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    • hannahroberts1985
    • By hannahroberts1985 1st Jan 18, 7:09 AM
    • 821Posts
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    hannahroberts1985
    Parents seperatibg on bad terms who has the right to stay in the family home.
    • #1
    • 1st Jan 18, 7:09 AM
    Parents seperatibg on bad terms who has the right to stay in the family home. 1st Jan 18 at 7:09 AM
    Morning guys,

    After a bit of advice for my sister. Long story short she found out her partner was having an affair, upon telling him the relationship was over he took a knife locked himself in the bathroom. He didn't do anything. He drinks a lot and is quiet emotionally unstable. He moved out after she asked him to a week ago but is not saying he will be moving back in Tuesday. They have a mortgage on the house 50/50. They have two children 1 & 4. Downs she have any rights to stop him moving back in until she has time to rent somewhere and move out?

    Also I read the pinned posts and there were outdated links to websites with money advice etc. Does anyone have a link to an updated version of this.

    Thanks for any advice.
    Hannah
    emergency fund:50/1000 Uniform/car fund:
    boys savings 80
    Christmas 35 bday 30 holiday 40

    Family loan 7000/5625
    Credit Card 0% 2215.32 eon 824 next 75
Page 2
    • Ames
    • By Ames 1st Jan 18, 11:48 PM
    • 17,312 Posts
    • 30,493 Thanks
    Ames
    Some people also threaten to hurt themselves as a way of controlling and manipulating others. They've no intention of actually doing anything.
    Unless I say otherwise 'you' means the general you not you specifically.
    • Poor_Single_lady
    • By Poor_Single_lady 2nd Jan 18, 6:28 AM
    • 1,402 Posts
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    Poor_Single_lady
    Hope you sister is OK.
    And you get answers to the questions asked and what you need.
    Not an easy situation for her to be in, but good that your Dad is in a Position to help. And she is lucky to have your support but very tough indeed.
    2017- 5 credit cards plus loan
    Overdraft And 1 credit card paid off.

    2018 plans - reduce debt
    • hannahroberts1985
    • By hannahroberts1985 3rd Jan 18, 8:09 PM
    • 821 Posts
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    hannahroberts1985
    Thanks psl didn't get any real answers looks like everyone just started arguing above :0(

    Thing have got worse. My step mum had a massive argument with my sister this morning about her not moving thing fast enough. She had stayed there a day and a half....this resulted in my sister leaving and she didn't want to be somewhere she felt unwelcome. The domestic advice line have told her not to go home so she is staying with her childminder tonight then will move in with my mum tomorrow (my mum is a worrier).

    So now I guess my question is "is she entitled to help with rehousing from the council if her partner has been controlling corcevec domestic violence"...as the charity have suggested. My mum can't have her for too long as her house is small and she isn't in the best state of health. X
    emergency fund:50/1000 Uniform/car fund:
    boys savings 80
    Christmas 35 bday 30 holiday 40

    Family loan 7000/5625
    Credit Card 0% 2215.32 eon 824 next 75
    • elsien
    • By elsien 3rd Jan 18, 8:20 PM
    • 16,565 Posts
    • 41,814 Thanks
    elsien
    She would need to check with the council, and there may well be a duty to help because of the children. But she might find that initially it would be emergency accommodation and there would be no duty towards the adult son. And depending where in the country she is, she could be put somewhere out of town/away from schools and work, and possibly bed and breakfast type accommodation if somewhere where demand outstrips supply such as parts of London. The housing on offer and how long it takes to get somewhere okayish is very variable depending on her location.
    If she's looking at the domestic violence route, but can stay where she is for a while, she might be better talking to a solicitor about whether it's possible to get him out of the house. They would be able to advise about qualifying for legal aid, but she will need evidence of what has been happening. Is there a law centre she can go to as a starting point?

    ETA - do they have separate finances for bank accounts? She doesn't want to suddenly find out he's emptied a joint account, for example. So she needs to think about protecting herself in that respect if she hasn't already done so.
    Last edited by elsien; 03-01-2018 at 8:28 PM.
    All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

    Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.
    • hannahroberts1985
    • By hannahroberts1985 3rd Jan 18, 8:44 PM
    • 821 Posts
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    hannahroberts1985
    Thanks Eislen, good advice. I'll see what the helpline suggest then add your suggestion to her. She's is such a crazy place right now I'm worried everything will overwhelm her. There is no adult son just a 1 and a 4 year old x
    emergency fund:50/1000 Uniform/car fund:
    boys savings 80
    Christmas 35 bday 30 holiday 40

    Family loan 7000/5625
    Credit Card 0% 2215.32 eon 824 next 75
    • Comms69
    • By Comms69 4th Jan 18, 10:35 AM
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    Comms69
    I don't think its 'drama queen' to be concerned about that behaviour. A lot of men do hurt their families, every day sadly, some of them have mental health issues and lots do not. Ignoring concerning actions like reaching for a knife when stressed is probably not wise.
    Originally posted by Red-Squirrel
    How many??
    • thorsoak
    • By thorsoak 4th Jan 18, 1:26 PM
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    thorsoak
    How many??
    Originally posted by Comms69
    Last year 113 women were killed by partners in England & Wales and Northern Ireland.

    Source: Women's Aid Femicide census.
    • Comms69
    • By Comms69 4th Jan 18, 1:45 PM
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    Comms69
    Last year 113 women were killed by partners in England & Wales and Northern Ireland.

    Source: Women's Aid Femicide census.
    Originally posted by thorsoak


    So not 'a lot' of men in that statistic.


    1 is too many, but generalising half the population by saying 'a lot of men' doesn't seem like it's going to win much support.


    Approx 30% of the population are 'relationship aged men' that's more than 20m people.


    0.00006% of the demographic.


    Now obviously that's death, I can assume injury is much higher. But I would still suggest


    The nearest statistic I could find was 26% of women in the UK will experience some form of domestic violence from the age of 16. Which would suggest that the number of perpetrators is actually much lower. (we don't just have 1 partner from 16-death)


    It's estimated 40% of victims of domestic abuse are men. It seem not a streatch to use the word's 'a lot' in either characterising both gender, or eliminating the need and using the word 'people'.


    Thereby you don't stigmatise the vast majority of men and women who find abuse totally abhorrent.
    • Red-Squirrel
    • By Red-Squirrel 4th Jan 18, 1:52 PM
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    Red-Squirrel
    So not 'a lot' of men in that statistic.
    Originally posted by Comms69
    That's more than 2 a week, that's a lot.

    The truth is the truth, if you feel personally attacked by it rather than horrified and upset, maybe that's something to do with you.
    • unforeseen
    • By unforeseen 4th Jan 18, 1:56 PM
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    unforeseen
    To put that number into context, there were 170 murders in London alone last year
    • dekaspace
    • By dekaspace 4th Jan 18, 2:11 PM
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    dekaspace
    That's more than 2 a week, that's a lot.

    The truth is the truth, if you feel personally attacked by it rather than horrified and upset, maybe that's something to do with you.
    Originally posted by Red-Squirrel
    The truth can be manipulated to whatever suits a argument, I have been the victim of domesic abuse from female partners and been laughed at when talking about it, be it because I am a physically big guy but the most common thing was "men can't be hurt by a womans punch"

    And other forms like being told what to do, whom to be friends with or be threatened with my name ruined as she would claim I attempted to rape or beat her and everyone would believe her as she was female.

    Numbers though even though 1 is 1 too many in terms of the population its miniscule in the grand scheme, how many people die from homelessness in the UK alone every year?
    • Comms69
    • By Comms69 4th Jan 18, 3:17 PM
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    Comms69
    That's more than 2 a week, that's a lot.

    The truth is the truth, if you feel personally attacked by it rather than horrified and upset, maybe that's something to do with you.
    Originally posted by Red-Squirrel


    No it's not 'a lot'.


    You could say it's too many, and I would agree.


    But you said 'a lot of men are abusers'. I'm asking you to define what you claim 'a lot' means.


    Because frankly, currently, your own definition means 'a lot' of women are abusers.
    • Tabbytabitha
    • By Tabbytabitha 4th Jan 18, 4:22 PM
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    Tabbytabitha
    Last year 113 women were killed by partners in England & Wales and Northern Ireland.

    Source: Women's Aid Femicide census.
    Originally posted by thorsoak
    Whilst in no way intending to play down the issue, that's the figure for women killed by men, not necessarily killed by their partner. The number killed by a current or ex partner is 78.
    (Figures from the Femicide census)
    • cjdavies
    • By cjdavies 4th Jan 18, 8:19 PM
    • 3,365 Posts
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    cjdavies
    How many women abuse their partners? Probably more than statistics would show you
    • dekaspace
    • By dekaspace 4th Jan 18, 8:36 PM
    • 4,444 Posts
    • 3,981 Thanks
    dekaspace
    How many women abuse their partners? Probably more than statistics would show you
    Originally posted by cjdavies
    From experience women seem to be more emotionally abusive and manipulative which people don't count or downplay.
    • borkid
    • By borkid 4th Jan 18, 8:38 PM
    • 1,809 Posts
    • 3,651 Thanks
    borkid
    So not 'a lot' of men in that statistic.


    1 is too many, but generalising half the population by saying 'a lot of men' doesn't seem like it's going to win much support.


    Approx 30% of the population are 'relationship aged men' that's more than 20m people.


    0.00006% of the demographic.


    Now obviously that's death, I can assume injury is much higher. But I would still suggest


    The nearest statistic I could find was 26% of women in the UK will experience some form of domestic violence from the age of 16. Which would suggest that the number of perpetrators is actually much lower. (we don't just have 1 partner from 16-death)


    It's estimated 40% of victims of domestic abuse are men. It seem not a streatch to use the word's 'a lot' in either characterising both gender, or eliminating the need and using the word 'people'.


    Thereby you don't stigmatise the vast majority of men and women who find abuse totally abhorrent.
    Originally posted by Comms69
    The perpetrator wouldn't necessarily be a partner though it could be another male relative, dad/ stepdad for instance
    • Tabbytabitha
    • By Tabbytabitha 4th Jan 18, 9:29 PM
    • 2,639 Posts
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    Tabbytabitha
    The perpetrator wouldn't necessarily be a partner though it could be another male relative, dad/ stepdad for instance
    Originally posted by borkid
    Or, very unfortunately, a son.
    • Comms69
    • By Comms69 5th Jan 18, 9:41 AM
    • 2,970 Posts
    • 2,939 Thanks
    Comms69
    The perpetrator wouldn't necessarily be a partner though it could be another male relative, dad/ stepdad for instance
    Originally posted by borkid
    True, if it's not included in the stats - im not sure - I suspect it's still a small percentage.
    • Comms69
    • By Comms69 5th Jan 18, 9:42 AM
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    Comms69
    How many women abuse their partners? Probably more than statistics would show you
    Originally posted by cjdavies
    Well 40% of victims are men, according to many sources.


    However almost all of them do say the figure could be much higher as these incidents are very rarely reported.
    • Red-Squirrel
    • By Red-Squirrel 5th Jan 18, 12:30 PM
    • 2,793 Posts
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    Red-Squirrel
    Well 40% of victims are men, according to many sources.


    However almost all of them do say the figure could be much higher as these incidents are very rarely reported.
    Originally posted by Comms69
    Men are more likely to be perpetrators of abuse when the victim is male too.
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