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  • FIRST POST
    • UN17ED
    • By UN17ED 27th Jan 18, 9:28 PM
    • 369Posts
    • 121Thanks
    UN17ED
    Sainsburys disability discrimination
    • #1
    • 27th Jan 18, 9:28 PM
    Sainsburys disability discrimination 27th Jan 18 at 9:28 PM
    I would like to say how upset and angry I am over my local Sainsburys who have banned my daughter for no reason and will not speak to any of us as to why she has been banned.

    She has severe ocd and this shop was the only place she would shop, she won't do online shopping and won't let anyone else go shopping for her.

    Shopping for her is a stressful thing because she doesn't like people to go near her trolley, it takes her ages to choose her items as she has to make sure there's nothing wrong with it. She has to wipe every item with cleaning wipes as well and will only use self service and then only certain ones.

    There has been a few incidents when despite all the staff knowing she has it and not to go near her have done and have sprayed cleaning stuff near her food, or gone near her food or even touched it and my daughter has got upset because she will not have any of it.

    We went in there pretty much everyday because of my daughters ocd and would constantly get stared at and we've also been wrongly accused of stealing shopping and also using someone else's bank card.

    I think the thing that led to her being banned was because we went to pay for her shopping and noticed the self service area had been shut down half hour early and when I asked a member of staff why was told because the on duty manager had told them to shut it early because she wanted to leave at 10 when the store shut.

    The member of staff knew us and was understanding about my daughter and always went out of her way to help and explained that they couldn't open any self service tills until next day and that she was really sorry because she knew that my daughter wouldn't be able to eat.

    We had to wait to speak to the on duty manager and on the mean time my daughter went around and put all her items of food back and after she finished the on duty manager spoke to us and said the self service area had been shut because there had been problems with the tills all day, something we know was a lie due ro the member of staff that actually worked in that bit that I previously mentioned.

    It was 3 minutes past 10 when we had finally put certain bits through a normal till and we left the store, my daughter was upset and didn't eat that night.

    I put in a complaint and was told that we didn't get to the self service till according to cctv until 10-10, I replied that was incorrect and that we didn't even go near the self service because I could see from the other end of the sore that it was closed and that it was a quarter to 10 when we had approached the member of staff and this was not near the self service area.

    I tried to say I had a copy of the receipt which showed the time as 3 minutes past 10 but customer services wouldn't budge from the answer of cctv showed 10-10. /I was advised to speak to the store manager and when I eventually got to speak to him after a few days of being told he would ring me back told me that she was banned from the store and would not speak any further about it and hung up.

    This now meant my daughter couldn't eat because of her illness it was the only shop she would get her food from, so I took the complaint to head office explained my daughter couldn't eat and they said they would get back to me,

    It took a week of pressing them to get the answer that nothing had changed and that the ban was upheld and they had nothing more to say. At this point my daughter hadn't eaten for 7 days and as a family we were worried.

    I'm sorry for the long post but it has taken us as a family a long time to be able with help from local health services to get her to shop at another store but it caused a lot of distress and still does because she wants to shop there but she can't because of a ban we have no reason why other than to think it is to do with her severe ocd which is surely discrimination due to disability.
Page 9
    • UN17ED
    • By UN17ED 12th Feb 18, 10:28 PM
    • 369 Posts
    • 121 Thanks
    UN17ED
    Maybe you should post your SOA (basically how much income and outgoings you have each month) in the Debt-Free Wannabee forum and get them to see if you can cut down/save money on some spending.
    I have no idea of your personal circumstances but there are many ways to generate a good amount of extra income on this forum.

    If i was in your situation and was as stressed about it as you then i would find a way. Even if that meant starting a campaign and involving your MP or some other way.



    Then you should keep making complaints higher up until someone takes it seriously. But make sure you stick to the facts only and just describe what happened.



    I was thinking of Scan as you Shop but I've just realised Sainsburys doesn't have this!.
    Originally posted by takman
    Thanks for your reply we were going to go to the local paper but my daughter is emabarrassed because of her illness and we have sent an email to our local mp outlining what happened with Sainsburys plus trying to get her sectioned because the girl I go shopping with isn't my daughter, she has been taken over and consumed by this illness and it breaks our hearts seeing her like this everyday.
    • UN17ED
    • By UN17ED 12th Feb 18, 10:31 PM
    • 369 Posts
    • 121 Thanks
    UN17ED
    Totally agree.
    Originally posted by NeilCr
    So what would you do in my families situation?
    What would you do if it were your daughter?
    • baza52
    • By baza52 12th Feb 18, 10:34 PM
    • 2,139 Posts
    • 2,209 Thanks
    baza52
    You need to be supporting your daughter to overcome this OCD, all you are doing is making it worse.
    You have had some good advice in this thread but wont take any of it on board.

    You blame the posters her, the health service and anyone else that does not see it the same way you do.
    With that attitude you are only reenforcing your daughters problem.
    You need to look for way to help her not expect everyone else to bend over backwards to acomodate her and her special needs.

    If you dont seek specialist help now she will only get worse.
    • UN17ED
    • By UN17ED 12th Feb 18, 10:39 PM
    • 369 Posts
    • 121 Thanks
    UN17ED
    Im sorry you are having a hard time OP .
    I must admit though, Im really struggling to imagine any scenario where this would actually happen


    I dont have OCD - and if any staff member started spraying stuff anywhere near me I would be making the biggest fuss ever - again, i just cant imagine this actually happening ..


    How would they justify it ?


    What did they say when you said firmly "Erm excuse me - that has just gone all over my stuff !!"
    Originally posted by AndyPix
    If she or I would have made the biggest fuss then we would have been seen as troublesome, something quite a few posters on here seem to think that, my daughter would just say to me Dad I can't believe it. To the member of staff she would say why did you do that, you know I have ocd. The member of staff blanked her and just walked off.

    I would just be putting my face in my hands and fight back the tears because I knew it would cause problems when she got back home because she didn't want to get angry in store.
    • NeilCr
    • By NeilCr 12th Feb 18, 10:42 PM
    • 1,521 Posts
    • 1,994 Thanks
    NeilCr
    So what would you do in my families situation?
    What would you do if it were your daughter?
    Originally posted by UN17ED
    I do not know because I am not an expert in OCD. I was agreeing with PollyCat that I do not think this thread is helping you.

    However, I would not take such an antagonistic tone as you have with those here who have tried to help you (and by the sound of it others). And before you say anything I have 25 years experience of living with someone with mental health problems so I do have some idea of what you are going through.

    I think baza52 has made some good points-especially around seeing specialist help
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 12th Feb 18, 10:47 PM
    • 19,634 Posts
    • 52,386 Thanks
    Pollycat
    So what would you do in my families situation?
    What would you do if it were your daughter?
    Originally posted by UN17ED
    You didn't actually ask this question of me directly but as you quoted a post that agreed with my advice to you, I'll respond.
    What I wouldn't be doing is arguing the toss with random strangers on a public forum.

    I hope that venting has made you feel better (although I suspect it hasn't).
    Maybe you'll get the advice you say you're looking for (although I doubt it).

    You need to be supporting your daughter to overcome this OCD, all you are doing is making it worse.
    You have had some good advice in this thread but wont take any of it on board.

    You blame the posters her, the health service and anyone else that does not see it the same way you do.
    With that attitude you are only reenforcing your daughters problem.
    You need to look for way to help her not expect everyone else to bend over backwards to acomodate her and her special needs.

    If you dont seek specialist help now she will only get worse.
    Originally posted by baza52
    I agree with the above.
    And you've missed Sainsbury's from the list of people the OP is blaming.
    • UN17ED
    • By UN17ED 12th Feb 18, 10:52 PM
    • 369 Posts
    • 121 Thanks
    UN17ED
    You need to be supporting your daughter to overcome this OCD, all you are doing is making it worse.
    You have had some good advice in this thread but wont take any of it on board.

    You blame the posters her, the health service and anyone else that does not see it the same way you do.
    With that attitude you are only reenforcing your daughters problem.
    You need to look for way to help her not expect everyone else to bend over backwards to acomodate her and her special needs.

    If you dont seek specialist help now she will only get worse.
    Originally posted by baza52
    My family and I have contacted every relevant medical avenue open and as I have said have had to resort to contacting our local mp to help her get the treatment she needs.

    We didn't ask Sainsburys to bend over backwards nor have we asked Asda to bend over backwards, I just simply asvised both managers of each store that she had severe ocd and the difference between the two is like night and day.

    The general advice has been to stop enabling her illness and no one has advised any sensible advice that will help with our daughter.
    • hollydays
    • By hollydays 12th Feb 18, 11:02 PM
    • 15,934 Posts
    • 11,961 Thanks
    hollydays
    There are helplines like Mind that you could call to talk through your approach to your daughter, to give you support.
    • UN17ED
    • By UN17ED 12th Feb 18, 11:05 PM
    • 369 Posts
    • 121 Thanks
    UN17ED
    I do not know because I am not an expert in OCD. I was agreeing with PollyCat that I do not think this thread is helping you.

    However, I would not take such an antagonistic tone as you have with those here who have tried to help you (and by the sound of it others). And before you say anything I have 25 years experience of living with someone with mental health problems so I do have some idea of what you are going through.

    I think baza52 has made some good points-especially around seeing specialist help
    Originally posted by NeilCr
    So you can't answer the questions of how you would handle this situation if it were your daughter just like Pollycat and other who have questioned my behaviour and attitude and that of my daughter saying I am enabling her.

    I would like to see how you or anyone else who has said the above would deal with it.
    So because I don't agree with the way we have been treated by Sainsburys or disagree with what someone on here says makes me antagonistic? Well so be it.
    • hollydays
    • By hollydays 12th Feb 18, 11:11 PM
    • 15,934 Posts
    • 11,961 Thanks
    hollydays
    This is stuff you are presumably familiar with
    https://www.ocduk.org/ffc-advice
    • UN17ED
    • By UN17ED 12th Feb 18, 11:12 PM
    • 369 Posts
    • 121 Thanks
    UN17ED
    You didn't actually ask this question of me directly but as you quoted a post that agreed with my advice to you, I'll respond.
    What I wouldn't be doing is arguing the toss with random strangers on a public forum.

    I hope that venting has made you feel better (although I suspect it hasn't).
    Maybe you'll get the advice you say you're looking for (although I doubt it).



    I agree with the above.
    And you've missed Sainsbury's from the list of people the OP is blaming.
    Originally posted by Pollycat
    So I'll ask you directly what would you do if it were your daughter?
    I apply blame where blame is due and stand by everything I've done, it's always different until something like this happens to you then you will be seeing things a different way.
    • NeilCr
    • By NeilCr 12th Feb 18, 11:16 PM
    • 1,521 Posts
    • 1,994 Thanks
    NeilCr
    So you can't answer the questions of how you would handle this situation if it were your daughter just like Pollycat and other who have questioned my behaviour and attitude and that of my daughter saying I am enabling her.

    I would like to see how you or anyone else who has said the above would deal with it.
    So because I don't agree with the way we have been treated by Sainsburys or disagree with what someone on here says makes me antagonistic? Well so be it.
    Originally posted by UN17ED
    No. I can see by the way you have posted here that you are antagonistic. It is not about disagreeing - it is about the way you do it.

    What I will tell you is that my ex began to get better from her issues when she started to understand her problems and work on them herself -with support from myself and others. I also learnt that some of the mistakes I made in the early days were giving in to her far too easily. If I had to go through that again I would be tougher with her.
    • UN17ED
    • By UN17ED 12th Feb 18, 11:16 PM
    • 369 Posts
    • 121 Thanks
    UN17ED
    There are helplines like Mind that you could call to talk through your approach to your daughter, to give you support.
    Originally posted by hollydays
    I have contacted Mind, Saneline, ReThink and many more and they are of the same opinion that the only form of treatment is for her to be sectioned as my daughter is not able to cope with everyday life but like a lot of people in our area who because of the lack of support of mental health we fear that we will be doing what no parent should ever do and that is to bury their own child.
    • hollydays
    • By hollydays 12th Feb 18, 11:18 PM
    • 15,934 Posts
    • 11,961 Thanks
    hollydays
    I have contacted Mind, Saneline, ReThink and many more and they are of the same opinion that the only form of treatment is for her to be sectioned as my daughter is not able to cope with everyday life but like a lot of people in our area who because of the lack of support of mental health we fear that we will be doing what no parent should ever do and that is to bury their own child.
    Originally posted by UN17ED
    But I was also asking how you are getting help with stopping enabling her.
    • UN17ED
    • By UN17ED 12th Feb 18, 11:21 PM
    • 369 Posts
    • 121 Thanks
    UN17ED
    No. I can see by the way you have posted here that you are antagonistic. It is not about disagreeing - it is about the way you do it.

    What I will tell you is that my ex began to get better from her issues when she started to understand her problems and began to work on them herself -with support from myself and others. I also learnt that some of the mistakes I made in the early days were giving in to her far too easily. If I had to go through that again I would be tougher with her.
    Originally posted by NeilCr
    So what is it that I have done in this whole saga that is antagonistic?
    You still haven't said how you would deal with it if it were your daughter.
    • UN17ED
    • By UN17ED 12th Feb 18, 11:23 PM
    • 369 Posts
    • 121 Thanks
    UN17ED
    But I was also asking how you are getting help with stopping enabling her.
    Originally posted by hollydays
    It isn't enabling her, how would you deal with the whole situation without the possibility of losing your son or daughter?
    • NeilCr
    • By NeilCr 12th Feb 18, 11:25 PM
    • 1,521 Posts
    • 1,994 Thanks
    NeilCr
    You still haven't said how you would deal with it if it were your daughter.
    Originally posted by UN17ED
    No I havenít. And I have explained why.
    • hollydays
    • By hollydays 12th Feb 18, 11:27 PM
    • 15,934 Posts
    • 11,961 Thanks
    hollydays
    It isn't enabling her, how would you deal with the whole situation without the possibility of losing your son or daughter?
    Originally posted by UN17ED
    How are you so sure you are not enabling her?
    If it was me, I would be getting support, going to,support groups talking to people similar to myself , talking to helplines all the time to get tips on how to make her independent and confident. I would also be reading books , I would realise I needed to learn the best way to deal with her. I would realise I wasnt responsible for her, and there was a lot I could learn.
    Last edited by hollydays; 12-02-2018 at 11:33 PM.
    • baza52
    • By baza52 12th Feb 18, 11:31 PM
    • 2,139 Posts
    • 2,209 Thanks
    baza52
    when a member of staff or a customer comes near your daughter when your shopping with her do you kick up a fuss because they are near or do you reasure your daughter that its what happens in a public place. What do you say or do when she is using wipes etc?
    • DCFC79
    • By DCFC79 12th Feb 18, 11:56 PM
    • 31,428 Posts
    • 19,833 Thanks
    DCFC79
    I was thinking of Scan as you Shop but I've just realised Sainsburys doesn't have this!.
    Originally posted by takman
    They have a scan and go option, not all stores have it, its similar to the Waitrose Quick Check.
    Can people stop loaning money/being a guarator to family/friends, it rarely ends well and you lose out as your money is gone or you get shafted with being a guarantor.
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