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  • FIRST POST
    • cottage_retreatist
    • By cottage_retreatist 10th Jan 18, 3:25 PM
    • 843Posts
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    cottage_retreatist
    My cat died alone and I feel so guilty :(
    • #1
    • 10th Jan 18, 3:25 PM
    My cat died alone and I feel so guilty :( 10th Jan 18 at 3:25 PM
    I wrote a thread like this 3 years ago.
    http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=4955121

    And now I'm writing one again. I got a call this morning to say my beautiful bombay [edit:not bengal as originally said, not thinking straight!] beast of a boy Sinbad passed away last night.

    He had been at a veterinary hospital being treated for hyperthyroid and the thought of him there alone, afraid and without having seen us for a few days breaks my heart

    And I thought I was doing what was best for him.
    Last edited by cottage_retreatist; 10-01-2018 at 4:34 PM.
    Debts @ LBM (May 2013): £25,250.27 | Debt Free: May 2015
Page 1
    • p00hsticks
    • By p00hsticks 10th Jan 18, 3:36 PM
    • 6,250 Posts
    • 6,707 Thanks
    p00hsticks
    • #2
    • 10th Jan 18, 3:36 PM
    • #2
    • 10th Jan 18, 3:36 PM
    And I thought I was doing what was best for him.
    Originally posted by cottage_retreatist
    And I'm sure you were.

    I'm so sorry for your loss - big hugs.
    • Jackmydad
    • By Jackmydad 10th Jan 18, 3:40 PM
    • 2,750 Posts
    • 8,373 Thanks
    Jackmydad
    • #3
    • 10th Jan 18, 3:40 PM
    • #3
    • 10th Jan 18, 3:40 PM
    I'm sorry to hear of your loss too.
    You were doing your best for him.
    • gettingtheresometime
    • By gettingtheresometime 10th Jan 18, 3:40 PM
    • 3,705 Posts
    • 9,178 Thanks
    gettingtheresometime
    • #4
    • 10th Jan 18, 3:40 PM
    • #4
    • 10th Jan 18, 3:40 PM
    I wrote a thread like this 3 years ago.
    http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=4955121

    And now I'm writing one again. I got a call this morning to say my beautiful bengal beast of a boy Sinbad passed away last night.

    He had been at a veterinary hospital being treated for hyperthyroid and the thought of him there alone, afraid and without having seen us for a few days breaks my heart

    And I thought I was doing what was best for him.
    Originally posted by cottage_retreatist


    You were doing the best for him...& never think you weren't.


    It would have been easy to have ignored his symptoms and do nothing.


    Be kind to yourself - you have nothing to reproach yourself over.
    Lloyds OD / Natwest OD / PO CC / Wescott / Argos Card cleared thanks to the 1 debt v 100 day challenge


    Next on the list - JD Williams
    • cottage_retreatist
    • By cottage_retreatist 10th Jan 18, 3:49 PM
    • 843 Posts
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    cottage_retreatist
    • #5
    • 10th Jan 18, 3:49 PM
    • #5
    • 10th Jan 18, 3:49 PM
    thank you all for your comments, i hope we did the best we could, I just feel we went for the easy option rather than the thought of giving him tablets every day and if we'd done that he would not have been left in that hospital with no contact (due to the radiation they had minimal contact with cats being treated).
    Debts @ LBM (May 2013): £25,250.27 | Debt Free: May 2015
    • elsien
    • By elsien 10th Jan 18, 9:57 PM
    • 16,522 Posts
    • 41,704 Thanks
    elsien
    • #6
    • 10th Jan 18, 9:57 PM
    • #6
    • 10th Jan 18, 9:57 PM
    I think feeling guilty is sometimes one of the stages of the grief - there's always a thought that you could have done something differently. If your car had died at home you might be kicking yourself for not giving him every chance with hospital treatment.
    I have an inkling of what you feel - my last girl had to be PTS in kennels when I went on holiday. You can only do what you thought was the right choice at the time - you did do your best for him but sadly it just didn't work out.
    All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

    Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.
    • cottage_retreatist
    • By cottage_retreatist 11th Jan 18, 11:32 AM
    • 843 Posts
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    cottage_retreatist
    • #7
    • 11th Jan 18, 11:32 AM
    • #7
    • 11th Jan 18, 11:32 AM
    I think feeling guilty is sometimes one of the stages of the grief - there's always a thought that you could have done something differently. If your car had died at home you might be kicking yourself for not giving him every chance with hospital treatment.
    I have an inkling of what you feel - my last girl had to be PTS in kennels when I went on holiday. You can only do what you thought was the right choice at the time - you did do your best for him but sadly it just didn't work out.
    Originally posted by elsien
    I'm so sorry about your doggy Elsien. I think its that thing of 'is this real'? thats what I'm feeling right now, cause I didnt see it, I can believe its not true, but it is true. and that is what breaks my heart
    Debts @ LBM (May 2013): £25,250.27 | Debt Free: May 2015
    • bugslet
    • By bugslet 11th Jan 18, 12:19 PM
    • 6,151 Posts
    • 29,599 Thanks
    bugslet
    • #8
    • 11th Jan 18, 12:19 PM
    • #8
    • 11th Jan 18, 12:19 PM
    I had an occasion when I left a dog at a vets overnight, he was very poorly, they rang early evening to say that his lungs were filling with fluid and there was little they could do. I could have said hold on till I get there, but the thought of him suffering for 30 minutes +, was not worth it, so I told them to give him the injection and put him out of his suffering. He was the only dog that I wasn't there for at the end.

    You did the best thing, I believe I did the best thing. It's horrible to think of them being alone and seeing their empty bed and their bowl on the floor, but if you hadn't taken them to the vet, you'd be on asking if you did enough for him. As owners, we can be very hard on ourselves.

    It would have been quick and the vet staff would have stroked him at the end.

    Hugs to you.
    • cottage_retreatist
    • By cottage_retreatist 11th Jan 18, 1:58 PM
    • 843 Posts
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    cottage_retreatist
    • #9
    • 11th Jan 18, 1:58 PM
    • #9
    • 11th Jan 18, 1:58 PM
    I had an occasion when I left a dog at a vets overnight, he was very poorly, they rang early evening to say that his lungs were filling with fluid and there was little they could do. I could have said hold on till I get there, but the thought of him suffering for 30 minutes +, was not worth it, so I told them to give him the injection and put him out of his suffering. He was the only dog that I wasn't there for at the end.

    You did the best thing, I believe I did the best thing. It's horrible to think of them being alone and seeing their empty bed and their bowl on the floor, but if you hadn't taken them to the vet, you'd be on asking if you did enough for him. As owners, we can be very hard on ourselves.

    It would have been quick and the vet staff would have stroked him at the end.

    Hugs to you.
    Originally posted by bugslet
    thank you so much for your kind words. unfortunately the vet has told us he died overnight and they found him in the morning. I can only pray it was quick and painless
    Debts @ LBM (May 2013): £25,250.27 | Debt Free: May 2015
    • paddypaws101
    • By paddypaws101 12th Jan 18, 11:17 AM
    • 2,059 Posts
    • 2,458 Thanks
    paddypaws101
    I am so sorry for your loss, it must have been a great shock. Can the vets explain why he died as understanding may help?
    The radio active treatment is the gold standard and much better than tablets so you really did try and give him the best.
    • charlie3090
    • By charlie3090 12th Jan 18, 2:56 PM
    • 321 Posts
    • 703 Thanks
    charlie3090
    Im so sorry for your loss,
    I feel what you are going through,
    a couple of years ago one of my lovely cats was attacked by a dog
    in my garden,
    god knows how he survived the terrible injuries,
    2 weeks later he went back to the vets just to have a couple of wounds restitched,
    I waited for the vets to call me to pick him up and when they called me it was to tell me had a massive stroke and would not recover.
    The guilt I felt was overwhelming,if I didnt take him that day he would be alive etc,I really felt like I had killed him.
    I still feel devastated by what happened but I know I did the best I could for him.
    I decided that I had to try and make something good from such an awful thing so I adopted an elderly cat that had been chucked in a box and abandoned,no one wanted this cat due to his age (and bad teeth),he deserved a chance and he could never take my other cats place but he gave me something to focus on other that the grief and the guilt,
    please be kind to yourself ,you did your absolute best ,
    Charlie.
    • McKneff
    • By McKneff 12th Jan 18, 3:19 PM
    • 36,034 Posts
    • 46,441 Thanks
    McKneff
    He would just drifted off to sleep and breathing slowed and eventually stopped. He would have felt nothing . Dont beat yourself up. Ive been doing this for 6 months now and this post has helped enormously
    make the most of it, we are only here for the weekend.
    and we will never, ever return.
    • MysteryMe
    • By MysteryMe 12th Jan 18, 9:04 PM
    • 1,830 Posts
    • 2,215 Thanks
    MysteryMe
    I am sorry for everyone's loss of much loved pets in this way. No matter how rational we try to be, there is always guilt and what ifs even though we did what was best for them. My last parrot had been at the Vet undergoing treatment and sadly died during the night. I had had him for 20 years and devastated that I was not there in his final hour. I did appreciate that the Vet took the trouble to ring me himself with the news. There was nothing anyone could have done, he was in expert care. It was 6 years ago and even now as I type this I have a tear in my eye as it brings back the memories of how awful I felt at the time.
    • cottage_retreatist
    • By cottage_retreatist 13th Jan 18, 10:27 AM
    • 843 Posts
    • 2,931 Thanks
    cottage_retreatist
    Thank you all for your very kind words and I'm so sorry to hear about your beautiful fur (and feather) babies. I am going to see him tomorrow so I can say a proper goodbye, I suppose it currently feels just so unreal, and then I suppose the healing has to start?

    My other cat who was so close to him, has started looking round the house for him so I am giving her lots of hugs right now. It just feel so weird not having a beautiful black beauty in my house, and I know if I get another it won't be him even if it looks like him. He was so unique and the perfect companion.
    Debts @ LBM (May 2013): £25,250.27 | Debt Free: May 2015
    • cottage_retreatist
    • By cottage_retreatist 14th Jan 18, 8:51 PM
    • 843 Posts
    • 2,931 Thanks
    cottage_retreatist
    So, sorry to update but it makes me feel a bit better to talk to you all. I went to see him today. His poor little body laid out on the table. He was my baby still, but what made him 'him' has left. But somehow it has helped me come to terms with the fact he has really definitely gone. If that doesn't sound too weird? I am still heartbroken but I have got over the shock though it is still so raw.

    We can collect him again in 10 weeks and then have him cremated. I will need to start looking for a pet crematorium. He was so beautiful it broke my heart seeing his little body lying there, so cold and lifeless.
    Debts @ LBM (May 2013): £25,250.27 | Debt Free: May 2015
    • London Mum
    • By London Mum 21st Jan 18, 8:52 PM
    • 35 Posts
    • 38 Thanks
    London Mum
    cats often go away to die, they don't want people to be present.
    "Unlike people, cats do not anticipate or know about death as we do, so they are not fearing what might happen. Cats are drawing from their evolutionary past in going away to be alone to die, as in the wild there might be larger predators they need to hide from." says Pet Bereavement Counsellor, Dr Sue Dawson.

    I grew up with outdoor cats and none of them died at home, they went away. We found one of them months after disappearance, curled up in the box of sand, and he looked so peaceful, as if he fell asleep. We think he got poisoned and wanted to die alone, that's what cats do. Your cat died alone and it is not necessarily a bad thing for the cat... I understand that it doesn't help your grief though.

    Donating to a cat welfare charity, making a memory book or planting a tree could be ways for you to honour your cat's memory and say goodbye.
    • Bath cube
    • By Bath cube 8th Feb 18, 12:30 AM
    • 187 Posts
    • 84 Thanks
    Bath cube
    I'm so with you on this. My cat died in early June last year. I had Tiggy since August 1998 and I was heart broken. She was showing signs of being ill the evening before. I had to shower her as she wet herself badly that evening. I got her dry and she went in her cat bed and was purring away in our dining room. I got up the next morning and she was still awake purring but didn't want any food and she had her water bowl near her bed. She meowed and looked at my OH I now know she was saying goodbye to him. I was off that day so I gave her a cuddle and went back to bed. When I got up a few hours later I thought it was quiet as she always me owed loudly if she wanted me. I went into the dining room and there she was on her side in her bed with eyes and mouth open. I will never forgive myself and I always wonder if she called out for me and I will never know now. I won't be adopting another as I think I never deserved tiggy for doing this.she seen me through a house move, my gran and mums death and various upsets. When she was younger and living at our previous house she ran through neighbouring gardens to follow me if she was outside and cried for me then ran back home.
    • cottage_retreatist
    • By cottage_retreatist 22nd Feb 18, 11:48 AM
    • 843 Posts
    • 2,931 Thanks
    cottage_retreatist
    I'm so with you on this. My cat died in early June last year. I had Tiggy since August 1998 and I was heart broken. She was showing signs of being ill the evening before. I had to shower her as she wet herself badly that evening. I got her dry and she went in her cat bed and was purring away in our dining room. I got up the next morning and she was still awake purring but didn't want any food and she had her water bowl near her bed. She meowed and looked at my OH I now know she was saying goodbye to him. I was off that day so I gave her a cuddle and went back to bed. When I got up a few hours later I thought it was quiet as she always me owed loudly if she wanted me. I went into the dining room and there she was on her side in her bed with eyes and mouth open. I will never forgive myself and I always wonder if she called out for me and I will never know now. I won't be adopting another as I think I never deserved tiggy for doing this.she seen me through a house move, my gran and mums death and various upsets. When she was younger and living at our previous house she ran through neighbouring gardens to follow me if she was outside and cried for me then ran back home.
    Originally posted by Bath cube
    Bath Cube, I'm so sorry to hear about your poor kitty. I understand what you mean about them being there for you. Sinbad was there for my husband when he lost his father to dementia and losing him has had a double effect on him and brought back all the sorrow of that happening. I am still upset. Is it terrible to say I cry for him still?

    We still haven't been able to properly say goodbye to him. It is 5 more weeks before we can collect him and then we want to do an individual cremation for him. But we are thinking about bringing him home first so the other kitties know we didn't give him away or abandon him.

    Thank you everyone for all your thoughts xx
    Debts @ LBM (May 2013): £25,250.27 | Debt Free: May 2015
    • bugslet
    • By bugslet 22nd Feb 18, 2:59 PM
    • 6,151 Posts
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    bugslet
    May I ask why it's so long before you can pick your lovely kitty up? It seems a long time - sorry if I've missed something.

    I regret not letting Ruby see her half-sister had died at the vets - ended up being very sudden and a rush and I didn't give it a thought, but she definitley got a little low and I think it would have helped to have known what happened. Animals - why do we do it to ourselves.
    • Iamzee
    • By Iamzee 23rd Feb 18, 11:02 PM
    • 61 Posts
    • 70 Thanks
    Iamzee
    I am sorry for your loss. Don't be too hard on your self. You did your best..
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