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  • FIRST POST
    • mariposa687
    • By mariposa687 1st Jan 18, 7:27 PM
    • 96Posts
    • 113Thanks
    mariposa687
    On-line dating experiences?
    • #1
    • 1st Jan 18, 7:27 PM
    On-line dating experiences? 1st Jan 18 at 7:27 PM
    I signed up for on-line dating at the end of last year. Been on one date, and all going to plan, I've said yes to a second date. Chatting to a few people, my profile pictures are decent (and up to date) and my profile is fairly well written.

    Something doesn't feel quite right about it. On-line dating seems quite cold compared to meeting someone in real life. I met my ex on an internship programme abroad.

    I find it stressful keeping up multiple conversations, people who don't respond and seem to end up with quite a few pen pals despite the idea being to go out on dates!. I also feel uncomfortable that the guys I go on dates with are talking to multiple people as well, even though I am too.

    Has anyone else tried it and felt the same? Any positive experiences?

    I've paid for 6 months but might not renew after that. I'd much prefer to meet someone through a hobby or similar but I'm 30 now and I do want to have kids so I'm worried that time isn't on my side. My close friends are all in long term relationships have never used online dating so they don't understand, as much as they try to.
Page 6
    • zarabelle
    • By zarabelle 4th Jan 18, 3:36 PM
    • 25 Posts
    • 23 Thanks
    zarabelle
    At most its innocent curiosity if I fit everything they asked for, i.e they specfically asked for someone overweight, liked geeky guys with glasses, interested in say specific anime and video games which were niche and so on its interesting to know if I fit everything perfectly what I was rejected on as it could be as simple as not feeling it.
    Originally posted by dekaspace
    From a woman's point of view, a guy (and this is general, again) asking for feedback would usually use it as a way to either shame the woman who'd rejected him or try and convince her that she's wrong and should go out with him. You know, it never occurred to me to ask the guys who rejected me for feedback. I wonder if it's a man thing.
    • Gavin83
    • By Gavin83 4th Jan 18, 3:57 PM
    • 5,154 Posts
    • 8,377 Thanks
    Gavin83
    I do feel that my answer to the education thing disappointed Gavin as he wanted me to admit that I was a gold digger or something
    Originally posted by zarabelle
    Not at all, I was just curious as to your reason as it's not an uncommon request and I've never really understood why. Even if you had suggested a financial reason I wouldn't have given a negative response. I wouldn't particularly wish to date someone who was a low earner so it would be a bit hypocritical of me to label someone who felt the same.

    Besides I'd consider a gold digger as someone who wanted a partner who earned a lot more than them and basically support them. I really don't think you fit into this category.

    Possibly, but my initial thought would be that education was more indicative of class & intellect.
    Originally posted by AubreyMac
    Well that was my other thought, or maybe they felt someone with a degree would be more interested in more intellectual subjects and debating in general.

    Personally I don't think a degree guarantees a certain salary, a level of intellect or class, especially in the modern age. However there is probably a correlation between these so I can somewhat understand why someone would employ it in order to filter out a long list of potential dates. It still seems like something you'd require from an employee more than a potential partner though.
    • dekaspace
    • By dekaspace 4th Jan 18, 4:02 PM
    • 4,419 Posts
    • 3,938 Thanks
    dekaspace
    From a woman's point of view, a guy (and this is general, again) asking for feedback would usually use it as a way to either shame the woman who'd rejected him or try and convince her that she's wrong and should go out with him. You know, it never occurred to me to ask the guys who rejected me for feedback. I wonder if it's a man thing.
    Originally posted by zarabelle
    Just personal opinion, to me if I said why didnt you like me that could be trying to convince her, and wording as well such as if I said "what did I do wrong" can go either way but most likely be seen as wanting pity.

    If it was feedback its just down to personal opinion.
    • zarabelle
    • By zarabelle 4th Jan 18, 4:04 PM
    • 25 Posts
    • 23 Thanks
    zarabelle
    IIRC, one of the dating sites had a salary question on it. Don't know if that's still a thing?
    • benjus
    • By benjus 4th Jan 18, 5:00 PM
    • 5,143 Posts
    • 3,173 Thanks
    benjus
    men on the other hand need to put a lot of effort in to get a response unless they are of the highest looks and very confident but then they wouldn't need to use a dating site to meet someone
    Originally posted by dekaspace
    You seem to be assuming that men are just looking to meet someone, anyone, doesn't really matter who they are. If that's the case, you may be right that a very attractive and confident man doesn't need to use a dating site.

    But if they want to find a particularly interesting person, and haven't found such a person in their usual social circles, they are in pretty much the same position as anyone else.
    Let's settle this like gentlemen: armed with heavy sticks
    On a rotating plate, with spikes like Flash Gordon
    And you're Peter Duncan; I gave you fair warning
    • dekaspace
    • By dekaspace 4th Jan 18, 5:17 PM
    • 4,419 Posts
    • 3,938 Thanks
    dekaspace
    You seem to be assuming that men are just looking to meet someone, anyone, doesn't really matter who they are. If that's the case, you may be right that a very attractive and confident man doesn't need to use a dating site.

    But if they want to find a particularly interesting person, and haven't found such a person in their usual social circles, they are in pretty much the same position as anyone else.
    Originally posted by benjus
    Actually not as such or it should be more how fine a definition you look for.

    A lonely average looking man may of exhausted their options in normal life and turn to the internet, they may do fine finding someone online but compared to that much better looking person their odds will be far lower, just as that better looking person likely has no problems finding someone in everyday life they may just be picky.

    Theres so many variations in there, but so often I have heard from women even on this very site complain about the type of men who respond to them, being players and just after one thing and also thinking they can get away with it due to their looks.

    Theres genuine people from all types of looks, financial backgrounds etc

    On a seperate note I have had discussions with people before who take offense to dating shows on tv, most people on the normal ones seem to have no issues with a normal date and just want to be on tv, and the ones that do are lumped together on a show like "undatables"
    • benjus
    • By benjus 4th Jan 18, 5:26 PM
    • 5,143 Posts
    • 3,173 Thanks
    benjus
    Actually not as such or it should be more how fine a definition you look for.

    A lonely average looking man may of exhausted their options in normal life and turn to the internet, they may do fine finding someone online but compared to that much better looking person their odds will be far lower, just as that better looking person likely has no problems finding someone in everyday life they may just be picky.
    Originally posted by dekaspace
    Not really sure what you're getting at.

    Internet dating allows you to approach vastly more people than you would ever meet in real life. For a less attractive/confident man it means they have more chance of finding someone. For a more attractive/confident man it means they have a greater choice of who they want to meet, and they are no longer restricted to the people they might meet in real life - which is the point I was making above.
    Let's settle this like gentlemen: armed with heavy sticks
    On a rotating plate, with spikes like Flash Gordon
    And you're Peter Duncan; I gave you fair warning
    • NBLondon
    • By NBLondon 4th Jan 18, 5:37 PM
    • 1,816 Posts
    • 9,821 Thanks
    NBLondon
    In the past, my level of education has been an issue for some guys and I wanted to avoid that too.
    Z
    Originally posted by zarabelle
    Sadly, I have heard this said before by friends who have then hidden/downplayed their achievements to avoid that issue.

    I agree with AubreyMac that I would expect it to be an indicator of ability to hold a conversation or of background rather then pure earning potential. But lets be honest - there are some women who do want to be kept and explicitly seek out a high earner and some men who accept this and write their profiles accordingly. (Applies to other gender combinations too...) Equally, there are plenty of people who don't want to end up keeping an idle/!!!!less partner so will look for evidence of independent earning ability on a par with their own.
    Womble #7 - Running Total 9.85 $2.12 5.26 S//0.10 (that's supposed to be 10 Ukrainian kopiyki but the site is refusing to display the symbol) Bds$0.10 A$0.05 NZ$0.05 C$0.88 S$0.20 zl0.02 (Polish grosze) LB0.22 (Bulgarian stotinka) ISKr 5 DKr 0.50 CHF 0.50 R0.10 (Rand not Rupees)
    • dekaspace
    • By dekaspace 4th Jan 18, 7:09 PM
    • 4,419 Posts
    • 3,938 Thanks
    dekaspace
    Not really sure what you're getting at.

    Internet dating allows you to approach vastly more people than you would ever meet in real life. For a less attractive/confident man it means they have more chance of finding someone. For a more attractive/confident man it means they have a greater choice of who they want to meet, and they are no longer restricted to the people they might meet in real life - which is the point I was making above.
    Originally posted by benjus
    That isn't what you said, you said I assumed men are just looking to meet anyone.

    A shorter way of saying what I did is that the waters are blurred, though can be lumped into categories

    That was the point I was making

    Anyway heres some things that have happened to me over the years

    I don't internet date anymore purely as I am useless at selling myself or if I get a response no idea how to keep a conversation flowing, the three dates I had over the years were disasterous, one was when I was in my first year of university, we got on really well over chat and had a few phone conversations, she agreed to meet me in the student union bar and though the conversation flowed she didn't seem to be very enthusiastic she didn't respond to any messages after that and blocked my number, I didn't pester her I waited and sent maybe 2 in the following week like, "hope you got home ok" and "hey how are you today?"

    Another was like 3 years later, this woman who was 10 years older than me, profile pics were 5-10 years out of date and though she was a lovely woman there was no spark there, we did chat online after that though.

    Third was this girl I met on POF, she lived 40 miles away and was like 4 years younger than me, we got on very well at first, video chatting, she would tell me what a wonderful guy I was and after a few weeks she decided she wanted me to watch her sleep.

    She kept putting off meets even though I said I would travel all the way up stating she lived with parents and worked, eventually told me she really liked me and we arranged a meet, turned out she had about 3 hours sleep that day and was too tired to stay for more than a hour though insisted on putting her arms around me and giving me a kiss and cuddling me when her bus was waiting to arrive.

    Then she went quiet for a few days and then her MSN profile changed to "in love with X" (a guy) turns out the reason she had 3 hours sleep was she was awake all night chatting to this guy, not just that but days later she moved 500 miles away to live with this guy she had never met and only chatted to for a week online!

    So she was willing to move literally 500 miles to go with this guy she had never met but wasn't willing to travel 40 miles to see me.

    To make matters worse a week later the new boyfriend video messages me from her account and tells me to keep away from her as shes his now and "the best man won" and then insults towards me like I am a weirdo, loser, will never meet anyone etc.
    • mariposa687
    • By mariposa687 4th Jan 18, 10:20 PM
    • 96 Posts
    • 113 Thanks
    mariposa687
    A person's job doesn't bother me. I've come across plenty of people who have high level positions earning lots of money and they are horrible to people lower down the chain than them. Money matters for nothing in my opinion if you're selfish and don't care about others and their feelings. You don't have to have a high level job to be intelligent either. I wouldn't discount someone because they hadn't been to uni like me. You don't know what someone has been through and what's lead them down a particular path until you talk to them.

    One guy I was texting thought very highly of himself because all he went on about was how busy he was with his job and barely had time to ask me how I was. He even sent me a screenshot of his laptop one Saturday night to prove how busy he was - snore!
    • Pooky
    • By Pooky 5th Jan 18, 12:48 PM
    • 6,867 Posts
    • 43,522 Thanks
    Pooky
    I didn!!!8217;t go down the online dating route because it wasn!!!8217;t about but I did use chatrooms for a while (when they were a thing). I spoke to some lovely people, some not so lovely people and some downright sickos but one nice one stuck out and we chatted online, on the phone and met a few weeks later (despite not exchanging photos and him living 150 miles away).

    It!!!8217;s our 16th wedding anniversary this week so it does work.
    "Start every day off with a smile and get it over with" - W. C. Field.
    • dsdhall
    • By dsdhall 5th Jan 18, 8:43 PM
    • 323 Posts
    • 316 Thanks
    dsdhall
    An older friend met a number of women using an online dating service. After being single for years he ended up spending the last 10 years or so of his life with a lady he met online.

    After I got divorced some 14 years ago I tried both online dating and speed-dating. The latter was scary but much more fun. I found online dating very frustrating. A friend, who I met from it who lived in London said she used it just to meet people and if anything came of it then great, but my own experience outside of London is the women seemed to be only interested in serious dating and reluctant to even meet up with people they didn't think were relationship material. I'll echo the earlier comments about people telling porkies. I saw a few profiles online of people I knew and boy did they have inflated egos!

    In the end I ended up dating someone who works in the same office who I'd known for years, and we're still together 9 years later...
    • Oakdene
    • By Oakdene 11th Jan 18, 8:36 AM
    • 1,983 Posts
    • 7,302 Thanks
    Oakdene
    Haha you couldn't make it up, started talking to a lady on Tinder (other dating apps are available) & she seemed really nice, however it quickly transpired that it was my ex girlfriend...
    Does dim arian 'da fi, ond breuddwydion 'da fi.

    Gwlad yr Ia & Columbia (no Welsh word for Columbia)
    • PeacefulWaters
    • By PeacefulWaters 11th Jan 18, 9:40 AM
    • 8,318 Posts
    • 10,655 Thanks
    PeacefulWaters
    Haha you couldn't make it up, started talking to a lady on Tinder (other dating apps are available) & she seemed really nice, however it quickly transpired that it was my ex girlfriend...
    Originally posted by Oakdene
    Did she put somebody else's photo on her page?
    • Oakdene
    • By Oakdene 11th Jan 18, 9:46 AM
    • 1,983 Posts
    • 7,302 Thanks
    Oakdene
    Did she put somebody else's photo on her page?
    Originally posted by PeacefulWaters
    I think she got her friend to sign up & use her facebook info (the 2 apps are linked) & then she used the account. The questions she was asking quickly made it clear it was my ex. I didn't send anything that made it known I knew but she was pressing for a date (despite only speaking for about 5 hours) & there were a few other things.

    I decided not to cause any issue or friction & just unmatched at about 21:55 last night, within 10 minutes I was inundated with calls from a withheld number
    Does dim arian 'da fi, ond breuddwydion 'da fi.

    Gwlad yr Ia & Columbia (no Welsh word for Columbia)
    • JayJay100
    • By JayJay100 11th Jan 18, 10:12 AM
    • 219 Posts
    • 443 Thanks
    JayJay100
    Haha you couldn't make it up, started talking to a lady on Tinder (other dating apps are available) & she seemed really nice, however it quickly transpired that it was my ex girlfriend...
    Originally posted by Oakdene
    That takes me back; something similar happened to me, only I went one step further. I was talking to an ex for a while, without realising it; I thought I'd hit the jackpot, as he was exactly what I was looking for, with similar interests, views and even sayings. We arranged to meet up, I got stood up and low and behold, my ex just happened to be walking past and came to the rescue. We even went for a drink to lament my woes. It was only when he said the name of the person I was supposed to be meeting, when I knew I hadn't told him, that the penny dropped. That was a low moment.
    • Oakdene
    • By Oakdene 11th Jan 18, 10:28 AM
    • 1,983 Posts
    • 7,302 Thanks
    Oakdene
    That takes me back; something similar happened to me, only I went one step further. I was talking to an ex for a while, without realising it; I thought I'd hit the jackpot, as he was exactly what I was looking for, with similar interests, views and even sayings. We arranged to meet up, I got stood up and low and behold, my ex just happened to be walking past and came to the rescue. We even went for a drink to lament my woes. It was only when he said the name of the person I was supposed to be meeting, when I knew I hadn't told him, that the penny dropped. That was a low moment.
    Originally posted by JayJay100
    Wow, how bizarre.

    I did have a look on facebook at the 'friend' as we share mutual friend & her profile picture was a pic of her & my ex
    Does dim arian 'da fi, ond breuddwydion 'da fi.

    Gwlad yr Ia & Columbia (no Welsh word for Columbia)
    • JayJay100
    • By JayJay100 11th Jan 18, 11:28 AM
    • 219 Posts
    • 443 Thanks
    JayJay100
    Wow, how bizarre.

    I did have a look on facebook at the 'friend' as we share mutual friend & her profile picture was a pic of her & my ex
    Originally posted by Oakdene
    Bizarre and horrible at the time.

    Sounds as though you had a lucky escape there!
    • Oakdene
    • By Oakdene 11th Jan 18, 11:30 AM
    • 1,983 Posts
    • 7,302 Thanks
    Oakdene
    Bizarre and horrible at the time.

    Sounds as though you had a lucky escape there!
    Originally posted by JayJay100
    You're not wrong, something did twig when she mentioned when we were together about how one of her best friends is a solicitor named xxxx. Always trust your gut
    Does dim arian 'da fi, ond breuddwydion 'da fi.

    Gwlad yr Ia & Columbia (no Welsh word for Columbia)
    • SuperPikachu
    • By SuperPikachu 11th Jan 18, 12:58 PM
    • 127 Posts
    • 164 Thanks
    SuperPikachu
    I grew up doing the yahoo & various band chatrooms. I used to chat to so many girls all around the world, and then if we got on chat on msn messenger etc.

    Anyway these people were generally from god knows where on Earth, but all my time spent online playing games and chatting online to people meant I was a bit useless at doing it in person, it was always much easier for me to communicate through typing.

    I used to go out all the time to clubs/pubs and used to try it on with some of my work colleagues but nothing really ever came of that and I started to feel lonely in my early 20s and wondered why I couldn't find somebody.

    I first tried eharmony and match but never paid for those. I did chat to a few people but nothing came of it. When I went on POF it seemed the girls I was talking to all just wanted to meet for a one night stand, if the girl actually replied (!), then I had some good conversations with a few girls that seemed to want more of a relationship and ended up with maybe 3 or 4 dates and 2 relationships from it over the years (1 for 5/6months and 1 for 3years). But when that last one ended I decided to just meet somebody again and luckily somebody I knew from years ago liked me and we have been together 4 1/2 years now which is really nice.

    I think I would echo what others have said. Do not take it personally, don't get obsessive, don't ever think somebody is too good for you, do not ask for feedback (that is needy and strange), do not insult people that do not respond as the next girl might be their best friend.

    Just be yourself and try to have fun
    "Wild Pikachu appeared!"
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