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  • FIRST POST
    • Cara Delfosse
    • By Cara Delfosse 10th Jan 18, 12:01 PM
    • 2Posts
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    Cara Delfosse
    Friend wrote cheque to me day before he comitted suicide
    • #1
    • 10th Jan 18, 12:01 PM
    Friend wrote cheque to me day before he comitted suicide 10th Jan 18 at 12:01 PM
    My friend of 40 years wrote me acheque the day before he tragically committed suicide. I paid the cheque in not even knowing he had ended his life. It got returned unpaid twice & has now been sent back payee deceased. I've been told by the bank that they cannot do anything & that I contact the person in charge of his affairs. I have tried to do this ( I know her well ) but she is not communicating, about anything. Does anyone know what I should do? As I said I was his best friend for 40 years. It's me wanting to keep one of his last wishes.
Page 1
    • Yorkshireman99
    • By Yorkshireman99 10th Jan 18, 12:15 PM
    • 4,271 Posts
    • 3,486 Thanks
    Yorkshireman99
    • #2
    • 10th Jan 18, 12:15 PM
    • #2
    • 10th Jan 18, 12:15 PM
    My friend of 40 years wrote me acheque the day before he tragically committed suicide. I paid the cheque in not even knowing he had ended his life. It got returned unpaid twice & has now been sent back payee deceased. I've been told by the bank that they cannot do anything & that I contact the person in charge of his affairs. I have tried to do this ( I know her well ) but she is not communicating, about anything. Does anyone know what I should do? As I said I was his best friend for 40 years. It's me wanting to keep one of his last wishes.
    Originally posted by Cara Delfosse
    It is a legitimate debt of the estate and the executor should be told, in writing, that you expect it to be paid in due course, assuming that the estate is solvent.
    • Jenniefour
    • By Jenniefour 10th Jan 18, 1:12 PM
    • 1,311 Posts
    • 1,425 Thanks
    Jenniefour
    • #3
    • 10th Jan 18, 1:12 PM
    • #3
    • 10th Jan 18, 1:12 PM
    I imagine (if she's a relative/close to the deceased) she is in quite some shock about the suicide. As YM suggests, write to her.
    • sheramber
    • By sheramber 10th Jan 18, 4:35 PM
    • 4,792 Posts
    • 3,592 Thanks
    sheramber
    • #4
    • 10th Jan 18, 4:35 PM
    • #4
    • 10th Jan 18, 4:35 PM
    You say you want o carry out his last wishes.

    Did he owe you the money or was it payment for something you were to buy? If it was for a future purchase it may no longer be applicable.
    • Yorkshireman99
    • By Yorkshireman99 10th Jan 18, 4:50 PM
    • 4,271 Posts
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    Yorkshireman99
    • #5
    • 10th Jan 18, 4:50 PM
    • #5
    • 10th Jan 18, 4:50 PM
    You say you want o carry out his last wishes.

    Did he owe you the money or was it payment for something you were to buy? If it was for a future purchase it may no longer be applicable.
    Originally posted by sheramber
    Legally it makes no difference. It is not necessary to prove the reason for the cheque being written. The cheque itself is enough.
    • Cara Delfosse
    • By Cara Delfosse 10th Jan 18, 4:57 PM
    • 2 Posts
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    Cara Delfosse
    • #6
    • 10th Jan 18, 4:57 PM
    • #6
    • 10th Jan 18, 4:57 PM
    No.
    We just received it.
    With the words
    Here's to 40 years of love
    • Yorkshireman99
    • By Yorkshireman99 10th Jan 18, 5:00 PM
    • 4,271 Posts
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    Yorkshireman99
    • #7
    • 10th Jan 18, 5:00 PM
    • #7
    • 10th Jan 18, 5:00 PM
    No.
    We just received it.
    With the words
    Here's to 40 years of love
    Originally posted by Cara Delfosse
    If the cheque is technically correct I.e. words and figures agree then that is all that is required.
    • Margot123
    • By Margot123 10th Jan 18, 6:52 PM
    • 853 Posts
    • 880 Thanks
    Margot123
    • #8
    • 10th Jan 18, 6:52 PM
    • #8
    • 10th Jan 18, 6:52 PM
    The cheque is evidence enough of the deceased's wishes; the note simply backs up their intentions.

    Look upon the cheque as a letter of intent, as if it says 'I ***** am giving you ****** the sum of *****'

    It is a debt that their estate must honour, providing there are sufficient funds.
    • ska lover
    • By ska lover 10th Jan 18, 8:55 PM
    • 2,755 Posts
    • 6,702 Thanks
    ska lover
    • #9
    • 10th Jan 18, 8:55 PM
    • #9
    • 10th Jan 18, 8:55 PM
    More than the money, the cheque was clearly a token of his love + A goodbye. Accept the love.

    The money won't show you he loves you any more than you already know, and is likely to bring stress trying to pursue it
    The opposite of what you know...is also true
    • eddyinfreehold
    • By eddyinfreehold 11th Jan 18, 8:04 AM
    • 159 Posts
    • 118 Thanks
    eddyinfreehold
    What an awkward situation. I am very sorry for all involved. My initial thought is that this is probably not a small sum of money. If it is small or relatively small I would be of a mind to write a brief note to the executor saying that you are very sorry etc etc and return the cheque and tell them to forget all about it.

    It might however be a significant amount and intended as an important parting gift to a friend. Only you can decide what constitutes 'significant,' but if it was 3figures I personally would leave it. People with depression or other disorders very often do strange, inappropriate and random things when 'on a high'. If however you wish to accept the gift then your only option is to write a diplomatic and sympathetic letter to the executors with a copy of the cheque and say that you choose to honour your friend's wishes in due course and put a charge on the estate for that amount. Maybe you feel now is not the time to press the matter, but you will be in touch later.

    On a purely technical point if the gift is over the 3000 annual allowance, or your late friend made gifts totalling over this and his estate is liable for IHT, then the gift will have to be deducted from his allowance. This is for the executor to sort.

    I hope things work out well for all parties.
    • Margot123
    • By Margot123 11th Jan 18, 9:04 AM
    • 853 Posts
    • 880 Thanks
    Margot123
    More than the money, the cheque was clearly a token of his love + A goodbye. Accept the love.

    The money won't show you he loves you any more than you already know, and is likely to bring stress trying to pursue it
    Originally posted by ska lover
    The deceased clearly intended for the OP to receive a monetary gift by way of a 'thank you' for their friendship.
    It would be remiss of the OP not to at least attempt to fulfil that wish. If they don't, then in years to come it may play on their mind that they didn't.
    • Malthusian
    • By Malthusian 11th Jan 18, 9:18 AM
    • 4,255 Posts
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    Malthusian
    The legal question has been clearly answered, so I'm confining myself to the etiquette question.

    say that you choose to honour your friend's wishes in due course and put a charge on the estate for that amount.
    I wouldn't say anything along the lines of "I choose to honour my friend's wishes..." when you're asking for money (which is 100% yours). If the executor is in the wrong frame of mind, it comes across as sanctimonious.

    I would just write to the executor and say "[after some brief condolences] X wrote me this cheque (copy attached) before he died, and I would be grateful if you would administer the estate's debt in due course". I would write a separate letter to the relatives expressing my sorrow. The executor may well get both letters.

    And as per Eddy, if it was less than four figures I would write it off and tell the executor to forget about it.
    • Yorkshireman99
    • By Yorkshireman99 11th Jan 18, 1:12 PM
    • 4,271 Posts
    • 3,486 Thanks
    Yorkshireman99
    What an awkward situation. I am very sorry for all involved. My initial thought is that this is probably not a small sum of money. If it is small or relatively small I would be of a mind to write a brief note to the executor saying that you are very sorry etc etc and return the cheque and tell them to forget all about it.

    It might however be a significant amount and intended as an important parting gift to a friend. Only you can decide what constitutes 'significant,' but if it was 3figures I personally would leave it. People with depression or other disorders very often do strange, inappropriate and random things when 'on a high'. If however you wish to accept the gift then your only option is to write a diplomatic and sympathetic letter to the executors with a copy of the cheque and say that you choose to honour your friend's wishes in due course and put a charge on the estate for that amount. Maybe you feel now is not the time to press the matter, but you will be in touch later.

    On a purely technical point if the gift is over the 3000 annual allowance, or your late friend made gifts totalling over this and his estate is liable for IHT, then the gift will have to be deducted from his allowance. This is for the executor to sort.

    I hope things work out well for all parties.
    Originally posted by eddyinfreehold
    There really is no need for any of this. The cheque on its own is proof of the debt and there is no need to look behind it.
    Last edited by Yorkshireman99; 11-01-2018 at 7:04 PM.
    • ska lover
    • By ska lover 11th Jan 18, 6:31 PM
    • 2,755 Posts
    • 6,702 Thanks
    ska lover
    The deceased clearly intended for the OP to receive a monetary gift by way of a 'thank you' for their friendship.
    It would be remiss of the OP not to at least attempt to fulfil that wish. If they don't, then in years to come it may play on their mind that they didn't.
    Originally posted by Margot123
    very true

    i am all for avoiding stress
    The opposite of what you know...is also true
    • ska lover
    • By ska lover 11th Jan 18, 6:38 PM
    • 2,755 Posts
    • 6,702 Thanks
    ska lover
    The deceased clearly intended for the OP to receive a monetary gift by way of a 'thank you' for their friendship.
    It would be remiss of the OP not to at least attempt to fulfil that wish. If they don't, then in years to come it may play on their mind that they didn't.
    Originally posted by Margot123
    very true

    i am all for avoiding stress + we all have to do what we can live easiest with
    The opposite of what you know...is also true
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