_lining
    • By a_silver_lining 6th Mar 18, 11:23 AM
    • 219 Posts
    • 664 Thanks
    a_silver_lining
    Sometimes people post harshly here with new posters. I think it is down to their own anger at themselves, unresolved feelings of guilt at their own past overspending. - edited to add that this isn't a judgement on on others alone, I'm guilty of snapping at a friend once for her lavish overspending and soul searching made me realise it was because she reminded me of where I had been mentally on the past.

    You have done brilliantly coming back. Try out some of the tips people have given you and you will find a motivation that works for you. Fur me it is seeing ive sold enough on eBay to repay 20% of my goal amount is motivating x
    Last edited by a_silver_lining; 09-03-2018 at 7:12 PM.
    19/12/14: Spent 10 years of savings!!
    ..... to buy my first home.

    2018: 1200 savings --- Family Loan (3250 direct + 1750 saver) 5000/10K paid 50%
    #38 1% Challenge: 514.70/ 2018, now at 25%!
    • Mahsroh
    • By Mahsroh 6th Mar 18, 11:48 AM
    • 339 Posts
    • 330 Thanks
    Mahsroh
    OP, your situation is desperate, but not completely beyond repair. You do have a decent income between the two of you and no dependents so there is scope to get yourself out of it, but as others have said you need to make some serious lifestyle choices NOW.

    Much of it has already been said, but the pet costs are way too much. Look at the food your feeding your dog(s) because 110 on top of your 50 insurance is a lot of money. Your combined expenses of 862.50 is way to much given your situation and this needs to change. Your other half needs to try and stop smoking - that would be a start! Mobile phone bill extortionate - even for 2 phones. Electricity seems high as does car insurance - all this has already been said though....

    The other thing that I don't think has been mentioned yet (apologies if I missed it - I didn't read every reply word for word) is your Sainsbury's credit card. I see you also have a Tesco card with "only" (I use the term lightly) 1800 on it? What's your credit limit? I only ask because I also have a Tesco card and almost on a monthly basis I get a 0% balance transfer offer through the post, so if you can shift some of that Sainsbury's CC debt onto 0% card that would make a good difference to your outgoings in the short term.

    Ultimately, your mortgage, secured loans and personal loan that paid for the stamp duty are combined outgoings per month of 1567 with a combined income of 3340 which shouldn't be a particularly bad position in itself, so the reason you are where you are with overdrafts and credit card debts is because of non-essential spending.
    • enthusiasticsaver
    • By enthusiasticsaver 6th Mar 18, 11:50 AM
    • 6,385 Posts
    • 13,110 Thanks
    enthusiasticsaver
    Correct.

    I'm still here, just a bit wary of being any more honest as I feel like I'm being beaten into the ground. I wasn't saying I WANT to spend 800 a month - I was stating what I have been spending. Being told to grow up had me in tears. I have had no choice to grow up.

    I'm not here for sympathy, I am here for guidance but I'm also not here to be subjected to contempt
    Originally posted by lovesmakeup
    Sorry to hear you have been upset by some of the posts. I think as Warby says it is the urgency of your situation which has prompted some of us to use the tough love approach. Well done for coming back.

    You have said you have been spending 800 but I know from the questions I asked some of this was fuel. Can I suggest you try the cold turkey approach for the next month for both you and your OH? Draw out weekly spends in cash and record every spend from cups to coffees and magazines to make up and toiletries. It really focuses the mind on where your money is going.

    I hope you are getting some help with your depression or counselling to help you deal with your dads death. Are you receiving any medical help?
    Debt free and mortgage free and early retiree. Living the dream

    I'm a Board Guide on the Debt-Free Wannabe, Mortgages and Endowments, Banking and Budgeting boards. I volunteer to help get your forum questions answered and keep the forum running smoothly. Any views are mine and not the official line of moneysavingexpert.com. Pease remember, board guides don't read every post. If you spot an illegal or inappropriate post then please report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com
    • Mahsroh
    • By Mahsroh 6th Mar 18, 12:08 PM
    • 339 Posts
    • 330 Thanks
    Mahsroh
    You have said you have been spending 800 but I know from the questions I asked some of this was fuel. Can I suggest you try the cold turkey approach for the next month for both you and your OH? Draw out weekly spends in cash and record every spend from cups to coffees and magazines to make up and toiletries. It really focuses the mind on where your money is going.
    Originally posted by enthusiasticsaver
    From my own personal experience I wholeheartedly agree with this. I log everything I spend - even if it's only 35pence for a chocolate bar.... I really does focus the mind and I find myself asking "do I really want to have to log this on my spreadsheet" and it really makes me think twice about whether or not I should spend it!
    • KxMx
    • By KxMx 6th Mar 18, 3:49 PM
    • 7,369 Posts
    • 10,615 Thanks
    KxMx
    A spending diary transformed my fiances. I started at the end of 2015 intending it to be temporary, it is still going today

    I am also in charge of my finances rather than the other way round which is a great feeling.
    I get so much more out of my money now it's amazing.
    • enthusiasticsaver
    • By enthusiasticsaver 6th Mar 18, 7:56 PM
    • 6,385 Posts
    • 13,110 Thanks
    enthusiasticsaver
    From my own personal experience I wholeheartedly agree with this. I log everything I spend - even if it's only 35pence for a chocolate bar.... I really does focus the mind and I find myself asking "do I really want to have to log this on my spreadsheet" and it really makes me think twice about whether or not I should spend it!
    Originally posted by Mahsroh
    That is exactly right and the purpose of it is to make you think before you spend. I find the same and often find by the time I have thought about whether I really want to input the spend on to my tracker app the urge to spend has gone. Parting with cash is also harder than using a card so psychologically that helps with restricting spending.
    Debt free and mortgage free and early retiree. Living the dream

    I'm a Board Guide on the Debt-Free Wannabe, Mortgages and Endowments, Banking and Budgeting boards. I volunteer to help get your forum questions answered and keep the forum running smoothly. Any views are mine and not the official line of moneysavingexpert.com. Pease remember, board guides don't read every post. If you spot an illegal or inappropriate post then please report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com
    • theoretica
    • By theoretica 6th Mar 18, 8:40 PM
    • 5,153 Posts
    • 6,402 Thanks
    theoretica
    Selling things can also be useful for making you think before you spend. Pay 30 for something, and it can be worth only 3 if you want to sell it. So a) was it worth the 30 and b) if you do need one why not check for other people selling a second hand one at 3 and buy that?
    But a banker, engaged at enormous expense,
    Had the whole of their cash in his care.
    Lewis Carroll
    • Toni'sfriend
    • By Toni'sfriend 9th Mar 18, 3:19 PM
    • 1,246 Posts
    • 12,130 Thanks
    Toni'sfriend
    I have just read this from start to finish and I just wanted to say, please, don't stop posting. There is a wealth of experience and good advice here and although sometimes it might seem harsh I'm sure it's not meant to be. Everyone wants to help you out of your present predicament.
    I don't know the circumstances or your Father's death but it has obviously had a profound effect on you. Some year's ago my partner lost his brother in tragic and horrific circumstances and it is unimaginably difficult to cope with. I do hope you are getting some professional help with your depression and, maybe, you could think about grief counselling. In any event you can get through this if you take the advice and steps to do so. Wishing you luck and hoping to see you back again soon.
    • DCFC79
    • By DCFC79 9th Mar 18, 6:15 PM
    • 31,630 Posts
    • 19,952 Thanks
    DCFC79
    Correct.

    I'm still here, just a bit wary of being any more honest as I feel like I'm being beaten into the ground. I wasn't saying I WANT to spend 800 a month - I was stating what I have been spending. Being told to grow up had me in tears. I have had no choice to grow up.

    I'm not here for sympathy, I am here for guidance but I'm also not here to be subjected to contempt
    Originally posted by lovesmakeup
    Do continue to post, just try not to let certain posts get to you, I know its hard but do try, not everyone is like that poster.
    Can people stop loaning money/being a guarator to family/friends, it rarely ends well and you lose out as your money is gone or you get shafted with being a guarantor.
    • Poor_Single_lady
    • By Poor_Single_lady 9th Mar 18, 7:01 PM
    • 1,388 Posts
    • 5,365 Thanks
    Poor_Single_lady
    Hello Lovesmakeup. (I do too very much) I have nothing to sell on eBay as the other poster suggested. Everything has been used and opened and sampled!

    I guess you might be a bit overwhelmed by all the posts here but maybe you might like to look at the debt free diary page and see if that is something for you.

    At the risk of being told off this page is quite a lot more brutal than the diary page. The diary page is quite kind and understanding and you might find being part of that forum will be helpful.
    It would be really nice if you wanted to venture over. I sent you a PM too but not everyone gets them.

    Sending you hugs. xx
    2017- 5 credit cards plus loan
    Overdraft And 1 credit card paid off.

    2018 plans - reduce debt
    • John-K
    • By John-K 10th Mar 18, 9:00 AM
    • 654 Posts
    • 1,009 Thanks
    John-K
    Your wages are not great, so I!!!8217;d suggest looking at what you need to do to be able to earn more. Cutting back on spending is going to be necessary too, but why look at only one side of the equation?
    • lovesmakeup
    • By lovesmakeup 26th Mar 18, 9:00 AM
    • 13 Posts
    • 11 Thanks
    lovesmakeup
    Hi all, I had to take a break from the forum for various reasons - mainly needed to work through everything in my head. We've cut down considerably and are able to 'live' and whilst my spending wasn't as good as it should be this month, it was a helluva lot better.

    However. my situation has got worse.

    Turns out that I wasn't having my paye and ni deducted at source whilst I was working through an agency, I've been paid through a limited company set up in my name by the agency with an accountants address that I've never received communication about which was dissolved last October (the ltd not the accountant) and I'm still being paid through this.

    I've worked out I've been paid 23k and no idea whether this limited company has ever paid tax

    f**k
    Last edited by lovesmakeup; 26-03-2018 at 9:21 AM.
    • bspm1
    • By bspm1 26th Mar 18, 9:48 AM
    • 62 Posts
    • 148 Thanks
    bspm1
    Hi

    I cannot offer you much advice as I have never had to deal with money problems, we spend less than we earn so have always been ok.

    However having read this thread it does seem that the bottom line is you are spending a hell of a lot more than you earn,which, you no doubt are fully aware of.

    Someone posted this on your soa Mobile phone............................ 160 * in all honesty, this is a ridiculous amount to be paying in this day and age. Speak to your contract provider and explain your situation.

    160 is a ridiculous amount to spend on two phones but you said that was for three, have you cancelled the one that you were paying for but had forgotten about?
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