Your browser isn't supported
It looks like you're using an old web browser. To get the most out of the site and to ensure guides display correctly, we suggest upgrading your browser now. Download the latest:

Welcome to the MSE Forums

We're home to a fantastic community of MoneySavers but anyone can post. Please exercise caution & report spam, illegal, offensive or libellous posts/messages: click "report" or email forumteam@.

Search
  • FIRST POST
    • Sun Addict
    • By Sun Addict 27th Jan 18, 9:50 PM
    • 5,729Posts
    • 37,470Thanks
    Sun Addict
    Things can only get better
    • #1
    • 27th Jan 18, 9:50 PM
    Things can only get better 27th Jan 18 at 9:50 PM
    Unbelievably my very long running diary of 5 years seems to have been deleted Not happy about this to say the least

    Not sure what to do about it. Need my diary to keep me sane and on track.

    Had to swiftly come up with a new title, had been meaning to start a new diary but not this way.

    Anyway, in brief for those who don't know, my life changed drastically 5 years ago when my OH got Lymphoma in his brain, nearly lost his life but miraculously survived, although he has permanent brain damage and is disabled. So we lost his wage and I'm now the sole breadwinner. At its highest debt was around £5k but paid off thankfully.

    I try to keep as normal a life as I can.

    Still really angry my old diary has gone
    Virtual Sealed Pot 2018 £250.33
    Debt £2500
    May NSDs AFDs
    Weight loss 7/10LBS
    Emergency Fund £2000/£10,000
Page 18
    • *Robin*
    • By *Robin* 10th Mar 18, 8:03 AM
    • 3,262 Posts
    • 13,291 Thanks
    *Robin*
    Hi Sun.A,

    ..Another eventful week, eh? Can't help feeling the job thing was but prep for a better post heading your way in the pipeline.

    Well done for helping to get the lost dog back home, and it's lovely to know your own pup really appreciates you!
    • Seasidegal58
    • By Seasidegal58 10th Mar 18, 9:43 AM
    • 1,921 Posts
    • 11,777 Thanks
    Seasidegal58
    Hi SA - bah to the job, but there'll be other opportunities. Got a feeling you'll be getting something soon. Lesson here appears to be write down as much as you can! How weird!

    Hope you've finished aching from the Pilates session. I always find my stomachs hurts the most!

    Lovely that the little dog found his owner. And lovely of you to have taken the time to help him - some people wouldn't have bothered. Dogs are great - as you well know from your own who has gone out of her way to remember you for Mother's Day!

    Enjoy your Saturday - hope Mr SA has dried off!
    Finally Debt Free! - July 2016
    Finished Emergency Fund- £10,000 April 2017

    Next Scrimpy Goal - Ad Hoc Savings - 20/05/2018: £646.59
    MONTHS TO RETIREMENT: 35!
    My diary: “Paid off the £31,0000! BUT- still scrimping!”
    • Sun Addict
    • By Sun Addict 10th Mar 18, 4:44 PM
    • 5,729 Posts
    • 37,470 Thanks
    Sun Addict
    What started as a good day has progressed into a not so good day thanks to Mr SA.

    The good news is lost 1lb at WW which means I'm finally back at goal The coach gave me a certificate which I've stuck on my fridge as an incentive.

    The bad news is Mr SA has really peed me off this afternoon to the point of tears.

    No sooner had I walked through the door from WW he asked me to clean behind the TV as he thought the cat had done something. Pulled out the stand - there was a dubious looking stain and a shameful amount of dust, so gave everything a good clean.

    Then he wanted me to go to the shop to get him a baguette for lunch. I refused, told him to make do with the stuff we'd got in.

    Straight after lunch he started hassling me to take the dog out again but I was halfway through cleaning up the whole house, said I'd do it when I'd finished.

    The final straw was I'd just sat on the bed for a minute after cleaning upstairs, he as shouting me to go and clear up dog poop from the garden. Then because I wouldn't rush out and do it he started moaning. In the end he did it but brought a load of mud back in the house.

    I just felt so fed up I went back upstairs and cried Really felt like I couldn't take much more. I look forward to the weekend all week - for what? I'm better off at work. At the moment I'm feeling life is unfair, why can't I have a normal life like other people, what did I do to deserve this, etc. The only remotely normal thing I can do with Mr SA is go on holiday. We can't just nip out anywhere, I can't have a normal conversation with him and he does nothing at all to help

    Sorry for the rant but I can't talk about this to anyone in real life, no one understands what it's like.
    Virtual Sealed Pot 2018 £250.33
    Debt £2500
    May NSDs AFDs
    Weight loss 7/10LBS
    Emergency Fund £2000/£10,000
    • abba1772
    • By abba1772 10th Mar 18, 4:51 PM
    • 4,735 Posts
    • 16,270 Thanks
    abba1772
    Aww bless you sun addict your hubby sounds very demanding your not his Slave your his partner ........bigs hugs xx put a cat poo under his pillow

    Well done on the weight loss at ww...........it's great when you get back to goal I also lost a pound......go us
    NEXT TARGET HALIFAX CC WAS July 17 £3572.57 NOW £983.26
    POAMAYC 2011 £6382.66 POAMAYC 2012 £5000.78
    POAMAYC 2013 £3480.04 POAMAYC 2014 £4085.14
    POAMAYC 2015 £7565.24 POAMAYC 2016 £8000.90
    POAMAYC 2017 £7278.80 POAMAYC 2018 £4152.74
    • stepuptothepl8
    • By stepuptothepl8 10th Mar 18, 5:13 PM
    • 869 Posts
    • 4,331 Thanks
    stepuptothepl8
    Am sending virtual hugs.. I think (& I might be speaking out of turn, in which case I apologise, & I'll edit) you must feel quite alone. He has no idea of how his behaviour impacts you. Was he like that before? I can only imagine how hard this is, you have to cope with it all without any of the usual support that can/should be expected from a partner. Working, looking after the house, your DD and Mr SA.. enough to reduce anyone to tears. I'd be rocking in the corner. Sending you hugs and love xxx
    LBM 1st Feb 2015 £16208 to go
    my diary: time to step up to the plate. SPC#503
    • Sun Addict
    • By Sun Addict 10th Mar 18, 5:18 PM
    • 5,729 Posts
    • 37,470 Thanks
    Sun Addict
    Thank you stepup, you're definitely not speaking out of turn. He was a bit selfish before but nothing like he is now, he thinks the whole world revolves around him. I have to deal with it on my own and often wonder how come I'm not in a home for the bewildered by now.
    Virtual Sealed Pot 2018 £250.33
    Debt £2500
    May NSDs AFDs
    Weight loss 7/10LBS
    Emergency Fund £2000/£10,000
    • stepuptothepl8
    • By stepuptothepl8 10th Mar 18, 5:21 PM
    • 869 Posts
    • 4,331 Thanks
    stepuptothepl8
    Can you explore some respite care? You sound so tired of it and maybe a break, even if just for a day or two, might help?
    LBM 1st Feb 2015 £16208 to go
    my diary: time to step up to the plate. SPC#503
    • brizzledfw
    • By brizzledfw 10th Mar 18, 5:29 PM
    • 7,275 Posts
    • 35,701 Thanks
    brizzledfw
    Yeah I am with step... I did wonder if you should try and get a break. If this is the new normal.. and his moods and behaviours are not likely to improve I wonder if you need to think of different coping strategies....I know mine would be shouting and letting off steam maybe yours is some time to call your own.

    Thinking of you SA...maybe we should come up and throw you a MSE party?.
    MFiT-T4 Member No. 96 - 2022 is my MF goal
    Winter 17/18 Savings Rate Goal: 25% [October 30%]
    Declutter 60 items before 31.03.18 9/60 ** LSDs Target 10 for March 03/10 **AFDs 10/15 ** Sales/TCB Target 2018 £25/£500 NSDs Target 10 for March 02/10 Trying to be a Frugalista
    • brizzledfw
    • By brizzledfw 10th Mar 18, 5:30 PM
    • 7,275 Posts
    • 35,701 Thanks
    brizzledfw
    PS and as step up said...I would be rocking too... you are a total hero
    MFiT-T4 Member No. 96 - 2022 is my MF goal
    Winter 17/18 Savings Rate Goal: 25% [October 30%]
    Declutter 60 items before 31.03.18 9/60 ** LSDs Target 10 for March 03/10 **AFDs 10/15 ** Sales/TCB Target 2018 £25/£500 NSDs Target 10 for March 02/10 Trying to be a Frugalista
    • Sun Addict
    • By Sun Addict 10th Mar 18, 5:44 PM
    • 5,729 Posts
    • 37,470 Thanks
    Sun Addict
    I do shout sometimes but find time out is better. My nightly baths are my sanity - candles, music, magazine and occasionally a glass of wine. At the weekend I love it when he goes for his afternoon sleep, that's my break. It doesn't help that I'm surrounded by people with normal lives and can't help comparing, especially when I used to have a life like theirs but it's been taken away. He used to be quite caring and this new version of him is hard to get used to. I know he can't help the brain damage but he could be better than he is.
    Virtual Sealed Pot 2018 £250.33
    Debt £2500
    May NSDs AFDs
    Weight loss 7/10LBS
    Emergency Fund £2000/£10,000
    • mummytogirls
    • By mummytogirls 10th Mar 18, 6:23 PM
    • 6,164 Posts
    • 22,548 Thanks
    mummytogirls
    Wow SA what a week you have had. Sorry to hear Mr SA has upset you today, hope youve got some wine in for a little treat tonight.

    Well done on the WW loss too xx
    Mummytogirls x

    £23164.32 - 12/12/10
    £5419.83 - 08/04/18 - 76.61% paid off
    • stepuptothepl8
    • By stepuptothepl8 10th Mar 18, 6:24 PM
    • 869 Posts
    • 4,331 Thanks
    stepuptothepl8
    Um.. I have an annex, you'd be very welcome to come and hide here
    LBM 1st Feb 2015 £16208 to go
    my diary: time to step up to the plate. SPC#503
    • Sun Addict
    • By Sun Addict 10th Mar 18, 7:34 PM
    • 5,729 Posts
    • 37,470 Thanks
    Sun Addict
    Tonight he's creeping so he realises he's out of order. Got out of the bath to find an orchid plant and card from DD. DS sent his card through the post, we won't be seeing him this weekend as he's had to clean up his old house to get the deposit back but has got me a bottle of fizz. We'll go to see them next Saturday in their new house.

    Still feel a bit down, it always happens when I think too much, shouldn't do it really. I need to concentrate on the things I can do something about.
    Virtual Sealed Pot 2018 £250.33
    Debt £2500
    May NSDs AFDs
    Weight loss 7/10LBS
    Emergency Fund £2000/£10,000
    • redofromstart
    • By redofromstart 10th Mar 18, 8:04 PM
    • 1,678 Posts
    • 10,078 Thanks
    redofromstart
    Much sympathy from me, I remain lost in admiration at how well you cope.
    • Cherryfudge
    • By Cherryfudge 10th Mar 18, 10:27 PM
    • 1,701 Posts
    • 9,175 Thanks
    Cherryfudge
    Nothing to add to everyone's caring words so sending hugs xx
    MFW #30 Paid off £1,622.77/£3770 as of 4/5/18
    • fay66
    • By fay66 10th Mar 18, 10:34 PM
    • 737 Posts
    • 2,051 Thanks
    fay66
    sounds a hard time x
    Inland revenue £4500=
    Loan £2610/1988
    Pay day loans -1400 1st pay 16 march £50
    Credit card 1 -5100/4850 int froze
    CC2 -978
    CC3 - 500/548 cc4 165/200
    • Buffythedebtslayer
    • By Buffythedebtslayer 10th Mar 18, 10:38 PM
    • 15,163 Posts
    • 49,909 Thanks
    Buffythedebtslayer
    SA, I am sorry. It is so hard to look after someone who can't look after themselves but doesn't know it. I have no idea how you manage, truly. Mum isn't doing so well and I am clinging to when she goes away. And I can have a chat with her much of the time. Just when she gets tired it is difficult. You keep so much of yourself squashed down. And I have no clue how my sister will cope with her partner who has tantrums and losing his rag and then can't speak and then becomes angry. I don't know how we will cope. Mum is already exhausted and ill.

    I am sending you lots of love and wine. XXX I am going to have a drink!
    Frugal Living Challenge, Pound a Day challenge, Sealed Pot Challenge Debt 4990 (March)
    • Eager_Elephant
    • By Eager_Elephant 11th Mar 18, 8:35 AM
    • 4,355 Posts
    • 24,688 Thanks
    Eager_Elephant
    (((SA)))

    I am also full of admiration of how you cope, I have no advice unfortunately as my husband is a nightmare to live with albeit he doesn't tell me what needs doing, he just sits around doing not much and as you know from my diary I have had enough and mentioned divorce in December to him but unfortunately his step dad died in January so life is on hold. And my husband doesn't have the brain injury your husband has although he does have some neuro issues.

    Sometimes when he is at work at the weekend and I am on my own I think that actually I can cope with this marriage but then he comes home and frustrates the hell out of me.,

    Sending love and chocolate
    Ninja Saving Turtle No. 34 for April
    NSD - 0/15
    (up to 2/4/18)
    My Diary is here - http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=2175629 (Eager Elephants Effective Everyday Excursion)
    • please-let-me-be-lucky
    • By please-let-me-be-lucky 11th Mar 18, 9:27 AM
    • 8,794 Posts
    • 51,401 Thanks
    please-let-me-be-lucky
    So sorry you had a bad day yesterday, you know I understand exactly how you feel. We need a girlie weekend away!!

    Hope today is better for you and you get some time out. It’s hard when time out usually means actually going out though rather than chilling in your own home Xx
    Debts @ LBM £23,729.31. Debts @ 08/04/2016 £0

    NSDs achieved in 2018 26/60
    Best win so far - holiday to Florida
    • Seasidegal58
    • By Seasidegal58 11th Mar 18, 10:39 AM
    • 1,921 Posts
    • 11,777 Thanks
    Seasidegal58
    Oh poor you SA - can only echo everyone else's comments. I do agree with the others about getting some respite otherwise you will implode. Can you not get DS and DD together and emphasise that you need a weekend away and they will have to rally round their dad for once? If Mr SA kicks off then that is tough. I know it's easy for me to sit here and comment and please don't take offence, but I think the time has come when, just this once, you need to put yourself first for a change.

    SSG x
    Finally Debt Free! - July 2016
    Finished Emergency Fund- £10,000 April 2017

    Next Scrimpy Goal - Ad Hoc Savings - 20/05/2018: £646.59
    MONTHS TO RETIREMENT: 35!
    My diary: “Paid off the £31,0000! BUT- still scrimping!”
Welcome to our new Forum!

Our aim is to save you money quickly and easily. We hope you like it!

Forum Team Contact us

Live Stats

2,609Posts Today

7,573Users online

Martin's Twitter
  • It's the start of mini MSE's half term. In order to be the best daddy possible, Im stopping work and going off line? https://t.co/kwjvtd75YU

  • RT @shellsince1982: @MartinSLewis thanx to your email I have just saved myself £222 by taking a SIM only deal for £7.50 a month and keeping?

  • Today's Friday twitter poll: An important question, building on yesterday's important discussions: Which is the best bit of the pizza...

  • Follow Martin