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  • FIRST POST
    • March2012
    • By March2012 8th Jan 18, 1:37 AM
    • 446Posts
    • 16Thanks
    March2012
    When partner moves in...
    • #1
    • 8th Jan 18, 1:37 AM
    When partner moves in... 8th Jan 18 at 1:37 AM
    Posting on behalf of a friend. My friends partner moved in a few years ago and the relationship has always been unstable as he is always in moods. She has paid all the bills for years with a bit of contribution but not covering it over the years. It is her house with a mortgage. He feels he owns nothing and at the same time hardly contributes and she always struggling to find the money. He has a bad attitude and she doesnt feel she could marry in even after all these years (and he says ge would not get married again). The whole thibg seems a wadte of time but there is a teenager involved. What recommendations would u have moving forward? I know the living toghether agreementmight have been a good idea but was not thought of till years late and im not sure how at this stage it could even be implemented. Any ideas greatly appreciated.
Page 1
    • Comms69
    • By Comms69 8th Jan 18, 9:58 AM
    • 2,970 Posts
    • 2,939 Thanks
    Comms69
    • #2
    • 8th Jan 18, 9:58 AM
    • #2
    • 8th Jan 18, 9:58 AM
    Ideas for what? I don't understand the goal


    It's probably best he's not contributing if he's not on the mortgage.
    • hazyjo
    • By hazyjo 8th Jan 18, 10:32 AM
    • 10,648 Posts
    • 13,925 Thanks
    hazyjo
    • #3
    • 8th Jan 18, 10:32 AM
    • #3
    • 8th Jan 18, 10:32 AM
    Does she actually want to leave him? My sister has been with her partner for around 25 years. They fight, moan, argue, the kids hate him - one even called the police on him, but will they split up? Never.


    My idea would be 'leave him'. Will she ever hear my advice or take it? Doubt it very much.


    Also don't really get what you're asking and why you're asking it.
    Last edited by hazyjo; 08-01-2018 at 1:21 PM.
    2018 wins: Single Malt Whisky; theatre tickets; festival tickets; year of gin(!); shoes
    • TBagpuss
    • By TBagpuss 8th Jan 18, 12:55 PM
    • 6,570 Posts
    • 8,536 Thanks
    TBagpuss
    • #4
    • 8th Jan 18, 12:55 PM
    • #4
    • 8th Jan 18, 12:55 PM
    If she is fed up she can tell him he needs to move out. As they are not married he has no automatic rights to remain in the property.

    If she doesn't want him to move out, then she could still insist on a cohabitation agreement now, and make it a condition of him continuing to live there.

    If 'having moods' means he is violent, threatening or abusive then she should take steps to ensure that she is safe, which might include speaking with the police, if necessary asking them to attend when she tells him to go, getting the locks changed as soon as he is out of the house and so on.

    She has no right to retain or dispose of his belongings unless she has given him reasonable notice - e.g. giving him written notice he has x weeks to arrange to collect them, after which she will arrange to dispose of them.

    unless she has reasons to feel she would be unsafe, it would be reasonable (although not absolutely required) to give him notice that she wants him to move out, say 2-4 weeks, so he has time to make other arrangements.

    How is the teenager involved? Are they his child, her child, or their child? There is nothing to stop them continuing to have a relationship with both parents even if the parents separate, and if the teenager is the boyfriend's child, then your friend can take that into account in deciding how much notice to give her partner, and indeed whether she requires the teenager to leave at the same time
    • spirit
    • By spirit 8th Jan 18, 2:34 PM
    • 2,717 Posts
    • 6,213 Thanks
    spirit
    • #5
    • 8th Jan 18, 2:34 PM
    • #5
    • 8th Jan 18, 2:34 PM
    I would question what she is getting out of this 'relationship'.


    The answer to that tells her what she needs to do next.
    Mortgage free as of 10/02/2015. Every brick and blade of grass belongs to meeeee.
    • Comms69
    • By Comms69 8th Jan 18, 2:37 PM
    • 2,970 Posts
    • 2,939 Thanks
    Comms69
    • #6
    • 8th Jan 18, 2:37 PM
    • #6
    • 8th Jan 18, 2:37 PM
    I would question what she is getting out of this 'relationship'.


    The answer to that tells her what she needs to do next.
    Originally posted by spirit
    I'm sure there are tens of thousands of men who ask the same question every single day...
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