Self help thread. I am a widow coping getting on with it

lessonlearned · 20 March 2018 at 5:00PM

Poppy....thinking of you. X

Torry_Quine · 20 March 2018 at 5:08PM

(((((Poppy))))). Days like this are hard.

This evening my friend and I are going to see the Peter Rabbit film.

Friday is my birthday but I don't feel there's any point in marking it without him.

[Deleted User] · 20 March 2018 at 5:30PM

hugs poppy. Thinking about you

Personally I think our wedding anniversary and my birthday are the two worst days, I always had a fuss made of me. I go out on the anniversary, visit somewhere like an NT property or go on a steam train ride and I always get talking to people. Birthdays, I buy myself a nice present, have a small bottle of something and let the day pass, january so the weather is often bad. I can cope with christmas, it is a dismal time for many, not just widows. I always get a family visit but it does not often fall on a weekend

Lately I don`t think of any special day, I am often, deliberately, unaware of todays date

poppy811 · 21 March 2018 at 11:05AM

Thank you everyone for your kind messages, they really helped me get through a very bad day. I am doing much better today and have just enrolled on a 4 week Mindfulness with Futurelearn. Hopefully it will help me enjoy the here and now rather than keep worrying about the future.

[Deleted User] · 23 March 2018 at 11:38AM

Those futurelearn courses look very interesting poppy, let us know how you get on. I am not doing any, I would be tempted to be doing one of those mind stretching courses but had enough of studying, I remember when I was grateful to have the time to read a magazine

My freezer, it is definitely flowing as in used for one person now, I only got to this stage last week. Several nice ready meals, mostly, not all, home made and lots of single pull-out portions of meat and fish. It helps me cut that food corner, I need to cut corners or I would be spending too much time on housework and cooking. I use a roomba, my very own robot and that keeps the floors nice and cuts down a lot on dust, better for me than a cleaner because I like my privacy and not being tied down to another person (staranger) being in the house

lessonlearned · 25 March 2018 at 12:17PM

Hello everyone.

Well on the whole I am feeling a lot better this week. Still a bit low at times but trying to stay focussed and positive.

The weekend in London went well, although it was bitterly cold. We even had snow on the Sunday. We managed to go up to the west end and see a matinee on Sunday. A very funny play. When we came out it was snowing so rather than stroll round the west end looking for somewhere really special to eat we just dived into a nearby steakhouse. It was fine. DIL was first in the queue for the embassy on Monday and was in and out in no time, so the trip was very successful and not too tiring for her.

I started my college course on Wednesday, basically just an induction night. The content is exactly what I want and I think I am going to enjoy it. A new challenge and hopefully the first steps to a new and better life.

Poppy - hope you are feeling a bit better. Your course sounds interesting. When does it start.

Kittie....as you know I had a cleaner for a while. And whilst she was very helpful I do know what you mean about being tied down to a regular day.

I think I might just get a cleaning company in every so often to blitz the place and do all the jobs I might struggle with. But first I am going to do another Marie Kondo style sweep to get rid of unwanted clutter.

My house looks fine but some of the cupboards are bulging again. I did my wardrobes last week, got ride of 3 bin liners full. I also culled a few books and CDs. I am aiming to tackle the kitchen next. Now that my son has moved out I cook differently and I no longer need half of the stuff I have. I can cull a lot of the kitchenalia now.

I think if I can streamline everything and get rid of all the excess then it will be much easier to keep things under control. This applies to the garden too. I am going to rejig the garden and make it easier to manage.

I am still thinking about whether to move this year or wait until next. It all depends on whether or not I decide to go for Level 3 on my course next year. I must be careful not to overload myself.

I was thinking I might get the estate agents round after Easter and get a couple of valuations. I suppose I could dip my toe in the water, put it on the market and see what happens.

I am not too concerned about finding another one. If this sold straight away then I could rent for a while whilst I search for my forever home. I could even rent nearer to the college for a while whilst I do my finals, it would certainly make life a lot easier. Battling through the traffic last Wednesday to get to college was not my idea of fun. Not so bad in the summer I can just allow extra time but not sure I want to do that journey over the winter......

Lots to think about......

Beautiful day here. Going to potter in the garden now.

Stay well, hugs to everyone.

poppy811 · 26 March 2018 at 8:49AM

Morning everyone
Out to a U3A meeting this morning and then to my voluntary job this afternoon.
LL and Kittie yes I am enjoying the course, it is 4 weeks online and they reckon there is a minimum study time of 3 hours each week.
Still not sure whether a house move is something I should do. There is very little on the market locally particularly in my price range.

lessonlearned · 26 March 2018 at 10:10AM

Feeling a tad delicate.......dodgy chicken last night. :eek:

Will just have a gentle day.

wort · 26 March 2018 at 5:24PM

Hi poppy I did the future learn mindfulness course a couple of years ago, I enjoyed it, you've reminded me I downloaded a couple of meditation bits that I may look out and try again.
I've been gardening, got rid of some pots, hubby always said we had too many, I felt he was watching and smiling to himself.

White_musk · 29 March 2018 at 5:47PM

I'm so sorry to read all the pain and tears recently, love and hugs to you all. That is why I've been MIA. I did eventually go and see our old house (one minute away from my new house) and it knocked me so hard. I cried buckets day after day after day, it was so painful. I do think (now) I had to let out those tears, I have a feeling I've been holding them in a long, long time and they had to go. I then walked past the house again and a warm feeling passed over me, remembering.

The new house is coming on well, still major things like new boiler and kitchen to do but all the small jobs are now done. I have a fireplace here but there was no fire, so I bought one. I just love sitting curled up on the sofa fluffy dressing gown and socks looking at the glow from the fire, a really peaceful feeling.

I am now convinced moving back to the village was the absolute best thing for me. I love the village and the people and I simply adore my little house.

Since my meltdown I've decided I've let myself go just too much. I have now started eating properly and thrown out all the unhealthy stuff and I've found I'm sleeping better and feeling so much better in myself. I'm also going for a radical (to me) new hairstyle next week, I'm looking forward to that.

I look at photos of my darling hubby I know he would be proud of me. That helps.

Love to all...x

Self help thread. I am a widow coping getting on with it

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