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  • FIRST POST
    • Buggins
    • By Buggins 25th Jan 18, 8:49 PM
    • 316Posts
    • 225Thanks
    Buggins
    Self help thread. I am a widow coping getting on with it
    • #1
    • 25th Jan 18, 8:49 PM
    Self help thread. I am a widow coping getting on with it 25th Jan 18 at 8:49 PM
    Just wanted to put this thread on to replace the missing one. Worried that some people who have been following the old thread might really need it sometime and won't get the support they need/want. It has, and still does, help me.
Page 38
    • humptydumptybits
    • By humptydumptybits 3rd Jul 18, 3:39 PM
    • 1,178 Posts
    • 2,515 Thanks
    humptydumptybits
    kittie the sun does trigger them but that isn't it with me, I've hardly been out except for school pick up and I wear a factor 50 face cream so I can't blame the sun this time although when I was younger I had many an attack caused by the sun.


    I think I am run down and my immune system just doesn't cope well with the virus, I get them if I am stressed, tired, run down or out in the sun.


    Your purchase seems to be progressing quickly kittie, you will be in there before you know it.
    • Elona
    • By Elona 3rd Jul 18, 7:00 PM
    • 346 Posts
    • 3,535 Thanks
    Elona
    Have just had a phone chat with dd who is trying to get ideas for meal planning and batch cooking to freeze for when she has the baby. I offered to cook and freeze a large tray of cottage pie for her and have just put a casserole of beef mince, onions, carrots, mushrooms, peppers and tomatoes in the oven so I don't have to stand over it in the heat.Some potatoes are simmering to make the topping and I will assemble it later and put in the fridge overnight and then portion and freeze it in the morning.

    She also fancies the idea of making the savoury muffins from the Tightwad gazette and some flapjacks so is coming down to me on Monday for a short baking session and a chat. Glad to sit down and put my feet up with a cold drink.

    Hugs to all
    • humptydumptybits
    • By humptydumptybits 3rd Jul 18, 7:53 PM
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    humptydumptybits
    Elona that is lovely, such a practical helpful thing. When one of my GC was born my son said the nicest gift they got was a friend arriving at the door the day DIL and baby came home and handing him a bag with a Waitrose meal for 2. The friend wouldn't even go in to see the baby, they said they just wanted them to have something nice to eat without any bother. Little things mean alot.
    • kittie
    • By kittie 4th Jul 18, 7:31 AM
    • 12,446 Posts
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    kittie
    I think that food gifts to new parents are the best gifts ever. I ordered a stack of cookfood meals for dd to put in her freezer, they appreciated every one of them
    Another room being straightened today, for photos, just bits being put into cupboards, into the garage and the big shed. Tbh everywhere looks clean enough but I need to do windows next week. Looks like exchange on the new house at the beginning of august. The survey will be the worst bit


    LL fingers crossed about your survey when the results come
    • lessonlearned
    • By lessonlearned 4th Jul 18, 10:19 AM
    • 10,499 Posts
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    lessonlearned
    Had a quick chat with surveyor, he's says there's nothing too drastic. A bit of a roof tidy up, a small patch of damp in one room which I had already noticed and which I think is down to condensation and some evidence of a bit of woodworm in one room. So nothing I can't handle and there is enough in the budget to cover that.

    The house was built in 1935 so I expected some remedial works. I am used to old buildings so am realistic enough to know that they are a bit like the Forth Bridge....lovely to look at but always in need of maintenance and lots of TLC.

    A bit like me.....the older I get the more maintenance I need.

    Speaking of which I went for my 2nd acupuncture session yesterday. No dramatic miracle cure but definitely feel a bit better. 2 sessions a week for 8 weeks are required. Given the improvements so far I am quietly confident it's going to help me. After that 3 or 4 top up sessions a year. So not too bad,

    I'm not cooking for Son and DIL at the moment. Her parents will be around for a couple of months so they will be taking care of that end of things. Let's me off the hook. And once they get into the swing of things DS is head chef anyway, so DIL can just concentrate on the baby for a while.
    Last edited by lessonlearned; 04-07-2018 at 10:23 AM.
    • Elona
    • By Elona 4th Jul 18, 11:24 AM
    • 346 Posts
    • 3,535 Thanks
    Elona
    LL

    I am glad the acupuncture is starting to help. If I remember right your grandchild is due before mine so you must be getting excited for them.

    DD has her middle sister and partner coming over at the weekend to help shift furniture from one bedroom to another so parents are on the same floor as baby (once she has her own room). Youngest dd is coming over at the weekend but not sure if she is staying over with me or with them or when so will let them sort it out.

    I have just portioned out six good size helpings of cottage pie and put it in the freezer and realised I need to order some more good, not too deep freezer containers so have just done that online. Recycling is outside the kitchen door, cardboard boxes are flattened, dishwasher is on and cans of food and diet drinks have been put away. I now have my feet up with a coffee!

    Fingers crossed for LL and kittie with their house selling and buying and glad it does not look as if there are serious repair problems.

    Hugs to all
    • Elona
    • By Elona 4th Jul 18, 12:19 PM
    • 346 Posts
    • 3,535 Thanks
    Elona
    LL

    I just found a book deal on at theworks on the MSE e mail. Ten children's books for 10 (most of them originally 6.99 or 5.99 and some were more expensive). I have ordered quite a few baby picture books as the offer is only on for another 11 hours.

    Thought this might help someone to stock up for early birthday presents etc.
    • kittie
    • By kittie 4th Jul 18, 5:29 PM
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    kittie
    I loved to buy the dgc packages of books, nowadays they choose their own but thankfully still love reading


    Still thinking ahead and I want to be warm, safe and energy efficient as possible this winter, so am looking into getting a guardian warm roof for the conservatory, composite front and back doors with all the bells and whistles locks, DG doors built into the big open space between the dining room(snug/tv room) and conservatory and also getting a clearview stove fitted. Everything done by good local companies. If I am cosy then I can cope with a lot and to me this will be essential expenditure. I have already allowed for this sort of thing in my budget


    I won`t be getting the boiler done until later, nor the new kitchen, nor the replacement windows but I may get a landcape person to do some heavy stuff in the garden, ready for me to move my link-a-bord raised beds, transplant my fruit etc These link-a bord beds have been fantastic and are no longer available and all my hoops and nets are based on these. I will be the one walking around with a marker can. He will be the one doing all the digging. I am also going to have a prickly mixed shrub hedge put in, all along one edge which is fairly vulnerable. It is all about, so there is a problem and how do I solve it
    • lessonlearned
    • By lessonlearned 5th Jul 18, 7:55 AM
    • 10,499 Posts
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    lessonlearned
    Tsunami time again........ Probably because it's my birthday tomorrow. I still miss him, still feel utterly wretched.

    How I hate these red letter days.......
    • itsanne
    • By itsanne 5th Jul 18, 8:27 AM
    • 4,477 Posts
    • 10,605 Thanks
    itsanne
    Tsunami time again........ Probably because it's my birthday tomorrow. I still miss him, still feel utterly wretched.

    How I hate these red letter days.......
    Originally posted by lessonlearned

    They're carp, aren't they.



    I hope it passes quickly and you have as good a day as you can tomorrow. Take care.
    . . .I did not speak out

    Then they came for me
    And there was no one left
    To speak out for me..

    Martin Niemoller
    • kittie
    • By kittie 5th Jul 18, 8:34 AM
    • 12,446 Posts
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    kittie
    yes they are completely carp. I have a biggie coming up in august and am hoping to be so busy that I don`t notice the date, If I didn`t have my mind filled with new stuff, I don`t know how I would cope


    Maybe LL spend a bit of tomorrow making detailed plans or get fully engrossed in something, got to think that there is nice time ahead, otherwise our futures are finished
    • lessonlearned
    • By lessonlearned 5th Jul 18, 9:25 AM
    • 10,499 Posts
    • 66,479 Thanks
    lessonlearned
    That's just it Kittie......the future just looks so bleak. . Oh well maybe the house move will help. Give me something to focus on. Maybe what I need is a project to sink my teeth into and take my mind off things.

    I was going to go into town today and get my hair cut but it really is too hot here. I'll go when it cools down a bit, hopefully next week. I've got stuff I can do in the meantime. A bit more sorting and packing.

    I'll be ok. At least I can come on here and tell you lot how I feel without having to bore family and friends to tears.....
    • Elona
    • By Elona 5th Jul 18, 11:41 AM
    • 346 Posts
    • 3,535 Thanks
    Elona
    LL

    You know they would understand but I completly get why you don't want to show how you feel and put a good face on things. I dread the 13th of next month as it is my birthday but also the day before we suddenly got the news that the cancer had returned and was terminal. Hopefully having a grandchild to think about will diffuse things a bit. I am determined not to be "interfering" and to give parents and baby time and space to bond properly.

    It is too hot to do anything but laundry is out on the line, dishwasher is loaded and I need to tidy the kitchen before the cleaner arrives to give me a hand. Beds need to be changed as youngest is coming back at the weekend but might spend a night at her sisters so will stay flexible.

    Hugs to all
    • wort
    • By wort 5th Jul 18, 12:42 PM
    • 813 Posts
    • 10,505 Thanks
    wort
    Hugs LL. XX

    I'm safely out of June, got all the first year anniversaries out of the way.
    The cruise was lovely, my sister was the perfect person to be with, as we share similar interests, Venice was amazing, and I know he was right there with me.

    I've been back in work for a week then went for my op to have the neuroma removed from my foot on Tuesday, which was a cancellation so no time to worry over it. I'll be off 4 weeks at least.
    I'm fed up already , not being able to do much, I managed a sort of shower this morning and put some washing in, I'd been sleeping downstairs, so now I've conquered getting up the stairs, I will go to bed tonight.

    Good luck to all of you moving house, I'm glad you seem to have found the perfect place.
    Focus on contribution instead of the impressiveness of consumption to see the true beauty in people.
    • lessonlearned
    • By lessonlearned 5th Jul 18, 1:15 PM
    • 10,499 Posts
    • 66,479 Thanks
    lessonlearned
    TBH I feel absolutely dreadful, increased shoulder pain, can hardly move my neck, runny nose, headache and exhausted.

    Apparently this is all quite common when you start a course of acupuncture. And so too are heightened emotions, apparently. They call it a healing crisis.

    Actually it makes sense......I know that much of my physical pain is down to years of suppressed emotions, all that cortisol and inflammation does a lot of damage. All that stiff upper lip stuff doesn't really do us any good in the long run. It can makes us very sick.

    All the years of stress and worry. The body has to get rid of it and i never let my body heal itself. I never took care of myself and for years I was just living on adrenaline. I just kept going and going like some overwound Duracell bunny.

    My old GP warned me but what can you do.....when you are the carer, you have little choice in the matter. Then, no sooner as my caring duties ended, then I had my parents deaths to deal with and the aftermath with my sister. Anyway I will just have to be a Patient patient. It's time I cared for myself for a change. As I come up to my birthday and the anniversary of my husband's death I am forcibly reminded that I am alone, I have no one to look after me if I get really sick so I need to take care of myself. It's a sobering thought. Yesterday I had terrible chest pains (no not a heart attack) but it occurred to me I could die in my kitchen and no one would know.

    Anyway, I really don't want to do much for my birthday. I just want to be quiet. I don't think I could keep up the pretence and maintain a jolly persona this time so I may just plead illness and keep myself to myself for a few days.

    No, Elona I'm not going to interfere either.

    DIL has her parents here and I think already she is finding it a bit much. DS said she has been very snappy and tearful, she snapped at me the other day over nothing, then sent me a long garbled text message. I have been a bit upset over this but I am just going to let it go.

    Whilst in many ways it's nice that her parents are here, personally I think you can have too much of a good thing. 3 months is a long time to have houseguests at the best of times, even family. But when there's a new baby.....well Lets just say I can see choppy waters ahead.

    Elona like you, I think new parents have to be left to find themselves and bond as a family unit. I'm not sure they can do this with her parents around 24/7. I think they would have been better renting a small place nearby rather than living cheek by jowl for such a long time.

    I had already made up my mind that I shall keep my visits short and sweet, and my lips sealed at all times. No matter what. I think that whilst her family are here I shall definitely be maintaining a low profile. I may find that I have to be rather "busy" and otherwise engaged at times.

    Actually that's not too far removed from the truth. I will be busy with my new house trying to get reasonably straight before the winter sets in.

    Had a chat with solicitor this morning, all seems to be going pretty smoothly.
    Last edited by lessonlearned; 05-07-2018 at 3:11 PM.
    • lessonlearned
    • By lessonlearned 5th Jul 18, 1:24 PM
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    lessonlearned
    Wort....glad to hear all went well and that you had such a nice time. Venice is gorgeous.

    Hope your foot heals nicely.. Enjoy your rest, hopefully now you can manage the stairs again you will Continue to improve and get stronger.
    • humptydumptybits
    • By humptydumptybits 5th Jul 18, 4:03 PM
    • 1,178 Posts
    • 2,515 Thanks
    humptydumptybits
    Elona wise words. I've managed to navigate 3 DsIL and 6 pregnancies/babies/littlies and now some teenagers and never had a row with their parents. I never offer advice, if asked I will say what I did/would do but never ever offer. Actually 2 of them have said they wish their mums were more like me as they seem to fall out at times but both of them have mums who are very assertive and don't hold back with what they think they should be doing.



    Another thing is I always check with mum and dad before buying presents, I had a MIL who bought so many toys it was a nightmare so I swore I would never do that.



    I am almost always available for babysitting and love that but again the offer is there and they ask when they need it, some more than others. I have to confess (don't tell them) that I am looking forward to my daughter having children, I think it is easier with your own daughter although as my DsIL show it doesn't always work.


    I've got one GS with me now and another confession, he is granny's pet. The others don't know, I try really hard not to let it show but he stole my heart along time ago and we are very close. He isn't the only boy, he wasn't the first but he is totally wonderful, not that I'm biased. He's just asked if he can stay tonight, crafty move as he doesn't need to go to breakfast club if he is with me so gets an extra hour in bed. He likes being spoilt by granny.


    Wort glad the cruise went well. I got eaten alive by mosquitoes when I went to Venice, I looked such a mess as they were huge great red bites. I've never had it happen anywhere else but I am obviously tasty to the local mosquitoes, an acquired taste perhaps?
    Last edited by humptydumptybits; 05-07-2018 at 4:05 PM.
    • kittie
    • By kittie 5th Jul 18, 11:15 PM
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    kittie
    welcome home wort!! You`ll have to put your feet up now, at least you will have wimbledon



    I also confess to having a secret pet grandchild, my first born, a boy, who loves his nan to bits, we arm wrestle and he just about manages a cuddle , he is going into puberty soon. I treat them all equally but I have my secret


    I am overtired but not looking foward to going to bed, it is just too flipping stiffling, there is no freshness in the air. I have to have 2 hours of the pedestal fan on, it is low, in the bedroom. I should go up though as I need to pick soft fruit first thing
    • humptydumptybits
    • By humptydumptybits 6th Jul 18, 9:26 AM
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    humptydumptybits
    Not just me then Kittie. I would never let the others know but they don't lose out and I love them all.
    • kittie
    • By kittie 6th Jul 18, 9:44 AM
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    kittie
    LL happy birthday and may each year get better and better than last year. I wish you peace, harmony, happiness as you make that house your home and most of all I wish you the very best of health
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