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    • Mr.Grey
    • By Mr.Grey 7th Feb 18, 6:11 PM
    • 11Posts
    • 0Thanks
    Mr.Grey
    Spousal maintenance
    • #1
    • 7th Feb 18, 6:11 PM
    Spousal maintenance 7th Feb 18 at 6:11 PM
    I have been married for 9 years and have 2 children aged 6 and 18mths. My wife is divorcing me and we have been apart for a year. We both have solicitors and hers is saying that she is entitled to spousal maintenance. She works 2 days a week and her earnings are just under 16K, I earn 60k.
    I accept that I have to pay for the kids, but I see no reason why I should subsidise her new life. We have both got new partners, and once our property is sold, (I am still paying the mortgage as she and the kids still live there as it is jointly owned.)
    I want to move on and don't want to be financially tied to her for years to come. I have told her to get another better paid job but she says her salary for just 2 days is good and there isn't an option to work full time. If that's the case I don't know why she can't get a different job.
    We have sorted the child access, it's 50/50 (nights), but the stumbling block is this maintenance she wants.
    She say's she needs it as she has to now rent and cannot manage on the money she will get.
    I don't want to go to mediation as I am not going to change my mind, I intend to buy another house with my new partner and I won't be able to afford to subsidise her.
    Any advise would help, I am just wondering if anyone else has had a similar problem. She is not living with her new partner deliberately because she knows it will go against her as far as finances is concerned.
Page 2
    • elsien
    • By elsien 7th Feb 18, 8:00 PM
    • 16,190 Posts
    • 40,909 Thanks
    elsien
    You can't refuse the negotiate on the pension /any other assets. If it goes to court then they'll go in the pot whether you like it or not.
    You're now losing any sympathy I might have had.
    All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

    Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.
    • seashore22
    • By seashore22 7th Feb 18, 8:01 PM
    • 937 Posts
    • 2,025 Thanks
    seashore22
    Actually I wish I hadn't posted now because I'm not so sure about this thread. At least I hope no one is this lacking in self awareness and empathy in real life.
    • Ames
    • By Ames 7th Feb 18, 8:01 PM
    • 17,140 Posts
    • 30,124 Thanks
    Ames
    Mediation is pretty much a legal requirement. The courts like you to try being civil before you start taking up a lot of the judge's time.

    If your solicitor is encouraging your belief that she'll get half the house and nothing else then you need a new one. Unless there's information you haven't given then it's completely unrealistic. All marital assets (including pensions) go into the pot to be shared out. The starting point is 50/50 of everything, not just what you want to 'allow'.

    And she's allowed visitors. You don't get to dictate who she can have in the house, especially when the children aren't there.
    Unless I say otherwise 'you' means the general you not you specifically.
    • seashore22
    • By seashore22 7th Feb 18, 8:02 PM
    • 937 Posts
    • 2,025 Thanks
    seashore22
    I was being sarcastic!
    Originally posted by Mr.Grey
    By pressing the thank you button? Hilarious.
    • thorsoak
    • By thorsoak 7th Feb 18, 8:03 PM
    • 5,618 Posts
    • 25,632 Thanks
    thorsoak
    I would suggest that you read through the (very long) thread started by JackRS entitled "Separated, how much should I provide?" It might prove enlightening!
    • theoretica
    • By theoretica 7th Feb 18, 8:12 PM
    • 5,115 Posts
    • 6,376 Thanks
    theoretica
    if she worked the other days I would pay for her childcare,
    Originally posted by Mr.Grey
    You are saying you would pay more if she worked other days and couldn't be the one to look after your child than you would if she is looking after the child?
    But a banker, engaged at enormous expense,
    Had the whole of their cash in his care.
    Lewis Carroll
    • Mr.Grey
    • By Mr.Grey 7th Feb 18, 8:14 PM
    • 11 Posts
    • 0 Thanks
    Mr.Grey
    If your ex wife has asked for mediation and you flatly refuse, I do believe she can take you to the cleaners.

    Did your ex wife take a new lover whilst married to you? Think this is a reason for your nastiness, you sound like my ex husband, i didn't take a lover, i just asked for a divorce because i refused to be his punchbag anymore, we have 1 child, when he moved out he took everything, left a microwave for me to heat meals for our son, all because i fell out of love with a bully.
    Originally posted by Mupette
    I have to admit to being unfaithful on a few occasions, I guess she had enough in the end. I am now with the lady I was seeing, although I don't want her to mention this in the divorce as it's unfair to my new partner. Her grounds for divorce are mainly my unreasonable behaviour, she said I was controlling but I was not different than when we married, maybe she has just realised that I knew best.

    I have a very responsible job and I think that I take my attitude home with me, it works in my job so I assume as the bread winner I should make all the decisions. I love my children more than life itself, I will do anything for them, if necessary I will buy their food clothes and anything they need but I will not give money to my ex wife as how can I be sure she won't spend it on herself. I know you all think bad of me, but my kids are as I said important.
    My ex, has even objected to me taking them to Florida in August, she says it's too far and too long for the youngest to be away from her. I disagree and have told her I have already booked it.
    • Ames
    • By Ames 7th Feb 18, 8:16 PM
    • 17,140 Posts
    • 30,124 Thanks
    Ames
    I've just spotted the OPs username. I think we've been had.
    Unless I say otherwise 'you' means the general you not you specifically.
    • seashore22
    • By seashore22 7th Feb 18, 8:19 PM
    • 937 Posts
    • 2,025 Thanks
    seashore22
    I've just spotted the OPs username. I think we've been had.
    Originally posted by Ames
    You think? (Sarcasm emoji)
    • Mr.Grey
    • By Mr.Grey 7th Feb 18, 8:21 PM
    • 11 Posts
    • 0 Thanks
    Mr.Grey
    I've just spotted the OPs username. I think we've been had.
    Originally posted by Ames
    I can appreciate you thinking this is a joke, yes my name does have an element of humour, but I can assure you I am deadly serious. My name is actually Mr Younis.
    • barbarawright
    • By barbarawright 7th Feb 18, 8:21 PM
    • 1,712 Posts
    • 3,258 Thanks
    barbarawright
    I've just spotted the OPs username. I think we've been had.
    Originally posted by Ames
    If he's a billionaire, surely he can afford to pay maintenance...
    • thorsoak
    • By thorsoak 7th Feb 18, 8:26 PM
    • 5,618 Posts
    • 25,632 Thanks
    thorsoak
    You do realise that if your new partner were to become a childminder, that your ex-wife would not be able to use childcare vouchers, nor would your partner be able to charge for looking after the child - and that would mean that your daughter would be taking up a place which would be profitable.
    • Mr.Grey
    • By Mr.Grey 7th Feb 18, 8:27 PM
    • 11 Posts
    • 0 Thanks
    Mr.Grey
    Please don't make fun of me, I am in genuine need of advice. I am not in the habit of wasting either mine or other peoples time.
    • Mr.Grey
    • By Mr.Grey 7th Feb 18, 8:30 PM
    • 11 Posts
    • 0 Thanks
    Mr.Grey
    [QUOTE=thorsoak;73847027]You do realise that if your new partner were to become a childminder, that your ex-wife would not be able to use childcare vouchers, nor would your partner be able to charge for looking after the child - and that would mean that your daughter would be taking up a place which would be profitable.[/QUOTE

    It would save me paying for the childcare then, my ex still won't get any more money as she can work full time. I don't see why not though.
    • Ames
    • By Ames 7th Feb 18, 8:35 PM
    • 17,140 Posts
    • 30,124 Thanks
    Ames
    Please don't make fun of me, I am in genuine need of advice. I am not in the habit of wasting either mine or other peoples time.
    Originally posted by Mr.Grey
    You've been given advice. You just haven't been told what you want to hear.
    Unless I say otherwise 'you' means the general you not you specifically.
    • thorsoak
    • By thorsoak 7th Feb 18, 8:36 PM
    • 5,618 Posts
    • 25,632 Thanks
    thorsoak
    Actually I wish I hadn't posted now because I'm not so sure about this thread. At least I hope no one is this lacking in self awareness and empathy in real life.
    Originally posted by seashore22
    You talk about empathy? You are coming over as a controlling serial adulterer - who is so angry that your soon to be ex-wife has had enough of you - that you are trying to control her by keeping her short of money. Your current partner should be aware that when a mistress becomes a partner, she leaves a vacancy for another mistress!

    Such a nice man - NOT!

    You are now finding out that you have to pay for your pleasures.
    Last edited by thorsoak; 07-02-2018 at 8:40 PM.
    • stokesley
    • By stokesley 7th Feb 18, 8:53 PM
    • 213 Posts
    • 281 Thanks
    stokesley
    You talk about empathy? You are coming over as a controlling serial adulterer - who is so angry that your soon to be ex-wife has had enough of you - that you are trying to control her by keeping her short of money. Your current partner should be aware that when a mistress becomes a partner, she leaves a vacancy for another mistress!

    Such a nice man - NOT!

    You are now finding out that you have to pay for your pleasures.
    Originally posted by thorsoak
    It has to be a wind-up; no one can possibly be that ghastly.

    Can they?
    • thorsoak
    • By thorsoak 7th Feb 18, 9:01 PM
    • 5,618 Posts
    • 25,632 Thanks
    thorsoak
    Oh yes they can ....I've known a couple of "very nice chaps" who have tried to starve their ex-wives out just because they've had enough of the adultery/controlling behaviour!
    • seashore22
    • By seashore22 7th Feb 18, 9:23 PM
    • 937 Posts
    • 2,025 Thanks
    seashore22
    You talk about empathy? You are coming over as a controlling serial adulterer - who is so angry that your soon to be ex-wife has had enough of you - that you are trying to control her by keeping her short of money. Your current partner should be aware that when a mistress becomes a partner, she leaves a vacancy for another mistress!

    Such a nice man - NOT!

    You are now finding out that you have to pay for your pleasures.
    Originally posted by thorsoak
    Did you mean to post that and quote my post? I'm not the op.
    • Seanymph
    • By Seanymph 7th Feb 18, 9:31 PM
    • 2,668 Posts
    • 17,977 Thanks
    Seanymph
    seashore I think you were quoted because thorsoak was agreeing with your sentiment.

    That's how I read it anyway
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