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    • atrixblue.-MFR-.
    • By atrixblue.-MFR-. 11th Feb 18, 3:31 PM
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    atrixblue.-MFR-.
    School refusing
    • #1
    • 11th Feb 18, 3:31 PM
    School refusing 11th Feb 18 at 3:31 PM
    As the title says.


    Following on from the Uniform saga, I thought this would need its dedicated thread.


    Daughter is ADHD-ASD.


    She's started to actively refuse to attend school again, in her eyes school are reneging on arrangements put in place again, she has lost all trust in them and all respect for them.


    Cant say I blame her, its a common theme, Such as this for E.G


    Daughter hasn't attended Welsh since primary yr 2 she would wonder off in class and not pay attention to it because she never understood Welsh or why she needs it its the same with French although teacher allows her to get on with her homework in class rather than trying to pressure her to engage especially after last time when it almost came to her ripping the whole classroom apart teacher managed to get a male teacher to restrain AND remove her.



    School said she did not need to attend welsh or French no longer they would Dis-apply her so long as I got medical evidence so when they had a estyn inspection they could have a nice neat little reason to putting this in place.

    I asked GP, GP said they cannot provide this under the guidelines from the local health board its not permissible for them to get involved in this aspect. Same for her psychiatrist consultant, Consultant stated its for ED psych to assess this in agreement with school based on her current medical diagnosis and assessments and risk assessment.



    I reported back with this to the deputy head, who stated that ED Psych slots were thin on the ground but her would put daughters name forward for assessment and to leave it with him (I put the situation back in his court so to speak).



    I wrote to the school to confirm all the above and get her IEP One page profile and risk assessments and the school now states that I was to write to head of school and LEA with medical evidence to disapply daughter from welsh and that these conversations didn't take place putting it back to me to now sort through. So yes I understand school say one thing and then renege on it when it suits them, they move the goal posts quite often and say things quite differently to what was said in the meetings afterwards.


    After the school uniform saga we made an agreement with school that on the basis of her wearing school colours no jegging no leggings or jeans she could wear zip pockets trousers. I asked school to E-mail alert all her teachers this was agreed so there was no questioning her when she was in class about it and sending her to isolation. He says he did this, but the last class of the day teacher put her in isolation and said that she didn't have no E-mail Daughter asked her to double check teacher refused to do so. Daughter went to over to deputy head to explain this and then he said it was for ONE DAY ONLY, this was not what was agreed. Then Daughter walked into a pole in school on way out and hit two teeth loose, Unfortunately daughters a violent person when hurt, and best course is to let her ride it out and calm down so daughter walked into the tutors room where it was empty put head in hands and screamed the place down in frustration and pain, another teacher came in and gave her a stern talking to about her screaming, teacher told her it was pathetic for her age, and to get out of the tutors room and stand against the heads corridor for yet another talking to!. Daughter had enough by this point and just walked out of school instead.


    Now were back to square 1. School refusing. and I'm back to pleading and begging on hands and knees with LEA to provide home tutoring on the phone or in their offices in the morning. Yay .


    Whilst this is more of a rant, I would appreciate some advise on what else I can do! have I missed a step here somewhere.


    Someone pass me the gin!!!
    Last edited by atrixblue.-MFR-.; 11-02-2018 at 3:35 PM.
    "We only have one world, But we live in different worlds"- Mark Knopfler Brothers in arms, Miss you gramps.
Page 2
    • GlasweJen
    • By GlasweJen 14th Feb 18, 10:56 PM
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    GlasweJen
    got loads to do coming away from the meeting.


    The referral to home tutoring has gone in.
    I got to Go back with med evidence for Statatory statement.


    There is no Ed Psyc in the councty all three are on maternity leave , saw the letter myself form LEA to school, This is completely outrageous.


    School is updating their uniform policy, a new revised one will be coming out tomorrow ill get a copy of from reception in morning.
    Also got to get med evidence to state certain clothes causes anxiety due to sensory. (don't know how ill do it because health board prevents doc intervention regarding schools).


    Anxiety councilling provided by school, Daughter is on a short waiting list.


    Dis applying daughter from welsh for 6 months. Got to obtain letter of anxiety needs.


    Ive got loads more running around to do also and phone calling in morning.


    So my work rate has doubled the stress levels just went from stressful to digging ones own grave.
    Originally posted by atrixblue.-MFR-.
    Sounds fun!

    If all the medical evidence is to come from the GP it might be helpful to write them a letter to explain what their letter needs to cover. Also it doesn't need to be school specific. Get them to do a "to whom it may concern letter" and say it's to cover multiple purposes including uniformed after school clubs if they get snippy.
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    • atrixblue.-MFR-.
    • By atrixblue.-MFR-. 15th Feb 18, 5:57 AM
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    atrixblue.-MFR-.
    Sounds fun!

    If all the medical evidence is to come from the GP it might be helpful to write them a letter to explain what their letter needs to cover. Also it doesn't need to be school specific. Get them to do a "to whom it may concern letter" and say it's to cover multiple purposes including uniformed after school clubs if they get snippy.
    Originally posted by GlasweJen
    exactly what snap cymru said.


    Ive been pondering the many letter ive got to send off this week.


    Friday Daughter will be in Ped Psych Cons building for anxiety management therapy and group management therapy I see her Psych going back and forth the secretaries office so ill coral her and give her the letter by hand and explain the situation again with more urgency.


    Can someone check this to see if it looks OK please.


    Dear Sir/Madam,
    (insert name) has been under severe anxiety in attending school and out of school, She has missed so far since September 27days, and late mark 20 times on top of this. As a parent I find this extremely concerning on the impact of her education and social activities.
    I ask you to help (insert name) by writing a supportive letter detailing her issues.
    This letter needs to contain specific traits and how it affects (insert Name) and be addressed "to whom it may concern" as to encompass a wide variety of people and companies and school.
    (insert name) struggles to cope with certain fabric meterials, she cannot cope with school uniform, She finds a shirt restrictive on her arms so cuts the seam on the under arm all the way up to under the arm pit to relieve her of the restrictiveness, I cannot get her to wear school trousers the material makes her have goose bumps and the waist bands too loose and she finds belts difficult to manage, (inster name) is of slim build and a size 6, we have found it impossible to find and alternative suitable conforming to school law alternatives regarding this issue (insert Name) goes through a lot of anxiety and panic attacks in the mornings because she knows she is going to get a row and be placed in isolation regarding non compliance to school uniform that affects her greatly.


    (Insert Name) also struggles with second languages at school, such as welsh and French, Spanish and German, (Insert name) Cannot engage with class and teacher she has not followed second languages in school since early primary school age as she doesn't understand other languages other than English school has never been able to get her to engage in these type of lessons, now she is in secondary she is being forced into class by teachers for welsh and French causing her to completely freak out and get physically violent, the stress causes her to fake illnesses in order to sit out welsh and French in the medical room where again teachers then go onto her about it.

    It would help (insert name) access vital education and support if you could write a short letter for her for E.G: Glaswejen edit.


    To whom it may concern,
    due to (insert Name's) ADHD/ASD and the symptoms of this I advise that she does not wear certain materials that causes her great anxiety and stress, Also due to the great amount of anxiety and stress caused by second languages such as Welsh and French I also advise that she does not attend these lessons and an alternative form of education be sought.


    Yours Faithfully


    Signed


    Ped psych consultant.


    This would mean so much to (insert name) as she wants to attend school but these hurdles she is finding impossible to get over, please assist (insert name) in finding a less stressed and therefore improved attendance way of life in school because at present (insert name) is refusing to attend due to these issues and some others and school wont do nothing until medical evidence on these subjects come in so they can Diss apply her from welsh and French and permit (insert name) to wear school colours but different material clothing without being placed into isolation for the whole school day.


    Thank you


    Yours sincerely


    Signature.






    Does this sound OK or too waffling on? Feel free to edit this, the best one will get a virtual twix bar!
    Last edited by atrixblue.-MFR-.; 15-02-2018 at 8:34 AM.
    "We only have one world, But we live in different worlds"- Mark Knopfler Brothers in arms, Miss you gramps.
    • GlasweJen
    • By GlasweJen 15th Feb 18, 8:00 AM
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    GlasweJen
    I would take out "it would mean the world" as it's a bit airy fairy and put in something like "it would help atrix jnr access vital education and support" so they realise the letter isn't just a parental request but a real crisis has been reached and they're needed to get you out of it.
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    • GwylimT
    • By GwylimT 15th Feb 18, 8:01 AM
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    GwylimT
    If you contact SENDIAS they will be able to assist you in writing said letters.
    • atrixblue.-MFR-.
    • By atrixblue.-MFR-. 15th Feb 18, 8:36 AM
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    atrixblue.-MFR-.
    If you contact SENDIAS they will be able to assist you in writing said letters.
    Originally posted by GwylimT
    Snap said they could help write the letter but she is on annual leave till next Tuesday. I just thought id get the drop on it as I go up caerleon on Friday to her consultants unit for anxiety management.


    Changes will be made to original post above in red for the letter. posters name will be italic for those who contribute to the letter.
    "We only have one world, But we live in different worlds"- Mark Knopfler Brothers in arms, Miss you gramps.
    • atrixblue.-MFR-.
    • By atrixblue.-MFR-. 16th Feb 18, 3:37 PM
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    atrixblue.-MFR-.
    So that's one letter down, anther 2 to go.
    Had a quick chat with the anxiety management team, who said they will support Daughter in a writing a letter they will also discuss it with the Psych consultant (their in the same building) to see if they con persuade her to also write one but I have put this in writing to her anyway, so shell have to write back saying yay or nay!.


    Went to the school today (its inset day today) and signed the refurals for home tutoring, they will send them off today internal post so they will be in the sorting room this afternoon in the council ready for distribution Monday.


    Next is GP.


    Then I may also get a statement from someone who knows her as a supportive letter to the pair of GP and Consultant and Anxiety management team.
    I'm going to need everything I can get because this will go to the tribunal for children services wales and I'm going to need overwhelming evidence of the need for support.


    glaswejen as promised.
    "We only have one world, But we live in different worlds"- Mark Knopfler Brothers in arms, Miss you gramps.
    • atrixblue.-MFR-.
    • By atrixblue.-MFR-. 17th Feb 18, 7:10 AM
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    atrixblue.-MFR-.
    That's the 2nd handed to GP. Just hope they respond now.
    "We only have one world, But we live in different worlds"- Mark Knopfler Brothers in arms, Miss you gramps.
    • atrixblue.-MFR-.
    • By atrixblue.-MFR-. 20th Feb 18, 7:51 PM
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    atrixblue.-MFR-.
    GP called today told me Got to the Psyc cons,told him I have but haven't had a response and would he add to the evidence told me no health board wont let him. Told me to go private for a specialist psychologist who can detail the issues.


    I hope this isn't going to be the same response from psych cons, I find it a cop out of an excuse if I'm honest, for the sake of support I feel like she has been let down by our GP who we see and been seeing since they were born even when I was born was registered with same.
    "We only have one world, But we live in different worlds"- Mark Knopfler Brothers in arms, Miss you gramps.
    • miriamac
    • By miriamac 20th Feb 18, 8:32 PM
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    miriamac
    GP called today told me Got to the Psyc cons,told him I have but haven't had a response and would he add to the evidence told me no health board wont let him. Told me to go private for a specialist psychologist who can detail the issues.


    I hope this isn't going to be the same response from psych cons, I find it a cop out of an excuse if I'm honest, for the sake of support I feel like she has been let down by our GP who we see and been seeing since they were born even when I was born was registered with same.
    Originally posted by atrixblue.-MFR-.
    Unless the GP or any of the specialists have direct professional knowledge of all the issues in your letter, I don't think they can give you a letter which covers everything you put down.

    Ask them to confirm the known medical issues in writing and then you add the detail in a letter of your own.

    Be positive in that detail. For example, don't give a long list of clothes your daughter can't wear, give a list of the one she can wear and point out the ways they do meet the uniform policy.

    I know it's a long hard struggle to get adjustments for children who need them. The 'being positive' strategy - she can do this/wear that - can be helpful. It shows that you are working to find a reasonable adjustment, puts the onus on the school to explain why it won't work.
    • atrixblue.-MFR-.
    • By atrixblue.-MFR-. 21st Feb 18, 11:49 AM
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    atrixblue.-MFR-.
    Unless the GP or any of the specialists have direct professional knowledge of all the issues in your letter, I don't think they can give you a letter which covers everything you put down.

    Ask them to confirm the known medical issues in writing and then you add the detail in a letter of your own.

    Be positive in that detail. For example, don't give a long list of clothes your daughter can't wear, give a list of the one she can wear and point out the ways they do meet the uniform policy.

    I know it's a long hard struggle to get adjustments for children who need them. The 'being positive' strategy - she can do this/wear that - can be helpful. It shows that you are working to find a reasonable adjustment, puts the onus on the school to explain why it won't work.
    Originally posted by miriamac
    Trouble is yes its all noted on her file and he has seen them first hand, sensory issues, behavioural since she started experiencing them in nursery school and its been updated via me and psych cons as well i just thinks its a little bit of a cop out to not offer any support knowing its causing massive issues at home and school, its not just the uniform issues its issues i haven't detailed here that is rather embarrassing for her she don't want shared.
    "We only have one world, But we live in different worlds"- Mark Knopfler Brothers in arms, Miss you gramps.
    • atrixblue.-MFR-.
    • By atrixblue.-MFR-. 3rd Mar 18, 1:29 PM
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    atrixblue.-MFR-.
    thought id update.
    psyc cons has said she will help in a letter, next Friday were having a meeting for her to put it all down on paper, and daughter is to be reassessed for sensory and re diagnosis, her anxiety therapist will also be on hand to assist.
    "We only have one world, But we live in different worlds"- Mark Knopfler Brothers in arms, Miss you gramps.
    • af273
    • By af273 3rd Mar 18, 1:51 PM
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    af273
    Good luck with it all. Hope things get a bit easier.

    Just started reading this thread... is it a primary or secondary? The teachers sound like they can't give be bothered to take into account individual needs.

    I'm surprised that if shes refusing to learn the subject that badly they would force her to attend? I was removed from religious studies for refusing to do anything without even asking. Can't have their school league table/exam results ruined... lol. Other pupils treated the same in various subjects.
    • atrixblue.-MFR-.
    • By atrixblue.-MFR-. 3rd Mar 18, 1:57 PM
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    atrixblue.-MFR-.
    Good luck with it all. Hope things get a bit easier.

    Just started reading this thread... is it a primary or secondary? The teachers sound like they can't give be bothered to take into account individual needs.

    I'm surprised that if shes refusing to learn the subject that badly they would force her to attend? I was removed from religious studies for refusing to do anything without even asking. Can't have their school league table/exam results ruined... lol. Other pupils treated the same in various subjects.
    Originally posted by af273
    hi its secondary school welcome to the blog! sorry for no updates lately ive been dealing with akathisia, still am to the point ive given myself plantar facsciitus of the heel from pacing.
    Last edited by atrixblue.-MFR-.; 04-03-2018 at 3:40 PM.
    "We only have one world, But we live in different worlds"- Mark Knopfler Brothers in arms, Miss you gramps.
    • atrixblue.-MFR-.
    • By atrixblue.-MFR-. 7th Mar 18, 8:17 PM
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    atrixblue.-MFR-.
    Theres still no word on the referral after I signed it. Although snow days could account for the delay.


    twin 2 is now also starting to refuse school got a meeting in the morning with deputy head. she wont tell me whats going on nor her nan so she's going to have to spill it to the school, its getting tougher and tougher lately to be able to deal with things when I'm just about coping with my own mental health issues. between twin 1 and 2 and myself we just about make up a functioning human being.LOL
    "We only have one world, But we live in different worlds"- Mark Knopfler Brothers in arms, Miss you gramps.
    • xXMessedUpXx
    • By xXMessedUpXx 8th Mar 18, 12:25 AM
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    xXMessedUpXx
    I have no advice but i wish you and her the best of luck and hope it gets sorted. I'm sorry she;'s been self harming I've strugggled with that issue since i was 12(i'm 31 now) and its horrible for everyone going through it, my parents didn;t know what to do to help. At the time when i was in school we had a social worker who came in and i found talking to her helped a bit, no idea if there is similar support in her school.
    "Life Is Like A Beautiful Melody Only The Lyrics Are Messed Up"
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    • atrixblue.-MFR-.
    • By atrixblue.-MFR-. 8th Mar 18, 4:25 PM
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    atrixblue.-MFR-.
    Well when I think we get two steps forward back 6 steps we go.


    The meeting I wanted with her psyc cons, has been and gone without me!. I had the letter responding to Twin 1 letter for school and welsh assistance to did apply, it mentions nothing infact makes out to be a liar stating ive never reported any sensory issues, yet when ive completed any forms ive always put sensory issues down. I could cry, this letter is of no use. When I called them I was told I would not be getting a meeting now for weeks. I'm fuming
    "We only have one world, But we live in different worlds"- Mark Knopfler Brothers in arms, Miss you gramps.
    • batg
    • By batg 9th Mar 18, 7:32 PM
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    batg
    is the second twin now acting up because they have seen their sister refuse certain lessons and not want to be wearing the official school uniform?
    Jeeez, the poor wife!
    • GwylimT
    • By GwylimT 10th Mar 18, 9:13 AM
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    GwylimT
    Theres still no word on the referral after I signed it. Although snow days could account for the delay.


    twin 2 is now also starting to refuse school got a meeting in the morning with deputy head. she wont tell me whats going on nor her nan so she's going to have to spill it to the school, its getting tougher and tougher lately to be able to deal with things when I'm just about coping with my own mental health issues. between twin 1 and 2 and myself we just about make up a functioning human being.LOL
    Originally posted by atrixblue.-MFR-.
    Referrals typically take a minumun of eight weeks.
    • atrixblue.-MFR-.
    • By atrixblue.-MFR-. 11th Mar 18, 2:12 PM
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    atrixblue.-MFR-.
    is the second twin now acting up because they have seen their sister refuse certain lessons and not want to be wearing the official school uniform?
    Originally posted by batg
    nope bullying is the issue there.
    "We only have one world, But we live in different worlds"- Mark Knopfler Brothers in arms, Miss you gramps.
    • atrixblue.-MFR-.
    • By atrixblue.-MFR-. 11th Mar 18, 2:15 PM
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    atrixblue.-MFR-.
    Referrals typically take a minumun of eight weeks.
    Originally posted by GwylimT
    Because ive been through this I kept numbers so I could call people I kept the home tutoring head of departments number I gave her a call and she is supposed to be picking it up for meeting as soon as it was delivered. another call Monday I think is in order see how far along we are.


    ive also got a 112 page letter of complaint for CAHMS go through ill hand deliver it Monday as it too heavy and costly to send in the post.
    "We only have one world, But we live in different worlds"- Mark Knopfler Brothers in arms, Miss you gramps.
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