Your browser isn't supported
It looks like you're using an old web browser. To get the most out of the site and to ensure guides display correctly, we suggest upgrading your browser now. Download the latest:

Welcome to the MSE Forums

We're home to a fantastic community of MoneySavers but anyone can post. Please exercise caution & report spam, illegal, offensive or libellous posts/messages: click "report" or email forumteam@.

Search
  • FIRST POST
    • Buggins
    • By Buggins 25th Jan 18, 8:49 PM
    • 316Posts
    • 225Thanks
    Buggins
    Self help thread. I am a widow coping getting on with it
    • #1
    • 25th Jan 18, 8:49 PM
    Self help thread. I am a widow coping getting on with it 25th Jan 18 at 8:49 PM
    Just wanted to put this thread on to replace the missing one. Worried that some people who have been following the old thread might really need it sometime and won't get the support they need/want. It has, and still does, help me.
Page 39
    • wort
    • By wort 6th Jul 18, 12:25 PM
    • 809 Posts
    • 10,488 Thanks
    wort
    LL, take care of yourself, and happy birthday! X

    Slept well in bed last night, it was breezy here yesterday so it was pleasant sat inside.i was tired most of yesterday ,I think it was catching up after the night before after having the op and sleeping on couch I only had around 3 hours sleep.
    As it's 12 months since hubby died , all the utilities that I had to change into my name back then, are now at the end of contract, so this enforced sitting is being used to get better deals. They don't make it easy though I've been on live chat on so many sites !!
    To make sure I get the new one to start as the old one ends without incurring charges, I wish you could just sign up and put in the exact date you want it to run from as you do with insurance.!
    I've also a bank account that had a good interest rate for 12 months that now needs looking at.
    My heads boggled!
    Focus on contribution instead of the impressiveness of consumption to see the true beauty in people.
    • lessonlearned
    • By lessonlearned 6th Jul 18, 12:33 PM
    • 10,489 Posts
    • 66,402 Thanks
    lessonlearned
    Thank you for that, Kittie. That was lovely.

    Yes I'm sure that all those good things will come - all in good time. I have had lots of lovely messages this morning, I am fortunate. Life will be good again, or at least it will be as good as I can make it. In the long run it's up to me.

    I went for my acupuncture treatment this morning. I told the doctor how bad I felt on Wednesday and he was delighted.....
    Apparently it means that the treatment is working really well and that my body is responding both quickly and strongly. Which apparently bodes well for a significant improvement in my overall health and not just a reduction in pain. I have to say it would lovely to be a bit more like my old energetic self.

    He is very optimistic that I am going to make a good recovery. My knees are already feeling so much better. He did say that the fibro will take a bit longer. Knowing all that I won't be quite so panicked if I dip again tomorrow or Sunday. I will know what to expect this time and I can be philosophical about it and just ride it out. .

    The emotion thing was really an eye opener. I certainly didn't expect that, but when you think how long I bottled everything up then I guess it's not surprising. It took me two years to shed any tears over my mother's death. And realistically that's cant be good. Grief has to find an outlet.

    Oddly enough when I was feeling really bad on Wednesday I started reading some new research I found about my husband's illness. Still no guarantees obviously but new research on any genetic connection was very encouraging.

    Anyway, he Has advised me to do nothing today, just loads of water, sleep if I feel like it and then an Epsom salt bath tonight. Tbh it's too hot to do anything anyway.

    So that's what I'm going to do. I can "do" my birthday anytime.

    DIL now 5 days overdue. Had a false alarm in Wednesday. They gave her a scan and all seems well. So hopefully it won't be long now. They will induce her next Thursday if necessary.
    Last edited by lessonlearned; 06-07-2018 at 1:36 PM.
    • itsanne
    • By itsanne 6th Jul 18, 1:46 PM
    • 4,477 Posts
    • 10,605 Thanks
    itsanne
    Happy birthday, LL. I hope today is better than you anticipated and any acupuncture ill effects are subsiding.


    . . .I did not speak out

    Then they came for me
    And there was no one left
    To speak out for me..

    Martin Niemoller
    • Blackcatsreturns
    • By Blackcatsreturns 6th Jul 18, 9:03 PM
    • 78 Posts
    • 686 Thanks
    Blackcatsreturns
    I am coming up to anniversary of OHs death. For me it's the day before that's worst. That's When I knew for certain it was going to happen and was waiting for "when" not "if" Had lots of support from the hospice but that gloriously sunny Sunday was unbearable. He died at home and I was pleased that he did but that's why I was ready to move 18 months later. Too many of the latter memories overshadowed the years of happy memories.
    I was given a date to register his death which was our wedding anniversary and at the registry office where we got married. Needless to say I changed the appointment with the registrar.
    I too have a favourite grandchild. Reassuring that it's not just me!
    • lessonlearned
    • By lessonlearned 7th Jul 18, 10:24 AM
    • 10,489 Posts
    • 66,402 Thanks
    lessonlearned
    Black cat. I too find the day before the actual event is often the worst. When the day comes it is never quite so bad as I feared. How strange is that. The sense of dread seems worse that the reality.

    My birthday was fine, I stayed quiet, didn't go out. I had my acupuncture In the morning then rested and dozed most of the afternoon. Last evening was hot and sultry so I was happy just to stay home. I have been invited out this evening but again it's going to be very hot again so I might not bother. I'll just watch England and take it from there.

    I have some nice events and treats planned for the next couple of weeks anyway so,I'm happy enough.

    I am pleased to say I can see great progress with the acupuncture already and I'm onlyweek into the course, another 7 to go. Let's hope the improvements continue, I want my old body, and my old vitality back.

    Received the written survey report. There's more remedial works than I had hoped for, but after 4 years of looking on and off I honestly don't think I can do better with my budget. I'm just going to bite the bullet and try and get it wrapped up,as quickly as possible.

    I can foresee it is going to take longer and cost more than I had hoped but I'll just roll up my sleeves and get stuck in. The sooner I get in the quicker I can make a start and get the most urgent repairs done before the winter sets in.

    The next hurdle is the anniversary of my husband's death although before that there will be the birth of my grandchild...(imminent). I have a feeling I will find it emotional and difficult.
    Last edited by lessonlearned; 07-07-2018 at 11:02 AM.
    • humptydumptybits
    • By humptydumptybits 9th Jul 18, 9:39 AM
    • 1,166 Posts
    • 2,450 Thanks
    humptydumptybits
    The heat is really getting to me, yesterday I felt really awful so went for a walk on the beach at 9 pm. It was lovely and I think it saved my sanity.



    Feeling happy about actually having my genetics test is gradually turning into anxiety about the result. Roll on results day.


    I hope everyone is copying with the heat, particularly the pregnant DDs and DDsIL. Must be so hard in this heat.
    • lessonlearned
    • By lessonlearned 9th Jul 18, 5:37 PM
    • 10,489 Posts
    • 66,402 Thanks
    lessonlearned
    Dil had emergency c section this morning. All is well. Mum and baby ok, I'm just relieved it's over.
    • Elona
    • By Elona 9th Jul 18, 7:04 PM
    • 346 Posts
    • 3,535 Thanks
    Elona
    LL

    Congratulations on being a grandma. So pleased mother and baby are well but obviously an emergency caesarian is worrying. I found a v shaped pillow helped a lot as it let me get more supported.

    DD still has a couple of weeks to go unless something changes and has chosen names for a girl as that is what all the scans indicated so will be disconcerted if it is a boy but at least not all the baby stuff is pink.

    Hugs to all
    • lessonlearned
    • By lessonlearned 9th Jul 18, 8:02 PM
    • 10,489 Posts
    • 66,402 Thanks
    lessonlearned
    LL

    Congratulations on being a grandma. So pleased mother and baby are well but obviously an emergency caesarian is worrying. I found a v shaped pillow helped a lot as it let me get more supported.

    DD still has a couple of weeks to go unless something changes and has chosen names for a girl as that is what all the scans indicated so will be disconcerted if it is a boy but at least not all the baby stuff is pink.

    Hugs to all
    Originally posted by Elona

    Tbh I had a foreboding all along it would be a c section. So did DIL, so it came as no great shock. I am just glad it's over.

    Seeng My GS for the first time made me miss my husband so very much. Despite being very happy to finally have a grandchild I found it desperately sad that my husband never lived to see this day.

    Too hard for words......I am in floods of tears as I write.
    • humptydumptybits
    • By humptydumptybits 9th Jul 18, 8:16 PM
    • 1,166 Posts
    • 2,450 Thanks
    humptydumptybits
    It is bound to be an emotional day LL, you probably need a good rest after what has been a stressful time. It is only natural to feel the absence.
    • kittie
    • By kittie 10th Jul 18, 7:12 AM
    • 12,446 Posts
    • 78,958 Thanks
    kittie
    congratulations LL. A GS, how lovely and I am glad it is over and he has arrived safely
    • lessonlearned
    • By lessonlearned 10th Jul 18, 7:54 AM
    • 10,489 Posts
    • 66,402 Thanks
    lessonlearned
    Good morning everyone

    Well this grandma feels shattered this morning. I slept well but I feel almost hungover. Definitely needing my caffeine this morning.

    Just briefly, further to our discussion about genetic testing, and for information which maybe some of you might useful. . My son and DIL decided to have some of the baby's stem cells harvested. Very simple and completely painless, they take them from the umbilical cord.

    Whilst testing might be somewhat pointless to work as a preventative measure for my boys (because there are currently no treatments available such as pre emptive surgery etc for them) it is entirely possible that any future treatment for illnesses of this nature would involve stem cells.

    Even if my boys are in the clear themselves and don't get sick there is always the possibility that they could be carriers. We just don't know. So with this in mind they have taken the precaution of harvesting their child's stem cells.

    I don't know whether this is offered on the NHS in high risk babies where there is a known genetic problem but they paid for it themselves. It cost 2k.

    I think it was a very wise move. It might just be the best 2k they ever spend.

    Humpty hope you don't have to wait too long for your results. I can appreciate it must be nerve wracking.
    Last edited by lessonlearned; 10-07-2018 at 7:56 AM.
    • wort
    • By wort 10th Jul 18, 11:47 AM
    • 809 Posts
    • 10,488 Thanks
    wort
    LL congratulations how wonderful, I can totally get you crying over hubby not being there, I teared up reading it. That's something I struggle with watching my grandson reaching landmarks or doing things without his precious grandad they had such a close relationship. Especially as his dad isn't in the picture.
    I'm struggling with this enforced rest, due to the foot surgery. There's so much I could do as the weather is good and I'm not in work.

    Humpty I hope the results are here soon, and they are what you want to hear.
    My oldest sister is due soon, and I've managed to push the stick dyson hoover round thank goodness ,I got that it's invaluable, lightweight and no wires.
    I hope everyone is well, hugs to those in need. X
    Focus on contribution instead of the impressiveness of consumption to see the true beauty in people.
    • Elona
    • By Elona 11th Jul 18, 9:46 AM
    • 346 Posts
    • 3,535 Thanks
    Elona
    Older dds husband is due to be away on Friday and Saturday and returning on Sunday so she is going to stay with me and bring their cat. She is not expecting anything to happen this early but just in case she will not be alone and her sister is only twenty minutes drive away.

    We had a baking session yesterday and she left with the six frozen cottage pies I made earlier, a dozen bacon, egg, cheese and onion muffins, a dozen granola bars, and twenty five "Twinks". I also loaded her up with tins of chopped tomatoes, stock cubes, pasta and noodles.

    Hugs to all
    Last edited by Elona; 11-07-2018 at 9:46 AM. Reason: spelling
    • humptydumptybits
    • By humptydumptybits 11th Jul 18, 12:12 PM
    • 1,166 Posts
    • 2,450 Thanks
    humptydumptybits
    Had a letter from Consultant outlining what was discussed at the meeting, it was a really nice letter but he has advised me to think about what I want to do if my test is positive. Do I go the Angelina Jolie route ie double mastectomy (ovaries already gone) or regular MRI to monitor for breast cancer. I think the tests are annual and it would be MRI rather than mammograms.



    On the one hand he says to consider that it is a big operation at my age (mid 60s) on the other hand it stops the worry. I am thinking the MRI's are the way to go but on the other hand if I do go on to develop breast cancer I will be even older and presumably what is a big thing to go through now would be even bigger when I'm older. Don't know what to think.


    I want to just hope that the result is negative but I get his point that I need to consider my options. I'm so bad at big decisions and it just keeps going round and round in my head and then I think there might not even be a problem.
    • lessonlearned
    • By lessonlearned 11th Jul 18, 11:12 PM
    • 10,489 Posts
    • 66,402 Thanks
    lessonlearned
    Oh dear Humpty......you are being put through the wringer aren't you.

    Alas only you can make the decision, but you can make it under proper advisement.

    I suggest you do as much research as you can, so you fully understand the implications of your options. You need hard facts, and good science to guide you, not the opinions of others and certainly not from people who have never even met you. Our opinions will just muddy the water for you. You need clarity and knowledge now.

    Do they offer some kind of genetic counselling. I'm sure when they get the results you will be invited to discuss them and ask questions but it does no harm to start reading so you have plenty of time to get your head round it all. It's as scary as hell of course but I do think that, ultimately, facing up to it something, however unpleasant, and learning as much as you can is your best weapon. Knowledge is power.

    I'm not going to tell you not to worry, because clearly you are worried. It's the Waiting for test results that's often the hardest part.
    • Elona
    • By Elona 12th Jul 18, 8:37 AM
    • 346 Posts
    • 3,535 Thanks
    Elona
    Humpty

    Have you thought of pming JackieO who has been through this years ago? Not to suggest the circumstances are the same but maybe as a sounding board. Maybe try not to think of making a "decision" but of exploring options and getting information and ideas which would put less pressure on you.

    Might the tests suggest a middle option rather than the either/ or approach?

    Fingers and toes crossed for you.

    Unpacking an approved food order which arrived yesterday and getting dressed and sorting out kitchen ready for a grocery order which should arrive around eleven. It came in a big box which I can use to store disposable nappies in age and size order ready to give to dd. I also found some assorted colours child coat hangers and an award winning set of age related clothes dividers so they are on the way.

    Hugs to all
    • humptydumptybits
    • By humptydumptybits 12th Jul 18, 9:15 AM
    • 1,166 Posts
    • 2,450 Thanks
    humptydumptybits
    No middleground really Elona, If I am positive for the BRCA1 mutation I have between 80 and 90% chance of getting breast cancer and then it is more likely to be both breasts.


    LL the Consultant does the counselling, he is lovely and very supportive and if the news is that I have the mutation he will talk more about the two options, I think he is hoping I will know which way I want to go so he can refer me to the appropriate team.



    I think I am finding it difficult in two quite separate ways.


    1. I am more concerned about how to get my children, particularly daughter, tested and what their results will be and if I think about it I jump to that.
    2. I actually feel it will be OK, wishful thinking I suppose but it does make it hard.


    I think when it comes to it I will probably know what to think. My DIL is a doctor but I don't want to talk about it to her as she will obviously have worries about my son and their children. My DDs best friend is an oncologist, I wish I had talked to her but she is on holiday now so I might have the news before I can talk to her. I'm sure I don't have to make a set in stone decision on the day so I think I have to give myself time.


    Hope the baby and DIL are doing well LL, any sign of your DD Elona, I think she has a little while to go but you never know. Horrible weather for pregnancy, mine were all winter babies but I had terrible morning sickness with one of them when it was a hot sticky summer like this, I think I spent months ,lying on the sofa feeling awful. It probably didn't go on for that long but it certainly felt like it.


    I'm having my hair done today and I'm planning a shopping trip with DD. I'm not one for clothes shopping, I think it is 3 years since I bought shoes/sandals and years since I bought a dress. I lost a stone when I had shingles/post shingles pain and it looks like it is staying off. I was a comfortable 12, i.e. not tight, but now I can take my trousers off without undoing the buttons/zips and I am in danger of losing them which could be embarrassing. I think I've lost another couple of pounds due to eating lots of salads and fruit in this hot weather. So it is back to size 10s for me and I suppose a bit of shopping will distract me.
    Last edited by humptydumptybits; 12-07-2018 at 8:35 PM.
    • Elona
    • By Elona 12th Jul 18, 9:35 AM
    • 346 Posts
    • 3,535 Thanks
    Elona
    Hunpty

    I had not realised that the percentages were so high if the tests were positive for the mutation so I can see why there might not be a middle ground as such. Once you know the results then you are on firmer ground than being in limbo as it must feel just now.

    I could make two of you at the moment so I am determined to get to grips with the weight and have lost nearly a stone. I stood on my vibra platform this morning and am going to use it every day to help my legs and feet and focus my mind.

    Hugs
    • humptydumptybits
    • By humptydumptybits 12th Jul 18, 9:47 AM
    • 1,166 Posts
    • 2,450 Thanks
    humptydumptybits
    Elona I can recommend the shingles diet, well it isn't pleasant but you do lose weight. I'm not sure how I feel about the weight loss, I think because of being ill and not having any clothes that fit it doesn't seem great but I am hoping new hair do and some clothes that fit will show me the benefits. I don't want to lose any more though.



    Is the vibra platform good? I tend to get swollen feet/ankles in this weather and wondered if it would help the circulation. I really am falling apart.


    You are right about the limbo, I hate uncertainty and I am actually really good at dealing with things as long as I know what I am dealing with.
Welcome to our new Forum!

Our aim is to save you money quickly and easily. We hope you like it!

Forum Team Contact us

Live Stats

2,271Posts Today

7,775Users online

Martin's Twitter