Your browser isn't supported
It looks like you're using an old web browser. To get the most out of the site and to ensure guides display correctly, we suggest upgrading your browser now. Download the latest:

Welcome to the MSE Forums

We're home to a fantastic community of MoneySavers but anyone can post. Please exercise caution & report spam, illegal, offensive or libellous posts/messages: click "report" or email forumteam@.

Search
  • FIRST POST
    • K.A.P
    • By K.A.P 12th Jan 18, 10:57 AM
    • 19Posts
    • 2Thanks
    K.A.P
    Removing my Ex
    • #1
    • 12th Jan 18, 10:57 AM
    Removing my Ex 12th Jan 18 at 10:57 AM
    Some advice, my ex-partner and I split around 7 years ago. We had a joint mortgage, I put in £85,000 which I can prove as it was from my old property solely in my name but no declaration of trust.

    We did however have it on the deeds that I own 67% he owns 33%, Property was bought for £250,000 now worth £270,000, I have provided 3 valuations, financials are £270,000 property valuation minus £165,000 interest only mortgage.

    Share to him after costs of estate agents for sale and conveyancing are £33,333. I have offered him £30,000 this he did accept now is messing me around.

    This is after saying he would take £25,000 then changing his mind and making it £33,000.
    He basically wants a gagging order, I have said I will sign this but it is not legally binding on the condition that he does not contact me and allows my family to move on with our lives.

    He has said he would rather keep his investment, can he force me to not by him out or sell?

    There is a personal circumstance that makes this quite difficult everything has to be done via solicitor’s and he is scared as well that if I tell his governing body something he may lose his livelihood, and potentially his family name that he has built in the new area he lives as he has something on his criminal record that he has been convicted of against my family that has not been disclosed to them and that would not be liked by the people in his area.

    All I want is to be able to move on with my life, can he either A) say he doesn’t want to cash in his investment? Or B) Refuse to sign unless I sign something legal to say I won’t talk, this I cannot do in the eyes of the law as a civil matter cannot be brought into a transfer of equity.
Page 2
    • K.A.P
    • By K.A.P 12th Jan 18, 3:34 PM
    • 19 Posts
    • 2 Thanks
    K.A.P
    The money i don't care, if it buys our freedom from him that is fine. It is the gagging order that bothers me, he can only tie me but he is trying to make me not tell or he wont let me buy him out the house.

    The law is useless, he had a restraining order whilst he was on licence but now he is just on the list there is no such order, (this i was only told last week).

    He has made it clear he can contact us, this we don't want. But have to sort the house or we will be tied to him forever
    • K.A.P
    • By K.A.P 12th Jan 18, 3:36 PM
    • 19 Posts
    • 2 Thanks
    K.A.P
    He isn't her dad, we never had children together thank god
    • Comms69
    • By Comms69 12th Jan 18, 3:50 PM
    • 2,970 Posts
    • 2,939 Thanks
    Comms69
    The money i don't care, if it buys our freedom from him that is fine. It is the gagging order that bothers me, he can only tie me but he is trying to make me not tell or he wont let me buy him out the house.

    The law is useless, he had a restraining order whilst he was on licence but now he is just on the list there is no such order, (this i was only told last week).

    He has made it clear he can contact us, this we don't want. But have to sort the house or we will be tied to him forever
    Originally posted by K.A.P


    You can get a non-mol if you want. BUT maybe do that after the house is sorted.


    If you aren't planning on telling anyone then just get the non-disclosure agreement sorted.
    • K.A.P
    • By K.A.P 12th Jan 18, 4:07 PM
    • 19 Posts
    • 2 Thanks
    K.A.P
    Does he have to sign that, I was thinking of going along the lines of getting him to sign to say basically if he leaves me alone i will leave him
    • Comms69
    • By Comms69 12th Jan 18, 4:18 PM
    • 2,970 Posts
    • 2,939 Thanks
    Comms69
    Does he have to sign that, I was thinking of going along the lines of getting him to sign to say basically if he leaves me alone i will leave him
    Originally posted by K.A.P


    No, a non-molestation order is an order made by the civil county court, but a breach of which is a criminal offence.


    It is made under the family's act, (s 44/45 I believe)


    What you propose has absolutely no legal basis, don't make up agreements which can only be used against you
    • moneyistooshorttomention
    • By moneyistooshorttomention 12th Jan 18, 4:43 PM
    • 15,839 Posts
    • 43,850 Thanks
    moneyistooshorttomention
    Sounds like you really do need to see a solicitor and have them explain your options to you. Maybe one of those that say they specialise in family matters?

    I'm guessing one of the first questions to ask them about this gagging order would be how long it would be valid for. The second question being as to what would happen if you "spoke out".
    *******************
    • K.A.P
    • By K.A.P 12th Jan 18, 7:29 PM
    • 19 Posts
    • 2 Thanks
    K.A.P
    I have a friend who is a conveyancing solicitor who has been helping but its not her field, just feel like its all mind games atm from him.

    If i issue a C100 i think it is to force the sale how long does that take? we have offered the full amount he is entitled too

    I have paid the mortgage for 7 years independently, maintained the house and paid the maintenance fee for the house

    So i have been more than fair to him, regardless of what he did x
    • TBagpuss
    • By TBagpuss 12th Jan 18, 10:16 PM
    • 6,571 Posts
    • 8,533 Thanks
    TBagpuss
    I think you should talk to a solicitor who specialises in ToLATA cases. This may be a family solicitor but will more likely be someone whose specialism is Litigation.

    Dos he have access to any funds to buy you out? If not, then if you were to apply to court and offer to buy him out at open market value (which is sounds like your £33K offer is) then it's likely that a court would agree that it was appropriate for you do do so. Worst case scenario you might have to look at marketing the property for a set period of time to see if any other offers were received.

    Agreeing not to mention his conviction - this strikes me as extremely dodgy and something you would need proper legal advice about.
    I am not sure whether such an agreement would be binding - it might be considered contrary to public policy, for instance. Wording matters. There are lots of situations where it might be wrong for you not to say anything (if you learned of circumstances where a child was likely to be at risk, for example). You might also need to disclose at least some information to other agencies such as your daughter's school or doctor, so if you go ahead, do make sure that the wording used lets you provide as much information as is needed for anything of that kind, and also explicitly allows you to speak to police, probation, child protection/childrens services etc

    Do you have any evidence of his demands? Has he put anything in writing (including text messages etc) saying he will let you buy him out if you don't disclose his criminal conviction?

    If so, then I would double down on the advice to talk to a litigation lawyer about forcing a sale to you, and forget the idea of a gagging order altogether. If he is trying to coerce you as his price for buying him out (on top of the cash value of his interest) that might be relevant to a court deciding whether to order a sale or a transfer.

    This s a complex situation which covers more than one area of law and you should not even consider it without specialist legal advice.

    Also, if he wasn't a specific order or agreement, he can pay for it. You don't want a gagging agreement, why would you pay for it?
    • Ms Chocaholic
    • By Ms Chocaholic 12th Jan 18, 10:18 PM
    • 9,376 Posts
    • 57,691 Thanks
    Ms Chocaholic
    Does his Probation Officer know he runs a licensed premises and will have contact with children as a result of this.
    Thrifty Till 50 Then Spend Till The End

    You can please some of the people some of the time, all of the people some of the time, some of the people all of the time but you can never please all of the people all of the time
    • Ms Chocaholic
    • By Ms Chocaholic 12th Jan 18, 10:19 PM
    • 9,376 Posts
    • 57,691 Thanks
    Ms Chocaholic
    Another difficulty with the gagging order is that your daughter may speak out about him, not sure of your daughter's age at the moment, she has maybe not reached that age yet.
    Thrifty Till 50 Then Spend Till The End

    You can please some of the people some of the time, all of the people some of the time, some of the people all of the time but you can never please all of the people all of the time
    • moneyistooshorttomention
    • By moneyistooshorttomention 13th Jan 18, 7:06 AM
    • 15,839 Posts
    • 43,850 Thanks
    moneyistooshorttomention
    Another difficulty with the gagging order is that your daughter may speak out about him, not sure of your daughter's age at the moment, she has maybe not reached that age yet.
    Originally posted by Ms Chocaholic
    Which she has every right to do - her life and so her decision.

    This is another reason to consult an appropriate solicitor though - to be quite sure that daughter "living her life" doesnt affect OP "living her life" - ie that any gagging order would only apply to OP and not to her daughter.

    My feeling is that the law would probably reckon that any gagging order would apply to a child up to a certain age and then it was accepted that the child was a "person in their own right" and parent no longer had any legal responsibility for them (or their actions). I'm guessing that that "certain age" would be 16 (the age they can legally marry with parental consent) or 18 (when they are an adult and surely the parent could no longer be held responsible for their actions or make decisions on their behalf).
    *******************
    • K.A.P
    • By K.A.P 13th Jan 18, 7:35 AM
    • 19 Posts
    • 2 Thanks
    K.A.P
    Evidence
    Regarding evidence he has said it 3 times in emails to my friend who is acting on my behalf, the one who is a solicitor

    The thing is as well he keeps changing his demands, he also keeps saying he wants to keep his "investment"

    He was asked 2 months ago to nominate a solicitor but refuses,he wants to represent himself. He has told me to go to court a few times and threatened that if i do take him to court he will make accusations against me

    The allegations are unfounded but still not nice, the allocations are people related not criminal ie i will tell the children's dad bla bla
    • K.A.P
    • By K.A.P 13th Jan 18, 7:37 AM
    • 19 Posts
    • 2 Thanks
    K.A.P
    His Officer
    Yes, they have said as it is a pub that is classed as a place for adults, all i can do is complain to the brewery if i am not happy as the licence may not be in his name it may be in his wives
    • K.A.P
    • By K.A.P 13th Jan 18, 7:38 AM
    • 19 Posts
    • 2 Thanks
    K.A.P
    My Daughter
    My daughter is over the age of 18 now, the offences were going on when she was 11 until she spoke at 13
    • FBaby
    • By FBaby 13th Jan 18, 9:03 AM
    • 16,720 Posts
    • 41,339 Thanks
    FBaby
    So really you both want control over each other's life despite the fact that you (and probably he) claims you want to escape him.

    He clearly believes that the moment he gives you want you want (the house in your name only), you're going to go and tell everyone his history to ruin his life. So you are prepared to ruin his life and he is prepared to ruin yours.

    Unfortunately, it might come down to only two outcomes, you take him to court to force the sell, or you accept the situation for a few more years and try again when he feels less threatened.
    • K.A.P
    • By K.A.P 13th Jan 18, 9:37 AM
    • 19 Posts
    • 2 Thanks
    K.A.P
    I do want to get rid of him, i also want to know he won't try and interfere in our lives in the future. I have no intention of doing anything to him or his family but i also want to know he wont do anything to mine

    it has been 7 years already, i have done nothing to him in that time
    • K.A.P
    • By K.A.P 13th Jan 18, 9:40 AM
    • 19 Posts
    • 2 Thanks
    K.A.P
    The reason i have decided to sort the house now is i am for the first time in a financial position to do so
    • Comms69
    • By Comms69 13th Jan 18, 9:40 AM
    • 2,970 Posts
    • 2,939 Thanks
    Comms69
    If there!!!8217;s a s.45 in place you are limited on what you can say anyway.

    The non-disclosure doesn!!!8217;t affect you.
    • FBaby
    • By FBaby 13th Jan 18, 1:26 PM
    • 16,720 Posts
    • 41,339 Thanks
    FBaby
    The reason i have decided to sort the house now is i am for the first time in a financial position to do so
    So you were happy for him to remain on the deeds/mortgage when it suited you but now that it doesn't, you want to dictate that he sells what is indeed, an investment for him.

    I do understand why you would be desperate to get him off and have the house under your name only, but he doesn't have to oblige just because it's what you want now.
    • K.A.P
    • By K.A.P 13th Jan 18, 1:47 PM
    • 19 Posts
    • 2 Thanks
    K.A.P
    I can see why you would THAT FBaby but its not easy going through that type of situation and emotionally it is very stressful, my youngest is now 18 and i feel it is the right time for my family

    He has not requested that the house be sold before, nor has he contributed to the household or mortgage for the last 7 years

    We didnt have a tenancy agreement so he cannot claim rent for the time i have been here. I put down all of the deposit/equity so that money is morally mine

    He only had financial input into the house for 3 years

    He has also been in prison for some of that time, understandable i did not want to speak to him or have contact with him

    Nor does my daughter, i have also needed to get her to a position where she is ready for us to deal with him and bring that back into our lives
Welcome to our new Forum!

Our aim is to save you money quickly and easily. We hope you like it!

Forum Team Contact us

Live Stats

1,028Posts Today

8,015Users online

Martin's Twitter