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  • FIRST POST
    • ohbumstoitall
    • By ohbumstoitall 12th Feb 18, 11:10 AM
    • 85Posts
    • 108Thanks
    ohbumstoitall
    I've mucked up. Really badly.
    • #1
    • 12th Feb 18, 11:10 AM
    I've mucked up. Really badly. 12th Feb 18 at 11:10 AM
    I was doing reasonably well, I was keeping afloat and not accruing more debt.

    Since December 1st I've put 10,000 on my Amex. I can't tell you what I've been doing, I feel sick. I have these episodes. I've bought thousands of pounds of makeup, I've bought online services for things I don't need. I've just not stopped.

    It's not interest free, the rest of my debt is but 10k is a quarter now of what I owe. The monthly payment is 400. I can't get a CCJ or go bankrupt because of my job.

    I cannot tell my husband. I categorically cannot tell him. To put it bluntly he will leave me and I'm not telling him. We've been through this many many times before and each time he forgives me. I know the advice will be to tell him but I'm not going to, he's in his last year of university and he will get really stressed, I've made this mess and I'm not going to share it with him.

    I just need to tell someone (ie the internet) and work out how to pay back 10k without using any of the household money. If I don't do this I can see in 4 month's we'll start not having enough money to pay our bills.
Page 2
    • ohbumstoitall
    • By ohbumstoitall 12th Feb 18, 5:00 PM
    • 85 Posts
    • 108 Thanks
    ohbumstoitall
    Do you need to protect your credit score? Reason i ask is you might be better admitting that you can't pay off this card and entering into an installment plan with the credit card provider. Be careful though, consider it fully. It will reduce your credit score. If you are planning on a mortgage etc. Your husband will probably find out and you might well feel terrible for preventing you both buying. However, if you don't plan on that, I'd probably go into an arrangement to give you breathing space.
    Definitely identify why you do this. I've been on spending sprees when I've just got sick of having no money. Working and having nothing to show for it. Things will improve though. No reason your income can't improve and childcare will stop one day.
    Write a plan and stick to it. You will get past this.
    Originally posted by Fireflyaway
    I think what I am going to do is first get on ebay, I have a lot of clutter that is not needed and walk in cupboards full of things. I can manage the payments for the rest of the debt it's this Amex that's the issue (well everything's the issue but compartmentalizing). I have a few thing I think I can return to amazon and asos, the rest I'll sell. Even the hairdryer I bought last month. Ugh. I'm such an idiot!!!
    • Silver Queen
    • By Silver Queen 12th Feb 18, 5:19 PM
    • 341 Posts
    • 1,659 Thanks
    Silver Queen
    When I was on minimum wage for over a year after graduation and struggled to cover all my costs, I supplemented my income by selling all the stuff that I'd accumulated over 3 years of my degree (it was a lot!). I think my spend in my first year of uni on "random crap" was probably on par with how much you've spent in the last few months - I had a good job and spending issues. I can imagine that the amount of "stuff" you've now got sitting around the house is similar to how much I had, if not more. My main thing was make up and toiletries too.

    The way I helped myself was to watch hundreds of minimalism videos on the internet which encouraged me to find fulfilment in having less rather than having more. I then decluttered like nobody has ever decluttered before but I never threw something useful away. I sold everything and anything I could lay my hands on, sometimes only just breaking even but it was worth it to get the item out of my life.

    I know how hard it can be to stop spending but it's something that only you yourself can tackle. You clearly have underlying problems linked to spending so it's important that these are addressed as a priority.

    Good luck.
    Debt Totals April 2018::
    350 Natwest Credit Card / Now 0 (paid off and closed 04/2017) 15,500 postgrad loan from parents/ Now 10,500 500 train ticket loan from parents / Now 0 (paid off 16/02/18) 2,000 Overdraft Now 0 (paid off 09/03/18)
    • DCFC79
    • By DCFC79 12th Feb 18, 5:22 PM
    • 31,457 Posts
    • 19,864 Thanks
    DCFC79
    Look whats done is done, how to manage it from now on is important.

    Make a plan if you like, if your OH asks why your returning the stuff just say your doing it as it wont get used.

    You say the Amazon stuff isn't in the boxes, are they not in the original box or is it the cardboard they were delivered in. Maybe ask on chat if its ok, they normally need to be returned in original packaging.
    Can people stop loaning money/being a guarator to family/friends, it rarely ends well and you lose out as your money is gone or you get shafted with being a guarantor.
    • ohbumstoitall
    • By ohbumstoitall 12th Feb 18, 5:25 PM
    • 85 Posts
    • 108 Thanks
    ohbumstoitall
    When I was on minimum wage for over a year after graduation and struggled to cover all my costs, I supplemented my income by selling all the stuff that I'd accumulated over 3 years of my degree (it was a lot!). I think my spend in my first year of uni on "random crap" was probably on par with how much you've spent in the last few months - I had a good job and spending issues. I can imagine that the amount of "stuff" you've now got sitting around the house is similar to how much I had, if not more. My main thing was make up and toiletries too.

    The way I helped myself was to watch hundreds of minimalism videos on the internet which encouraged me to find fulfilment in having less rather than having more. I then decluttered like nobody has ever decluttered before but I never threw something useful away. I sold everything and anything I could lay my hands on, sometimes only just breaking even but it was worth it to get the item out of my life.

    I know how hard it can be to stop spending but it's something that only you yourself can tackle. You clearly have underlying problems linked to spending so it's important that these are addressed as a priority.

    Good luck.
    Originally posted by Silver Queen
    Thank you

    I actually detest clutter and a minimalist life is something I aspire to. It's a vicious circle, I get extremely stressed surrounded by clutter which is one of the triggers that triggers a mood which makes me spend.

    I'm going to start with the study and work my way round to the dreaded bedroom vanity and see what I can drum up. I mean, I'm hardly going to crack 10k but if I could give myself some wiggle room. I do have about 1500 on my HSBC credit card that I could transfer to the amex but that would require getting a new amex send to me (which I wanted to avoid).
    • Silver Queen
    • By Silver Queen 12th Feb 18, 5:43 PM
    • 341 Posts
    • 1,659 Thanks
    Silver Queen
    Can you do a selling box, or selling corner? This is what I did and it really helped me see clearly what I had to sell and helped me clear out the clutter. I do find it incredibly calming to own less and know that everything has its place that it lives in. Takes me 20 minutes to tidy everything up now rather than the hours and hours that it used to take.
    Debt Totals April 2018::
    350 Natwest Credit Card / Now 0 (paid off and closed 04/2017) 15,500 postgrad loan from parents/ Now 10,500 500 train ticket loan from parents / Now 0 (paid off 16/02/18) 2,000 Overdraft Now 0 (paid off 09/03/18)
    • pennystretcher
    • By pennystretcher 12th Feb 18, 7:15 PM
    • 384 Posts
    • 1,445 Thanks
    pennystretcher
    10k in 2.5months?

    Return what you can for a refund... ASAP.

    For anything you can't return for refund, list in eBay or Amazon - close to price you paid if you haven't used it. Use sold listings in ebay for guidance or the other offers in Amazon. For cosmetics, if you have used any part of it (palettes etc) be honest and list for sale as such.

    And get the credit card cancelled ASAP - especially now that you do not have it. Check your statements to make sure that no-one else has used it. Also remove details for every single website you've used the card in. No last minute buys while you are doing it either!!!!!!!!

    Re OH, how he has not noticed all the stuff coming in, I do not know. But it sounds like you have had similar issues in the past...so... Sign up for counselling for compulsive shopping (that's what you are, a compulsive shopper) and consider handing all the finances to him. Say to him that you need only so much per month and that's it...? (and 'fess up and swear on your grave this is the last time..)

    Wishing you all the best in your journey - please keep us updated on how you get on. Keeping my fingers Xed for you.
    Mortgage free
    • comeandgo
    • By comeandgo 12th Feb 18, 7:19 PM
    • 2,001 Posts
    • 2,707 Thanks
    comeandgo
    You should not cancel your credit card if there are any items you can return to the stores as they will refund on to credit card used to purchase.
    • Mahsroh
    • By Mahsroh 13th Feb 18, 8:04 AM
    • 339 Posts
    • 330 Thanks
    Mahsroh
    You should not cancel your credit card if there are any items you can return to the stores as they will refund on to credit card used to purchase.
    Originally posted by comeandgo

    This!! Was just going to post the same thing before I got to the end of thread and saw this. Wait for any refunds to come back in before cancelling the card!
    • ohbumstoitall
    • By ohbumstoitall 13th Feb 18, 9:04 AM
    • 85 Posts
    • 108 Thanks
    ohbumstoitall
    I've managed to find a few things I can return, not many at the moment I've located about 150 I can return. Then a fair few things are high value so their resale value is reasonably high. I was shattered last night so went to bed early but I'm going to keep plugging away. I've got a stack of boxes in the study full of clothes that needed sorting out so they're my first mission.
    • Purplemumof2
    • By Purplemumof2 13th Feb 18, 9:26 AM
    • 6,025 Posts
    • 22,019 Thanks
    Purplemumof2
    Hi ohbumstoitall,

    Love your username

    You sound a lot more positive today, which is great.

    Small steps and take each day one at a time.

    Will be following xx
    Official DFW Nerd Club - Member no. 791 - Proud to be dealing with my debts
    MBNA: 6500.00 Cap 1: 417.28 BC: 8224.59 (temporary)
    AFD xxx LTW 14/16
    POAMAYC 2018 #041 PD 3790.84/7000
    Savings for Christmas 131.00/365
    20p Savers 2018 2 Savers 2018 50p Savers 2018 SPC 11 2018 #003
    • ohbumstoitall
    • By ohbumstoitall 13th Feb 18, 9:58 AM
    • 85 Posts
    • 108 Thanks
    ohbumstoitall
    It's the "safe for work" version of how I actually feel!

    Thanks, I've got a long road ahead with this bloody 10k. Ugh. Maybe...just maybe this will finally teach me a lesson
    • Purplemumof2
    • By Purplemumof2 13th Feb 18, 10:18 AM
    • 6,025 Posts
    • 22,019 Thanks
    Purplemumof2
    It's the "safe for work" version of how I actually feel!

    Thanks, I've got a long road ahead with this bloody 10k. Ugh. Maybe...just maybe this will finally teach me a lesson
    Originally posted by ohbumstoitall
    It's going to be tough but I think you realise that.

    There are a lot of very helpful friendly people here, that will offer advise and support (as you've seen), as you go on.

    Keep posting and may be start a diary? xx
    Official DFW Nerd Club - Member no. 791 - Proud to be dealing with my debts
    MBNA: 6500.00 Cap 1: 417.28 BC: 8224.59 (temporary)
    AFD xxx LTW 14/16
    POAMAYC 2018 #041 PD 3790.84/7000
    Savings for Christmas 131.00/365
    20p Savers 2018 2 Savers 2018 50p Savers 2018 SPC 11 2018 #003
    • lambda
    • By lambda 13th Feb 18, 10:52 AM
    • 221 Posts
    • 724 Thanks
    lambda
    Hi There

    Well done for coming to terms with this and for starting on the right path. You have done a very grown up thing and the most important thing is that you know that you have to sort this out.

    I think first things first in that you absolutely *must* have a household budget. Part of the problem with your spending is that you didn't appreciate the value of your income against your expenses. Without a budget, it's impossible to know where your money is going. There are a lot of free apps now that will help you with this. I think it is the first crucial step. You need to learn to control your spending habits now before you tackle your debt, otherwise you will never get out of it.

    Unsecured Debts
    Description....................Debt......Monthly.. .APR
    HSBC...........................6004.55...150...... .0
    Family Loan....................6740......130.......0
    OH DMP with Payplan............10303.1...105.......0
    Barclaycard 2 .................1378.57...35........0
    Tesco Credit Card..............190.93....25........0
    TSB............................1412.62...25....... .0
    American Express...............4083......50........21
    Halifax Card...................2617.94...28........0
    BarclayCard 1..................2335.51...54........0
    Total unsecured debts..........35066.22..602.......-

    I see your OH is on a DMP. I think that credit just doesn't work for you guys at all. I really think you should go an immediately cut up all of your credit cards, and cancel them as soon as your refunds have cleared on them.

    But tackling the debt itself is a bit tricky as you don't have a huge amount left to play with at the end of the month. The family loan, can that not be deferred for now until after the loans are cleared? That would give you another 130 a month to play with.

    How long have the loans got left to be paid?

    I think if you first tackle that little Tesco Card, to be honest I would aim to just clear that in a month, then cancel it. That'll clear 25 a month more. And then the BarclayCard2 and so on, until they are all clear. Just pay minimum payments on all the cards and blast the ones with the smallest balances first until they are paid and then cancel them.

    And then after this, I think you don't ever want to have credit again. No credit cards, no car hire schemes, just live within your means and pay for things in cash. Life is less stressful that way.

    And remember, if you have any questions at all, don't hesitate to ask them on here. We are here to help and support you! You can do it!
    October 2015 = -13242.16 DFD 28/10/2016 0
    • LJB290
    • By LJB290 13th Feb 18, 12:20 PM
    • 106 Posts
    • 136 Thanks
    LJB290
    I'm glad your're getting some counselling and help with one of your addictions but are they/you addressing the other one .... shopping to make yourself feel better?
    Its clearly making you stressed and depressed.
    MIND offer counselling and are very good (and inexpensive) so it may be worth addressing this particular issue too otherwise the behaviour may continue.
    I hope you get the help and support you need - its horrible having to deal with things on your own.
    • a_silver_lining
    • By a_silver_lining 13th Feb 18, 12:27 PM
    • 191 Posts
    • 605 Thanks
    a_silver_lining
    Read everything and just want to say a BIG well done! I did the Marie Kondo way of tidying and it made a big difference. I kept the bags of items separately and then slowly put them on eBay. My items are low value consume jewellery and skin care but I!!!8217;ve made almost 200 back so far. I!!!8217;d suggest returning the items you!!!8217;ve found receipts for and also your high value items like mobile phones and have some small auctions for items you will get 5 mixed in with higher value actions. It can be hard to list loads of actions for little profit, so higher value mixed in there can help with the motivation.

    I can see that selling could become an addition in itself but if you cut off access to credit it could be a great way to make back some money. I bought my packaging for posting from the pound shop and it worked out pretty cheap.

    And don!!!8217;t forget to pay it straight of the card. Once my bill comes through from eBay and comes off my paypal I transfer the money straight over.
    19/12/14: Spent 10 years of savings!!
    ..... to buy my first home.

    2018: 900 savings, 795 emergency fund--- Family Loan (3000 direct + 1750 saver) 4750/10K paid 47.5%
    #38 1% Challenge: 514.70/ 2018, now at 25%!
    • jubilee14
    • By jubilee14 13th Feb 18, 3:28 PM
    • 278 Posts
    • 852 Thanks
    jubilee14
    Hi there lots of good advice regarding dealing with debt. Just wanted to say i had to get security clearance with my old job when i was on DMP and had no problem with it. I just had to declare i was on DMP and what arrangements were in place and that was it no further questions or queries. So if you can get on DMP then it shouldnt affect your job. Hope this gives some assurance at least on that point.
    LBM Sept 2012
    started DMP 1.11.12
    Debt 37012/6227 DFD Oct 2019 about April 2019
    • susanthunt
    • By susanthunt 13th Feb 18, 4:16 PM
    • 34 Posts
    • 24 Thanks
    susanthunt
    I note a few Amazon purchases? When were they? Check returns policy - pretty sure Amazon has a VERY long returns policy. You would need to pay return postage if over 14 days and you have simply decided you don't want something.
    But larger items such as Nintendo MIGHT be returnable if you have kept the packaging safe?? Worth a try.
    Sorry, in a rush but I really feel for you. You say you can't tell husband but if he finds out, that will be worse than coming clean.
    • ohbumstoitall
    • By ohbumstoitall 13th Feb 18, 5:31 PM
    • 85 Posts
    • 108 Thanks
    ohbumstoitall
    Hi There

    Well done for coming to terms with this and for starting on the right path. You have done a very grown up thing and the most important thing is that you know that you have to sort this out.

    I think first things first in that you absolutely *must* have a household budget. Part of the problem with your spending is that you didn't appreciate the value of your income against your expenses. Without a budget, it's impossible to know where your money is going. There are a lot of free apps now that will help you with this. I think it is the first crucial step. You need to learn to control your spending habits now before you tackle your debt, otherwise you will never get out of it.

    Unsecured Debts
    Description....................Debt......Monthly.. .APR
    HSBC...........................6004.55...150...... .0
    Family Loan....................6740......130.......0
    OH DMP with Payplan............10303.1...105.......0
    Barclaycard 2 .................1378.57...35........0
    Tesco Credit Card..............190.93....25........0
    TSB............................1412.62...25....... .0
    American Express...............4083......50........21
    Halifax Card...................2617.94...28........0
    BarclayCard 1..................2335.51...54........0
    Total unsecured debts..........35066.22..602.......-

    I see your OH is on a DMP. I think that credit just doesn't work for you guys at all. I really think you should go an immediately cut up all of your credit cards, and cancel them as soon as your refunds have cleared on them.

    But tackling the debt itself is a bit tricky as you don't have a huge amount left to play with at the end of the month. The family loan, can that not be deferred for now until after the loans are cleared? That would give you another 130 a month to play with.

    How long have the loans got left to be paid?

    I think if you first tackle that little Tesco Card, to be honest I would aim to just clear that in a month, then cancel it. That'll clear 25 a month more. And then the BarclayCard2 and so on, until they are all clear. Just pay minimum payments on all the cards and blast the ones with the smallest balances first until they are paid and then cancel them.

    And then after this, I think you don't ever want to have credit again. No credit cards, no car hire schemes, just live within your means and pay for things in cash. Life is less stressful that way.

    And remember, if you have any questions at all, don't hesitate to ask them on here. We are here to help and support you! You can do it!
    Originally posted by lambda
    Unsecured Debts
    Description....................Debt......Monthly.. .APR
    HSBC...........................5252.98...135...... .0
    Family Loan....................5950......130.......0
    OH DMP.........................9883.17...105.......0
    First Direct Loan..............2577.77...112.......0
    BarclayCard 2..................1210.3....35........0
    Tesco Credit Card..............596.86....25........0
    TSB 03/18......................1325.66...15........0
    Amex...........................11000.....400...... .0
    Halifax Card 03/19.............2449.94...0.........0
    BarclayCard 06/18..............2034.16...0.........0
    Total unsecured debts..........42280.84..957.......-


    So it has changed, sorry I kept meaning to get round to this. Some has gone down, then the AMEX has gone up and there's now a loan (OH didn't look after his car properly, it went boom so I took out a loan for a 2012 car, in hindsight I should have just got another banger)

    I need to BT from the HSBC to the TSB card as the interest free period is running out. Then I can cut the TSB card up and chuck it. I don't have any pins for the credit cards, I shredded them.

    And I think you're right, I just shouldn't have credit cards. There is one credit card that isn't on the list, I have an asda credit card which I use to get cashback. I remember when they sent it, I had a 3000 limit and I reduced it to 400 straight away which is my petrol and food budget. We both have a card and it gets paid off in full each month, the cashback pays for Christmas Dinner.

    I will do a SOA at some point however I actually need to work out first what's going to happen over the next year. For example, husbands last student loan comes in April (2500 or something) but that's already accounted for in YNAB (old ynab) and I'm moving to the new ynab but can't work it out. then once that loans gone he's either got to get a job or do a masters degree, so I just don't know what's happening
    • Toomuchdebt
    • By Toomuchdebt 13th Feb 18, 6:08 PM
    • 1,840 Posts
    • 3,064 Thanks
    Toomuchdebt
    If you put any of your Korean skincare on eBay do let me know as I love it, but don't often buy due to shipping charges.
    Debts Jan 2014 20,108.34

    Debts Feb 2018 6829.63

    EF #70 0/1000
    • a_silver_lining
    • By a_silver_lining 13th Feb 18, 7:49 PM
    • 191 Posts
    • 605 Thanks
    a_silver_lining
    Sorry I'm a little confused, does you DH make payments from his own budget for the car or does it come out of your joint budget? I'm just wondering who is paying for what debt or if your finances are joint?
    19/12/14: Spent 10 years of savings!!
    ..... to buy my first home.

    2018: 900 savings, 795 emergency fund--- Family Loan (3000 direct + 1750 saver) 4750/10K paid 47.5%
    #38 1% Challenge: 514.70/ 2018, now at 25%!
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