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  • FIRST POST
    • pioneer22
    • By pioneer22 7th Feb 18, 8:20 PM
    • 428Posts
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    pioneer22
    Managing someone with a big ego
    • #1
    • 7th Feb 18, 8:20 PM
    Managing someone with a big ego 7th Feb 18 at 8:20 PM
    Hey,

    I have someone in my team who is relatively new, and is good at their job. However they've been in a role which they worked solo for a significant period (10 years) I've found they have quite a big ego and quite arrogant. I have to work with them very closely and I find them quite difficult at times even though we share a lot in common in terms of attitude, political beliefs etc. This person had a go at our receptionist because putting confidential documents in the shredder "isn't in his job description" and they don't get paid to do that. We also share a 25 year age gap, I'm pretty well respected at work by my peers and my manager.

    Any tips on dealing with people like this? Suck it up? Deal with it? I've been here a number of years and fully appreciate another person taking some of the workload off but I find they go from calm to angry in minutes.

    Edit: I should add, I was on the interview panel and I did highlight this at the time that I thought being so long without working in a team could be a risk.
Page 1
    • Comms69
    • By Comms69 7th Feb 18, 8:29 PM
    • 2,970 Posts
    • 2,939 Thanks
    Comms69
    • #2
    • 7th Feb 18, 8:29 PM
    • #2
    • 7th Feb 18, 8:29 PM
    Friendly chat, 6 weeks, if no change- dismissed
    • pioneer22
    • By pioneer22 7th Feb 18, 8:31 PM
    • 428 Posts
    • 159 Thanks
    pioneer22
    • #3
    • 7th Feb 18, 8:31 PM
    • #3
    • 7th Feb 18, 8:31 PM
    Sorry I should of been clearer, I don't manage this person I mean't to say deal with in the subject!!!
    Last edited by pioneer22; 07-02-2018 at 8:33 PM.
    • TELLIT01
    • By TELLIT01 7th Feb 18, 10:07 PM
    • 5,011 Posts
    • 5,428 Thanks
    TELLIT01
    • #4
    • 7th Feb 18, 10:07 PM
    • #4
    • 7th Feb 18, 10:07 PM
    So 'Coping with' rather than 'Managing', which in this situation makes a big difference.
    First question - Why isn't the person who is managing them doing something about it?
    Second question - Aren't they aware of the way they are treating other staff or don't they care?
    Presumably you have 1-2-1 meetings with your manager. Raise your concerns there. Other than that try to let it wash over you and let other people fight their own battles. As you raised your concerns before he started there might be resentment from management, seeing your comments as "I told you so". Tread carefully.
    • stuartJo1989
    • By stuartJo1989 7th Feb 18, 11:42 PM
    • 446 Posts
    • 476 Thanks
    stuartJo1989
    • #5
    • 7th Feb 18, 11:42 PM
    • #5
    • 7th Feb 18, 11:42 PM
    Edit: I should add, I was on the interview panel and I did highlight this at the time that I thought being so long without working in a team could be a risk.
    Originally posted by pioneer22
    I see what you mean, but I don't like this comment.... Firstly, it is something which anyone can figure out just from reading the CV.

    Secondly, it is potentially unfounded! Maybe they have been working solo for 10 years, but maybe they DO have good teamwork skills! I also note how you mention the "25 years age gap" and I do wonder to what extent you may be being a bit ageist? 25 years your senior (I presume) and you feel uncomfortable with that, so try and discredit them fairly subtly at various points (starting with the interview). It is a possibility..

    That aside, I like TELLIT01's advice. Let other people fight their own battles, speak to your manager to air any grievances and just stay out of the crosshair a bit.
    • pioneer22
    • By pioneer22 8th Feb 18, 12:03 AM
    • 428 Posts
    • 159 Thanks
    pioneer22
    • #6
    • 8th Feb 18, 12:03 AM
    • #6
    • 8th Feb 18, 12:03 AM
    I see what you mean, but I don't like this comment.... Firstly, it is something which anyone can figure out just from reading the CV.

    Secondly, it is potentially unfounded! Maybe they have been working solo for 10 years, but maybe they DO have good teamwork skills! I also note how you mention the "25 years age gap" and I do wonder to what extent you may be being a bit ageist? 25 years your senior (I presume) and you feel uncomfortable with that, so try and discredit them fairly subtly at various points (starting with the interview). It is a possibility..

    That aside, I like TELLIT01's advice. Let other people fight their own battles, speak to your manager to air any grievances and just stay out of the crosshair a bit.
    Originally posted by stuartJo1989
    Sorry I refer to the age gap as a comment which was made

    So I've been doing this for 25 years was something I've heard spouted out a couple of times. Again another comment 10 years ago I was earning 150k.

    Again re the teamwork comment, again I should add this person is used to being in an extremely senior position now is not.
    • getmore4less
    • By getmore4less 8th Feb 18, 12:09 AM
    • 32,185 Posts
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    getmore4less
    • #7
    • 8th Feb 18, 12:09 AM
    • #7
    • 8th Feb 18, 12:09 AM
    Stick to work topics you don't have to be friends.
    • TELLIT01
    • By TELLIT01 8th Feb 18, 8:11 AM
    • 5,011 Posts
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    TELLIT01
    • #8
    • 8th Feb 18, 8:11 AM
    • #8
    • 8th Feb 18, 8:11 AM
    Sorry I refer to the age gap as a comment which was made

    So I've been doing this for 25 years was something I've heard spouted out a couple of times. Again another comment 10 years ago I was earning 150k.

    Again re the teamwork comment, again I should add this person is used to being in an extremely senior position now is not.
    Originally posted by pioneer22
    It would seem that the individual in question has moved much further down the food chain, either voluntarily or otherwise, but can't come to terms with the fact that they are no longe in charge. That is very definitely a situation for management to sort out.
    I had a similar situation where I was the manager. Following a company take over people from various backgrounds, but all doing similar work, were brought under my control. One of them did have more technical knowledge than some of the others, but was now on their grade. That didn't stop them talking down to and belittling others at every turn. I stopped that by speaking to them privately but warning that if they did it again the discussion wouldn't be private. It worked in that instance.
    • trailingspouse
    • By trailingspouse 8th Feb 18, 11:06 AM
    • 2,680 Posts
    • 4,369 Thanks
    trailingspouse
    • #9
    • 8th Feb 18, 11:06 AM
    • #9
    • 8th Feb 18, 11:06 AM
    That must be hard for him, 25 years in the business, and used to having a certain amount of authority. Whatever the reason, that would take some getting used to and some people would be able to manage it (cope with it) better than others.

    Why don't you actually use all of that experience? Ask his opinions about stuff, you never know, he might have something to contribute. Maybe that was why he was taken on.

    Are you sure it's his ego that's the problem, and not a feeling of inferiority on your part?
    • ScorpiondeRooftrouser
    • By ScorpiondeRooftrouser 8th Feb 18, 12:51 PM
    • 2,611 Posts
    • 4,138 Thanks
    ScorpiondeRooftrouser
    Friendly chat, 6 weeks, if no change- dismissed
    Originally posted by Comms69
    All we have heard so far is that they are good at their job, but don't like shredding documents, which isn't part of the job they are good at, and are confident. Why exactly would you be dismissing them?
    • getmore4less
    • By getmore4less 8th Feb 18, 1:00 PM
    • 32,185 Posts
    • 19,344 Thanks
    getmore4less
    Why don't you actually use all of that experience? Ask his opinions about stuff, you never know, he might have something to contribute. Maybe that was why he was taken on.
    Originally posted by trailingspouse
    One of the most irritating thing about lots of experience is seeing the youngsters making the same mistakes that every generation before them made.
    • enjoyyourshoes
    • By enjoyyourshoes 8th Feb 18, 1:07 PM
    • 1,061 Posts
    • 1,302 Thanks
    enjoyyourshoes
    People with big egos and arrogant- you need people like that in your Organisation because you all hired him.

    Don't feel you have to treat them differently , give them a task, ensure they can do it (even shredding) and then give them feedback on their performance.

    Ensure they understand the big picture and how their role delivers this.

    Ensure you give them specific standards to work to and have regular conversations to ensure they are on the right track , any issue brought up and have open honest discussion with them.

    Ignore the individual who said dismiss them as they obviously have not managed people before and if they did it would have been a disgruntled diminishing team .
    Debt is a symptom, solve the problem.
    • steampowered
    • By steampowered 8th Feb 18, 1:15 PM
    • 2,584 Posts
    • 2,520 Thanks
    steampowered
    If this person has been operating like that for decades, they are unlikely to be willing to change now.

    This person may adjust to their new working environment in their own time but it sounds they are unlikely to change as a result of being told off by management.

    If their conduct is completely unacceptable, it should be reported. But I wouldn't bother reporting minor things.

    I think you probably just have to suck it up and try not to let it get to you.
    • Comms69
    • By Comms69 8th Feb 18, 2:17 PM
    • 2,970 Posts
    • 2,939 Thanks
    Comms69
    All we have heard so far is that they are good at their job, but don't like shredding documents, which isn't part of the job they are good at, and are confident. Why exactly would you be dismissing them?
    Originally posted by ScorpiondeRooftrouser
    Iím not? I said 6 weeks to improve / change behaviour.

    If thereís no change then Iíd dismiss not for refusing to shred documents, but for not adapting to my requirements.
    • Fireflyaway
    • By Fireflyaway 8th Feb 18, 3:27 PM
    • 1,813 Posts
    • 1,963 Thanks
    Fireflyaway
    If you are not managing this person, don't make things difficult for yourself. Let their manager deal with it. If he is rude then other people need to confront him or report him to his manager. If he is rude to you then speak to him about it. Possibly ye doesn't realise.
    I'm guessing if this person is older and previously had a senior job it might be hard to adjust. That's no excuse for rudeness though.
    • Troll Stoppers
    • By Troll Stoppers 8th Feb 18, 5:53 PM
    • 24 Posts
    • 25 Thanks
    Troll Stoppers
    If it was me, first I'd have a one to one, and of course you will keep it factual, polite, and listen to the other person.

    If the response is not what you expected or behaviour does not change, report the person now.

    Caution advised. If it's a smaller company or smaller group of a larger company, you need to be aware that people at the top do support people at the top and weigh up the repercussions before you complain.

    Any sensible person may feel a bit hurt when pulled to one side, but better than doing it in public and it may just pay off.

    Finally, keep work and friendship/chats separate as some people can use them against you, ie familiarity breeds contempt. I've been there and learnt the hard way

    Good luck
    • Ja7188
    • By Ja7188 8th Feb 18, 5:56 PM
    • 171 Posts
    • 178 Thanks
    Ja7188
    I'd say that it's really not your problem - put up with him unless anything he does/ doesn't do has a real impact on your own work - it doesn't sound like a battle worth having. If it's felt that he's having a negative impact on the company in general, he probably won't be around long anyway...

    Every workplace has members of staff who don't gel with certain other members of staff - no way of avoiding it!
    • andygb
    • By andygb 9th Feb 18, 11:04 AM
    • 12,354 Posts
    • 27,100 Thanks
    andygb
    I am in a job where I am in sole charge of my function. However, I do have to work with many other people in order to get the job done efficiently. I have around 25 years experience of this work, and I know the industry regulations thoroughly.
    Some of the people however are much younger, with very little experience of the industry, and had become used to the very lax approach to "the rules" which my predecessor took, which meant that they were breaking the law.
    Consequently, they think that I am bigheaded, a know it all, and they show a reluctance to fall in line with the new, amended procedures.
    My very simple reply to all this, is to make a record of everything, bring it up at the monthly management meeting, or go straight to the managing partner if it is more serious.
    If you have a problem with another member of staff at work, keep an account of what happened and keep your boss informed.
    • TELLIT01
    • By TELLIT01 9th Feb 18, 11:47 AM
    • 5,011 Posts
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    TELLIT01
    There is a big difference between knowing the relevant rules and regulations and pulling people up on that when they are actually breaking the law, and the situation the OP describes of 'not my job' and having a go at other staff members who would appear simply to have asked him to do something he felt was 'below his grade'.
    • getmore4less
    • By getmore4less 9th Feb 18, 11:53 AM
    • 32,185 Posts
    • 19,344 Thanks
    getmore4less
    re: the shredding,

    if stuff is confidential, in your possession and needs destroying then it is your job to make sure that happens.
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