Thank you for all your comments, I would do a multi quote but there are a lot as it has been a wee while since I last stopped by, so let me assure you if you have commented, I have read it, and I have appreciated your response.
OH and I had very different upbringings financially. His Father is an Accountant, his mother a Midwife, so well paid jobs. There was never a single second in his life when he could be said to have struggled financially. His parents respected hard work though, so although it wasn't really necessary he was greatly encouraged to get a part time job whilst living at home, which he did.
Me, on the other hand, where do I begin? For the first ten years of my life I lived in a relatively stable house with two parents. I was from a large family. My Dad had 2 teenage daughters from his first marriage, and he and my mum had 4 kids if you include me. My Dad owned a small building and decorating company, my mum was a part time teaching assistant. We lived in a nice area, probably a bit beyond their means, and having 4 kids didn't help. For the first ten years of my life we were a low income family, but survived, and took advantage of good deals. I didn't feel deprived.
Then, long story short, my mum descended into alcoholism, my Dad's business went bankrupt, my parents split, my Dad brought us up, he became unemployed by the time I was 13 and we lived on benefits for about 3-5 years, I can't quite remember when he found work again.
I was the free school dinners, uniform grants from the school kind of kid. I frequently went without birthday or Christmas presents from my Dad, I knew not to expect them.
I have been almost completely financially independent since I was 16 in some ways. I was lucky in that my Grandparents gave each of their grandchildren £3000 when they turned 16, meaning I could pay my deposits for University.
At University I eventually ended up working two part time jobs to make ends meet, and still I felt I had a lot less then everyone else. I was the only person in each house I lived in that wasn't getting any financial support from their parents.
My OH has never struggled for anything financially. Financially I have struggled for every single thing in my life.
I don't want to sound like I am playing the world's tiniest violin for sympathy, but this is an example I think might sum things up.
I have recently bought a dressing gown (with vouchers). It is the only dressing gown I have ever owned in my life.
My OH has always had dressing gowns, in fact he has one in our house, and one at his parents house for when we stay over.
I barely had PJ's growing up. For most of one term in Year 6 (when my mum's drinking was bad) I slept in my school uniform. Dressing gowns were an unnecessary purchase, that would never have been considered at any point in my life. Maybe no one will understand this but dressing gowns were always seen as some sort of 'rich person's item' to me, it's not like you actually need one, but a lot of people have them, or seem to, maybe I just hang out with a lot of dressing gown fans.
Even though OH and I set budgets for Christmas and Birthday's he will always spend more on me though.
To be honest I can handle just about everything he has set money wise, apart from the whole not supporting me if we have children and I am a stay at home mum. Maybe he wasn't being serious about that? I agree with what everyone had said in that that will be discussed heavily before we even consider having children.
In terms of the part time job situation. I have applied and interviewed for a certain retail store, which if I'm honest doesn't really line up with my ethical beliefs (but in general I am against the concept of Fast Fashion across any store), but I am yet to hear back.
It is 8 hours, so 4 sat, 4 sun. I think my limit in terms of jobs would be that sort of hours, I think I could just about cope with that. Or maybe my enthusiasm for being able to pay off my debts by the time I'm 30 would keep me going.
And to go back to what you said (I think) JVR, yes, I definitely do more housework and cooking, especially the washing up, and always have done, and particularly did so when out of work. I think I definitely put his needs ahead of mine, I do the chores so that he can get on with things. Again I once approached him with the idea that this work has a monetary value, but I think you can guess his response.
I don't want to sound like I am brainwashed, but he is a nice guy, I think we just are wildly different when it comes to money.
What does annoy me is he seems incapable of doing anything for himself. I am fiercely independent and do everything for myself (it's for this reason I know I would be a terrible manager as I am incapable of asking anyone for help or delegating tasks) and if I so much as shift on the sofa I get a barrage of 'Can you get me a glass of water?/Can you fetch my laptop charger? Can you turn off the dining room light?' and I'm just like...???? If you need those things doing why haven't you done them yet?
We have some sort of division of tasks in that I do the majority of the cooking during the week and on Sunday's OH cooks the main meal.
I'm not really allowed to watch the shows I like if he doesn't like them when he is around either...
Ok, so it sounds very much like an abusive relationship, but I hope I would know if it truly was.
I don't know what to do really, I have never been this in love with anyone, and I do feel that OH well and truly has my back and will support me through anything, and something I am absolutely sure of is he loves me, but yes, I'll agree, there are a lot of problems in our relationship.
I think the reason why I respect some of OH's financial decisions, is because I suspect if I was in his situation I would be the same...maybe. I don't know. I kinda feel guilty if I have something and someone else doesn't. I talk about wanting to be the richest person in the world so I can give all the money away and save the planet. I would be ashamed of myself if I was well off financially and someone I loved was struggling financially and I didn't help them.
Maybe we are not the same.
Sealed Pot Challenge 11 #553
£1000 Emergency Fund Challenge #253
Wombling free 2017 = £2195.92
Pay off all your debts by Xmas 2017 #53 (£3168.45/£3000)
February 2018 Credit Card Debt: £3885