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  • FIRST POST
    • Mooloo
    • By Mooloo 31st Dec 17, 7:35 PM
    • 9,949Posts
    • 49,212Thanks
    Mooloo
    Mooloo’s Managing it in 2018
    • #1
    • 31st Dec 17, 7:35 PM
    Mooloo’s Managing it in 2018 31st Dec 17 at 7:35 PM
    My previous threads here have been about my struggles etc bringing up my family and now my Granddaughter, building a business on little funds and a lot of faith.
    Titles suggested often are linked to my sewing, but this year I want to be different. No more Struggle!

    This year is all about Managing it!
    Getting on top of the hiccups and the pitfalls.
    Managing to say NO more often.
    Managing to cut my Debts.
    Managing to raise my Income levels.
    Managing to make my Business even better.
    Managing to block time for the things I want to do.
    Managing to create a better home life.
    Managing to raise above the fire fighting and being ready to tackle issues before the fire.

    So here is the start.
    I am due to go out celebrating the New Year this evening with my BF, and Welcome Home my DGD tomorrow.
    I will expand on my goals and plans over the next few days, and follow through the next 12 months.
    See you along the way.
    Without my fellow MSE!!!8217;ers I probably would have had a much tougher ride than I had.

    This Forum tip was included in MoneySavingExpert.com's weekly email!
    Last edited by MSE Andrea; 08-05-2018 at 10:27 AM.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
Page 34
    • jackieblack
    • By jackieblack 9th May 18, 6:00 AM
    • 8,010 Posts
    • 11,776 Thanks
    jackieblack
    Oh and I just told BF I am not tempted by his carrot.
    Originally posted by Mooloo
    Ooh err Missus!

    (Not diminishing what you're going through Mooloo, just trying to lighten the mood a little and, maybe, raise a smile x)
    2.22kWp Solar PV system installed Oct 2010, Fronius IG20 Inverter,
    south facing (-5 deg), 30 degree pitch, no shading

    Quidquid Latine dictum sit altum videtur
    (Revera linguam latinam vix cognovi )
    • Mooloo
    • By Mooloo 9th May 18, 6:29 AM
    • 9,949 Posts
    • 49,212 Thanks
    Mooloo
    Ooh err Missus!

    (Not diminishing what you're going through Mooloo, just trying to lighten the mood a little and, maybe, raise a smile x)
    Originally posted by jackieblack


    I should be more careful with my wording!
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
    • Mooloo
    • By Mooloo 9th May 18, 6:34 AM
    • 9,949 Posts
    • 49,212 Thanks
    Mooloo
    I had a reasonable night but my brain started up the cement mixer way too early today.
    Trying to take control of it and stop it going wandering is not so easy.
    I have a busy day ahead having to leave the school and hot foot it to work for three lots of fittings, 9am, 9.30 and 10am and back again tonight at 5pm
    I know that it's my day off but I had to make up for the early closing last week.
    I still hope to get to Mums for a few hours in the middle of the day and back for dgd at 3pm
    Oh and Some housework in between.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
    • Mooloo
    • By Mooloo 9th May 18, 7:18 AM
    • 9,949 Posts
    • 49,212 Thanks
    Mooloo
    I just noticed that this thread has been linked to on the newsletter. My title Managing It rang out.
    It hit me that re-reading the first post I am not doing a very good job this week.
    It made me sit up straight and think!
    Actually I am not managing my emotions too well.
    Time to pull my socks back up and get back on the wagon.
    The week was not the best.
    But I cannot change it.
    Your right, I can change my attitude to, my choice of reactions to my family etc.
    The Shop is busy, I am continuing to work every day even with the chaos.
    I have managed to make a tough decision now about my relationship and stepped into the unknown.
    I am doing it scared today, but I am doing it.
    The world is still revolving.
    Your right, I have a car, my convertible, we have food and a roof over our heads.
    We will get through this.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 9th May 18, 11:07 AM
    • 56,818 Posts
    • 231,339 Thanks
    beanielou
    You will get through this.

    If I was you I might forego the housework!
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 11 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.***
    ***Keep plodding***
    Out of debt, out of danger. MFW 2018. No 144
    • Imagnu
    • By Imagnu 9th May 18, 12:05 PM
    • 91 Posts
    • 446 Thanks
    Imagnu
    Long time reader and lurker here !!!55357;!!!56898; With regard to your business, could you find help from someone that can sew from home when you are busy, rather than them being in the shop, and pay them a set rate per item so that it didn't matter how long they took to complete the job, as long as it done to an acceptable standard?
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 9th May 18, 12:17 PM
    • 56,818 Posts
    • 231,339 Thanks
    beanielou
    Long time reader and lurker here !!!55357;!!!56898; With regard to your business, could you find help from someone that can sew from home when you are busy, rather than them being in the shop, and pay them a set rate per item so that it didn't matter how long they took to complete the job, as long as it done to an acceptable standard?
    Originally posted by Imagnu
    That's a good idea.
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 11 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.***
    ***Keep plodding***
    Out of debt, out of danger. MFW 2018. No 144
    • Mooloo
    • By Mooloo 9th May 18, 3:46 PM
    • 9,949 Posts
    • 49,212 Thanks
    Mooloo
    Long time reader and lurker here !!!55357;!!!56898; With regard to your business, could you find help from someone that can sew from home when you are busy, rather than them being in the shop, and pay them a set rate per item so that it didn't matter how long they took to complete the job, as long as it done to an acceptable standard?
    Originally posted by Imagnu
    Yes that is an idea worth considering. But once this drama is old newspapers I think I will probably manage it. I am reluctant to start new people because of all the wages, pensions, rights etc when I have decided not to continue building the business but to just keep it going for the next 16 months.
    My thoughts when not scrambled are to do it myself and not take on so much, while I sell off the excess stock and machinery and try to reduce my stockpile.
    I am obviously open to ideas and change though because at the moment I am mush.
    Saw DS today briefly between fittings and going to see Mum. He was doing the washing but the house still was rather lived in. But I cannot talk because today mine kinda looks that way too.
    Biggest called and we didn't see eye to eye today. She is playing bad cop/God, Saint all in one.
    BF is analysing everything ever ever said and done and driven me nuts.
    I sat behind the stealing wheel with my mum beside me at Lunchtime and shouted out that I hate them all, I wish they would all leave me out of it! But of course that's not going to happen.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 9th May 18, 3:55 PM
    • 56,818 Posts
    • 231,339 Thanks
    beanielou
    Not so much that you hate them but the whole blooming situation.
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 11 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.***
    ***Keep plodding***
    Out of debt, out of danger. MFW 2018. No 144
    • Mooloo
    • By Mooloo 9th May 18, 4:38 PM
    • 9,949 Posts
    • 49,212 Thanks
    Mooloo
    Not so much that you hate them but the whole blooming situation.
    Originally posted by beanielou
    Yes you are right.
    I think I just needed to expose.
    I am due back at work in 25 minutes and then I still need some shopping for me li, brioche and packup stuff.
    I am shattered the truth be told. Worn out mentally at the moment.
    I lay down for 30 mins and tried to relax. But knowing I need to go out didn't really do much.
    Dgd went out to play. Now I need to grab her so I can get to the shop.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
    • Almost-free
    • By Almost-free 9th May 18, 5:15 PM
    • 116 Posts
    • 316 Thanks
    Almost-free
    I don't know what you are still reading his messages . I would be blocking him.
    You do this every time- say it's over, you're strong etc but the conversation goes on between you and you then go back because you aren't making a clean break.

    I really don't see what you get from that relationship that you find so hard to let go of. From his point of view, if I had anything about me at all and knew my girlfriend was discussing our relationship on an open website for everyone and anyone to see, I think I would call it quits.

    The best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour - I really don't think this relationship is good for either of you , and meanwhile it's blocking something new and wonderful that might be waiting just around the corner .
    Last edited by Almost-free; 09-05-2018 at 5:17 PM.
    • Mooloo
    • By Mooloo 9th May 18, 6:14 PM
    • 9,949 Posts
    • 49,212 Thanks
    Mooloo
    Heaven knows, love/hate? Trying to please everyone, trying not to be a failure. I don't know.
    Because deep down I don't like hurting anyone.

    Not reasons of any sense.
    I've known him since 1975.
    Habit.
    Fear of the unknown.

    Not strong enough take your pick, or all of the above.

    I'd be no good as a diplomat or mediator I know that.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
    • Mooloo
    • By Mooloo 9th May 18, 9:43 PM
    • 9,949 Posts
    • 49,212 Thanks
    Mooloo
    I heard this evening from Biggest that the nursery, social and some other authority have been trying to get DS's GF to work with them on a voluntary care scheme for about a year. That dgs3 attendance at Nursery was so bad that they were about to remove him from the register. That they don't think he has learning problems just bad parenting but she wouldn't work with them. So she was already in the eye of social. Before DS went back to live there. She was also back in rent arrears and hadn't had DS's name removed off of the tenancy and now he has a court order and an eviction notice too.
    Things are slowly getting worse for DS.

    But on the plus side the lad had his best day at Nursery today and he is already behaving better and going to bed to routine etc.

    I am going to bed now as all this emotional stuff has worn me out.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
    • Savvy_Sue
    • By Savvy_Sue 9th May 18, 10:54 PM
    • 39,033 Posts
    • 35,914 Thanks
    Savvy_Sue
    He asked me to tell him if I started dating again.
    Originally posted by Mooloo
    That, if anything, would finish it for me. Why the blankety blank does he think it will be any of HIS business?

    Given that some of the problems between you have been caused by HIS jealousy of you so much as conversing politely with other men, in his presence, he's got a nerve, he really has ...

    Block him and move on, you've only got so much capacity for dealing with insecurities, and he's well exceeded yours ...
    Still knitting!
    Completed: 1 adult cardigan, 3 baby jumpers, 3 shawls, 1 sweat band, 3 pairs baby bootees,
    1 Wise Man Knitivity figure + 1 sheep, 2 pairs socks, 2 hats 2 balaclavas for seamen, 1 balaclava for myself ...
    Current projects: Poppies, mohair cardigan pattern arrived and going strong!
    • thorsoak
    • By thorsoak 9th May 18, 11:09 PM
    • 5,714 Posts
    • 26,278 Thanks
    thorsoak
    Beware of blaming everything on the mother of DS children Mooloo ....he is 50% to blame for the state that they - and his children - are in. Don't be suckered in by him any more than you are determined not to be suckered in by ex-BF!
    • gallygirl
    • By gallygirl 9th May 18, 11:26 PM
    • 16,645 Posts
    • 109,855 Thanks
    gallygirl
    Bless you mooloo you have a lot to handle, even more than usual.

    I worry that some years down the line you will make the move to Portugal but your family's troubles will follow you. How will you react if you're in Portugal and DS's 3rd or 4th family hits the rocks? You will need to be able to step back completely - it won't be possible to pick them up from police stations etc., but the guilt will still be there. I hope you find a way to step back.

    I can't see the Portuguese expat property market is any different than the Spanish one that I'm familiar with. Forget about your dreams of buying and just concentrate on renting somewhere for holidays. When the time comes to move out there you will probably be abe to pick up a cheap rental, especially if you look to an ex-pat area a few miles inland. In Spain you can get 2-3 bed apartments for €300-350 a month. If you buy you have to pay community fees etc.

    I hope you still find time to study your Portuguese. When things settle maybe you could find someone living locally to practice with?

    I think of you every time I look at the lovely Roman blinds you made for me (even though we've since moved and I rent the apartment out where they are!).

    I'm not normally a religious person, but I have a strange urge to pray for you and your family* xxx





    * not exBF though. He's a knobhead .
    A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort
    Mortgage Balance = £0
    "Do what others won't early in life so you can do what others can't later in life"
    • Mooloo
    • By Mooloo 10th May 18, 7:14 AM
    • 9,949 Posts
    • 49,212 Thanks
    Mooloo
    Thanks Gallygirl.
    Glad to see your still around.
    My brother has said the same about renting to start with as he wishes that he had when they moved to France. They love the house but not the village.
    It's pretty irrelevant at the moment as I would need to reallyvturn my life around.
    I did still text with exBF last night as he was asking questions that he only ever seems to ask when we take a break. So I have explained my situation etc my dealings with family etc etc.
    It actually helped me to realise that what I was saying was I already know that I cannot go back and his sudden interest in my business ideas and his interest in possibly investing in my dreams is just another hook.
    So this morning I have told him that it doesn't change anything and I am not going back.
    From now on he is definitely the X.
    I have no desire to have another relationship at the moment. I doubt that I would still be in contact with him to tell him either if I did because if I do feel ready he certainly would not be on my mind.

    I need to cut the chains there and distance my self from DS.
    I am afraid that if I was in Portugal I would not be coming home to bail DS out.
    He is unfortunately learning the hard way. I have done all I can. I can't do anything more.
    Now Dgd and Home life need attention and the Shop needs to continue to work and pay its way for the rest of the lease. I need to adapt my business life and Home life so Dgd and I are happier.

    I can't go back on the roller coaster anymore
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
    • Mooloo
    • By Mooloo 10th May 18, 7:20 AM
    • 9,949 Posts
    • 49,212 Thanks
    Mooloo
    Beware of blaming everything on the mother of DS children Mooloo ....he is 50% to blame for the state that they - and his children - are in. Don't be suckered in by him any more than you are determined not to be suckered in by ex-BF!
    Originally posted by thorsoak
    Oh I am not
    They are as bad as each other. I'm just saying that the year they were apart she was not coping well.
    They don't deserve to be parents when they are so childish themselves. Hard to say but it is a fact
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
    • Imagnu
    • By Imagnu 10th May 18, 7:59 AM
    • 91 Posts
    • 446 Thanks
    Imagnu
    Long time reader and lurker here !!!55357;!!!56898; With regard to your business, could you find help from someone that can sew from home when you are busy, rather than them being in the shop, and pay them a set rate per item so that it didn't matter how long they took to complete the job, as long as it done to an acceptable standard?
    Originally posted by Imagnu
    Yes that is an idea worth considering. But once this drama is old newspapers I think I will probably manage it. I am reluctant to start new people because of all the wages, pensions, rights etc when I have decided not to continue building the business but to just keep it going for the next 16 months.
    My thoughts when not scrambled are to do it myself and not take on so much, while I sell off the excess stock and machinery and try to reduce my stockpile.
    I am obviously open to ideas and change though because at the moment I am mush
    Originally posted by Mooloo

    But you wouldn't have to employ them, they could just invoice you for the work done and deal with their own tax, NI etc.
    • ivyleaf
    • By ivyleaf 10th May 18, 10:47 AM
    • 5,829 Posts
    • 63,350 Thanks
    ivyleaf
    That does sound a good idea Imagnu.

    Mooloo I do hope you will block "ex"BF's number, because he seems to have done nothing to give you moral support in this situation and has simply added to your stress
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