Your browser isn't supported
It looks like you're using an old web browser. To get the most out of the site and to ensure guides display correctly, we suggest upgrading your browser now. Download the latest:

Welcome to the MSE Forums

We're home to a fantastic community of MoneySavers but anyone can post. Please exercise caution & report spam, illegal, offensive or libellous posts/messages: click "report" or email forumteam@.

Search
  • FIRST POST
    • ohbumstoitall
    • By ohbumstoitall 12th Feb 18, 11:10 AM
    • 85Posts
    • 108Thanks
    ohbumstoitall
    I've mucked up. Really badly.
    • #1
    • 12th Feb 18, 11:10 AM
    I've mucked up. Really badly. 12th Feb 18 at 11:10 AM
    I was doing reasonably well, I was keeping afloat and not accruing more debt.

    Since December 1st I've put 10,000 on my Amex. I can't tell you what I've been doing, I feel sick. I have these episodes. I've bought thousands of pounds of makeup, I've bought online services for things I don't need. I've just not stopped.

    It's not interest free, the rest of my debt is but 10k is a quarter now of what I owe. The monthly payment is 400. I can't get a CCJ or go bankrupt because of my job.

    I cannot tell my husband. I categorically cannot tell him. To put it bluntly he will leave me and I'm not telling him. We've been through this many many times before and each time he forgives me. I know the advice will be to tell him but I'm not going to, he's in his last year of university and he will get really stressed, I've made this mess and I'm not going to share it with him.

    I just need to tell someone (ie the internet) and work out how to pay back 10k without using any of the household money. If I don't do this I can see in 4 month's we'll start not having enough money to pay our bills.
Page 1
    • uphillstruggler
    • By uphillstruggler 12th Feb 18, 11:16 AM
    • 141 Posts
    • 791 Thanks
    uphillstruggler
    • #2
    • 12th Feb 18, 11:16 AM
    • #2
    • 12th Feb 18, 11:16 AM
    Hi there,

    Didn't want to run past without saying good for you for facing up to your spending. There is nothing that you won't be able to face or overcome.

    If you really cannot talk to your other half, consider speaking to someone independent - perhaps StepChange - at the very least just to get things off your chest.

    [edit: could you sell any of the makeup? Are you good with makeup - could you put it to good use (thinking weddings, special events etc.) Is there anything you can sell to recoup some of the costs?]

    Good luck.
    Emergencies account: 500/500
    Groceries Feb 2018: EUR74.52/150 NSD Feb 2018: 1/8
    • Mahsroh
    • By Mahsroh 12th Feb 18, 11:17 AM
    • 339 Posts
    • 330 Thanks
    Mahsroh
    • #3
    • 12th Feb 18, 11:17 AM
    • #3
    • 12th Feb 18, 11:17 AM
    You've come to the right place!


    First of all, you need to do an SOA (Statement of Affairs) and post it on here.


    http://www.stoozing.com/calculator/soa.php
    • DCFC79
    • By DCFC79 12th Feb 18, 11:21 AM
    • 31,463 Posts
    • 19,868 Thanks
    DCFC79
    • #4
    • 12th Feb 18, 11:21 AM
    • #4
    • 12th Feb 18, 11:21 AM
    Fill an SOA and post it up.


    Maybe your husband should be in control of the finances and you don't have a credit card, maybe consider some help for the cause why you spend the money.

    Is any of the makeup still sealed ?
    Could you sell it or gift it ?
    Can people stop loaning money/being a guarator to family/friends, it rarely ends well and you lose out as your money is gone or you get shafted with being a guarantor.
    • Pixie5740
    • By Pixie5740 12th Feb 18, 11:22 AM
    • 11,930 Posts
    • 16,799 Thanks
    Pixie5740
    • #5
    • 12th Feb 18, 11:22 AM
    • #5
    • 12th Feb 18, 11:22 AM
    Has your statement of affairs changed much (other than the AMEX debt) since you first posted last August?

    [font=courier new]Statement of Affairs and Personal Balance Sheet

    Household Information

    Number of adults in household........... 2
    Number of children in household......... 1
    Number of cars owned.................... 1 I have a lease car til February 2020, paid through work everything is included apart from fuel. The car detailed here is husbands banger which he uses to get to university

    Monthly Income Details

    Monthly income after tax................ 1235.18 can't get more, part of it goes to the car lease and also im currently being put through courses so one day I will be able to get more but not for at least 3 years
    Partners monthly income after tax....... 1266 combination of part time job and student finance. finishes university in June 2018
    Benefits................................ 82.2
    Other income............................ 0
    Total monthly income.................... 2583.38


    Monthly Expense Details

    Mortgage................................ 0
    Secured/HP loan repayments.............. 0
    Rent.................................... 600
    Management charge (leasehold property).. 0
    Council tax............................. 120
    Electricity............................. 27
    Gas..................................... 27
    Oil..................................... 0
    Water rates............................. 36
    Telephone (land line)................... 0
    Mobile phone............................ 18 for two mobiles
    TV Licence.............................. 12.12
    Satellite/Cable TV...................... 13this is netflix and spotify which we share
    Internet Services....................... 27 internet and landline
    Groceries etc. ......................... 200 We did actually spend 300 last month but its not acceptable
    Clothing................................ 20
    Petrol/diesel........................... 150covers me driving to work and OH driving to the city - train for him would cost more and we'd need to pay for more childcare
    Road tax................................ 13
    Car Insurance........................... 25 pay annually
    Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 30I save this, when I get to a certain amount I put half towards debt
    Car parking............................. 0
    Other travel............................ 0
    Childcare/nursery....................... 200 wrap around childcare at school adn during the summer holidays. It's an average so I save it up in childcare vouchers throughout the year
    Other child related expenses............ 10 put aside to pay for school trips
    Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 30 Prescriptions and dentakl
    Pet insurance/vet bills................. 100 Two dogs, as they are young I pay 28 a month for a vet care plan, Insurance is 27, not sure on food as its home cooked and raw and I am also saving to have both of them spayed
    Buildings insurance..................... 0
    Contents insurance...................... 12.5 paid yearly
    Life assurance ......................... 0
    Other insurance......................... 0
    Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 10 I buy all of next years presents in the January sales
    Haircuts................................ 20 I rarely get my hair cut, this pays for OH and son. They won't entertain me doing it myself. I did OH once and he didn't speak to me for an entire day
    Entertainment........................... 50 Covers National Trust membership which covers parking at a place we like to take the dogs every week as well as the odd trip to the cinema
    Holiday................................. 0
    Emergency fund.......................... 66
    My expenses............................. 35 Covers bits and bobs, team lunch once a month or makeup or a book
    OH University Expenses.................. 50 Husband gets this because I accrued all the debt WHILST taking all of his pay when he was working full time to pay the bills. This is an amount that we agreed he would be okay with till we're out of debt. Any less and he will be depressed and very bitter
    Total monthly expenses.................. 1901.62



    Assets

    Cash.................................... 500
    House value (Gross)..................... 0
    Shares and bonds........................ 0
    Car(s).................................. 250
    Other assets............................ 0
    Total Assets............................ 750


    No Secured nor Hire Purchase Debts


    Unsecured Debts
    Description....................Debt......Monthly.. .APR
    HSBC...........................6004.55...150...... .0
    Family Loan....................6740......130.......0
    OH DMP with Payplan............10303.1...105.......0
    Barclaycard 2 .................1378.57...35........0
    Tesco Credit Card..............190.93....25........0
    TSB............................1412.62...25....... .0
    American Express...............4083......50........21
    Halifax Card...................2617.94...28........0
    BarclayCard 1..................2335.51...54........0
    Total unsecured debts..........35066.22..602.......-



    Monthly Budget Summary

    Total monthly income.................... 2,583.38
    Expenses (including HP & secured debts). 1,901.62
    Available for debt repayments........... 681.76
    Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 602
    Amount left after debt repayments....... 79.76


    Personal Balance Sheet Summary
    Total assets (things you own)........... 750
    Total HP & Secured debt................. -0
    Total Unsecured debt.................... -35,066.22
    Net Assets.............................. -34,316.22
    Originally posted by ohbumstoitall
    • EssexHebridean
    • By EssexHebridean 12th Feb 18, 11:29 AM
    • 8,623 Posts
    • 45,406 Thanks
    EssexHebridean
    • #6
    • 12th Feb 18, 11:29 AM
    • #6
    • 12th Feb 18, 11:29 AM
    Have you got the Credit Card with you at the moment? If so, take it carefully from your purse, and CUT IT UP - right now. No hesitating, no prevaricating, just do it. Second thing - remove the card details from ANY apps that enable you to spend without having the physical card with you. Delete any apps like Amazon or eBay from your phone if those are triggers for you.

    If there is stuff that you have bought that can be sold then I absolutely agree with the suggestion above that eBay might enable you to make an impact on your debt sooner rather than later - but if there is a likelihood that this will encourage you to browse and spend more then that may not work for you - only you know whether this is the case. Bear in mind that even unsealed makeup can sell for decent prices as long as the photos show it's not used or barely used.

    Definitely agree that you need to establish what the cause of your spending is - there's clearly a root cause to the problem. Getting to the bottom of that just could cure the problem.

    Don't panic, start dealing with things logically. At the end of the day it IS only money and everything can be fixed one way or another. In the long term you will have to tell your husband about it but you'll work up to feeling strong enough to do that. Get that up to date SOA posted and let's see the true state of things.
    MORTGAGE FREE 30/09/2016
    Sainsbugs 0% card: 22/12/16 1229.00/853.32 (12/02/18)
    SOA Calculator for DFW newbies: Stoozing.com SOA Calculator
    • ohbumstoitall
    • By ohbumstoitall 12th Feb 18, 11:50 AM
    • 85 Posts
    • 108 Thanks
    ohbumstoitall
    • #7
    • 12th Feb 18, 11:50 AM
    • #7
    • 12th Feb 18, 11:50 AM
    Is any of the makeup still sealed ?
    Could you sell it or gift it ?
    Originally posted by Mahsroh
    I am going to go through it as there is some I could sell, for example a palette that I used once. It's pretty easy to sterilise and could expect to make 20 on ebay. A lot of the other stuff is skincare (because apparently I had to have a 40 moisturizer which ironically my son then went and wiped all over my mirror).
    I can't even look at my vanity table without wanting to vomit.

    Maybe your husband should be in control of the finances and you don't have a credit card, maybe consider some help for the cause why you spend the money.

    Is any of the makeup still sealed ?
    Could you sell it or gift it ?
    Originally posted by Mahsroh
    As it happens, I had lost the credit card a while back and so was using it through paypal as to get a new one I had to phone Amex and that makes me anxious. Now I've removed it from amazon and paypal, I can't spend anything on it at all. Husband's not particularly good with money in the sense that he doesn't "understand" how to budget. Whereas I do, I've just ignored it. Well yes and no. Our accounts are running fine EXCEPT for the Amex. It's a classic head in the sand move. Husband is in charge of groceries because that appears to be his limit but actually it's a good thing because I can spend 800 on groceries (for three people) because we need this we need that (we don't) and wouldn't it be good to spend 300 on meet for that chest freezer I decided we needed. You get the drift.

    Has your statement of affairs changed much (other than the AMEX debt) since you first posted last August?
    Originally posted by Pixie5740
    No not really, it's pretty much the same although I know it is going to change at some point. I should have a 5k per annum payrise in a couple of months but at the same time OH finishes uni and so his income drops by 7k a year and would need to earn at least 18k a year I think. But we have dogs and I don't want them to be at home alone. Oh man I've mucked our life up.

    What is wrong with me? I'm 29 and should be saving for a house but instead I'm stuck miserable in a rented house making things worse. I've got a child for gods sake, yet I'm acting less mature than him.
    • ohbumstoitall
    • By ohbumstoitall 12th Feb 18, 12:03 PM
    • 85 Posts
    • 108 Thanks
    ohbumstoitall
    • #8
    • 12th Feb 18, 12:03 PM
    • #8
    • 12th Feb 18, 12:03 PM
    Have you got the Credit Card with you at the moment? If so, take it carefully from your purse, and CUT IT UP - right now. No hesitating, no prevaricating, just do it. Second thing - remove the card details from ANY apps that enable you to spend without having the physical card with you. Delete any apps like Amazon or eBay from your phone if those are triggers for you.

    If there is stuff that you have bought that can be sold then I absolutely agree with the suggestion above that eBay might enable you to make an impact on your debt sooner rather than later - but if there is a likelihood that this will encourage you to browse and spend more then that may not work for you - only you know whether this is the case. Bear in mind that even unsealed makeup can sell for decent prices as long as the photos show it's not used or barely used.

    Definitely agree that you need to establish what the cause of your spending is - there's clearly a root cause to the problem. Getting to the bottom of that just could cure the problem.

    Don't panic, start dealing with things logically. At the end of the day it IS only money and everything can be fixed one way or another. In the long term you will have to tell your husband about it but you'll work up to feeling strong enough to do that. Get that up to date SOA posted and let's see the true state of things.
    Originally posted by EssexHebridean
    No - I lost it ages ago and it's not on any apps anymore as of this weekend. Took it off paypal, amazon, and apple pay. I will delete Amazon but will keep ebay (I don't use it to buy things)

    I did notice last week that I was opening the amazon app to browse. As in, opening it to see if there was anything to buy. That's quite a common behaviour for me. I don't know why I do it though. I have a specific website (BeautyBay) that I go to, click whats new and then that's it I'm gone. I used to have gambling issues as well so addiction is clearly an issue.

    With ebay - I don't tend to buy things from it so it's safe to use to sell things. As above once I get going, I get addicted to selling. The issue is once the high's gone, I start buying again.

    I am currently attending counselling sessions, because I spend, I eat, I accrue clutter. I'm very unhappy with myself and have no self esteem which is why I spend and eat. It's one thing knowing that's why I do it, and another stopping it. I paid some debt off last year by matched betting but I don't trust myself anymore with any website that also offers blackjack.


    Thank you
    • meer53
    • By meer53 12th Feb 18, 12:18 PM
    • 9,128 Posts
    • 13,263 Thanks
    meer53
    • #9
    • 12th Feb 18, 12:18 PM
    • #9
    • 12th Feb 18, 12:18 PM
    Sorry but i don't see how you are going to sort anything out without your partner knowing, it's not just about the debt. You need a huge amount of support besides budgeting advice.
    • January2015
    • By January2015 12th Feb 18, 12:38 PM
    • 2,054 Posts
    • 5,127 Thanks
    January2015
    You will get fantastic advice on here, but my biggest concern with your post is the one sentence which read...

    "We've been through this many many times before and each time he forgives me."

    Until you address what brings on the urge to spend so much, so fast on frivolous items you will not sort your future out. I would advise speaking to your GP and explaining what's happening. Your GP can refer you for therapy to talk through the problems. I've been referred for therapy. First session was face to face and followed by several telephone appointments.

    It really, really does help.
    DFW Nerd No. 1484 LBM 07/01/15 Debt was 95k I'm driving it down
    1k emergency fund (member #84) 1k/1k
    [COLOR=Blue][SIZE=2]
    • ohbumstoitall
    • By ohbumstoitall 12th Feb 18, 1:26 PM
    • 85 Posts
    • 108 Thanks
    ohbumstoitall
    You will get fantastic advice on here, but my biggest concern with your post is the one sentence which read...

    "We've been through this many many times before and each time he forgives me."

    Until you address what brings on the urge to spend so much, so fast on frivolous items you will not sort your future out. I would advise speaking to your GP and explaining what's happening. Your GP can refer you for therapy to talk through the problems. I've been referred for therapy. First session was face to face and followed by several telephone appointments.

    It really, really does help.
    Originally posted by January2015
    I'm attending counselling at the hospital every two weeks because of my weight (I'll be having a gastric sleeve at some point this year) and we're covering all issues and I am finding its starting to help but it's a long road. It's all bundled together my weight, my perceived social status blah blah. I'm only just getting my head out of the sand, trying not to go back under!
    • StokieBecks
    • By StokieBecks 12th Feb 18, 1:37 PM
    • 4,505 Posts
    • 27,248 Thanks
    StokieBecks
    If you have lost the card it needs cancelling. Have you checked all of your statements from Amex to check that all the spends on the card are yours? Is it possible the partner has taken the card as he suspected you were spending big on it.

    Well done for coming on here and posting. 10k is a Massive spend in a few months. Do you have anything of substance to show for it? Obviously you know it needs addressing and hopefully you can get the support to do that.

    Priorities are make sure all your priority debts are paid and up to date and continue to be so (rent/mortgage council tax, utilities)

    Are you still on a DMP with Payplan? How did you get further credit let alone 10k worth on one card? If you are still with Payplan as per your previous SOA you need to get in the phone to them and get this addressed today, go through everybody of your budget with a fine-toothed comb, find anything where you can make savings, sell items you have bought if they are usable, ring any services you have signed up for and see what the cancellation policy is.

    I am guessing that some of this has also been accrued by a revisit to your gambling past? If so find a way to block all your gambling accounts and seek help for this as well
    • ohbumstoitall
    • By ohbumstoitall 12th Feb 18, 1:54 PM
    • 85 Posts
    • 108 Thanks
    ohbumstoitall
    If you have lost the card it needs cancelling. Have you checked all of your statements from Amex to check that all the spends on the card are yours? Is it possible the partner has taken the card as he suspected you were spending big on it.

    Well done for coming on here and posting. 10k is a Massive spend in a few months. Do you have anything of substance to show for it? Obviously you know it needs addressing and hopefully you can get the support to do that.

    Priorities are make sure all your priority debts are paid and up to date and continue to be so (rent/mortgage council tax, utilities)

    Are you still on a DMP with Payplan? How did you get further credit let alone 10k worth on one card? If you are still with Payplan as per your previous SOA you need to get in the phone to them and get this addressed today, go through everybody of your budget with a fine-toothed comb, find anything where you can make savings, sell items you have bought if they are usable, ring any services you have signed up for and see what the cancellation policy is.

    I am guessing that some of this has also been accrued by a revisit to your gambling past? If so find a way to block all your gambling accounts and seek help for this as well
    Originally posted by StokieBecks
    A new iphone
    A Nintendo Switch
    An Amazon Echo
    A shed load of makeup
    New straighteners
    I already have a hairdryer but I bought a travel hair dryer
    1 second hand Ralph Lauren Handbag
    A couple of other not as expensive handbags
    A new 90 a handbag
    A second screen for my computer
    Computer stuff
    Batteries for my camera.
    New tripod
    A 50 voice recorder for university
    A floor steam mop.
    A waffle maker
    A holdall
    A 90 dress to wear at the christmas party
    Another dress I didn't wear
    Shoes I didn't wear to the party
    A 140 haircut and colour
    More makeup (bearing in mind palettes can cost 40 EACH upwards)
    Christmas Presents
    A salt and pepper mill, which arrived and I discovered that I already had some.
    silicone egg rings
    university books (finally something I can justify)
    a laminator (YES A LAMINATOR)
    a food diary
    perfume
    travel bottles so I can decant shampoo when I go down to London. I haven't decanted a ruddy thing
    a laundry bag to go in my suitcase for when I travel
    Another fire TV stick to replace the one upstairs which I haven't actually done yet
    300 spent on the scratch on my lease car bonnet
    160 spent on a dash cam to make sure i catch anyone who does it again.
    70 on a microphone
    20 on pet groomer clippers but the dog runs away every time I try to get her with them
    Expensive korean skincare
    a travel mirror I've decided is too heavy
    egyptian magic face cream
    oh I bought two new shelves for the oven which was something like 50 and I also bought a grill pan to go into the oven but thats currently on top of the freezer

    These are the things I can list off the top of my head. It just never ends.
    • Silver Queen
    • By Silver Queen 12th Feb 18, 2:11 PM
    • 345 Posts
    • 1,702 Thanks
    Silver Queen
    You can sell at least 80% of the things you've listed above, or otherwise return them. Depop is a good one for cosmetics. Vinted, Carousell, eBay. Return anything that you are able to return. There's no use feeling sorry for yourself, just take action instead.
    Debt Totals April 2018::
    350 Natwest Credit Card / Now 0 (paid off and closed 04/2017) 15,500 postgrad loan from parents/ Now 10,500 500 train ticket loan from parents / Now 0 (paid off 16/02/18) 2,000 Overdraft Now 0 (paid off 09/03/18)
    • StokieBecks
    • By StokieBecks 12th Feb 18, 2:11 PM
    • 4,505 Posts
    • 27,248 Thanks
    StokieBecks
    New phone - are you in a contract? If you have an old phone recycle it with one of the companies (or if old phone is still usable recycle/sell the newer iPhone to recoup a bit more)

    Clothes and bags are probably very sellable on eBay, especially if brand new and never worn. I am guessing the returns period has passed to send them back

    Anything you can sell will all help if you can pay if off the credit card. Just remember if you are using eBay to save the amount you will need to pay in fees. Maybe try Facebook selling pages etc (local ones)

    You need to sit down and talk to partner truthfully., Work out all your priority outgoings first and foremost, with whatever is left work out a budget. If you do not have enough wriggle room to meet all your minimum payments, speak to one of the free debt charities and get the ball rolling ...they will help you decide your best options.

    Hopefully your counselling will also help you start to address the reasons you spend. This is far too complex to get into on the forum just know in yourself that you have to try and work it out and work out how to stop.

    It may be a long journey but you can work through this but you are going to have to be honest with your partner as something that you need to work through together. You need to be on the same page regards spending and budgeting.
    • Pixie5740
    • By Pixie5740 12th Feb 18, 2:44 PM
    • 11,930 Posts
    • 16,799 Thanks
    Pixie5740
    There's not much wiggle room in your SOA if it hasn't changed much other than the amount of debt you have has increased. Have you tried completing Step Change's https://www.stepchange.org/Debtremedy.aspx to find out what options might be available to you?

    I know you've said that you can't have a CCJ or go bankrupt but is that actually in your employment contract? Even if it is then a CCJ or insolvency won't automatically lead to your dismissal as the list of professions which are closed to undischarged bankrupts is quite short.

    https://www.stepchange.org/debt-info/bankruptcy-and-my-job.aspx
    • D_M_E
    • By D_M_E 12th Feb 18, 3:59 PM
    • 1,437 Posts
    • 63,305 Thanks
    D_M_E
    If you are doing a lot of the online shopping at home, log in to your internet router and see if the settings will allow you to block access to any of the shopping websites you use - if you cannot access them then you are less likely to spend.

    If you don't know how to do this then post in the Techie forum and ask there - you will need the make and model of your router but do not post details of passwords etc.

    Also, once you have access to the router it's a good idea to change the admin password.
    • kazwookie
    • By kazwookie 12th Feb 18, 4:09 PM
    • 9,638 Posts
    • 121,766 Thanks
    kazwookie
    Get selling..........

    10K is a big heap of items, how on earth has your OH not asked what is going on and where all this stuff is coming from??

    Get selling, ebay facebook pages etc.
    Sun, Sea
    Slinky start date 29.01.18 28 to go / -10 so far and counting!!
    • Fireflyaway
    • By Fireflyaway 12th Feb 18, 4:13 PM
    • 1,684 Posts
    • 1,801 Thanks
    Fireflyaway
    Do you need to protect your credit score? Reason i ask is you might be better admitting that you can't pay off this card and entering into an installment plan with the credit card provider. Be careful though, consider it fully. It will reduce your credit score. If you are planning on a mortgage etc. Your husband will probably find out and you might well feel terrible for preventing you both buying. However, if you don't plan on that, I'd probably go into an arrangement to give you breathing space.
    Definitely identify why you do this. I've been on spending sprees when I've just got sick of having no money. Working and having nothing to show for it. Things will improve though. No reason your income can't improve and childcare will stop one day.
    Write a plan and stick to it. You will get past this.
    • ohbumstoitall
    • By ohbumstoitall 12th Feb 18, 4:38 PM
    • 85 Posts
    • 108 Thanks
    ohbumstoitall
    You can sell at least 80% of the things you've listed above, or otherwise return them. Depop is a good one for cosmetics. Vinted, Carousell, eBay. Return anything that you are able to return. There's no use feeling sorry for yourself, just take action instead.
    Originally posted by Silver Queen
    Not heard of Depop, I'll check it out. I've got a load of toiletries as well, mini versions of expensive ones that I was given so I'll have a look at that.
    I'm not sure how amazon would feel about me returning a load of items, especially as they aren't in the boxes. And I can see the return periods have closed on most of them. I'll have to see what I can do with ebay and other sites.

    New phone - are you in a contract? If you have an old phone recycle it with one of the companies (or if old phone is still usable recycle/sell the newer iPhone to recoup a bit more)

    Clothes and bags are probably very sellable on eBay, especially if brand new and never worn. I am guessing the returns period has passed to send them back

    Anything you can sell will all help if you can pay if off the credit card. Just remember if you are using eBay to save the amount you will need to pay in fees. Maybe try Facebook selling pages etc (local ones)

    You need to sit down and talk to partner truthfully., Work out all your priority outgoings first and foremost, with whatever is left work out a budget. If you do not have enough wriggle room to meet all your minimum payments, speak to one of the free debt charities and get the ball rolling ...they will help you decide your best options.

    Hopefully your counselling will also help you start to address the reasons you spend. This is far too complex to get into on the forum just know in yourself that you have to try and work it out and work out how to stop.

    It may be a long journey but you can work through this but you are going to have to be honest with your partner as something that you need to work through together. You need to be on the same page regards spending and budgeting.
    Originally posted by StokieBecks
    Not on contract, I bought our phones because it would "save money" not being in contract. Except....both are on an interest bearing card. So....idiot (me)

    I do have boxes and boxes of clothes in the cupboards. I've accumulated them over the years, they're all new and have labels on. I have about 10 bin bags full I think. So I better get started with those.

    I'm trying to avoid the debt charities as I've had to use them before and the defaults cleared last year. Obviously at the end of the day it's just money but I really don't want to default on the Amex card as they will slap me with a CCJ straight away at 10k. I also really really don't want to talk to my OH about it. Partly for selfish reasons and partly because he's in the middle of his dissertation. He gets upset when we do talk about it as he went to university because I said we could afford to whereas in reality its one of the reasons we're in more debt.

    There's not much wiggle room in your SOA if it hasn't changed much other than the amount of debt you have has increased. Have you tried completing Step Change's https://www.stepchange.org/Debtremedy.aspx to find out what options might be available to you?

    I know you've said that you can't have a CCJ or go bankrupt but is that actually in your employment contract? Even if it is then a CCJ or insolvency won't automatically lead to your dismissal as the list of professions which are closed to undischarged bankrupts is quite short.

    https://www.stepchange.org/debt-info/bankruptcy-and-my-job.aspx
    Originally posted by Pixie5740
    Yes it is, and the nature of the work I do means if I want to stay on this career path I need to avoid bankruptcy, CCJ I guess wouldn't be the end of the world however.


    I do feel a bit better, I have a long road ahead of me etc but I feel like a bit of the weight has lifted by sharing. I'm going to do my SOA again in a minute or two.
Welcome to our new Forum!

Our aim is to save you money quickly and easily. We hope you like it!

Forum Team Contact us

Live Stats

3,799Posts Today

8,485Users online

Martin's Twitter
  • Facebook today admitted in parliament that after it heard of my defamation lawsuit against it for 50 fake scam ads? https://t.co/XttOnyH9sq

  • RT @jamiesusskind: After more than 10 years, and with such sadness, I am leaving Labour. I'm doing it for the same reason that I joined: be?

  • RT @Deeangelique_: I suggested @MartinSLewis get 'I Don't Do Ads' tattooed to his forehead yesterday. Today he posted this. I gave Martin L?

  • Follow Martin