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  • FIRST POST
    • Buggins
    • By Buggins 25th Jan 18, 8:49 PM
    • 317Posts
    • 226Thanks
    Buggins
    Self help thread. I am a widow coping getting on with it
    • #1
    • 25th Jan 18, 8:49 PM
    Self help thread. I am a widow coping getting on with it 25th Jan 18 at 8:49 PM
    Just wanted to put this thread on to replace the missing one. Worried that some people who have been following the old thread might really need it sometime and won't get the support they need/want. It has, and still does, help me.
Page 43
    • mrsyardbroom
    • By mrsyardbroom 27th Jul 18, 5:54 PM
    • 1,690 Posts
    • 2,794 Thanks
    mrsyardbroom
    I lost my husband last Saturday and it's still very raw. I miss the little things too. Just now the dogs heard a car door slam and they thought it was him coming home. They looked so disappointed when no-one came. It's awful. The worst experience of my life but I know I have to carry on no matter how much I wanted to go with him on that journey. Please tell me it gets a bit better.
    • lessonlearned
    • By lessonlearned 27th Jul 18, 7:44 PM
    • 10,787 Posts
    • 69,929 Thanks
    lessonlearned
    Hello Mrsyardsbroom.

    So sorry to hear your sad news. It is truly awful. Yes you will be feeling raw, it's just so new, so overwhelming right now.

    Does it get better......I can only speak for myself and say I have got used to it. It's almost 4 years now and whilst I do still miss him, I think it's fair to say that I am starting to take those first few tentative steps to rebuilding a new life.

    Have I taken longer than other people??? Maybe. But the way I see it, it isn't a race. We are all different, we all have to go at our own pace. There is no right or wrong way to grieve and I don't think there are any timescales as such.

    Please accept my sincere condolences, and a virtual hug. Post here any time, there will always be sometime to "sit"with you and you will always find a shoulder to cry on.

    Take care. X
    • mrsyardbroom
    • By mrsyardbroom 27th Jul 18, 8:07 PM
    • 1,690 Posts
    • 2,794 Thanks
    mrsyardbroom
    We were married for forty seven years. It will take a lot of getting used to. My dogs are a great comfort and my friends have been brilliant. xx
    • Elona
    • By Elona 27th Jul 18, 8:16 PM
    • 346 Posts
    • 3,544 Thanks
    Elona
    mrsy

    It does not get better as such just less raw and we focus on other things like children who need us even if they are adults.

    LL has put it very well and it is different for us all especially as happy events can make things even harder as they cannot be there for yjem
    • Torry Quine
    • By Torry Quine 27th Jul 18, 8:17 PM
    • 17,243 Posts
    • 26,816 Thanks
    Torry Quine
    We were married for forty seven years. It will take a lot of getting used to. My dogs are a great comfort and my friends have been brilliant. xx
    Originally posted by mrsyardbroom
    Have you managed to get things sorted for the funeral?
    Lost my soulmate so life is empty.

    I can bear pain myself, he said softly, but I couldna bear yours. That would take more strength than I have -
    Diana Gabaldon, Outlander
    • Blackcatsreturns
    • By Blackcatsreturns 27th Jul 18, 11:38 PM
    • 82 Posts
    • 713 Thanks
    Blackcatsreturns
    Why on earth would that happen?
    • Savvy_Sue
    • By Savvy_Sue 28th Jul 18, 1:15 AM
    • 39,249 Posts
    • 36,205 Thanks
    Savvy_Sue
    Why on earth would that happen?
    Originally posted by Blackcatsreturns
    I presume you're referring to someone being PPRed rather than any of the posts immediately above. it can be for a number of reasons, looking at the Forum Rules is the first step. You may think they are all unlikely, but talking about it here won't help shed any light on it, because we just don't know.
    Still knitting!
    Completed: 1 adult cardigan, 3 baby jumpers, 3 shawls, 1 sweat band, 3 pairs baby bootees,
    1 Wise Man Knitivity figure + 1 sheep, 2 pairs socks, 2 hats, 2 balaclavas for seamen, 1 balaclava for myself, multiple poppies, 3 peony flowers, 4 butterflies ...
    Current projects: ready to decrease / decreasing on all parts of the mohair cardigan pattern! but moved onto wrist warmers for friends at Christmas ...
    • pollypenny
    • By pollypenny 28th Jul 18, 9:46 AM
    • 25,312 Posts
    • 66,376 Thanks
    pollypenny
    I lost my husband last Saturday and it's still very raw. I miss the little things too. Just now the dogs heard a car door slam and they thought it was him coming home. They looked so disappointed when no-one came. It's awful. The worst experience of my life but I know I have to carry on no matter how much I wanted to go with him on that journey. Please tell me it gets a bit better.
    Originally posted by mrsyardbroom


    So sorry to hear that, mrs y. Cwtches.
    Member #14 of SKI-ers club

    Words, words, they're all we have to go by!.

    (Pity they are mangled by this autocorrect!)
    • Blackcatsreturns
    • By Blackcatsreturns 28th Jul 18, 4:06 PM
    • 82 Posts
    • 713 Thanks
    Blackcatsreturns
    Sorry - my post about being PPR'd was out of sync with the conversation.
    Mrs Yardbroom - please accept my condolences too. In the early days after losing my husband someone told me that time is a great soother. I prefer this to "time is a great healer" . I have found over the last 4 years that I have become more soothed.
    It is so, so early for you. Try to accept all the help and support you can, both in real life and in places like this forum.
    • wort
    • By wort 29th Jul 18, 11:59 AM
    • 908 Posts
    • 11,078 Thanks
    wort
    Mrs YB , sending you hugs, it's a difficult time , and I found that it's more a case of you getting used to a new kind of normal, because life is never the same afterwards.
    I hope you have family and friends to help you. Also counselling helped me, as being able to talk with someone not involved in your life means you don't worry about how it affects the person you talk to, as they have no personal attachment to them.
    I hope that makes sense.
    Obviously you can rant and moan on here ,as we all understand what you're going through.
    Take care of yourself, hugs and love. Wort.
    Focus on contribution instead of the impressiveness of consumption to see the true beauty in people.
    • Elona
    • By Elona 4th Aug 18, 9:58 AM
    • 346 Posts
    • 3,544 Thanks
    Elona
    I just popped in to send a hug to all who could use one. Poor dd is now a week overdue to have their baby so I am staying close to the phone.
    • sheilavw
    • By sheilavw 4th Aug 18, 12:09 PM
    • 1,036 Posts
    • 873 Thanks
    sheilavw
    This is my most visited thread on this forum. I always read with interest all your posts, and greatly admire your strength.
    On 17/7 my lovely Husband was diagnosed with Motor Neurons disease. I feel very very sad. I am frightened for the future
    • L-J-R
    • By L-J-R 4th Aug 18, 4:39 PM
    • 24 Posts
    • 54 Thanks
    L-J-R
    I don't post very often and have no advice to offer, but I'm sure that all those who visit this thread will be thinking of you and your husband, and offering, posted or not, love and support. Turn to that when you feel low.
    • Elona
    • By Elona 5th Aug 18, 3:35 AM
    • 346 Posts
    • 3,544 Thanks
    Elona
    sheila

    I just read your post and wanted to send positive thoughts and hugs with hope that you have a longer time of being yourselves than you fear.
    • sheilavw
    • By sheilavw 5th Aug 18, 9:24 AM
    • 1,036 Posts
    • 873 Thanks
    sheilavw
    Thank you for your kind words. I'm not coping. I keep crying (not in front of him), I wake at 3am and cannot get back to sleep. I am thinking of going to the G.P for some tablets to help me through this.I work in school so I am off at he moment. I just feel so sad
    • lessonlearned
    • By lessonlearned 5th Aug 18, 10:29 AM
    • 10,787 Posts
    • 69,929 Thanks
    lessonlearned
    Hello Sheila.

    I am so sorry to hear about your husbands diagnosis. However you cut it, it's devasting news for both you.

    I am afraid I have walked in your shoes. My husband suffered from a rare neurological condition which took years to diagnose......in fact it was never officially confirmed because ultimately it can only be confirmed after death. But we had a reliable working diagnosis, we knew what we were dealing with and where it was going.....

    In the end his consultant and I decided not to subject him to a post mortem for confirmation. What was the point, there was no need for a coroners report. I felt he had been through quite enough and dissecting his brain wouldn't have added to medical research. So we agreed to just let things be.

    His Illness was Multiple System Atrophy with a Cerebella Ataxia presentation. MSA-CA. There is also a Motor Neurone version. MSA-MND, and it can also present as Parkinson's. The symptoms of MSA are pretty much the same as MND and the progression is, unfortunately, inevitable.

    Even before we became even close to a diagnosis I knew what lay ahead, before we even saw a neurologist I just knew. I watched our GP put my husband through a few simple neurological tests and I just knew. It was a blinding flash of realisation that whatever it was was nasty and that it would be terminal.

    I can't help you overcome your fears, they are only too real but I will tell you this.......you will find hidden depths within your own character that you never knew you had. You will get through it and you will find that you have what it takes. Right now you are terrified, but trust me you will cope.

    I am afraid you both have a difficult journey ahead of you and words, even from someone who as been on the same journey, aren't really going to help.

    So I will just say for now that I agree it is a good idea to see your GP. Maybe you might also find a MND support group of help, if only for practical advice and information.

    I can only repeat I am so very sorry to hear this. MND, like most neurological conditions of its type, is extremely difficult, not just for the sufferer but also for their families and loved ones.

    Sending you love, strength and courage.

    XX
    Last edited by lessonlearned; 05-08-2018 at 8:12 PM.
    • sheilavw
    • By sheilavw 5th Aug 18, 12:36 PM
    • 1,036 Posts
    • 873 Thanks
    sheilavw
    Thanks for your kind words Lessonlearned.You too have had such a tough time. I always read this thread. I will have to find that strength. I work full time and I am also a Carer with my 3 siblings for our youngest Brother who has Downs syndrome. Our mum went into a home with alzheimers April 2012 and passed away October2013 so we care for our Brother. I think I will go to the G.P. I am no good to anyone if I cannot cope. I also have my full time (term time) job. I only hope work are supportive. I have been there a lot of years and have had hardly any absence.
    Thank you again
    • sukysue
    • By sukysue 5th Aug 18, 8:58 PM
    • 1,761 Posts
    • 2,285 Thanks
    sukysue
    I am so sorry Sheila, please ask for help from the GP , you may also want/need to take time off your work to spend valuable time with him. I am sure they will be very understanding and supportive. People will want to help you my dear .
    xXx-Sukysue-xXx
    • humptydumptybits
    • By humptydumptybits 6th Aug 18, 12:28 PM
    • 1,729 Posts
    • 4,996 Thanks
    humptydumptybits
    sheila, I am so sorry to hear your news, I hope you find work supportive as things are obviously going to be hard for you. I've been my husband's carer for nearly 30 years, it is amazing how we can adapt but it isn't easy.
    • Torry Quine
    • By Torry Quine 6th Aug 18, 12:48 PM
    • 17,243 Posts
    • 26,816 Thanks
    Torry Quine
    Sheila I'm so sorry that you've had this terrible news. I hope that you get lots of support.
    Lost my soulmate so life is empty.

    I can bear pain myself, he said softly, but I couldna bear yours. That would take more strength than I have -
    Diana Gabaldon, Outlander
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