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  • FIRST POST
    • Buggins
    • By Buggins 25th Jan 18, 8:49 PM
    • 316Posts
    • 225Thanks
    Buggins
    Self help thread. I am a widow coping getting on with it
    • #1
    • 25th Jan 18, 8:49 PM
    Self help thread. I am a widow coping getting on with it 25th Jan 18 at 8:49 PM
    Just wanted to put this thread on to replace the missing one. Worried that some people who have been following the old thread might really need it sometime and won't get the support they need/want. It has, and still does, help me.
Page 18
    • kittie
    • By kittie 6th Apr 18, 9:42 PM
    • 12,446 Posts
    • 78,958 Thanks
    kittie
    I am still on the laptop, can not find anything at all bad about the area and street map shows lots of trees and a great, not squashed mix of houses. This area looks really nice, so if the house and access are not to my taste, then I will do a rightmove alert for the area anyway. There is a farm shop and rated cafe about 200 yards away and my dd friends mum lives there and loves it, says it is a great community. It will be lovely to be so handy to dd and the grandchildren

    So yes please everything crossed, first tomorrow I will arrange the viewing, then I know I won`t be able to sit still here, I will have to go and explore the area. My friend will give me some advice about how to offer on a new build. I am happy I found it and am trying very hard to keep my head clear of exciting thoughts. It is one hour away from here.
    • pollypenny
    • By pollypenny 7th Apr 18, 10:13 AM
    • 24,697 Posts
    • 64,516 Thanks
    pollypenny
    That sounds really promising, kittie! Hope it works out.
    Member #14 of SKI-ers club

    Words, words, they're all we have to go by!.

    (Pity they are mangled by this autocorrect!)
    • kittie
    • By kittie 7th Apr 18, 10:49 AM
    • 12,446 Posts
    • 78,958 Thanks
    kittie
    Its amazing, I had three property disappointments and have become much more matter of fact. Viewings on monday, 2 properties.
    • lessonlearned
    • By lessonlearned 7th Apr 18, 12:53 PM
    • 10,489 Posts
    • 66,402 Thanks
    lessonlearned
    Yep.

    In love we have to kiss a few frogs.
    With houses we have to see a few dogs.

    Keep your pecker up, you will find The One.

    Knee a bit easier today. Going to do some more decorating decluttering later .....I have got the bug!!!

    Tomorrow meeting one of the Jolly Dollies for a trip to the cinema and a bite to eat. Going to see Peter Rabbit. Should be fun. I have got my Plex back now so have had a good week catching up on a couple of films.....Dunkirk, The Greatest Showman and Goodbye Christopher Robin, plus TV series Line of Duty.

    I really want to get out and about more, wish the weather would warm up a bit. Itís still not that great here today but I am going to go for walk. Didnít manage it yesterday.

    Sounds mad but walking does actually help my knee .....
    • kittie
    • By kittie 7th Apr 18, 5:16 PM
    • 12,446 Posts
    • 78,958 Thanks
    kittie
    I have been doing my homework, there is a road through the village, looked like a sleepy road on google but I read that it has become a rat run with associated noise and dangers. They are putting speed measures into place but that isn`t going to reduce the numbers of cars. Drat, this is definitely going to colour how I view things. It looks as though it will be unsafe for me to cycle anywhere local and cycling is pretty much at the top of my list for health and just getting out. It is so important to do the homework. I will be going though, it may be special enough to take forward. I am not holding my breath

    I may well go and look at a cottage in my local area. It has been for sale for 3 months and has no bath. I need to discount it. I do know the lanes around there, all quiet and miles of safe cycling. It has very thick walls and a low epc. I will have to reject it if it is dark
    • White_musk
    • By White_musk 7th Apr 18, 5:45 PM
    • 94 Posts
    • 651 Thanks
    White_musk
    I've had a wonderful day reducing my bedroom to zero clutter. It now looks a clean, tidy, peaceful room I want to relax in. I've reduced everything that was on display (toiletries) to none, they are now in the bathroom to be used. All surfaces are clear. Looking at the finished result gave me a huge boost and bigger smile.

    Rainy day here so I've not so much as poked my nose out of the door. FF and cupboards full so I don't need anything so no reason to go out. My living room coffee table looks like a bomb has hit it, it's got all sort of bits I've removed from my bedroom. I have a bin bag by my side and I'm going to sit on my bum with a cuppa and clear the table listening to the rain all cozy and warm.

    Hugs.
    God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, wisdom to know the difference.
    • lessonlearned
    • By lessonlearned 7th Apr 18, 5:55 PM
    • 10,489 Posts
    • 66,402 Thanks
    lessonlearned
    Kittie......there will always be compromises. The trouble is when you start looking at other houses you realise how nice and pleasant your own home is. House hunting can be soul destroying.

    I always prefer doer uppers because I usually dislike the ones that have been done up. At best they are never to my taste and at worst sometimes they make such stupid design errors. I refuse to lay a premium for a house that I am going to have rip apart. I would rather take on a wreck, even it means remedial works.

    Just to play devils advocate here.......do you actually need to move. All things being equal what would would be your preference.

    Could your house be future proofed so that it would work for you if you became less mobile. Or is it really that the location that might not work in years to come. If it is the latter then obviously you need to move but you seem to love the location so much.

    Moving is both costly and stressful. I am sure you have thought it all through but maybe if you take a step back......although of course I appreciate that if it has to be done then better sooner rather than later.

    In my case I know that because of the steep narrow staircase, stepped hallway, steps to the front door, tiered garden, etc this house could never work for me in the long term. The design means it cannot be future proofed. Even if I levelled floors and put in a better staircase or lift there would still be the issue of access. Shame because the location is fine and the current neighbours are lovely.

    Had one of my go to guys round today to look at a couple of jobs that need doing before the house goes on the market, plus a couple of nice to haves. Both nice to haves are in the garden.

    Depending on how much they cost I might just go ahead and get the nice to haves done anyway, because they will make the house more attractive and more saleable. Both will add to the wow factor and make this house stand head and shoulders above the competition.....

    And of course if I decide to stay on for another year or two then I get to enjoy the improvements for a while. Win-win.
    • kittie
    • By kittie 7th Apr 18, 6:21 PM
    • 12,446 Posts
    • 78,958 Thanks
    kittie
    yes I do understand about taking the step back but there will be quite expensive outdoor maintenance in future years. Things are ok now but deterioration will happen, wood problems in future. It is open sunny and airy where I live now, the allotment will be handy from my preferred area too. Cycling is what I am loving, here there is one route, over there are miles and miles and all in the nature reserve. Yes I could wait but I want to do it now, while I can. I may be forced to wait anyway, if nothing appears. Maybe I will be surprised on monday, this time I go with lower expectations so will not be disappointed

    Also I meet far more people over there, went to the shop the other day and got talking to another stranger. Village shops are wonderful social hubs. I am being calm and philosophical, if it is meant to be, then it will happen
    • White_musk
    • By White_musk 7th Apr 18, 6:42 PM
    • 94 Posts
    • 651 Thanks
    White_musk
    Moving house from the family home to my last house was a difficult decision to have to make. I knew what I wanted and thought city living would be better for me as I got older. I made a very costly mistake. The family home was far too large for me alone, I felt like I was just rattling around in this huge space not using at least three rooms that I was still paying to heat etc. This move has been the best thing I ever did. If I knew then what I do now I would have stated in the family home and moved straight here. Life of course is never that easy.

    The moral of MY story is stay put until you find what is perfect for you. This house needs work done but it's not excessive (new kitchen and boiler and possible new bathroom as well as straightening the sloping ceilings) but it's perfect in size and location for me and that is the most important thing by far for me. I know in a year or two, I will have this house exactly how I want it. It needs decorating from one end to the other but at the moment it's clean and eminently liveable.

    Our home as we grow older is more important than ever to be right for us. I have full wheelchair access should it be needed including at the front door. Being a bungalow I won't ever need a stair lift or home elevator all things we should think about.

    Make sure YOU are truly happy, be it in the home you're in now or when considering. For me, location and size were the most important things and I would not have moved into a house that didn't fulfil those requirements. Things like a new kitchen and boiler are nothing compared to being exactly where you want to be and in a home that you walk into and smile.
    God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, wisdom to know the difference.
    • wort
    • By wort 7th Apr 18, 8:41 PM
    • 809 Posts
    • 10,488 Thanks
    wort
    I really couldn't get to sleep last night, and I had the feeling of a weight in my hand as though someone was holding it. I know there may be some explanation for it, but I moved position and noticed it came back. I was crying and smiling at the same time, I hope it was him, and I couldn't tell anyone else but know you here will understand.
    Focus on contribution instead of the impressiveness of consumption to see the true beauty in people.
    • kittie
    • By kittie 7th Apr 18, 9:03 PM
    • 12,446 Posts
    • 78,958 Thanks
    kittie
    yes I do wort. I get the feeling of a hand on my back, like guiding me. Its comforting isn`t it, I am sure there is a parallel dimension. Energy does not die

    My sister has been brilliant, another pair of eyes on every property I will be viewing. On monday and tuesday I will be viewing three very different properties. The third one, the local cottage, she came up with something I thought about three months ago when I saw it for the first time. The exposure to being burgled, the corner, the open sweeping drive at the back, the hidden areas in the garden behind the house, over quite a low wall. Yes I agree. After these three I will honestly sit back and wait, no more travelling to viewings. I will know the right one when I see it and first priority is that it has to be in a place where I feel safe. From tuesday on, I am back to normal living and on monday I will enjoy the outing
    Last edited by kittie; 08-04-2018 at 8:21 AM.
    • kittie
    • By kittie 8th Apr 18, 8:20 AM
    • 12,446 Posts
    • 78,958 Thanks
    kittie
    my dd has just sent a dd1 (and all of us) an e mail with advice about buying a car. He used the word MoSCoW, Must have, Should have, Could have and Won`t have. Perfect for me too, maybe in future I will carve that onto a wooden plaque. Think I will unpack my carving tools!

    Excellent full 8 hour sleep last night, I changed my pillow position. Had been using 3 pillows to make a slope to avoid night time silent gerd but the hip pains were waking me all night. Last night I took gaviscon as it forms a raft of floating, blocking bubbles and used one good pillow, chunky because I am a side sleeper and need the shoulder room. No pains all night. This spine of ours, it needs such tlc, it especially affects the lower joints, throws it all out of alignment

    It is silent here again, that is something I had to come to terms with, always silent and no-one to make me a cup of tea
    • Elona
    • By Elona 8th Apr 18, 9:26 AM
    • 346 Posts
    • 3,535 Thanks
    Elona
    I had a good night's sleep too kittie.

    I need to get up and dressed as youngest is staying over and I want to make her breakfast before popping to the local shop for ingredients to make lunch for four of us (maybe more?)

    We all went for a local walk along a bridle path yesterday and I managed 7000 steps over the day so very pleased with myself.

    Tomorrow is the U3A vintage films show in York so looking forward to that.

    Once family have gone I plan to put my feet up and relax for a while. There is home made chicken and veg soup for tonight and might make a portion of chicken and veg pasta and freeze some.

    Hugs to all
    • kittie
    • By kittie 8th Apr 18, 11:38 AM
    • 12,446 Posts
    • 78,958 Thanks
    kittie
    U3A is on my todo list Elona, I`ll just get more sorting under way first, using the MoSCoW principle, good headway today with wardrobes.
    • White_musk
    • By White_musk 8th Apr 18, 1:36 PM
    • 94 Posts
    • 651 Thanks
    White_musk
    Lovely day here, chilly but bright and sunny. I had planned to wash and peg out the big throw I have on my bed in winter but somehow forgot. Tomorrow is another day.

    I've got lazyitis after a reasonably productive day. I did sleep in a little late today and when I do that it seems to sap my energy so much. I'm not going to sleep in any more. I need to get the vacuum out really, one of my fluffy paws is a shedder and I've noticed the winter coat is beginning to find it's way onto the floor. Also my kitchen needs swept and mopped. I have a little robot vacuum but it won't pick up the hair very well, I may set it loose in the kitchen though.

    Hugs.
    God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, wisdom to know the difference.
    • White_musk
    • By White_musk 8th Apr 18, 5:21 PM
    • 94 Posts
    • 651 Thanks
    White_musk
    I'm in a bit of a pickle. The winter throw when washed and dried has no home. It's quite thick and large and I've no spaces anywhere to store it. The only place I could put it is under my mattress, lay it out and just fold the corners into the middle so it's square and shouldn't come to any harm, should it?

    Dinner bubbling away, it should be ready in about 10-15 minutes. While the oven is on I made a batch of breakfast muffins, they'll do for tomorrow and with using all the veg in the fridge for dinner ready for a fresh delivery tomorrow, it's used up some of the salady bits I had floating around.

    I don't know how I'd cope without an electric chopper and tin opener - godsends.

    Torry, hope you're ok.

    Hugs.
    Last edited by White_musk; 08-04-2018 at 5:22 PM. Reason: Clarity
    God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, wisdom to know the difference.
    • wort
    • By wort 8th Apr 18, 6:48 PM
    • 809 Posts
    • 10,488 Thanks
    wort
    White musk I don't know what your throw is made of- but I keep duvets under the mattress, at the moment the summer one, then they get switched when warmer weather comes along.
    I wish I'd done some washing as it's been nice today, hope tomorrow is as good to do it then.
    Been busy though, coloured my hair, and done lots of cooking, for teas today tomorrow and Tuesday. With some for freezer too. Made scones , a little crumbly but difficult to get right gluten free, they hold together ok with jam and cream .
    Focus on contribution instead of the impressiveness of consumption to see the true beauty in people.
    • Elona
    • By Elona 8th Apr 18, 7:15 PM
    • 346 Posts
    • 3,535 Thanks
    Elona
    White Musk

    How about folding the throw into a square or rolling it into a bolster shape then putting it into a cushion case?

    I did some shopping this morning so don't have to go to shops again this week. The U3A is tomorrow afternoon so can have a quiet morning and get the bus around noon knowing I have home made meals in the freezer, salad veg, eggs and potatoes. I can return a parcel on the way to the bus stop and exchange it for a different size without having to make a special trip.
    • kittie
    • By kittie 8th Apr 18, 7:41 PM
    • 12,446 Posts
    • 78,958 Thanks
    kittie
    I do like the way this thread has evolved to become a support thread throughout daily living with its ups and downs. We are always here for the bereaved, that is why the thread was started, we support and comfort each other. Don`t anyone think we are a clique so that you are worried about joining us, we are definitely not that, we welcome you to the thread that no-one wants to join. You will be with friends who know what you are going through

    Torry we haven`t seen you for a while. Please come and talk to us
    • White_musk
    • By White_musk 8th Apr 18, 8:47 PM
    • 94 Posts
    • 651 Thanks
    White_musk
    I'm not sure what it's made from either. It's just really pretty and covered in sequins and things and I love it. It may well be polyester on one side the other side is quite fluffy (technical term ) it's got a thin layer of stuffing too, it's quite weighty.

    I could roll it up as a bolster but with my lack of storage it would have to go on my bed as a pillow

    Kittie, I totally agree, this is the thread no one wants to join but it's warmth, caring and support is the best.

    I think the throw is going to be folded just enough so it goes under my mattress and I shall spend the summer with my fingers crossed. I would think it'll be fine afterall it goes through roughty toughty on the bed and it should be very peaceful under the mattress.

    I'm worried about Torry.

    Hugs.

    Edit to add: I tried multi post - it didn't work.
    God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, wisdom to know the difference.
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