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    • atrixblue.-MFR-.
    • By atrixblue.-MFR-. 11th Feb 18, 3:31 PM
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    atrixblue.-MFR-.
    School refusing
    • #1
    • 11th Feb 18, 3:31 PM
    School refusing 11th Feb 18 at 3:31 PM
    As the title says.


    Following on from the Uniform saga, I thought this would need its dedicated thread.


    Daughter is ADHD-ASD.


    She's started to actively refuse to attend school again, in her eyes school are reneging on arrangements put in place again, she has lost all trust in them and all respect for them.


    Cant say I blame her, its a common theme, Such as this for E.G


    Daughter hasn't attended Welsh since primary yr 2 she would wonder off in class and not pay attention to it because she never understood Welsh or why she needs it its the same with French although teacher allows her to get on with her homework in class rather than trying to pressure her to engage especially after last time when it almost came to her ripping the whole classroom apart teacher managed to get a male teacher to restrain AND remove her.



    School said she did not need to attend welsh or French no longer they would Dis-apply her so long as I got medical evidence so when they had a estyn inspection they could have a nice neat little reason to putting this in place.

    I asked GP, GP said they cannot provide this under the guidelines from the local health board its not permissible for them to get involved in this aspect. Same for her psychiatrist consultant, Consultant stated its for ED psych to assess this in agreement with school based on her current medical diagnosis and assessments and risk assessment.



    I reported back with this to the deputy head, who stated that ED Psych slots were thin on the ground but her would put daughters name forward for assessment and to leave it with him (I put the situation back in his court so to speak).



    I wrote to the school to confirm all the above and get her IEP One page profile and risk assessments and the school now states that I was to write to head of school and LEA with medical evidence to disapply daughter from welsh and that these conversations didn't take place putting it back to me to now sort through. So yes I understand school say one thing and then renege on it when it suits them, they move the goal posts quite often and say things quite differently to what was said in the meetings afterwards.


    After the school uniform saga we made an agreement with school that on the basis of her wearing school colours no jegging no leggings or jeans she could wear zip pockets trousers. I asked school to E-mail alert all her teachers this was agreed so there was no questioning her when she was in class about it and sending her to isolation. He says he did this, but the last class of the day teacher put her in isolation and said that she didn't have no E-mail Daughter asked her to double check teacher refused to do so. Daughter went to over to deputy head to explain this and then he said it was for ONE DAY ONLY, this was not what was agreed. Then Daughter walked into a pole in school on way out and hit two teeth loose, Unfortunately daughters a violent person when hurt, and best course is to let her ride it out and calm down so daughter walked into the tutors room where it was empty put head in hands and screamed the place down in frustration and pain, another teacher came in and gave her a stern talking to about her screaming, teacher told her it was pathetic for her age, and to get out of the tutors room and stand against the heads corridor for yet another talking to!. Daughter had enough by this point and just walked out of school instead.


    Now were back to square 1. School refusing. and I'm back to pleading and begging on hands and knees with LEA to provide home tutoring on the phone or in their offices in the morning. Yay .


    Whilst this is more of a rant, I would appreciate some advise on what else I can do! have I missed a step here somewhere.


    Someone pass me the gin!!!
    Last edited by atrixblue.-MFR-.; 11-02-2018 at 3:35 PM.
    "We only have one world, But we live in different worlds"- Mark Knopfler Brothers in arms, Miss you gramps.
Page 3
    • Ames
    • By Ames 11th Mar 18, 2:24 PM
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    Ames
    I really don't think they'll read a 112 page letter. Is it possible to cut it down?
    Unless I say otherwise 'you' means the general you not you specifically.
    • miriamac
    • By miriamac 11th Mar 18, 3:04 PM
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    miriamac
    I really don't think they'll read a 112 page letter. Is it possible to cut it down?
    Originally posted by Ames
    ^^^^^^^ *This*^^^^^^^

    112 x 112 times ^^^this^^^

    You need to cut it right down. You will probably need help to do that because you are simply too close to the situation to be able to pull out what is relevant and what isn't.
    • atrixblue.-MFR-.
    • By atrixblue.-MFR-. 11th Mar 18, 5:15 PM
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    atrixblue.-MFR-.
    ^^^^^^^ *This*^^^^^^^

    112 x 112 times ^^^this^^^

    You need to cut it right down. You will probably need help to do that because you are simply too close to the situation to be able to pull out what is relevant and what isn't.
    Originally posted by miriamac
    ERM unfortunately no, because the guidelines were broken this has to be highlighted and there are many guidelines and rules of NHS that were..... how can I put it..... extremely streamlined and important parts of assessments didn't happen or were ignored in favor of one single score thats ASD school scale sent back by the school. Ive been stating for a long time my daughters diagnosis of ADHD/ASD is wrong (they now say they aren't including her as ASD no more in the letter to the school).


    So the NICE guidelines missed out, streamlined or adapted has to conform part of the complaint (as per LHB complaints procedure).NHS guidelines missed completely, so these has to be included also.
    Then theres my evidence this has to be included also.


    ive tried allways to slim it down, and ive made it easy to navigate the complaint, my mum read it in less than 5 mins its that well layed out theres just so much of it that's all.


    Theres also a request to re assess based on my evidence and the Missed opportunities.


    If they don't read it they could find themselves infront of a medical disciplinary that much has gone wrong if I choose to take it further and complaint to he nursing council and others.


    I also know I have grounds to make a medical negligence claim, but I'm complaining in a to the point factual way first and foremost to give the best opportunity to put things right for everyones sake especially my daughters.


    so much has come to light since the letter and gone on in the background that ive been dealing with, its been a challenge. But I can assure you its not an emotional rambling complaint its very factual, to the point to slim it down and avoid emotions.
    Last edited by atrixblue.-MFR-.; 11-03-2018 at 5:23 PM.
    "We only have one world, But we live in different worlds"- Mark Knopfler Brothers in arms, Miss you gramps.
    • JReacher1
    • By JReacher1 11th Mar 18, 8:16 PM
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    JReacher1
    I'm impressed you mum can read 112 pages in less than five minutes! That is some seriously good reading skills!
    • BorisThomson
    • By BorisThomson 11th Mar 18, 8:27 PM
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    BorisThomson
    I'm impressed you mum can read 112 pages in less than five minutes! That is some seriously good reading skills!
    Originally posted by JReacher1
    One page every four seconds!
    • miriamac
    • By miriamac 11th Mar 18, 10:56 PM
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    miriamac
    Atrix, as the above two posters say - five minutes to read 112 pages? Even at speed reading/skim reading rates, that's...how can I put it...unlikely.

    That's also taking account of the fact that your mum knows all of the issues, she knows what has been worrying you, she knows the things you've been complaining about. She doesn't have to stop to think "what does he mean here?" at any point, because she already knows your story from your point of view. Her mind will 'translate' and fill in gaps as she reads.

    Please consider asking a trusted 'outsider' to read the letter. 'Outsider' in the sense of someone you haven't spoken to about the issues you're raising in your complaint.
    • BrassicWoman
    • By BrassicWoman 12th Mar 18, 5:49 AM
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    BrassicWoman
    112 pages is a court case bundle of evidence.

    Is that what you are doing?
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    • Tabbytabitha
    • By Tabbytabitha 12th Mar 18, 9:41 AM
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    Tabbytabitha
    Are you sure you don't mean 11/12 pages?
    • BBH123
    • By BBH123 12th Mar 18, 10:08 AM
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    BBH123
    Who the hell would want to be a teacher these days.
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    • atrixblue.-MFR-.
    • By atrixblue.-MFR-. 12th Mar 18, 10:43 AM
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    atrixblue.-MFR-.
    5 simple things point to simple laid out guidelines within the NICE guidelines, so for e.g


    DD has not received this assessment in NICE guideline 1.1.3. page 26.


    (opens guidline to that number and its a simple bullet point paragraph)


    But there 112 pages of it all in all the main important ones are to the forefront and NHS guidelines are then only 2 pages. so if you read the complaint it points to all simply and well structured 5 mins is all it would take to get through the guidelines (the main bulk of the complaint) and know things didn't go to the book.


    Its been handed over se lets see how it goes.


    I appreciate your opinions, I am listening, sometimes its hard to implement what opinion fits where and hwo to structure that with whats going on in the background. My lea states to write down everything your not happy with, provide the relevant guidelines or evidence or both.


    Its hard to explain everything without being identified so we shall just re focus now on the schooling aspect, rather than her diagnosis for now till I have more information to give to you.
    "We only have one world, But we live in different worlds"- Mark Knopfler Brothers in arms, Miss you gramps.
    • atrixblue.-MFR-.
    • By atrixblue.-MFR-. 13th Mar 18, 5:30 AM
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    atrixblue.-MFR-.
    So it seems twin 2's issues at school with bullying hasn't stopped.


    I set up a meeting with school, I spoke with deputy head, he suggested putting the girls to the table to talk frankly and openly about how eachother are treating eachother and how they can resolve it under his monitoring and mentoring, twin 2 had the choice for me to be present, me to be in the school staff room not present but at a comforting distance across the hall, or go home and if twin 2 wanted to come home after the meeting then deputy head would ring me.


    hour later deputy head rang to say Twin2 wants home and that the meeting didn't go so well.


    That night one of the girls in the bullying group on a single app that twin 2 forgot to block her on, a nasty message that not even I can repeat here!, this when twin 2 opened up and stated that when sir was talking to them one to one about the issues the other girls stood behind him behind the door glass mocking him when It came to twin 2's turn to speak 1-1 they were making gestures of a kind that meant they were not happy with her bringing them to the table for a chat such as making the cut throat gesture and pointing at her, raising fists and middles fingers at her.


    I went to the school and reported these the next day and over the weekend it was quiet for twin 2 who had blocked all on social media.
    Come to today, sir wanted to see the messages so twin 2 showed him them, even he said what is the point sending you messages like that, he asked twin 2 how does she want it dealt with, get them pulled in for a talking to, or let it be for now and see how today fairs up and go from there, any more issues, then hell pull them back in and consider what to do form there on, so she decided to leave it at this point and see what happens rest of the say, came dinner time, they cornered Twin 2 in the basketball courts (the group never go there so went out their way to seek her out) and called her names and offering her out for a fight, all the way through twin two just kept saying that's ok and when it came to being offered out for a fight she politely declined saying she doesn't fight so if they want to beat her up then try it there and then and they all fell silent and didn't know what else to do, Twin 2's friend then told them where to get off where they retreated and walked away calling twin 2 and her friends dirty skets weakling and the like twin 2 and friend just turned away appearing to ignore them.
    This was reported to deputy head again who this time will pull in for a chat tomorrow, but before he does I want to know what he is going to do so i'll call in for a chat about it in the morning.


    any hints and tips this so it can be resolved promptly, ive read their bullying policy and am following it, were getting close to suspension for the girls, but my way of thinking is why praise them with a day off, the parents wont care, it will annoy the parents to be dragged into the school for a word, but the likely outcome will be nothing form the parents side of things, which gets me thinking punishment can come in many forms, and taking away a break time in isolation and splitting the girls up seems like a more fitting punishment to me.
    "We only have one world, But we live in different worlds"- Mark Knopfler Brothers in arms, Miss you gramps.
    • Smodlet
    • By Smodlet 13th Mar 18, 2:05 PM
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    Smodlet
    It sounds as if Twin 2 handled herself with admirable restraint and maturity. She and her friend deserve commendation: They retained their dignity; the bullies did not and they know it, hence the abuse.

    There really should be consequences for bullies but it seems nothing has changed since the 1970s in that respect, from what you say. What use are "policies" unless they are effective?
    What is this life if, sweet wordsmith, we have no time to take the pith?
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    • atrixblue.-MFR-.
    • By atrixblue.-MFR-. 14th Mar 18, 7:34 AM
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    atrixblue.-MFR-.
    Another meeting today. My life feels like it revolving around school 1st, then my kids, then my wife, who is feeling left out of it all as she works and anxious about the outcomes of these many many meetings and school visits.


    I must say im losing the will to keep them in the school, but i know moving them now at this stage would do more harm than it would good as were at that pivotal moment where we move from KS3 to KS4. theres options evening tonight too, so two+ visits to the school today.


    I wounder if ill get to see the teacher in the school this evening who scarred me for life and put me off school literally for life in my whole schooling career, and get to tell her so and how she failed me, many people dream of getting this oppertunity to put to rest a restless demon from the past especially before she retires this year.
    "We only have one world, But we live in different worlds"- Mark Knopfler Brothers in arms, Miss you gramps.
    • DaftyDuck
    • By DaftyDuck 14th Mar 18, 9:10 AM
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    DaftyDuck
    ....I wounder if ill get to see the teacher in the school this evening who scarred me for life and put me off school literally for life in my whole schooling career, and get to tell her so and how she failed me, many people dream of getting this oppertunity to put to rest a restless demon from the past especially before she retires this year.
    Resist the temptation. This is all about your children now, and the future. Their future. Don't let your past damage their future!
    • atrixblue.-MFR-.
    • By atrixblue.-MFR-. 14th Mar 18, 2:53 PM
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    atrixblue.-MFR-.
    Resist the temptation. This is all about your children now, and the future. Their future. Don't let your past damage their future!
    Originally posted by DaftyDuck
    Thanks yes its tempting though, though I wont time to put that demon to bed.


    On a brighter the school are calling the parents in to have a mass meeting about their child actions.


    This has triggered the three steps the school employ to tackle bullying once all alternate avenues explored.
    >1. meeting with parents and child, if no resolution to the issues its onto step 2.


    >2. isolation during break and dinner hour phones not to be brought into school at all (if caught confiscated) a daily review on this will be made and noted on sims for registration tutor for the following morning.


    >3. review on "sims" and the bullying behaviour with parents and a view to expulsion if the situation continues on a 3 week period for 3 months not including any holidays or days off.


    My daughters 3 steps are.


    >1.Tell someone when and where bullying is happening and by whom.


    >2.do not follow, provoke, talk to or about or to other pupils or cause the situation to become worse.



    >3. Choose alternate places to be during break and dinner and alternate walking home from school rout patterns if possible, if the group of girls seek out twin 2 then she is to report to reception immediately and ask for member of staff. Tell a friend to run to reception if cornered.


    Schools three steps to help daughter.


    >1. Act on the information given to staff in a timely manor.


    >.2 Provide time out card, councelling and early release card to diner brake and home times.


    >.3 Check in on twin 2 time to time through the week to catch up on the week and give regular briefings to dad about the bulling and if it has continued or not continued minor and medium incidents will be sent via text message, high risk incidents will result in a phone call to come in, in case of a physical assault whilst on grounds and or in uniform police are to be called immediately by twin 2 or by staff upon report of physical assault.
    "We only have one world, But we live in different worlds"- Mark Knopfler Brothers in arms, Miss you gramps.
    • Tabbytabitha
    • By Tabbytabitha 14th Mar 18, 3:36 PM
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    Tabbytabitha
    Another meeting today. My life feels like it revolving around school 1st, then my kids, then my wife, who is feeling left out of it all as she works and anxious about the outcomes of these many many meetings and school visits.


    I must say im losing the will to keep them in the school, but i know moving them now at this stage would do more harm than it would good as were at that pivotal moment where we move from KS3 to KS4. theres options evening tonight too, so two+ visits to the school today.


    I wounder if ill get to see the teacher in the school this evening who scarred me for life and put me off school literally for life in my whole schooling career, and get to tell her so and how she failed me, many people dream of getting this oppertunity to put to rest a restless demon from the past especially before she retires this year.
    Originally posted by atrixblue.-MFR-.
    That sounds as if it might be at the root of many of your daughters' problems
    • atrixblue.-MFR-.
    • By atrixblue.-MFR-. 14th Mar 18, 5:23 PM
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    atrixblue.-MFR-.
    That sounds as if it might be at the root of many of your daughters' problems
    Originally posted by Tabbytabitha
    Add donald trump into the mix and it must be true, or is it just fake news either way your wrong.
    "We only have one world, But we live in different worlds"- Mark Knopfler Brothers in arms, Miss you gramps.
    • atrixblue.-MFR-.
    • By atrixblue.-MFR-. 14th Mar 18, 5:27 PM
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    atrixblue.-MFR-.
    All went smoothly, they have their options sheets tonight and well sit round the table and discuss.


    Just discovered twin 2 had another two run ins today with the bullys.


    back to the school in morning for a meeting with the deputy so twin 2 can explain it all.


    Meanwhile more bad news home schooling has been refused and a JAFF reccomneded. GRRRRRR8888888TTTTT! more blooming paperwork.
    "We only have one world, But we live in different worlds"- Mark Knopfler Brothers in arms, Miss you gramps.
    • JReacher1
    • By JReacher1 14th Mar 18, 5:52 PM
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    JReacher1
    If a teacher at a school scarred me this badly I think I would have been tempted to put my kids in a different school. Are there no other schooling options nearby?
    • atrixblue.-MFR-.
    • By atrixblue.-MFR-. 15th Mar 18, 11:34 AM
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    atrixblue.-MFR-.
    If a teacher at a school scarred me this badly I think I would have been tempted to put my kids in a different school. Are there no other schooling options nearby?
    Originally posted by JReacher1
    when I looked at the staff register she has married since and has a different surname to what I knew her as so thought she had moved on.
    "We only have one world, But we live in different worlds"- Mark Knopfler Brothers in arms, Miss you gramps.
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