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  • FIRST POST
    • emperorstevee
    • By emperorstevee 2nd Mar 18, 1:48 AM
    • 83Posts
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    emperorstevee
    Marriage Costs
    • #1
    • 2nd Mar 18, 1:48 AM
    Marriage Costs 2nd Mar 18 at 1:48 AM
    Hello everyone,

    Myself and my partner are planning on getting married. My partner has been doing the planning and she tells me that it is going to cost £17k. We make less than £20k/yr combined. I know that weddings cost a lot, but £17k seems an awful lot?
Page 5
    • chesky
    • By chesky 4th Mar 18, 2:21 PM
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    chesky
    Talk amongst yourselves people. The OP doesn't seem to be coming back anytime soon, having not visited despite posting on other threads.
    • onlyroz
    • By onlyroz 4th Mar 18, 3:42 PM
    • 13,981 Posts
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    onlyroz
    The first was of a Sri Lankan friend of mine. Registry Office with a limited number of guests. Back to her place where her mum and her uncle, who is a chef, cooked up an amazing Sri Lankan feast. Second at a hotel, which was given over to the wedding, on a beautiful loch in Scotland. Smashing catering with the haggis (and a vegetarian version) being piped in.
    Originally posted by NeilCr
    I once went to my Indian friend's birthday party - his mum laid on the most amazing hot Indian buffet, and it was probably the best Indian food I'd ever had. However, there were definitely some of the guests turning up their noses at the food and loudly complaining about it. If you have even a handful of guests like that at a wedding then I can see why the hosts generally prefer to stick with something safe like a bland chicken dish with a few boring veggies on the side.
    • NeilCr
    • By NeilCr 4th Mar 18, 4:03 PM
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    NeilCr
    I once went to my Indian friend's birthday party - his mum laid on the most amazing hot Indian buffet, and it was probably the best Indian food I'd ever had. However, there were definitely some of the guests turning up their noses at the food and loudly complaining about it. If you have even a handful of guests like that at a wedding then I can see why the hosts generally prefer to stick with something safe like a bland chicken dish with a few boring veggies on the side.
    Originally posted by onlyroz
    Many moons again my dad was a bank manager and we (my parents and I) were invited to one of his Indian customer's homes for dinner. As you say it was incredible.

    In terms of the guests complaining then, sorry, that's on them. As I said I am fussy and I've been invited to various dos where I've not liked the food. Normally, I've known in advance and had something before I left and just had the vegetables or whatever. In the Indian food example people I know who don't like that style of cuisine would have had the rice, poppadums etc.

    Really I think it's the height of rudeness to be complaining about the food loudly at something you've been invited to. Says an awful lot about them. A big clue was that they were invited to an Indian friend's birthday party. Were they expecting burgers?
    Last edited by NeilCr; 04-03-2018 at 4:08 PM.
    • Gavin83
    • By Gavin83 4th Mar 18, 4:29 PM
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    Gavin83
    I've never attended a wedding with a free bar, but I've worked behind one. Without having the most moralistic guests you inevitably end up with a group who decide that instead of just a pint, they want a "oh go on, might as well make it a triple!" shot and mixer, probably still have the pint, and get a chaser for good measure. Several times. When the average persons drink cost per time changes from £3.50 to about £15, (those wedding bar prices still apply, just coming out the generous bride and grooms pocket) it quickly spirals out of control.
    Originally posted by tho
    To be fair my guests arent dicks, I trust them not to take the mick and order what theyd order if they were paying. I think if people have guests like this at their wedding then they need to reassess their friends/relatives they invite.

    On top of this we will almost certainly have some sort of rules in place for what can and canít be ordered and I guess technically speaking we wont have a completely free bar, Id just be extremely shocked if the money we have runs out.

    For those people who dont agree with a free bar would you see it as acceptable if guests were asked to pay for their food at a wedding? Whats the difference?

    Serious question - what are the guests meant to do with the favours - have a display shelf at home where the favours from every wedding they've been too are kept, drop them in the back of a drawer and try to remember to get them out if the couple visit in years to come or give them away to a charity shop?
    Originally posted by Mojisola
    Frankly whatever they like, its their gift. However its slightly personalised and really not that valuable so Id say the charity shop option is off the cards. If they wished to throw it away I wouldnt be offended.

    However I know my guests, I know their tastes and I know the majority will really like the favour so as well as raising a few laughs at the wedding I wouldnt be surprised if most do display it somewhere. Its not big, only a few inches so its not exactly like theyll need a large space to dedicate to it.

    Having said that the two best weddings, foodwise (and overall, too), were entirely different.
    Originally posted by NeilCr
    Ive had a mixed bag. I went to one wedding in a 5* hotel where the food was average at best. That hotel has now gone out of business and I wasnt entirely surprised. Ive been to two weddings where the food stood out. One was in a hotel with a Michelin star restaurant and as expected the food was excellent. The other was an Indian wedding and as a fan of Indian cuisine I really enjoyed that too.

    For our wedding I already know the food is good as Iíve eaten there and the guests on the day get a choice of three dishes for each course, we just need to decide what those dishes will be. Hoping the choice will keep most people happy.
    • seven-day-weekend
    • By seven-day-weekend 4th Mar 18, 4:36 PM
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    seven-day-weekend
    I went to quite a posh wedding where we had fish and chips and ice cream. I think the vegetarians had quiche and chips. Loved it.
    • Spendless
    • By Spendless 4th Mar 18, 4:52 PM
    • 20,142 Posts
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    Spendless
    Do you?

    If I ever got married again (not going to happen) I'd cater for vegetarians, vegans and coeliacs none of whom, I regard as fussy eaters, anyway. And that would be that and this is a fussy eater speaking. It's then what the two of us would like,

    Plus I don't go to weddings for the food. Obviously, it's lovely to have super food that you like but not why I am there.
    Originally posted by NeilCr
    Make sure the venue and your guests know what's happening though if you ever arrange one. We went to 2 weddings last year. The first was the canapes after the 4pm service, followed by a substantial buffet around 9pm that I've already described. The canapes were insufficient for the guests who'd all travelled a fair distance to be there.

    The other was my sis-in-laws wedding. She catered for vegetarians. The venue hadn't thought to include vegetarian gravy with their veggie option and didn't have any to make up either. This was a hotel that had the wedding service there too, I'd have expected them to cater for vegetarians quite frequently.
    • jackieblack
    • By jackieblack 4th Mar 18, 4:58 PM
    • 7,711 Posts
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    jackieblack
    For those people who dont agree with a free bar would you see it as acceptable if guests were asked to pay for their food at a wedding? Whats the difference?
    Originally posted by Gavin83
    The difference is that at most receptions the hosts provide a meal, not an unlimited continuously running open kitchen

    It's not that I don't agree with a free bar - it's your money, you can spend it however you like - I just don't think it's necessary.
    None of our family or friends are big drinkers and alcohol would not be the most important element of the day. The drinks provided on arrival, wine provided with the meal and bubbly for the toast is a sufficient amount of alcohol for most people at a social occasion.
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    • Spendless
    • By Spendless 4th Mar 18, 5:01 PM
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    Spendless
    For those people who dont agree with a free bar would you see it as acceptable if guests were asked to pay for their food at a wedding? Whats the difference?
    Originally posted by Gavin83
    I would say the difference is, at any other party thrown, the hosts pay for the food and not the bar bill. Eg It's my son's 18th today, he's not having a party (didn't want one) but if we had given him one, I would expect to pay for the room hire and the catering. I would not expect to fund people's drinks. The same is true of any other party I've been to, whether it's a milestone birthday, a Christening, an engagement or wedding anniversary. I therefore expect a wedding to follow the same format, at least to a degree. A drink on arrival and the toast I would expect to be provided for.
    • NeilCr
    • By NeilCr 4th Mar 18, 5:13 PM
    • 1,708 Posts
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    NeilCr
    Make sure the venue and your guests know what's happening though if you ever arrange one. We went to 2 weddings last year. The first was the canapes after the 4pm service, followed by a substantial buffet around 9pm that I've already described. The canapes were insufficient for the guests who'd all travelled a fair distance to be there.

    The other was my sis-in-laws wedding. She catered for vegetarians. The venue hadn't thought to include vegetarian gravy with their veggie option and didn't have any to make up either. This was a hotel that had the wedding service there too, I'd have expected them to cater for vegetarians quite frequently.
    Originally posted by Spendless
    Well. It's not going to happen. She doesn't want to marry me and I don't want to marry her.



    The rest is common sense surely? You tell the guests what is happening and you keep up to speed with the venue. No vegetarian gravy - yep they should have thought of that but not too difficult to rectify is it - in normal circumstances anyway. My local restaurants have been known to pop out to the local Iceland/off licence if they are short of something

    I see that they can be in the middle of nowhere but, in the great scheme of things, the lack of vegetarian (or normal) gravy isn't the end of the world.

    Not on you spendless but the more I read this particular forum the more I see people who are more concerned about themselves than their friends/relations etc

    And it's not a generational/(ugh) snowflake thing either!
    • Slinky
    • By Slinky 4th Mar 18, 5:15 PM
    • 5,191 Posts
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    Slinky
    Serious question - what are the guests meant to do with the favours - have a display shelf at home where the favours from every wedding they've been too are kept, drop them in the back of a drawer and try to remember to get them out if the couple visit in years to come or give them away to a charity shop?
    Originally posted by Mojisola

    My thoughts exactly. People don't want a keepsake of your wedding cluttering up their homes, however much they love you. Let them have their memories of your day, whatever photos they took they want to keep and leave it at that. If you must have favours let it be something they can eat and not feel guilty about throwing away.
    • Spendless
    • By Spendless 4th Mar 18, 5:35 PM
    • 20,142 Posts
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    Spendless
    Well. It's not going to happen. She doesn't want to marry me and I don't want to marry her.



    The rest is common sense surely? You tell the guests what is happening and you keep up to speed with the venue. No vegetarian gravy - yep they should have thought of that but not too difficult to rectify is it - in normal circumstances anyway. My local restaurants have been known to pop out to the local Iceland/off licence if they are short of something

    I see that they can be in the middle of nowhere but, in the great scheme of things, the lack of vegetarian (or normal) gravy isn't the end of the world.

    Not on you spendless but the more I read this particular forum the more I see people who are more concerned about themselves than their friends/relations etc

    And it's not a generational/(ugh) snowflake thing either!
    Originally posted by NeilCr
    No it wasn't. My daughter just went without. I'm just relieved she thought to query it before tipping it over her plate and then refusing to eat it. The venue isn't out in the sticks but nor is it near to any local shops etc. It was more my surprise, that a venue that is a hotel and also you can marry at, hadn't thought this one through. My sis-in-laws (adult) daughter was originally vegetarian when the venue was booked (she'd gone back to being a meat eater by the time of her Mum's marriage) so I'm surprised it wasn't something that the bride hadn't thought to ask about when requesting veggie dishes for the guests.
    • Tabbytabitha
    • By Tabbytabitha 4th Mar 18, 5:59 PM
    • 2,186 Posts
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    Tabbytabitha
    I would say the difference is, at any other party thrown, the hosts pay for the food and not the bar bill. Eg It's my son's 18th today, he's not having a party (didn't want one) but if we had given him one, I would expect to pay for the room hire and the catering. I would not expect to fund people's drinks. The same is true of any other party I've been to, whether it's a milestone birthday, a Christening, an engagement or wedding anniversary. I therefore expect a wedding to follow the same format, at least to a degree. A drink on arrival and the toast I would expect to be provided for.
    Originally posted by Spendless
    I'd be pretty miffed if wine wasn't provided with the meal but I certainly wouldn't expect to have an evening's drinking paid for!
    • Gavin83
    • By Gavin83 4th Mar 18, 7:04 PM
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    Gavin83
    My thoughts exactly. People don't want a keepsake of your wedding cluttering up their homes, however much they love you. Let them have their memories of your day, whatever photos they took they want to keep and leave it at that. If you must have favours let it be something they can eat and not feel guilty about throwing away.
    Originally posted by Slinky
    There seems to be an assumption thatís is some crap that everyone will hate taking home. What if it was something you actually quite liked?
    • Gloomendoom
    • By Gloomendoom 4th Mar 18, 7:29 PM
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    Gloomendoom
    The difference is that at most receptions the hosts provide a meal, not an unlimited continuously running open kitchen

    It's not that I don't agree with a free bar - it's your money, you can spend it however you like - I just don't think it's necessary.
    None of our family or friends are big drinkers and alcohol would not be the most important element of the day. The drinks provided on arrival, wine provided with the meal and bubbly for the toast is a sufficient amount of alcohol for most people at a social occasion.
    Originally posted by jackieblack
    If that is sufficient, why have a bar at all?
    ďNever argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.Ē - Mark Twain
    • Slinky
    • By Slinky 4th Mar 18, 7:33 PM
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    Slinky
    There seems to be an assumption thatís is some crap that everyone will hate taking home. What if it was something you actually quite liked?
    Originally posted by Gavin83


    What is it?
    • Gavin83
    • By Gavin83 4th Mar 18, 8:26 PM
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    Gavin83
    What is it?
    Originally posted by Slinky
    Not really sure thereís any value in me answering this question in this context just for you to respond that itís crap. I donít know you (presumably anyway), I donít know your tastes and you arenít attending my wedding. My question was more general. You seem to assume that you wouldnít like a favour you received from a wedding, my point was that you could and therefore in this situation it wouldnít necessarily be a bad thing.

    While I donít know you I do know my guests and I know the majority will like the favour. Thatís good enough for me.

    Saying this Iím not a fan of a favour thatís a photo of the couple, a little trinket with the date on or anything like that. I donít believe a favour is there as a way of promoting the wedding, I see it as a small gift for the guests. Therefore thereís no way of identifying from our favour itís from our wedding, or even a wedding in general. The only way someone would know is by asking.

    All Iím really hoping for is that is raises a few smiles and provides a bit of a talking point for a short time on the day, and maybe even an ice breaker for those who donít know each other to converse. Anything beyond that, such as someone keeping it is a bonus.
    • happyandcontented
    • By happyandcontented 4th Mar 18, 9:51 PM
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    happyandcontented
    I am intrigued!
    • Spendless
    • By Spendless 4th Mar 18, 9:51 PM
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    Spendless
    If that is sufficient, why have a bar at all?
    Originally posted by Gloomendoom
    If that was 'all' people wanted then I'd agree no need for a bar. IME the guests arrive at the reception way ahead of the bride and groom who are often taken off somewhere picturesque for the couples photos. When my sister married she counter acted this by requesting that the photos were taken in the gardens of where the wedding breakfast was taking place, so guests could at least watch whilst they had a drink, otherwise it's just 'hanging around waiting' they're doing. Then there's the timing of when the couple got married and when the daytime event is over and when the evening one starts, sometimes a couple of hours gap, sometimes not time at all. I think I'd dislike to be somewhere where I couldn't get a drink outside of welcome, toast and with main meal.
    • Gavin83
    • By Gavin83 4th Mar 18, 10:51 PM
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    Gavin83
    I am intrigued!
    Originally posted by happyandcontented
    I donít have a problem sharing it. Weíre building a Lego minifigure representation of each guest. So weíll build it to look like them and include a few accessories based on either their hobbies, their career, a funny personal thing about them or their nickname. Iím sure our guests will enjoy it and will prompt conversation between strangers wondering why their minifig is clutching the items they are.

    Itís not totally random, Lego is actually a pretty big hobby of mine so it fits well in being a memento of us without actually splashing anything about our wedding across it.
    • pollypenny
    • By pollypenny 5th Mar 18, 9:19 AM
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    pollypenny
    I our case I think it was about £1k. The cost to us was considerably less as my parents supplied the wine (French booze cruise) and the barrel of cider by my wife's uncle (we helped make it). That left us to provide the soft drinks and beer which was bought when on special offer in various supermarkets.

    We had a fair bit of booze left over and still have a few bottle now. The 100 bottles of fizz were quaffed though. Not surprising given that it was 32 degrees C on the day.
    Originally posted by Gloomendoom


    So your wedding was not in an hotel which would expect a profit on drink sales, then?
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