Your browser isn't supported
It looks like you're using an old web browser. To get the most out of the site and to ensure guides display correctly, we suggest upgrading your browser now. Download the latest:

Welcome to the MSE Forums

We're home to a fantastic community of MoneySavers but anyone can post. Please exercise caution & report spam, illegal, offensive or libellous posts/messages: click "report" or email forumteam@.

Search
  • FIRST POST
    • Karmacat
    • By Karmacat 2nd Jan 18, 3:38 PM
    • 28,978Posts
    • 164,922Thanks
    Karmacat
    Travelling On
    • #1
    • 2nd Jan 18, 3:38 PM
    Travelling On 2nd Jan 18 at 3:38 PM
    2018 really is a “travelling on” year for me: the final push, as far as finances and organisation are concerned. But I still need to look after the rest of me, so here it all is, adapted from the review I did on the last few pages of my previous diary:

    Make good memories.
    Building on last year. Carrying on reconnecting with old friends and new.
    Make new friends, especially locally.
    Our little board games group - we're all retired now!
    Rejoin the local writing group?

    Plus holidays and creative work, see below.

    Holidays
    A UK holiday for all three of us, probably to Hadrian's Wall.
    A cruise: current thinking is a 14 day-er with Tui to Norway; you could really do Norway in that time.

    Creativity
    I wanted to do lots of writing around one blog, and lots of design work around another, and I haven't done either of those things. I've missed it. A second edition of my original kindle book is needed, a new kindle is nearly ready, I can do a novel. There are a couple of options for another factual one.

    And if I'm ever going to design any cat cards or geometric patterns, this is the year.

    Jobs around the house
    The house is definitely my house now, not a work-live space. Replaster the hall, repair the hardstanding and the patio, some electrical work on the ground floor. Lots of other bits that are really little.

    Garden
    Weeding, getting compost, topsoil and bark chippings down, so I can plant edible perennials.
    Frences need weatherproofing. Prunings from hedging plants need burning to add to the soil.

    Health
    I'm carrying on
    getting better – need to get enough sleep. And I need stamina and strength – just enough to have a day out in London for instance.
    Healthy walks run by the local council. Dance classes, by the end of the year?

    Finances.
    MSE wins
    Swagbucks and You Gov right now, but I'll be going for Pinecone Research and Prolific Academic. Anything of that type that I can do from my armchair!
    Pensions
    I haven't done anything – luckily, the Stock Market hasn't collapsed, but I really do need to safeguard it, simply because I don't earn money any more.
    Online Sales
    I've kept some items back from the charity shop, things that will probably net £5 or more. Spread throughout the year, do it or donate it.
    Change current account
    HSBC have irritated me with their crazy fraud software for the last time. When my Regular Saver terminates, I'm moving.
    Insurance
    I just renewed last year, for ease, it was less than a month after the funeral. But I want a cheaper alternative, and I need to get quotes for insurance of all this jewellery I now have.

    Accounts
    2016/17 in the UK, and 2017 in France. I don't know if I'll need to do UK accounts after this year – I might have to, even though I've no UK earnings, because of the French apartment.
    French accountant
    I have the possibility of shifting accountant, people have got a computer programme going for leaseback properties like mine. Do I take the risk of moving? I'll have to decide really soon. Probably not worth it if I'm selling.
    Tackle French mortgage.
    The mortgage ends in September next year! About 630 euros a month goes to capital repayment, and the interest rate is 0.95% p.a.
    Ability to sell the French apartment?
    If I could sell it without penalty (huge VAT payment) I'd love to get rid of it now. I don't care too much what I'd get for it, even.
    My mother's house
    We'll be putting it up for sale in the summer; it was recently rewired, which is good, but it's still a fixer-upper, there's no doubt. Quite a bit of work in it.

    Counting Blessings”,says greent.
    I used to do that all the time. Last year felt short on blessings, to be honest, but even so my brother and sister and I have come together very strongly, we've met up with the Norfolk rellies, a new baby was born, I went catsitting twice, and that's just the big stuff.
    Next year will be more settled in the basics, so that everyday events feel more fun, and there'll be lots more opportunity for fun one-offs: I'm off to London this week and the next for days out. Another baby will be born in summer 2018!

    Retired August 2016
Page 17
    • Karmacat
    • By Karmacat 13th Feb 18, 1:41 PM
    • 28,978 Posts
    • 164,922 Thanks
    Karmacat
    Found it. In a pocket of the jeans draped by my bed .... hey ho. Thats an hour wasted! Best reason for good organisation I ever heard ...
    Retired August 2016
    • edinburgher
    • By edinburgher 13th Feb 18, 1:48 PM
    • 11,070 Posts
    • 59,368 Thanks
    edinburgher
    But it would only let them capture my MSE password wouldn't it? They're welcome to it if they're that desperate .

    I used to know about session & permanent cookies and opting in/out and stuff .
    Originally posted by gallygirl
    Just in case you're in any doubt as to whether or not it's the real gallygirl, see if she can pass a Turing test. The real GG will know that Alan Turing invented the tumble dryer light

    There was a film with Bendedict Cummerbund and everything - think it was called The Agitation Game?
    Last edited by edinburgher; 13-02-2018 at 1:52 PM.
    • rtandon27
    • By rtandon27 13th Feb 18, 3:53 PM
    • 2,143 Posts
    • 13,599 Thanks
    rtandon27
    ^^^
    : d :
    Last edited by rtandon27; 14-02-2018 at 9:19 PM. Reason: Smilies not working!
    ONE YEAR & 5 MONTHS DEBT FREE!!! (24 OCT 2016)
    (With heartfelt thanks to those who have gone before us & their indubitable generosity.)
    • maddiemay
    • By maddiemay 13th Feb 18, 4:39 PM
    • 3,450 Posts
    • 31,660 Thanks
    maddiemay
    Found it. In a pocket of the jeans draped by my bed .... hey ho. Thats an hour wasted! Best reason for good organisation I ever heard ...
    Originally posted by Karmacat
    Pleased that you have found it, it is the type of thing that I do often and I get so mad at myself for the waste of all the mental and physical energy involved, particularly when there is rarely any energy spare anyways
    • ZTD
    • By ZTD 13th Feb 18, 6:06 PM
    • 23,730 Posts
    • 42,857 Thanks
    ZTD
    The real GG will know that Alan Turing invented the tumble dryer light
    Originally posted by edinburgher
    So who invented the full fat tumble dryer?
    "Follow the money!" - Deepthroat (AKA William Mark Felt Sr - Associate Director of the FBI)
    "We were born and raised in a summer haze." Adele 'Someone like you.'
    "Blowing your mind, 'cause you know what you'll find, when you're looking for things in the sky."
    OMD 'Julia's Song'
    • pinkypig
    • By pinkypig 13th Feb 18, 7:04 PM
    • 1,137 Posts
    • 9,459 Thanks
    pinkypig
    Well done on the reading Karma xx
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 13th Feb 18, 7:52 PM
    • 52,748 Posts
    • 207,272 Thanks
    beanielou
    Glad that you found your card.
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 2 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.***
    ***Keep plodding***
    Out of debt, out of danger.
    • gallygirl
    • By gallygirl 13th Feb 18, 9:18 PM
    • 16,548 Posts
    • 109,307 Thanks
    gallygirl
    Just in case you're in any doubt as to whether or not it's the real gallygirl, see if she can pass a Turing test. The real GG will know that Alan Turing invented the tumble dryer light

    There was a film with Bendedict Cummerbund and everything - think it was called The Agitation Game?
    Originally posted by edinburgher
    I fell for that ed till I read the second para.

    So who invented the full fat tumble dryer?
    Originally posted by ZTD


    Churchill?

    Glad you've found the card KC - have you worked out why it was there?
    A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort
    Mortgage Balance = £0
    "Do what others won't early in life so you can do what others can't later in life"
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 13th Feb 18, 9:55 PM
    • 52,748 Posts
    • 207,272 Thanks
    beanielou
    It's our age
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 2 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.***
    ***Keep plodding***
    Out of debt, out of danger.
    • themadvix
    • By themadvix 14th Feb 18, 10:12 AM
    • 1,553 Posts
    • 9,169 Thanks
    themadvix
    Glad you found the card - I hate that feeling of rising panic when I mislay something important like that! Hope it didn't take too much out of you.
    OPs 2017 = £3103
    S&S ISA 2017 = £626
    OPs 2016 = £6142.12
    Starting balance 2012: £132000; balance Dec 2017: £96,822
    MFW2017 no. 38
    • carbootcrazy
    • By carbootcrazy 14th Feb 18, 11:17 AM
    • 4,600 Posts
    • 26,051 Thanks
    carbootcrazy
    Found it. In a pocket of the jeans draped by my bed .... hey ho. Thats an hour wasted! Best reason for good organisation I ever heard ...
    Originally posted by Karmacat
    It's an awful feeling isn't it, feverishly searching everywhere and then even going back and looking in the same places again just in case I missed it the first time. I'm glad your search had a happy ending


    I lost my debit card recently and was driving myself crazy searching for it. Turned out to be under my laptop. I never though to look there but I'd had the card out to pay for something online and it must have slipped between the laptop and the laptray I have it on. Taught me to always put things back in their rightful place as soon as I've finished with them
    Make £10 A Day Challenge 2018: Jan-Mar: £475.38+. Apr: £269.95


    Original Debt: £56804 (@ LBM 02/13). Now: £10005
    . Getting there.
    • Karmacat
    • By Karmacat 14th Feb 18, 1:28 PM
    • 28,978 Posts
    • 164,922 Thanks
    Karmacat
    Aww, thank you folks (with thanks to Alan Turing, poor man ). The card was where it was for exactly the same reason as CBC's went missing: pay for something online and don't replace it immediately .... such is life.

    Rainy rainy rainy ... but I've figured out what it is with the apoca-book: I need to keep to the outline I write and not get distracted. It's not a history of the future world, its the story of a village in that world.

    Still got distracted, though, by scanning actually that was the main thrust of this morning. I've been scanning the artwork my mum did as an evacuee coming up to her equivalent of GCSEs, its actually really good. I want us all to have scans of everything, all her patchwork too, and then the original pieces get distributed. Rainy day is a good day to do this stuff.

    And hurray, bit of a social thing this afternoon, a friend has a meeting in my town, and I'll pop over to see her afterwards.
    Retired August 2016
    • carbootcrazy
    • By carbootcrazy 14th Feb 18, 2:57 PM
    • 4,600 Posts
    • 26,051 Thanks
    carbootcrazy
    I just came to say that my brother (who I mentioned recently) passed away this morning. I did go to see him at the weekend, I didn't wait for the OK from him or anyone else, I just phoned SIL to say I was coming.


    He had had a relapse and was in hospital but everyone thought it was temporary and he would be able to go home again very soon. According to SIL when we spoke on the phone prior to my setting off to see him he'd eaten and was sitting up and talking, even playing a game of chess with his teenage grandson. Seemed to me like the best time for me to go. By the time I arrived late that same day he was drifting in and out of consciousness and his children and teenage grandchildren were all there with him in his tiny side room. I'm short but they are all so tall! The room seemed jam-packed with people, several of whom I didn't know. I felt so awkward and out of place although everyone was really nice to me.


    I tried to talk to him but it was very 'public' so I felt very inhibited with so many people in such close proximity to us both and I don't know if he even heard me because he was unresponsive to everyone and everything there. There was just this terrible laboured breathing sound from him. He wasn't looking at anything, his head was thrown back and his eyes were wide open but just motionless. I came away feeling I'd failed in what I'd needed to do and I made the long journey home.


    The consultant and SIL decided early next morning that the kindest option, as there was absolutely no hope left, was to withdraw 'treatment' and just give palliative care. I'm not sure exactly what that meant, it wasn't the time to start questioning anyone on the phone. He was transferred to a special individual suite they use for end of life care with a sofabed for SIL and a small kitchen and bathroom. She'd been by his side non-stop for 3 days and nights by that stage, just catching a few short naps in an upright chair by his bedside so it must have been a godsend for her.


    I don't think anyone expected the end to come so quickly, the staff included. They intimated it would probably be several days. I had everything packed to go again first thing tomorrow. OH, in typical unsympathetic manner, said he thought it pointless ('stupid' was the word he used actually) to go all that way again as to all intents and purposes he had already 'gone'. I knew my brother wouldn't be able to speak to me but I thought I could sit there with him, just the two of us in a less crowded and more private situation for a short while, so I could talk to him. Even if he hadn't been able to understand me it would have brought some closure for me. I'm ashamed of myself for thinking like that, of myself rather than him, but it's true.


    Now there's so much left unspoken, unexplained and apologised for. I'll just have to live with that but it's going to be hard.


    So sorry to have monopolised your diary, KC but I felt you of all people would understand. I can't unburden myself at home, obviously
    Last edited by carbootcrazy; 14-02-2018 at 3:10 PM.
    Make £10 A Day Challenge 2018: Jan-Mar: £475.38+. Apr: £269.95


    Original Debt: £56804 (@ LBM 02/13). Now: £10005
    . Getting there.
    • smallholdingsister
    • By smallholdingsister 14th Feb 18, 3:06 PM
    • 3,591 Posts
    • 30,112 Thanks
    smallholdingsister
    God Bless car boot. Harsh words from your DH.
    • ZTD
    • By ZTD 14th Feb 18, 6:23 PM
    • 23,730 Posts
    • 42,857 Thanks
    ZTD
    I tried to talk to him but it was very 'public' so I felt very inhibited with so many people in such close proximity to us both and I don't know if he even heard me because he was unresponsive to everyone and everything there. There was just this terrible laboured breathing sound from him. He wasn't looking at anything, his head was thrown back and his eyes were wide open but just motionless.
    Originally posted by carbootcrazy
    Hearing is the last sense to go, and the first to come back. It is likely he heard you since your description is not of someone asleep.

    BTW, this is why it is important to keep talking to people in RTAs and other traumatic incidents, often the voice from the darkness is the only thing telling them they're still alive.

    OH, in typical unsympathetic manner, said he thought it pointless ('stupid' was the word he used actually) to go all that way again as to all intents and purposes he had already 'gone'.
    Originally posted by carbootcrazy
    Some people prefer the certainty of "not trying" than the uncertainty brought by "might succeed".

    I knew my brother wouldn't be able to speak to me but I thought I could sit there with him, just the two of us in a less crowded and more private situation for a short while, so I could talk to him. Even if he hadn't been able to understand me it would have brought some closure for me. I'm ashamed of myself for thinking like that, of myself rather than him, but it's true.
    Originally posted by carbootcrazy
    All "end of life" events (such a last visits and funerals) are for the living. The dead have few regrets at that stage.

    Now there's so much left unspoken, unexplained and apologised for. I'll just have to live with that but it's going to be hard.
    Originally posted by carbootcrazy
    "Follow the money!" - Deepthroat (AKA William Mark Felt Sr - Associate Director of the FBI)
    "We were born and raised in a summer haze." Adele 'Someone like you.'
    "Blowing your mind, 'cause you know what you'll find, when you're looking for things in the sky."
    OMD 'Julia's Song'
    • Karmacat
    • By Karmacat 14th Feb 18, 8:30 PM
    • 28,978 Posts
    • 164,922 Thanks
    Karmacat
    I just came to say that my brother (who I mentioned recently) passed away this morning. I did go to see him at the weekend, I didn't wait for the OK from him or anyone else, I just phoned SIL to say I was coming.
    Originally posted by carbootcrazy
    So sorry to hear your news, CBC, but very glad that you simply decided to take matters into your own hands and go see him. You weren't getting any cooperation about that, as I remember.

    He had had a relapse and was in hospital but everyone thought it was temporary and he would be able to go home again very soon. According to SIL when we spoke on the phone prior to my setting off to see him he'd eaten and was sitting up and talking, even playing a game of chess with his teenage grandson. Seemed to me like the best time for me to go. By the time I arrived late that same day he was drifting in and out of consciousness and his children and teenage grandchildren were all there with him in his tiny side room. I'm short but they are all so tall! The room seemed jam-packed with people, several of whom I didn't know. I felt so awkward and out of place although everyone was really nice to me.
    So he had a last flare-up of life, connecting with people, thats something. It sounds like it was overwhelming for you, with the heights of them all as much as anything - but it **is** an awkward situation. I don't think anything is ever going to make it easy to be at a deathbed in a hospital. Overnighting while my BiL died in St George's in Tooting was the worst night of my life.

    I tried to talk to him but it was very 'public' so I felt very inhibited with so many people in such close proximity to us both and I don't know if he even heard me because he was unresponsive to everyone and everything there. There was just this terrible laboured breathing sound from him. He wasn't looking at anything, his head was thrown back and his eyes were wide open but just motionless. I came away feeling I'd failed in what I'd needed to do and I made the long journey home.
    I do feel for you with your meeting being 'public', as you say - but Z nails it in the post above mine, that hearing is the last to go, I'm absolutely sure that its important you spoke to him. I'm so sorry you felt that you'd failed as you went home - what stands out to me is that you're absolutely bound to feel bad after a scene like that, even though he wasn't expected to die so shortly afterwards it's very distressing to see and hear someone terminal fighting for breath like that it sounds awful for you.

    The consultant and SIL decided early next morning that the kindest option, as there was absolutely no hope left, was to withdraw 'treatment' and just give palliative care. I'm not sure exactly what that meant, it wasn't the time to start questioning anyone on the phone. He was transferred to a special individual suite they use for end of life care with a sofabed for SIL and a small kitchen and bathroom. She'd been by his side non-stop for 3 days and nights by that stage, just catching a few short naps in an upright chair by his bedside so it must have been a godsend for her.
    All of that sounds very appropriate, CBC - I know that withdrawing treatment and only giving nursing/palliative care can sound awful, but it seems to me that it can be the least-worst alternative, providing care and support and nourishment and pain relief while not prolonging it by offering treatments that you know are useless.

    I don't think anyone expected the end to come so quickly, the staff included. They intimated it would probably be several days. I had everything packed to go again first thing tomorrow. OH, in typical unsympathetic manner, said he thought it pointless ('stupid' was the word he used actually) to go all that way again as to all intents and purposes he had already 'gone'. I knew my brother wouldn't be able to speak to me but I thought I could sit there with him, just the two of us in a less crowded and more private situation for a short while, so I could talk to him. Even if he hadn't been able to understand me it would have brought some closure for me. I'm ashamed of myself for thinking like that, of myself rather than him, but it's true.
    Oh honey, of course you were thinking of yourself too, thats the most natural thing in the world, and its the most natural thing in the world to want to speak to him and to have closure. You can still have a version of that, you know. Will your SiL let you put a card in the coffin? If not, you could write some of what you wanted to say and burn it up in a candle. You could simply light a candle, in your house or your car or anywhere you felt was appropriate, and talk it out loud. You can still do it, you can still communicate with your brother.

    I'm really sorry that you OH displayed that sort of attitude Z nails it again above, when he says the visits are for the living, and that some people can't bear hope and uncertainty.

    Now there's so much left unspoken, unexplained and apologised for. I'll just have to live with that but it's going to be hard.

    So sorry to have monopolised your diary, KC but I felt you of all people would understand. I can't unburden myself at home, obviously
    You sound so isolated, CBC, and it's something to me that you were able to write it here. That's little enough to offer you, but at least its something. I really encourage you to carry on communicating with your brother, in writing, speaking out loud, however you can. I still do with my BiL, although he died in 2009 my relationship with him was both fraught and superficial, very troubling to me. I still do with my mum, also a difficult relationship. Not with my dad, actually, who was a pure soul, full of heart and kindness, no need to try to communicate with him in that way.

    I don't know if you're trying to carry on at home as if nothing has happened, part of me suspects you are because your OH is being so critical even about your brother's death, but you don't have to. There's so much to write in that! But you have the right to your own reactions, CBC, to your own view of life.

    Take care of yourself, and do post here again. If it feels too much, or not right somehow, then pm me, the site is advising nothing identifiable but that doesn't mean feelings, it means no addresses, things like that.

    Please make sure you get some sleep tonight - everything is worse without sleep.

    Sending love and light.
    Retired August 2016
    • Suffolk lass
    • By Suffolk lass 14th Feb 18, 9:12 PM
    • 1,911 Posts
    • 20,211 Thanks
    Suffolk lass
    Hearing is the last sense to go, and the first to come back. It is likely he heard you since your description is not of someone asleep.

    BTW, this is why it is important to keep talking to people in RTAs and other traumatic incidents, often the voice from the darkness is the only thing telling them they're still alive.



    Some people prefer the certainty of "not trying" than the uncertainty brought by "might succeed".



    All "end of life" events (such a last visits and funerals) are for the living. The dead have few regrets at that stage.



    Originally posted by ZTD
    Practical words as usual Z. You are so right. I'm sure many of us have experiences of people dying and it not being as we might have wished.

    CBC you might find it helps you to grieve if you pour out the frustration and the guilt you are hinting at in a written document to nobody but to get it out of your head. Then maybe write a letter to your brother to say all the things you wish you had had a chance to say. I don't know if your relationship with your SIL is as a result of your relationship with your brother or whether she is part of it, but you might find it helps to write to her, if nothing else she has lost her husband somewhat unexpectedly and that is a terrible shock.

    I always try to remember a humorous episode or anecdote I can recall when I think of someone, it helps me and I'm told it helps the family to recall happier times.

    So sorry for your loss and very best wishes
    MFiT T4 #2 update 51.75% after Q8 £5,203 behind where I should be
    Save £12k in 2018 #53 - after Feb 13.3%/£10,000
    OS Grocery Challenge 2018 spent £452.64/£3,000 including stores so far
    My DFD is here
    • Karmacat
    • By Karmacat 15th Feb 18, 9:04 AM
    • 28,978 Posts
    • 164,922 Thanks
    Karmacat
    CBC you might find it helps you to grieve if you pour out the frustration and the guilt you are hinting at in a written document to nobody but to get it out of your head. Then maybe write a letter to your brother to say all the things you wish you had had a chance to say. I don't know if your relationship with your SIL is as a result of your relationship with your brother or whether she is part of it, but you might find it helps to write to her, if nothing else she has lost her husband somewhat unexpectedly and that is a terrible shock.

    I always try to remember a humorous episode or anecdote I can recall when I think of someone, it helps me and I'm told it helps the family to recall happier times.
    Originally posted by Suffolk lass
    That's good advice too, thanks SL.

    CBC, come back as soon as you feel okay to do so.
    Retired August 2016
    • Karmacat
    • By Karmacat 15th Feb 18, 9:07 AM
    • 28,978 Posts
    • 164,922 Thanks
    Karmacat
    This morning ... I'm preparing the house for the next influx of Stuff, as I'm away on a trip to Merseyside at the end of next week - I need to get stuff out of here, and then clean a few places, particularly as there's a chance my brother will arrive with the Stuff before I can make it back down on the train.

    Plus paperwork -pay ccs, and get a new passport before the prices go up. And blog. Better get on with it!
    Retired August 2016
    • themadvix
    • By themadvix 15th Feb 18, 9:30 AM
    • 1,553 Posts
    • 9,169 Thanks
    themadvix
    So sorry to hear your news CBC - I hope you're taking things gently and allowing yourself time to process/grieve. As others have said, I'm sure your brother heard you. x

    You're up and at it early this morning KC! Good luck with your to-do list
    OPs 2017 = £3103
    S&S ISA 2017 = £626
    OPs 2016 = £6142.12
    Starting balance 2012: £132000; balance Dec 2017: £96,822
    MFW2017 no. 38
Welcome to our new Forum!

Our aim is to save you money quickly and easily. We hope you like it!

Forum Team Contact us

Live Stats

376Posts Today

4,776Users online

Martin's Twitter
  • RT @mmhpi: Third time lucky? After being delayed twice, tomorrow MPs are due to debate our #RecoverySpace proposals in parliament. @helen_u?

  • Just a quick note. I've been overwhelmed by the strength of support by my campaign to stop facebook fake ads today? https://t.co/KexhjVVznY

  • RT @mmhpi: On the eve of tomorrow's #RecoverySpace debate in parliament, we just delivered our 10,000 letters to the Chancellor. People in?

  • Follow Martin