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    • Mooloo
    • By Mooloo 31st Dec 17, 7:35 PM
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    Mooloo
    Mooloo’s Managing it in 2018
    • #1
    • 31st Dec 17, 7:35 PM
    Mooloo’s Managing it in 2018 31st Dec 17 at 7:35 PM
    My previous threads here have been about my struggles etc bringing up my family and now my Granddaughter, building a business on little funds and a lot of faith.
    Titles suggested often are linked to my sewing, but this year I want to be different. No more Struggle!

    This year is all about Managing it!
    Getting on top of the hiccups and the pitfalls.
    Managing to say NO more often.
    Managing to cut my Debts.
    Managing to raise my Income levels.
    Managing to make my Business even better.
    Managing to block time for the things I want to do.
    Managing to create a better home life.
    Managing to raise above the fire fighting and being ready to tackle issues before the fire.

    So here is the start.
    I am due to go out celebrating the New Year this evening with my BF, and Welcome Home my DGD tomorrow.
    I will expand on my goals and plans over the next few days, and follow through the next 12 months.
    See you along the way.
    Without my fellow MSE!!!8217;ers I probably would have had a much tougher ride than I had.

    This Forum tip was included in MoneySavingExpert.com's weekly email!
    Last edited by MSE Andrea; 08-05-2018 at 10:27 AM.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
Page 38
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 15th May 18, 6:48 PM
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    beanielou
    I have gone through one emotion after another. I have said that I would have to try, but then as you all say. I actually have to use my head not my heart and I am not getting any younger etc
    Social are coming to see Biggest on Thursday and she wants me to go.
    I will arrange for the Shop to be covered with my Seamstress and support her.
    Reality is that we have to think of all of the other children in the family and those boys.
    Realistically I cannot do it.
    Realistically Biggest cannot do it.
    My sisters Daughter is considering putting herself forward but her kids are older.
    I have to think of the bigger picture and although I don't want to loose them they will be better with foster parents and if necessary adoption like my other boys.
    It is hard to say or think but I have Dgd and a business to run.
    Originally posted by Mooloo
    No easy answers.
    As you say you have the business & DGD
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 12 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.***
    ***Keep plodding***
    Out of debt, out of danger. MFW 2018. No 144
    • ognum
    • By ognum 15th May 18, 7:02 PM
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    ognum
    I have gone through one emotion after another. I have said that I would have to try, but then as you all say. I actually have to use my head not my heart and I am not getting any younger etc
    Social are coming to see Biggest on Thursday and she wants me to go.
    I will arrange for the Shop to be covered with my Seamstress and support her.
    Reality is that we have to think of all of the other children in the family and those boys.
    Realistically I cannot do it.
    Realistically Biggest cannot do it.
    My sisters Daughter is considering putting herself forward but her kids are older.
    I have to think of the bigger picture and although I don't want to loose them they will be better with foster parents and if necessary adoption like my other boys.
    It is hard to say or think but I have Dgd and a business to run.
    Originally posted by Mooloo
    Believe me Mooloo, I never thought it was easy I simply put my thoughts on paper.

    I am lad you will be there when SS visit Biggest
    • thorsoak
    • By thorsoak 15th May 18, 7:50 PM
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    thorsoak
    Thinking of you, and of Biggest and her family, Mooloo - I know it will be heartbreaking for you all - but I agree with the others. If your niece could step up to the plate, that would be absolutely marvellous - but how realistic would that be?

    Your DS (should stand for Doped Son?) Is not going to change quickly - he has chosen his route in life, you cannot change him - you have given him so many opportunities - how many motorbikes? the forge? etc etc etc. At the moment - and probably for at least the next 10 years he will not be good parent material - and it will be far better for these babies to be adopted out into a family which will give them the opportunities and love that they wouldnt get with DS and GF - and Biggest and her OH and little family deserve to be allowed to be a family without the stress that another two small boys - and disfunctional parents intervening - would bring.

    You and Biggest have done all you can - its a shame that DS hasn't.
    • Mooloo
    • By Mooloo 15th May 18, 11:38 PM
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    Mooloo
    I am probably out of order because I sent a text message to DS reminded him his car insurance runs out Thursday and that we don't have the money so he needs to get home and sorn his car.
    Obviously I have not had a reply.
    Deep down I know that it's the end of the relationship with my son.'
    But I have always told you all as it is. Maybe I should have not but I cannot lie to you either. I should be in bed hours ago yet I am scared of sleep because I don't like my dreams
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
    • sillyvixen
    • By sillyvixen 15th May 18, 11:46 PM
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    sillyvixen
    I am so sorry mooloo, it pains me greatly to say it, but the best outcome for ds's children is adoption. You are not in a position to take on 2 more, biggest has 2 already and another on the way ( you already stated earlier on she was struggling with her third pregnancy). Having her child quota double before her new born is due is unbeliebly stress full. I can see her and hubby will struggle going from 2 to 5 in a short period of time, that's is a stress full situation & biggest does not need that stress right now. I pray social services find them a family that will love them and keep them together - there are so many childless couples out there who could give the kids a much better life than ds and gf. I am so sorry I , know its a tough decision but it may be the best for all concerned.
    Dogs return to eat their vomit, just as fools repeat their foolishness. There is no more hope for a fool than for someone who says, "i am really clever!"
    • surveyqueenuk
    • By surveyqueenuk 16th May 18, 1:01 AM
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    surveyqueenuk
    I'm concerned that if Biggest does take them, there is nobody else to support her but you, Moo. I have a strong feeling that you will invariably doing the brunt of the work, on top of looking after DGD and Mum. That's beside the sewing too!

    This is going to sound awful and I'm sorry but you can't give up your dreams, the one thing you have to hold onto, because people have had children they cannot look after and don't even seem to particularly want.
    • *max*
    • By *max* 16th May 18, 2:29 AM
    • 2,857 Posts
    • 13,467 Thanks
    *max*
    I'm concerned that if Biggest does take them, there is nobody else to support her but you, Moo. I have a strong feeling that you will invariably doing the brunt of the work, on top of looking after DGD and Mum. That's beside the sewing too!

    This is going to sound awful and I'm sorry but you can't give up your dreams, the one thing you have to hold onto, because people have had children they cannot look after and don't even seem to particularly want.
    Originally posted by surveyqueenuk
    And will likely have more - only a matter of time before DS and partner have yet another one they can't look after either. Contraception doesn't seem to be a priority, or even a concern, for any of Mooloo's children.
    • Mooloo
    • By Mooloo 16th May 18, 7:00 AM
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    Mooloo
    Actually that's not fair.
    Twin1 and her partner decided deliberately that they would like another child, and their pregnancy is planned.
    Twin2 was on the implant before her miscarriage.(although he won't use a condom to be extra safe). I believe she had to have it removed and was put on the pill, but she was ill and of course because of that it didn't work. She is back on the implant.
    Biggest chose to try for this baby and it is part of their plans to have another within a time span.
    It is only DSs GF who deliberately hood winked him and said she was on the pill but deliberately stopped taking them because she wanted to ensnare him. Although for a while it didn't work and she was on her own. But DS was lured back.
    I agree that I don't think they are going to be sensible though and I fear she will do it again.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
    • Mooloo
    • By Mooloo 16th May 18, 7:15 AM
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    Mooloo
    I thought long and hard over the last few days about the possibility of having the boys, and after all the pros and cons I ruled it out.
    I will support Biggest with Social tomorrow, and I will be supportive of her decision that it is too much and her marriage and family must come first.
    I don't think I can support DS any more as he is not listening or trying to really sort him self out.
    That's going to be tough as I have always tried to bail him out. But this time I cannot do it.
    My sanity has to be sorted, DGD needs her own support with her self esteem and her unhappiness at school. She needs to adjust from being a little girl into a young lady too.
    My business needs to work for the rest of the lease at least, and I will have to continue to bring work home through the busy times so that I keep up with the work.
    After the lease is up, I will either work from home or look for another job. Time will tell.
    I will continue to do down the debt along with Biggest and make my savings up to be able to go back to holidays and follow my dreams.

    I have worked it out. It was just difficult to do.
    I know where I am going now, I will manage it and hopefully one day DS will grow up.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
    • Slinky
    • By Slinky 16th May 18, 8:11 AM
    • 5,587 Posts
    • 26,238 Thanks
    Slinky
    I think that sounds like a good plan Mooloo.


    For one thing, if the boys are still with Biggest, DS and/or his GF are bound to still have some influence over their lives in someway, whether that's good or bad contact, (or no contact at all, Daddy/Mummy don't love me etc). The chances of it being good contact seem slim. You've said that already the older child's behaviour has improved simply through being cared for and guided better.


    Most people can have children, not everybody is cut out to be a parent. Some people recognise that, many don't.



    Would you like those boys to grow up, get good jobs, build fantastic lives for themselves? Does it seem likely to happen if they were still under the influence of their disfunctional parents?


    They'll have better chances and so will Biggest's children if she has 3 to care for rather than 5.
    • atolaas
    • By atolaas 16th May 18, 8:30 AM
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    atolaas
    Mooloo (((hugs)))
    SPC7 ~ Member#390 ~ £432.45 declared
    Re-joined SW 9 Feb 2015 1 stone lost so far

    Her Serene Highness the Princess Atolaas of the Alphabetty Thread as appointed by Queen Upsidedown Bear
    • BrassicWoman
    • By BrassicWoman 16th May 18, 8:52 AM
    • 1,874 Posts
    • 7,503 Thanks
    BrassicWoman
    My friend adopted two wee lads, brothers, whose family were chaotic and couldn't provide well.

    They're now doing well in school and talking about college; few bumps upon the way, a lot of boundary testing, but they couldn't be more wanted. And mum and dad, who could not have biological children, have always regarded them in every way as their own.

    I am hoping this may also be true for your situation. It can happen, and the lads are having a great start in life.
    Jan 18 grocery challenge £105.13/ £150
    • Mooloo
    • By Mooloo 16th May 18, 9:34 AM
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    Mooloo
    Time to get moving and go and see my Mum and my Sister while she is over hear from France. They go to my nieces wedding on Saturday and to France together with Mum on Sunday.
    Then I will have my Wednesday's free to do my own things for the Summer. It will be strange without Mum and our Ladies that Lunch Times.
    When I get back I have sewing to do, so I can keep up with the work coming in to the shop.
    Starting is always an effort but once I get going I am usually fine.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
    • ivyleaf
    • By ivyleaf 16th May 18, 9:45 AM
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    ivyleaf
    Have a happy time with your sister and Mum, Mooloo ((HUGS))
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 16th May 18, 10:18 AM
    • 57,981 Posts
    • 238,540 Thanks
    beanielou
    Another vote for a happy Wednesday with your mum & sister.
    Take care of you xx
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 12 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.***
    ***Keep plodding***
    Out of debt, out of danger. MFW 2018. No 144
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 16th May 18, 10:22 AM
    • 57,981 Posts
    • 238,540 Thanks
    beanielou
    And will likely have more - only a matter of time before DS and partner have yet another one they can't look after either. Contraception doesn't seem to be a priority, or even a concern, for any of Mooloo's children.
    Originally posted by *max*
    That's a bit harsh
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 12 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.***
    ***Keep plodding***
    Out of debt, out of danger. MFW 2018. No 144
    • Mooloo
    • By Mooloo 16th May 18, 1:35 PM
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    • 50,101 Thanks
    Mooloo
    Didn't stop long at Mums there was too many people and their newest grandchild was screaming her head off. Poor Mum was slightly stressed as my neice had chosen to invite the beautician around to do her and her mum's nails before Friday's wedding. I thought wedding was Saturday. Oh well
    The social worker has changed the meeting time to 9.15 tomorrow so I cannot now go as my lady can't do the shop until the afternoon.
    There is a official meeting next Friday with several officials, Biggest has the letter in the post.
    So I have text the dreaded GF and told them they need to get their backside back home as Social are visiting them tomorrow.
    I also said they need to get a lawyer
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
    • ognum
    • By ognum 16th May 18, 2:09 PM
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    ognum
    Mooloo

    I think it is worth you and Biggest and her husband sitting down and thinking about and agreeing the outcome that you want from the meeting before it happens.

    It is easy to get bamboozled by others with their own agenda and at the end of a meeting realise that the outcome isn!!!8217;t anywhere close to the end point you want.

    Talk with Biggest and her husband tonight.
    • Mooloo
    • By Mooloo 16th May 18, 2:32 PM
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    Mooloo
    I have heard back from the GF they are on their way home. She wanted to know why they need a lawyer! I have replied that they are only just starting and that they will not be just getting a slap on the wrist and told to do better, that it will work be many meetings and ciurtcases and they need all the help they can get.

    I have been on the phone with a Biggest and I have told her that she needs to give the social worker a deadline to have the boys placed with professional care. That it is too much for her family. That as a family we have to let them go to another family and hopefully get a better future, that I hate to say it but I cannot see them being allowed back to DS etc.
    It was a hard conversation but it was needed.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
    • thorsoak
    • By thorsoak 16th May 18, 2:43 PM
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    thorsoak
    Make sure that GF and DS know that you are not paying for a lawyer, Mooloo! Also let them know that you are opposing the return of the two wee boys to their parents as it will only happen again ..and again.....and again. :-(
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