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  • FIRST POST
    • Mooloo
    • By Mooloo 31st Dec 17, 7:35 PM
    • 9,698Posts
    • 47,428Thanks
    Mooloo
    Mooloo’s Managing it in 2018
    • #1
    • 31st Dec 17, 7:35 PM
    Mooloo’s Managing it in 2018 31st Dec 17 at 7:35 PM
    My previous threads here have been about my struggles etc bringing up my family and now my Granddaughter, building a business on little funds and a lot of faith.
    Titles suggested often are linked to my sewing, but this year I want to be different. No more Struggle!

    This year is all about Managing it!
    Getting on top of the hiccups and the pitfalls.
    Managing to say NO more often.
    Managing to cut my Debts.
    Managing to raise my Income levels.
    Managing to make my Business even better.
    Managing to block time for the things I want to do.
    Managing to create a better home life.
    Managing to raise above the fire fighting and being ready to tackle issues before the fire.

    So here is the start.
    I am due to go out celebrating the New Year this evening with my BF, and Welcome Home my DGD tomorrow.
    I will expand on my goals and plans over the next few days, and follow through the next 12 months.
    See you along the way.
    Without my fellow MSE!!!8217;ers I probably would have had a much tougher ride than I had.

    This Forum tip was included in MoneySavingExpert.com's weekly email!
    Last edited by MSE Andrea; 08-05-2018 at 10:27 AM.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
Page 39
    • thorsoak
    • By thorsoak 16th May 18, 2:43 PM
    • 5,662 Posts
    • 25,921 Thanks
    thorsoak
    Make sure that GF and DS know that you are not paying for a lawyer, Mooloo! Also let them know that you are opposing the return of the two wee boys to their parents as it will only happen again ..and again.....and again. :-(
    • Mooloo
    • By Mooloo 16th May 18, 2:46 PM
    • 9,698 Posts
    • 47,428 Thanks
    Mooloo
    They know that I am at the end of my overdraft and no help is forthcoming.
    I don't have it so even if I had wanted to I cannot.
    I am still struggling to clear the credit card with their debts on.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
    • Cairn
    • By Cairn 16th May 18, 3:53 PM
    • 11 Posts
    • 51 Thanks
    Cairn
    Oh dear it!!!8217;s all come crashing at the same time !!!55357;!!!56866;.

    DS and his GF are living a very chaotic life by the sounds of things, do they want the boys back? I think you said she was struggling when DS had left her to it alone? Was it neglect even then or she just couldn!!!8217;t cope, she!!!8217;s young isn!!!8217;t she? Where is her family in this?

    Surely having seen his sister (was it both of the twins who lost kids to care or just one), go through this means that he knows the consequences of losing children.

    It seems he had made no effort to even try to get them back which is sad.

    Can you dial into the SS meeting with biggest? Even if you close for an hour the travelling time is saved.
    • Cairn
    • By Cairn 16th May 18, 3:57 PM
    • 11 Posts
    • 51 Thanks
    Cairn
    I’ve no idea why it’s formatted like that. I’m posting from a mobile.

    I vaguely remember the guilt that you experienced after your previous grandchildren were taken, biggest may need real support and looking after in this.

    I don’t understand your son and his GF though. They don’t seem to care which is so sad.
    • Mooloo
    • By Mooloo 16th May 18, 6:41 PM
    • 9,698 Posts
    • 47,428 Thanks
    Mooloo
    I think that they do care, and love the boys. But they are dysfunctional and cannot seem to take on board the seriousness that the way they are living is not a very good idea.
    I fear that the enormity of it will hit them when they get to the first meetings and court cases. But I don't think they will ever function normally now.
    How do you change over night? Change the way you live, the ability to budget, to forward plan and to earn a decent wage and work a full time normal job.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
    • thorsoak
    • By thorsoak 16th May 18, 7:06 PM
    • 5,662 Posts
    • 25,921 Thanks
    thorsoak
    Sadly, there are those people who want to live their own way, without any thought to anyone else - although of course, they will demand any benefits to which they have been told they might be entitled - without accepting that there may be restrictions. And of course, any help offered will only be accepted if they do not have to do anything themselves - but they will whinge if they do not get what they think they want - not necessarily need.
    • ognum
    • By ognum 16th May 18, 7:48 PM
    • 4,573 Posts
    • 7,092 Thanks
    ognum
    Sadly, there are those people who want to live their own way, without any thought to anyone else - although of course, they will demand any benefits to which they have been told they might be entitled - without accepting that there may be restrictions. And of course, any help offered will only be accepted if they do not have to do anything themselves - but they will whinge if they do not get what they think they want - not necessarily need.
    Originally posted by thorsoak
    I don’t know that I fully agree with this. The way I read it the suggestion is that these young people are aware of what they are doing.

    I interpret the actions Mooloo describes as children having children. They do not conceive that actions have consequences or that life will end up very differently than they invisage.

    Is this thier fault or are they simply incapable of understanding? Without actually knowing the people and running some cognitive testing it I should impossible to say.

    For sure we cannot start by believing they are have the life experience, knowledge or understanding that they need. If they did they would not be in the situation they are.
    • Cairn
    • By Cairn 16th May 18, 8:10 PM
    • 11 Posts
    • 51 Thanks
    Cairn
    I see. I thought they were kind of ‘ah well’ rather than we want our children back.

    Is there any chance someone could move in with them temporarily to help or it is beyond that?

    Yes change does take time, but be hopeful as not long ago he was working and functioning. I hope I’m not not being naive, and I agree if the boys are being neglected that removal is best but I wonder that if this is fairly recent and the parents care, is theee anything that can be done? I think one of your daughters got help to keep hers?

    Anyway, I wish you all the best and hope you can find a calm if not exactly happy, place
    • pollyanna 26
    • By pollyanna 26 16th May 18, 8:36 PM
    • 2,126 Posts
    • 19,519 Thanks
    pollyanna 26
    Thinking of yourself and Biggest Mooloo . Such a hard time but sometimes only the kindest action is the way to go .
    I think you'll all be struggling to sleep tonight . I hope tomorrow's meeting goes well for Biggest and send warm hugs and strength to all .polly x
    • Mooloo
    • By Mooloo 16th May 18, 9:39 PM
    • 9,698 Posts
    • 47,428 Thanks
    Mooloo
    I see. I thought they were kind of ‘ah well’ rather than we want our children back.

    Is there any chance someone could move in with them temporarily to help or it is beyond that?

    Yes change does take time, but be hopeful as not long ago he was working and functioning. I hope I’m not not being naive, and I agree if the boys are being neglected that removal is best but I wonder that if this is fairly recent and the parents care, is theee anything that can be done? I think one of your daughters got help to keep hers?

    Anyway, I wish you all the best and hope you can find a calm if not exactly happy, place
    Originally posted by Cairn
    Of course they want the boys back, and they believe they will. But they are in denial that it is as serious as it is. They say they have been ignored and don't know what is going on. They believe that tidying up is all that's needed and that they are trying. But alas they are messing it up in all the other rooms when trying to deal with one room. They are just moving it all around really. Getting upset with trying to sort the children's things and chose to go away instead of getting help etc.
    Ithere is nobody able to move in with them, and I cannot imagine anyone wanting to live there even briefly.
    They should have accepted help and been willing to learn when the first child was born, not wait to drown in their own mess. They should have been able to understand that their friends were not helpful and after loosing Twin2 s boys DS has no excuse to not know.
    This is extremely hard for my family at the moment and emotionally we are all drained.

    I am off to bed.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
    • gruffalo55
    • By gruffalo55 16th May 18, 9:51 PM
    • 26 Posts
    • 180 Thanks
    gruffalo55
    From memory DS and GF should be entitled to legal aid for legal advice for any proceedings brought by the local authority for a care order or supervision order so worth looking into.

    Have followed your threads for many years Mooloo, sorry to read about the latest events.
    • ivyleaf
    • By ivyleaf 16th May 18, 10:46 PM
    • 5,410 Posts
    • 57,839 Thanks
    ivyleaf
    ((HUGS)) Mooloo. I hope everything goes as well as possible tomorrow. I think you said your son's GF had been in care? So she won't have much, if any, idea of the best way to look after small children if her own early life wasn't as it should have been
    • thorsoak
    • By thorsoak 17th May 18, 6:56 AM
    • 5,662 Posts
    • 25,921 Thanks
    thorsoak
    Thinking of all your family today Mooloo - it's not going to be a happy day for any of the adults, but hopefully it will lead to the start of a better life for these two little boys who do not deserve the parents that they have at the moment.

    Sadly, love alone is not enough - tough love is needed too - and that's what you, Biggest and her OH are showing now xxxx
    • Mooloo
    • By Mooloo 17th May 18, 7:23 AM
    • 9,698 Posts
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    Mooloo
    Tough being the operative word!

    I have been lying awake since just before 6am trying to think positive thoughts, focused on the simple tasks of my day ahead. Because of the time shift I am unable to help Biggest and I unfortunately can't offer DS help either. He probably needs someone with him (and her) to compute what is going on. But I am tied to the Shop with a morning full of fittings.
    I still have a very sad Dgd too. Her Mum sent pictures of the scan and the baby is due end of November. Then in the afternoon she had to take the little boy to the hospital, he has scarlet fever and is on antibiotics.
    Biggest said that one of her boys was projectile vomiting yesterday afternoon. I hope it settled and she got some rest.
    I brought some work home but really only sat for an hour and a half unpicking and preparation as I forgot to bring threads for the overlocker Home. But I did shorten two pairs of jeans.
    I have managed to pay myself £100 drawings and the Mobile phone payments for the Shop phone, which comes out of my personal account because it's tied in with my Sky package at home.
    I have even managed to get the business back in to the black. Not sure if I will have all I need for the rent by the end of the month, but at least I have half of it, and I know I have lots of jobs done and todo. So I am confident that this month we will turn it around.

    Looking for the positive!
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
    • ivyleaf
    • By ivyleaf 17th May 18, 8:58 AM
    • 5,410 Posts
    • 57,839 Thanks
    ivyleaf
    Good news about the shop at any rate
    • pollyanna 26
    • By pollyanna 26 17th May 18, 9:37 AM
    • 2,126 Posts
    • 19,519 Thanks
    pollyanna 26
    Sending positive vibes for today . Poor dgd , that's where you're energy is needed . Good news about the takings and hope the business continues on the upward path .
    Get well to the poorlies . Biggest has her hands full .
    polly x
    • Cairn
    • By Cairn 17th May 18, 1:01 PM
    • 11 Posts
    • 51 Thanks
    Cairn
    I hope it all goes well for your family today. I cannot begin to imagine the emotional mental and physical effect that this is having on all of you.
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 17th May 18, 1:03 PM
    • 53,926 Posts
    • 213,640 Thanks
    beanielou
    I hope it all goes well for your family today. I cannot begin to imagine the emotional mental and physical effect that this is having on all of you.
    Originally posted by Cairn
    Seconded by me.
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 11 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.***
    ***Keep plodding***
    Out of debt, out of danger.
    • supermezzo
    • By supermezzo 17th May 18, 1:22 PM
    • 979 Posts
    • 1,043 Thanks
    supermezzo
    Is this of any interest/use, Mooloo? https://www.home-start.org.uk/
    It aint over til I've done singing....
    • thorsoak
    • By thorsoak 17th May 18, 2:19 PM
    • 5,662 Posts
    • 25,921 Thanks
    thorsoak
    I do hope that the meeting this morning was productive, Mooloo - and that progress can be made in deciding the future of the two little boys - and that Biggest and her family can go back to happily awaiting new baby without feeling guilty. They don't deserve to feel guilty, any more than you do.
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