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    • Mooloo
    • By Mooloo 31st Dec 17, 7:35 PM
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    Mooloo
    Mooloo’s Managing it in 2018
    • #1
    • 31st Dec 17, 7:35 PM
    Mooloo’s Managing it in 2018 31st Dec 17 at 7:35 PM
    My previous threads here have been about my struggles etc bringing up my family and now my Granddaughter, building a business on little funds and a lot of faith.
    Titles suggested often are linked to my sewing, but this year I want to be different. No more Struggle!

    This year is all about Managing it!
    Getting on top of the hiccups and the pitfalls.
    Managing to say NO more often.
    Managing to cut my Debts.
    Managing to raise my Income levels.
    Managing to make my Business even better.
    Managing to block time for the things I want to do.
    Managing to create a better home life.
    Managing to raise above the fire fighting and being ready to tackle issues before the fire.

    So here is the start.
    I am due to go out celebrating the New Year this evening with my BF, and Welcome Home my DGD tomorrow.
    I will expand on my goals and plans over the next few days, and follow through the next 12 months.
    See you along the way.
    Without my fellow MSE!!!8217;ers I probably would have had a much tougher ride than I had.

    This Forum tip was included in MoneySavingExpert.com's weekly email!
    Last edited by MSE Andrea; 08-05-2018 at 10:27 AM.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
Page 40
    • Mooloo
    • By Mooloo 17th May 18, 7:39 PM
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    Mooloo
    Because DS and GF signed a safety agreement for Biggest to have the boys, they have to be approached and agree to them being placed in care (which I doubt they will do), and therefore there will need to be a court case to achieve this. So it looks like Biggest is still to have the boys for at least another few weeks. Which is not ideal.
    DS and GF wouldn't allow social to come today and have agreed tomorrow. So I wonder what miracles they do with the house if any. My son is not talking to me but his gf has responded to my messages. Eventually. Apparently DS has some work at the Circuit today.

    I had yet another visit from the artist when I came back from lunch this afternoon. I told him I was very sorry but I am too busy, that I won't be able to do any of his stuff until the weekend and that he needs to call for an appointment if he wants to chat ( and I will add it to the bill!)
    I brought a few bits home to do, but I thought I better cut the lawn. Only to find the lawn mower really has died now. Wonder if I should borrow a few sheep? Or some goats!!
    Dgd is an emotional wreck and every day this week she has hurt herself either at school, after school club and or out playing.
    We have a friend around playing just now.
    I have been waking very early so I am considering getting up to Sew in the morning rather than doing it tonight.
    I will see in a bit if I get a second wind so to speak.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
    • thorsoak
    • By thorsoak 17th May 18, 7:44 PM
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    thorsoak
    Now that hardly seems fair to Biggest and her little family - what would happen if she were to go into premature labour? Social Services would have to step in then surely? Or hand the boys back to their parents? Not a good situation :-(

    Are DS and GF still getting the benefits for their children - or has that already been transferred to Biggest?
    • Mooloo
    • By Mooloo 17th May 18, 7:55 PM
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    Mooloo
    No biggest isn't getting any financial help at the moment and I have no idea but I suspect that the gf is still claiming tax credits and child benefits. Biggest is not entitled to child benefits or tax credits as her husband earns over the limit, and social as we know have not set up a funding package. It took me 6 months and threatening letters to get my funds from them, and every year they means test me and reduce my funding. They are doing that at the moment and my funding is not coming in the bank properly at the moment either.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
    • Mooloo
    • By Mooloo 17th May 18, 7:57 PM
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    Mooloo
    Is this of any interest/use, Mooloo? https://www.home-start.org.uk/
    Originally posted by supermezzo
    Yes I suggested then as well. I used to get help from them 30 years ago when I first had the twins
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
    • thorsoak
    • By thorsoak 17th May 18, 8:04 PM
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    thorsoak
    Yes, I suspect that GF may not be good enough on the cleaning/caring side, but is keen on keeping the money!

    35 or 34 years ago, I was helping to set up a proto-type Home Start as a volunteer!
    • Mooloo
    • By Mooloo 17th May 18, 8:23 PM
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    Mooloo
    Yes, I suspect that GF may not be good enough on the cleaning/caring side, but is keen on keeping the money!

    35 or 34 years ago, I was helping to set up a proto-type Home Start as a volunteer!
    Originally posted by thorsoak
    When I was Chairman of the TAMBA in Northampton I used to arrange for Home Start for a lot of our Mums especially those with triplets.
    Life savers!
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 17th May 18, 8:56 PM
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    beanielou
    Not ideal.
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 12 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.***
    ***Keep plodding***
    Out of debt, out of danger. MFW 2018. No 144
    • Mooloo
    • By Mooloo 17th May 18, 11:29 PM
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    Mooloo
    I think my next job is to research life in Portugal more.
    Bf has been texting, yes I know I didn't block him , but after my telling him that I am looking into Portugal seriously he has said another lot of good byes.'
    I think both of us have looked for hanging on, but actually the future dreams have been the deciding factor.
    I want Portugal and he doesn't. He cannot offer me an alternative and I need to try it.
    So that's another nail in the coffin.

    I better build my dreams then!
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
    • whiteguineapig
    • By whiteguineapig 18th May 18, 6:58 AM
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    whiteguineapig
    Mooloo, you know when you told the artist that you were too busy for him,, tell exbf that too.

    editing to add that you referred to him the other day as exbf, but now you seem to be calling him bf again
    Last edited by whiteguineapig; 18-05-2018 at 7:01 AM.
    • marliepanda
    • By marliepanda 18th May 18, 8:55 AM
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    • 14,992 Thanks
    marliepanda
    I think my next job is to research life in Portugal more.
    Bf has been texting, yes I know I didn't block him , but after my telling him that I am looking into Portugal seriously he has said another lot of good byes.'
    I think both of us have looked for hanging on, but actually the future dreams have been the deciding factor.
    I want Portugal and he doesn't. He cannot offer me an alternative and I need to try it.
    So that's another nail in the coffin.

    I better build my dreams then!
    Originally posted by Mooloo
    I’ve read this thread in full but haven’t read all the others so apologies for any factual errors, however I must add that you need to consider your granddaughter in this.

    This girl is used to seeing people leave and enter her life on a regular basis and that is not healthy.

    She has lost her mum and I assume her dad along the way, although she still sees mum it’s not the typical situation of living with her.

    She has lost aunts and uncles.

    She is losing two cousins as we speak and from other comments I assume you have had other grandchildren taken into care and being totally removed from the family, so there is more loss

    Now she is seeing you with a partner who comes and goes. She is not being shown what a family unit is like from seemingly any of your family members (possibly with the exception of your eldest who still has all 4 of her children with her?)
    • thorsoak
    • By thorsoak 18th May 18, 9:23 AM
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    thorsoak
    Marliepanda -I suggest that you read ALL of the Mooloo threads, to get the whole picture which runs from when the twins started living their chaotic lives - how Mooloo was not able to get the help that was neededto keep them on the right road, and her attempts to keep the whole family together - Biggest, Twins 1 & 2 and DS. From the day that she was born the non-failing stability in DGD's life has been Mooloo. Her father never was part of the picture - and in the very early days her mother hardly bothered with her and was relieved when Mooloo stepped up to the plate.

    Read the whole story - then see if you would still write your comment in the way that you have.

    There, but for the grace of God, go I - and many, many others I am sure.
    • marliepanda
    • By marliepanda 18th May 18, 9:33 AM
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    marliepanda
    Marliepanda -I suggest that you read ALL of the Mooloo threads, to get the whole picture which runs from when the twins started living their chaotic lives - how Mooloo was not able to get the help that was neededto keep them on the right road, and her attempts to keep the whole family together - Biggest, Twins 1 & 2 and DS. From the day that she was born the non-failing stability in DGD's life has been Mooloo. Her father never was part of the picture - and in the very early days her mother hardly bothered with her and was relieved when Mooloo stepped up to the plate.

    Read the whole story - then see if you would still write your comment in the way that you have.

    There, but for the grace of God, go I - and many, many others I am sure.
    Originally posted by thorsoak
    I’m not reading 10 64 page threads. I can see clearly that she has done well by her granddaughter. As I said, if anything is factually incorrect then let me know.

    However that does not take away from the fact that this girl needs stability, not ‘the most stable’ out of the other options.

    If you think that having a partner on/off again, in and out of the granddaughters life is anything less than confusing for her, then that’s your opinion
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 18th May 18, 9:34 AM
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    • 239,232 Thanks
    beanielou
    Marliepanda -I suggest that you read ALL of the Mooloo threads, to get the whole picture which runs from when the twins started living their chaotic lives - how Mooloo was not able to get the help that was neededto keep them on the right road, and her attempts to keep the whole family together - Biggest, Twins 1 & 2 and DS. From the day that she was born the non-failing stability in DGD's life has been Mooloo. Her father never was part of the picture - and in the very early days her mother hardly bothered with her and was relieved when Mooloo stepped up to the plate.

    Read the whole story - then see if you would still write your comment in the way that you have.

    There, but for the grace of God, go I - and many, many others I am sure.
    Originally posted by thorsoak
    Agree 100%.
    None of us know what is round the corner for us or our families.
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 12 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.***
    ***Keep plodding***
    Out of debt, out of danger. MFW 2018. No 144
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 18th May 18, 9:39 AM
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    • 239,232 Thanks
    beanielou
    I’m not reading 10 64 page threads. I can see clearly that she has done well by her granddaughter. As I said, if anything is factually incorrect then let me know.

    However that does not take away from the fact that this girl needs stability, not ‘the most stable’ out of the other options.

    If you think that having a partner on/off again, in and out of the granddaughters life is anything less than confusing for her, then that’s your opinion
    Originally posted by marliepanda
    Well if you are not prepared to read the background then maybe it would be best not to comment.
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 12 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.***
    ***Keep plodding***
    Out of debt, out of danger. MFW 2018. No 144
    • marliepanda
    • By marliepanda 18th May 18, 9:43 AM
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    marliepanda
    Well if you are not prepared to read the background then maybe it would be best not to comment.
    Originally posted by beanielou
    Again, if there is something I have said which is factually incorrect then let me know. I am happy to be corrected. As you have not corrected anything I assume I have a fairly decent grasp on the facts on the situation.

    Please do not tell me what I can and can’t comment on. Thank you.
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 18th May 18, 9:49 AM
    • 58,080 Posts
    • 239,232 Thanks
    beanielou
    Again, if there is something I have said which is factually incorrect then let me know. I am happy to be corrected. As you have not corrected anything I assume I have a fairly decent grasp on the facts on the situation.

    Please do not tell me what I can and can’t comment on. Thank you.
    Originally posted by marliepanda
    I dont think you have a fairly good grasp on the situation at all actually.
    So we will agree to disagee.
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 12 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.***
    ***Keep plodding***
    Out of debt, out of danger. MFW 2018. No 144
    • marliepanda
    • By marliepanda 18th May 18, 9:54 AM
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    • 14,992 Thanks
    marliepanda
    I dont think you have a fairly good grasp on the situation at all actually.
    So we will agree to disagee.
    Originally posted by beanielou
    If this thread is only for the same people who’ve been reading for ten years then it shouldn’t be on a public forum...

    I can see many other people commenting that the relationship isn’t healthy for Mooloo so I can’t see it being healthy for the grandchild either.

    But only other people can say that who’ve read 600 pages?
    • Artytarty
    • By Artytarty 18th May 18, 10:22 AM
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    Artytarty
    Acfually I agree, sometimes a fresh pair of eyes can see what others don't.

    Mooloo,and I think she would agree, is not above reproach, none of us have led perfect lives , but there is a perception that she must never be criticised.
    Norn Iron Club member 473
    • marliepanda
    • By marliepanda 18th May 18, 10:45 AM
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    marliepanda
    Acfually I agree, sometimes a fresh pair of eyes can see what others don't.

    Mooloo,and I think she would agree, is not above reproach, none of us have led perfect lives , but there is a perception that she must never be criticised.
    Originally posted by Artytarty
    It’s not my intention to berate or criticise, though I can see how it can be seen as that.

    Whilst Mooloo May be doing marvellously by the grandchild the girl has been through some things she shouldn’t have and is seeing many families around her falling apart (including from what I can see her mum potentially having a new child which must be difficult for a child being looked after by another, no matter how well they are being looked after)

    Adding more instability to this is not good for the child and I don’t think it’s good for Mooloo either to have an unstable relationship dragging on.
    • Mooloo
    • By Mooloo 18th May 18, 1:47 PM
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    Mooloo
    I have read the above.
    Don't blame you for your conclusions.
    In an ideal world it would have been lovely to shield her from the unfortunate choices we as her family have made.
    Fortunately she sees her Dad as the father of her baby brother, and the new baby. She loves them all, but is used to me being her constant.
    It is unfortunate that my relationship has not been an easy one, but as I don't or didn't live with my ExBF, then his coming and going is normal to her, because he comes over and goes home again so often.
    At least she has not been exposed to any arguments or any such information. Currently it's no different to her than when he is working in China or Brazil or anywhere else. It's not as if she has seen a parade of men folk in any of our lives really.
    Yes she has been aware of the adoption of The two boys that Social would not allow my daughter to have, and that was, if you read the details, not what we had wanted for her. Unfortunately we were nieve and expected the Mum to have help and guidance like any other parent with learning disabilities.
    Obviously our family is not normal because God handed out ADHD, Autism and Dyspraxia to my beautiful babies.
    Their lives were a tragedy waiting to happen because I couldn't protect them from Boys.
    Dgd knew the boys well as we were at one time all living under one roof until Social Service split us up.
    DS unfortunately going of if the rails she has witnesses. Luckily although she knows the boys we have in reality hardly seen them, and are less attached to them because unfortunately I saw this coming and chose not to get close to them.
    It will be less of an effect on her I hope, but I already have done everything that I can to get her CAMS and counselling. I cannot wave a magic wand and make things perfect.
    The issues her Aunty has she is non the wiser for because she is not around and she only sees her once a year.
    Her Mum has been with her Dad, as she calls him for 5 years. That's fairly stable as far as I can tell.
    Her Aunty, Biggest has two children. Granted her eldest was from another relationship but the youngest and the baby due are from her husband and she has been with him for about 5 years. So that's pretty stable.

    I am not able to change the world and make it look like a picture book family. But I am not going to apologise for finally ending a 14 year relationship because of lack of a future.

    I have done everything I can, as a single parent really, as my husband left me when DS was only 1. The ExBF has not helped me with my family or financial etc as he didn't live with me. So I would say I have been a single parent for 25 years.
    I have worked and run my own businesses. Even after a stroke and severe illness. That has shown her stability, the drive to keep in work, and the ability to bounce back in the face of adversity.
    She has been to France, Tunisia, Spain and Portugal. She has swam with dolphins and swashbuckling with Pirates. She has not exactly been mistreated.
    She wants to live in Portugal and learn to be a marine biologist. That's not to be sneezed at. She is already trying to learn the language.
    She knows she sees Mum and Dad about 4 weeks of the year, and she knows that she can be on an aeroplane and back to visit just as often as she wants.
    Her Mum, Dad, Brother and New baby can come to visit her.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
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