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  • FIRST POST
    • titchiban98
    • By titchiban98 7th Feb 18, 11:31 AM
    • 8Posts
    • 7Thanks
    titchiban98
    Domestic abuse - Need to end tenancy early?
    • #1
    • 7th Feb 18, 11:31 AM
    Domestic abuse - Need to end tenancy early? 7th Feb 18 at 11:31 AM
    Hello, please help.
    I am 13 weeks pregnant and 4 weeks ago me and my partner started renting a house together. We signed a 12 month tenancy agreement as joint tenants, since weíve moved in my partner has been very abusive towards me emotionally and physically and itís getting unbearable.
    He keeps threatening on an almost daily basis that heís going to move away to his parents (half way across the country) and not come back or pay any money towards the rent but I absolutely cannot afford to pay all the bills and rent on my own so obviously the thought of this is very distressing as I would be stuck paying the entirety of the rent aswell as all the bills whilst stuck in a house I donít even want to be in anymore if he did do that and I simply donít have the money.
    This is incredibly stressful for me and I just donít know what to do, I canít be left paying £500 rent on my own for the next 12 months whilst heís off living the high life getting away with paying squat and then when the baby does come my financial situation will be a complete mess and Iíll be all on my own.
    I want to end the tenancy and move back to my parents until I can afford to live on my own but I donít know how to go about this.
    Please someone help, what can I do?
Page 3
    • titchiban98
    • By titchiban98 7th Feb 18, 5:29 PM
    • 8 Posts
    • 7 Thanks
    titchiban98
    The entire house is filled with my things all the furniture is mine and heís said to me if I do anything like that heíll smash my things up.
    I wish it was all as easy as youíre making it out to be but itís really not.
    • NeilCr
    • By NeilCr 7th Feb 18, 5:31 PM
    • 1,796 Posts
    • 2,424 Thanks
    NeilCr
    Hi thank you for replying. Iíve tried contacting Womenís aid around 5 times in the past and I never get an answer is there an email address at all? I wouldnít be homeless my parents would definitely take me in itís just the bills left to the address where me and my ex are now staying at which I am worried about as I canít pay them on my own
    Originally posted by titchiban98
    https://www.womensaid.org.uk/about-us/contact/
    • Comms69
    • By Comms69 7th Feb 18, 5:41 PM
    • 2,970 Posts
    • 2,939 Thanks
    Comms69
    The entire house is filled with my things all the furniture is mine and heís said to me if I do anything like that heíll smash my things up.
    I wish it was all as easy as youíre making it out to be but itís really not.
    Originally posted by titchiban98
    Itís just stuff. Take what you need. The rest youíll replace one day
    • jayII
    • By jayII 7th Feb 18, 5:54 PM
    • 38,158 Posts
    • 107,075 Thanks
    jayII
    The entire house is filled with my things all the furniture is mine and heís said to me if I do anything like that heíll smash my things up.
    I wish it was all as easy as youíre making it out to be but itís really not.
    Originally posted by titchiban98
    It definitely isn't easy and leaving is harder still, but nothing is more important than yours and your baby's safety.

    Your belongings seem important, but they really can be replaced, however long it takes. People (you and your baby) are irreplaceable.
    Fighting the biggest battle of my life. Started 30th January 2018.
    • BorisThomson
    • By BorisThomson 7th Feb 18, 6:30 PM
    • 1,586 Posts
    • 3,422 Thanks
    BorisThomson
    titchiban, I'm sorry that some are trying to disrupt your thread, thankfully they're outweighed and by the many that are offering help and support. If the disruption does get too much, can I suggest you post on the mumsnet forum for emotional support? There are many that have been in similar situations there, and they'll give you a hand hold for as long as you need it. They also have a moderation team that will quickly zap anyone that isn't being helpful to you.

    Here's a link if it would be helpful.

    (I wouldn't normally encourage posters to go to another forum, but would rather they get the help they need, rather than having to endure a certain poster's petty games.)
    • titchiban98
    • By titchiban98 8th Feb 18, 11:11 AM
    • 8 Posts
    • 7 Thanks
    titchiban98
    I stayed at my friends house last night and now itís finally hitting him Iím going to leave heís guilt tripping me and saying he will be homeless if I donít stay as now apparently moving in with his mum and dad isnít an option any more.
    • titchiban98
    • By titchiban98 8th Feb 18, 11:17 AM
    • 8 Posts
    • 7 Thanks
    titchiban98
    Thank you all for your help I!!!8217;m overwhelmed by the amount of advice I!!!8217;ve had I didn!!!8217;t even expect to get one reply so thank you so much. I!!!8217;ve joined mumsnet and they!!!8217;re giving me lots of helpful advice so thanks for that pointer. I didn!!!8217;t mean to cause arguments I really appreciate all your points of view. Thanks again I know which steps I!!!8217;ll take from here now
    • titchiban98
    • By titchiban98 8th Feb 18, 11:19 AM
    • 8 Posts
    • 7 Thanks
    titchiban98
    Im new to this site so I dont have a clue why on some of my replies there are random numbers and exclamation marks in between my words !! Sorry guys
    • fairy lights
    • By fairy lights 8th Feb 18, 11:29 AM
    • 8,574 Posts
    • 28,529 Thanks
    fairy lights
    I stayed at my friends house last night and now itís finally hitting him Iím going to leave heís guilt tripping me and saying he will be homeless if I donít stay as now apparently moving in with his mum and dad isnít an option any more.
    Originally posted by titchiban98
    Whatever you do, don't let him sweet talk you in to going back.
    • When the going gets tough
    • By When the going gets tough 8th Feb 18, 11:43 AM
    • 550 Posts
    • 1,038 Thanks
    When the going gets tough
    Hi titchiban the weird numbers are just a temporary glitch on the site. Dont worry. I think everyone wants to see you and your unborn baby safe first and foremost. Financial matters really can be sorted afterwards. Please do not stay where you are in danger. Every good wish for your future.
    • l0islane
    • By l0islane 8th Feb 18, 2:13 PM
    • 14 Posts
    • 28 Thanks
    l0islane
    Iím sorry youíve struggled getting through to Womenís Aid, unfortunately they are very busy, they normally give the option to leave a voicemail message and try to call you back the same day. Alternatively there may be a local domestic abuse organisation that can offer you support, they will often have drop in sessions where you can go and speak to someone. Your ex-partnerís behaviour may change if he realises he canít persuade you to return, although you arenít currently at the house, try and think about whether he can find you if he wants to Ė does he know where your friend lives? Does he know your daily routine? Could he have installed a location monitoring app on your phone? etc. These might seem like extreme things to consider but the behaviour of an abusive person is very unpredictable after the breakdown of a relationship and can escalate quickly. I cannot predict future behaviour but if you have to remain in contact because of your child sadly it is unlikely that the abuse will end with the end of the relationship, please do seek professional advice and support for the journey ahead. It takes a lot of strength to make the decision to end an abusive relationship but in the long run it will mean a safer and happier life for both you and your child !!!61514;
    • breaking_free
    • By breaking_free 8th Feb 18, 5:07 PM
    • 317 Posts
    • 584 Thanks
    breaking_free
    ...apparently moving in with his mum and dad isnít an option any more.
    Originally posted by titchiban98
    He never intended to leave at all. You called his bluff and now you know that he is a liar. Hold that thought in your mind when you next communicate with him - he's not going to tell you the truth.

    I know it's not much help but here is a virtual hug for you (HUG).
    "The problem with internet quotes is that you cant always depend on their accuracy" - Abraham Lincoln, 1864
    • Adereterial
    • By Adereterial 8th Feb 18, 5:18 PM
    • 483 Posts
    • 653 Thanks
    Adereterial
    OP - Iím so sorry youíre going through this.

    There is help available. Do you feel up to disclosing whatís happening to someone? If you do - tell them. It doesnít have to be the police, it could be your GP or your midwife. They can put you in touch with people who can help keep your safe whether you decide to stay or go home. They can put you in touch with a specialist advocate who might be able to help you with your accommodation.

    If youíre not up for that, thereís a helpful forum on the Womenís Aid website, thereís lots of women on there whoíve come out the other end who can give you advice. Itís not going to be easy and there may be some costs to pay but it is possible to get out, if you want to.
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