Your browser isn't supported
It looks like you're using an old web browser. To get the most out of the site and to ensure guides display correctly, we suggest upgrading your browser now. Download the latest:

Welcome to the MSE Forums

We're home to a fantastic community of MoneySavers but anyone can post. Please exercise caution & report spam, illegal, offensive or libellous posts/messages: click "report" or email forumteam@.

Search
  • FIRST POST
    • joed72
    • By joed72 21st Feb 18, 8:14 PM
    • 34Posts
    • 5Thanks
    joed72
    ESA or Jobseekers, Help Needed for a Relative.
    • #1
    • 21st Feb 18, 8:14 PM
    ESA or Jobseekers, Help Needed for a Relative. 21st Feb 18 at 8:14 PM
    I'm making this enquiry for my 30 year old brother in law.
    At the moment he receives PIP, Daily living - standard rate of 55.65.

    He doesn't get any mobility although he used to get the standard but never appealed when he was refused it on his last PIP.

    He does not claim any other benefits, no Job Seekers Allowance, no ESA and does not attend college.

    He has worked once when he was about 22 and that was for 1 week cover at Tesco.

    I'm trying to find out what benefits are available for him as he will not look himself as he claims there is no point. He suffers from depression and anxiety and is on PIP due to having Cerebral Palsy.
    His Cerebral Palsy is mild in the sense that he is able bodied and able to walk and use transport. The more serious concern is his mental health.

    He has refused to apply for Jobseekers as he does not have the confidence to have a conversation with anyone.

    He stays in his room all day as he lives with his parents and for most of the week he does not leave the house as he doesn't see the point.

    I have tried to help him by finding college courses and have been able to show him the disabled student allowance and support that would be available but he does not have the confidence to make an application or attend any interviews.

    I'm really at a loss here as his parents don't know what to do. I'm hoping that applying for benefits that he's eligible for will give him some extra finances, enough to buy some clothes, to start going out during the day and maybe attending meetings or getting some support. This might also give him confidence to buy a computer and start exploring college courses.

    I've known him since he was 8 so it's been very upsetting for me to see someone with so much potential just stop doing anything.

    I know that he needs mental health support but getting him out of the house is almost impossible.

    Is there any benefits that he can apply for that don't involve him having weekly meetings or is there any advice anyone can give that can help him. I'm at a loss and I know that his mother is seriously stressed out as he won't even talk to her.
Page 1
    • Ames
    • By Ames 21st Feb 18, 8:23 PM
    • 17,239 Posts
    • 30,367 Thanks
    Ames
    • #2
    • 21st Feb 18, 8:23 PM
    • #2
    • 21st Feb 18, 8:23 PM
    The first thing is to find out if he lives in a universal credit full service area. If he does then he'll have to claim that and not JSA or ESA.
    Unless I say otherwise 'you' means the general you not you specifically.
    • joed72
    • By joed72 21st Feb 18, 8:30 PM
    • 34 Posts
    • 5 Thanks
    joed72
    • #3
    • 21st Feb 18, 8:30 PM
    • #3
    • 21st Feb 18, 8:30 PM
    He's in Manchester so not in the Universal Credit full service area yet
    • joed72
    • By joed72 21st Feb 18, 8:45 PM
    • 34 Posts
    • 5 Thanks
    joed72
    • #4
    • 21st Feb 18, 8:45 PM
    • #4
    • 21st Feb 18, 8:45 PM
    It's tricky as I understand that he needs to be ready and he has to be in the situation where he wants to help himself. I suffered from depression for quite a while and it took a long time for me to get the energy to move forward and seek help.


    He does go out at the weekend with friends that he went to school with that he's still in touch with. He'll usually get a taxi to a friends then get some drinks and go to a bar or club and gets back in smashed at 6am.

    He doesn't go out every week but probably once every two weeks or so. To his friends they see him as outgoing and social, witty as he is, but they don't see how he is or how he feels for the rest of the time.

    His mother doesn't understand how he can go out with friends and be laughing and joking and then be at home refusing to do anything and refusing to go on a college course or apply for any benefits.

    My worry is that he's so dependent on his mother that if anything happens to her he won't cope, financially or emotionally.

    At least getting onto jobseekers or doing some form of activity that has a positive reinforcement element might prepare him to become independent.
    • joed72
    • By joed72 21st Feb 18, 8:53 PM
    • 34 Posts
    • 5 Thanks
    joed72
    • #5
    • 21st Feb 18, 8:53 PM
    • #5
    • 21st Feb 18, 8:53 PM
    He's not receiving any medical care, he refuses to go to the GP and point blank refuses to discuss counselling or medication.
    • joed72
    • By joed72 21st Feb 18, 9:22 PM
    • 34 Posts
    • 5 Thanks
    joed72
    • #6
    • 21st Feb 18, 9:22 PM
    • #6
    • 21st Feb 18, 9:22 PM
    Ha, thanks, I'll get hold of that book - but I already know how much of a job it will be to get him to read anything! It's worth a try though.
    • Ames
    • By Ames 21st Feb 18, 9:25 PM
    • 17,239 Posts
    • 30,367 Thanks
    Ames
    • #7
    • 21st Feb 18, 9:25 PM
    • #7
    • 21st Feb 18, 9:25 PM
    He's going to struggle to get ESA without any medical evidence. JSA means signing on every fortnight (can be more if his jobcoach thinks it necessary) and going on DWP courses.

    Does he live alone or with his mother?

    I agree with Penitent, medical help is more important to him now than benefits.

    I've found Ruby Wax's books on depression and mindfulness really useful. They talk about the science behind depression, the evolution behind how our minds work and why they can't cope with modern life, and give exercises to try and help. And they're funny, which makes them easy to read.
    Last edited by Ames; 21-02-2018 at 9:28 PM.
    Unless I say otherwise 'you' means the general you not you specifically.
    • joed72
    • By joed72 21st Feb 18, 9:54 PM
    • 34 Posts
    • 5 Thanks
    joed72
    • #8
    • 21st Feb 18, 9:54 PM
    • #8
    • 21st Feb 18, 9:54 PM
    You're both right, getting him the medical help is the first step, I've discussed with him the possibility of getting ESA and as this requires medical notes and support it at least gives me the opportunity to start a discussion with him.

    He lives with his parents and his sister, his parents are both retired, his sister works full time but doesn't have any communication with him.

    I'm concerned about his coping skills and lack of independent, i.e. how he would cope if anything happened to his parents.
    • xylophone
    • By xylophone 21st Feb 18, 10:59 PM
    • 25,371 Posts
    • 14,967 Thanks
    xylophone
    • #9
    • 21st Feb 18, 10:59 PM
    • #9
    • 21st Feb 18, 10:59 PM
    Is it possible to get him a computer?

    Computerised CBT?

    https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/drugs-and-treatments/cognitive-behavioural-therapy-cbt/cbt-sessions/#.Wo34yRPFKSM
    • joed72
    • By joed72 4th Mar 18, 11:31 PM
    • 34 Posts
    • 5 Thanks
    joed72
    Thanks for the advice everyone, I've been slowly helping my brother in law build up his confidence to the point where he may even give some CBT a go through the NHS online portal!
Welcome to our new Forum!

Our aim is to save you money quickly and easily. We hope you like it!

Forum Team Contact us

Live Stats

421Posts Today

5,815Users online

Martin's Twitter
  • It's the start of mini MSE's half term. In order to be the best daddy possible, Im stopping work and going off line? https://t.co/kwjvtd75YU

  • RT @shellsince1982: @MartinSLewis thanx to your email I have just saved myself £222 by taking a SIM only deal for £7.50 a month and keeping?

  • Today's Friday twitter poll: An important question, building on yesterday's important discussions: Which is the best bit of the pizza...

  • Follow Martin