Renovations and Repayments II: New Year, New Start, New Diary.

AlexLK · 27 January 2018 at 7:50PM

Daisy, I do need to find a way to move the conversation on or leave. Spent too many evenings this week after my son has gone to bed listening to my father ('phone) talk about his actions as a parent when I was a boy. Some things he's trying to justify (to himself), some he's apologising for. Mother has decided I'm to blame for father regretting some of his actions. I don't want this for my son and I don't want it for me. Hardly spoken to my wife because my parents are on the 'phone for hours.

I'm struggling to concentrate and articulate my thoughts at the moment. Starting to avoid some things also. Think I'm never going to be content with the finances side of things (either not having enough or having enough and knowing I didn't make it) and the thoughts of my parents are really weighing down at the moment. On the positive side, work is going really well and I'm enjoying it.

Sleep hasn't been so good this week.

Starting to think about organising something to do with my son for next weekend as the weekends seem to have become routine throughout January. Son has had an excellent start to 2018 at school, not once asked when half term is yet which makes a change.

Managed to have a full week's worth of music before school / work outside of my son's usual practise schedule, both he and I have enjoyed this time so I plan to try to make a habit of it. He seems to be much more interested in music lately but that could be to do with the weather.

This week coming I am going to make my first overpayment of 2018 and money will be transferred to the savings. Looking forward to this.

Karmacat · 28 January 2018 at 10:26AM

Oh Alex! Neither of your parents have the right to monopolise your time and attention and emotional energy in this way! I have someone who I ring to support them, and I use the reality of my phone bill to cut it "short" - I get free calls on my payment system, but only if they're less than an hour. Seems eminently reasonable to me. Nobody should be ringing you for so long that you don't get time to talk to your wife when you're both in during the evening.

I'm applauding your positives too, mind you

work is good, overpayments are good, your son's happy

get together with your wife for some good times today and things will be excellent.

newgirly · 28 January 2018 at 10:32AM

Stay strong Alex, re read some of your early posts from this month as they are really positive, if your parents are sucking out your energy, and you seem to be aware of this - take control and get back on track, this year will be a good one

Debsnewbudget · 28 January 2018 at 11:24AM

I have a feeling that your parents have a great work ethic
If I ever needed to gain space from my parents I always invented some work to be done either on the house or for actual work
They were happy to let me go if I was doing something in connection with what they perceived as "work" often it was just a comment from me about how busy I was
Have a try and see if dealing with a window thats stuck or a swollen gate or defrosting the freezer etc etc get them to back off

They do remind me of the death eaters in Harry Potter as they suck all hope out of you and replace it with despair

Another trick to try is to visualise putting up a shield and holding it in front of you when you are talking to them and letting the shield deflect any comments that will bring you down. Visualise the shield in Your mind and count how many arrows you can deflect, it can almost become a game as you try and get better

Good luck Alex you can do this xx

gallygirl · 28 January 2018 at 12:12PM

I have a feeling that your parents have a great work ethic
If I ever needed to gain space from my parents I always invented some work to be done either on the house or for actual work
They were happy to let me go if I was doing something in connection with what they perceived as "work" often it was just a comment from me about how busy I was
Have a try and see if dealing with a window thats stuck or a swollen gate or defrosting the freezer etc etc get them to back off

Great idea Debs. Could you say you have to do something for the new job - or do they not approve of that?

They do remind me of the death eaters in Harry Potter as they suck all hope out of you and replace it with despair

I told Mr GG he was a dementor once. Had to follow it up with 'no, it's not a compliment' :rotfl:.

Another trick to try is to visualise putting up a shield and holding it in front of you when you are talking to them and letting the shield deflect any comments that will bring you down. Visualise the shield in Your mind and count how many arrows you can deflect, it can almost become a game as you try and get better

I used to imagine a bell jar that stopped negativity getting through (but over them, not me, as I refused to let other people make me feel claustrophobic

). This sounds like fun though debs

. When I did it I used it mainly on someone at work. When I saw him approaching (reflected on window etc) I used to scramble Thunderbird 2 to come out of the cupboard and drop the bell-jar over him before he arrived. Sometimes it was in a rush and the jar clonked him on the way down. (Mike if you're reading this - that is why I was sometimes grinning inanely when you came up to me :rotfl:).

Great advice from debs there Alex, also insights from yourself. Plan out how to approach this going forwards. Oh, and nothing wrong with 'routine' weekends - in fact it's a good idea to let little ones get bored sometimes as their imagination comes into play then.

AlexLK · 28 January 2018 at 9:43PM

Just lost a post responding to everyone. :mad:

My parents do have an ability to drain my energy. Father only wants to talk about the past these days. Today I had to listen to (word for word) "I can't believe you're not a schoolboy anymore, Alexander" five times and comments about the "new millennium" - 18 years in ... it's old enough to drink, vote and marry. :rotfl: Mother can make some very cutting remarks. Today father asked about my new job and if I'd received a salary (none of his business but I think he was just making conversation). Mother responds before I do turning the conversation to how I will likely waste the money and how "it's probably gone before it even touches the account". Mrs. K. tells my mother we are saving the money and mother responds with "so, he's paying his own debts for sports cars and goodness knows what else now, is he?" Followed by "perhaps the two of you should grow up and give my grandson a decent education" after my wife said we aren't in debt but would like to improve the kitchen, hence saving. :mad: :mad: :mad:

Think I do need to find a way of deflecting the comments and I do think they would be receptive to the work comments. They would be pleased I am working on things for my new job out of hours as they are rather pleased with what I'm now doing. Already had a lecture about not "messing this opportunity up".

Working on my son's imagination would not be a bad thing as he does expect me to find things for him to do every waking hour. :rotfl:

AlexLK · 28 January 2018 at 9:48PM

January Life Aims:
11pm bedtime. Difficult this week.
5 meat free days Smashed this.

3 new recipes Hmm, managed 1.

Keep alcohol to special occasions only Not had a drop.

10,000 steps per day Mostly managed this.

January Financial Aims:
£925 to savings from surplus income. Looking like £2,000.

:j :money:
Total payment of £1,000 to mortgage. Being transferred on the 31st.
Get a better rate on mortgage. :j

January Work Aims:
Everyday presents an opportunity to learn something new - take notes. Had a great month work wise and looking forward to next.

Keep my computer organised. Seem to have managed this also, can find everything so that's a good sign.

Keep the ball rolling (project). Getting there.

hiddenshadow · 28 January 2018 at 9:55PM

Sounds like an excellent month, Alex!

I hope you can find a strategy to manage your parents, that sounds exhausting on all levels (physical/mental/emotional), not to mention detrimental to your wife/son.

newgirly · 28 January 2018 at 9:56PM

Ok I'm not popping in here anymore, no alcohol and 10k steps a day - I feel like a total January failure :rotfl:

AlexLK · 28 January 2018 at 10:04PM

hiddenshadow wrote: »

Sounds like an excellent month, Alex!

I hope you can find a strategy to manage your parents, that sounds exhausting on all levels (physical/mental/emotional), not to mention detrimental to your wife/son.

It's not been a bad one.

I hope so too.

newgirly wrote: »

Ok I'm not popping in here anymore, no alcohol and 10k steps a day - I feel like a total January failure :rotfl:

:rotfl: As a long term reader, you should know I usually manage the steps ... alcohol is usually a different matter, though. :beer:;)

Renovations and Repayments II: New Year, New Start, New Diary.

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