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  • FIRST POST
    • Chandelier.
    • By Chandelier. 30th Dec 17, 10:59 AM
    • 629Posts
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    Chandelier.
    Adventures of the Boy & Me: Part 2..
    • #1
    • 30th Dec 17, 10:59 AM
    Adventures of the Boy & Me: Part 2.. 30th Dec 17 at 10:59 AM
    Hello,

    I figured it was time for a new diary and fresh start as we head into the new year. I'm excited to see what 2018 has in store for us and plan to sail through it with as much positivity as possible.

    This year has seen many changes, both good and bad. The thing is, we made it through, that's all that matters.

    I'm a different person to whom I was at the beginning of the year. Alot has happened but its time to refocus on myself and the time with the boy. It's time to create new adventures and memories and work towards a secure future for us both.

    I've recently came into some inheritance which thankfully will clear what debt I had left. This amount was 7000. I have enough left to pop into seperate saving accounts and the money I used to pay towards the debt will be redirected elsewhere to build a secure future for me and the boy.

    I need to get back into a routine and start a new budget which is manageable and flexible. I intend to go through all my bills, accounts and budgets and see where I stand and then plan ahead for the next few months.

    This is also the year I focus on rebuilding myself back up. I've come a long way from where I was at the beginning of the year and I finally have a medication regime which seems to work for me. The next stage is to undergo CBT therapy and possibly counselling to make myself a much stronger person and to address issues that I've put to the back of my mind.

    All in all, I'm excited for the year ahead and look forward to tracking my goals, dreams and aspirations and to share them with others.

    Somethings will be left in the past, others I will carry into the future with me. It's just deciding exactly what I want and working towards it.

    Anything is possible, if you put your mind to it.
    Check out my Diary
Page 6
    • Chandelier.
    • By Chandelier. 12th May 18, 5:48 PM
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    Chandelier.
    Beanie, yes it is good to be me once more. I've found my smile again and nothing is no longer fazing me after a few weeks where I was quite teary and delusional. I'm now able to see things more clearly and have a lot of upcoming exciting events which I'm looking forward to. Scott, it's good to hear from you. I hope you're well to! I seemed to have lost your number as my phone reset itself.

    I finished the last of my shifts yesterday and now have six days off. I'm unsure what I have planned just yet but will probably hit the gym and get back into the routine. I've had a bit of a break and my eating has gone a bit sideways but I'll soon get back to it. I've lost 15lb in total so far.

    Today, the boy and I have been shopping with my mum and have bought some clothes for our holidays. I bought myself an eccentric dress which has flamingos on it, it looks better then it sounds. I also managed to get quite a lot for the boy and managed to get 10% off which is better then nothing.

    Tonight, I may possibly be going for a drive out into the country with a close friend to find a nice pub. The boy shall accompany us and maybe we can go for a walk down the canal.

    I've arranged to go out for a meal with another friend I recently met this week and have planned drinks with another in two weeks time so I'm slowly filling up the gaps that felt so empty after recent events. I'll make great effort to carry this on.

    I no longer speak to manfriend, he's definately a part of my past and that chapter is now closed. It's sad to think what it has become as once we were so close and would talk all the time. Some things just aren't meant to be I guess but I'm grateful for the time I spent with him and for the memories we made. I honestly wish him all the best and hope he gets everything he wants out of life. Maybe one day our paths may cross again but for now it's goodbye.

    I'm really determined to knuckle down and get saving for next year! I'm going to speak to my manager next week about booking off 4-6 weeks off in the summer to travel Europe with the boy. We've already started adding places we'd like to visit to the list which is exciting and it involves him in the planning. I've a lot of research to do but it's so exciting. I'm not sure what sort of budget I'm looking at yet.

    Work's been brilliant this week and I've received many compliments. The doctor I worked with told me I should apply for a sister's post or do my advanced nurse training as I'd be a great candidate at it. It's not something I want to do right this moment but I may look into it in the future, especially the advanced practitioner post. If it was seconded I'd definately think about it.
    Check out my Diary
    • Chandelier.
    • By Chandelier. 14th May 18, 1:31 PM
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    • 1,654 Thanks
    Chandelier.
    Afternoon,

    It's a lovely day today! The sun's out shining and I feel all summery!

    I've had a lovely chilled out weekend. On Saturday night me and the boy went out to a local country pub by the canal with my friend and spent hours chatting and enjoying good food. We then went inside for the boy to play a game of pool which I'm shocking at but there were some people there who offered to play it with him which was lovely. It felt like a random act of kindness and the boy had a great time.

    On Sunday I took the boy ice skating and had a catch up with my friend. She's currently pregnant and has been going through quite a low period and her hormones are all over the place. She ended up having a complete breakdown in the toilets and phoned me to go help her. I tried my best to support her and we then took some time out where I bought her a hot chocolate and we had a chat. We both decided we wanted a spa day so have arranged that for this Tuesday. We found a really good deal for a two hour aquathermal journey which was two for one and have chosen to have afternoon tea after which should be lovely. I know it's just what she needs and I'm happy to support her in that.

    Tonight I'm meeting up with another friend to go out for a meal which should be good. This is the friend I'm going to Dublin with so we can sit and chat about things we'd like to do and places we'd like to see.

    Plans are under way for my sisters hen do. I have a feeling it's going to end up super pricey for me. There will be one hen do in London for all her friends to attend and then the following weekend will be a second one for closer people to her which will be a country retreat in Wales, more of a glamping trip. I'm looking forward to that. It will just be a busy two weeks. There will be a third for other family members who are unable to attend which will be in our hometown and I'll be in charge of organising that. It's a good job I've been budgeting for this.

    I'm due to pay the balance soon on our holiday for September. I'll use savings for that.

    My mum's been worrying a lot about money at the moment and that her savings are going down rather then up. I've offered to go through all her bills/bank accounts and to come up with a budget. I also have been thinking about increasing the board that I pay at some point. She's had a lot of outgoings this year with the wedding and everything going on plus buying new glasses etc. I also need to sort out her credit cards and see where she is financially then I can get a better picture. I'm good at this sort of stuff and I'm willing to lend a hand. In the past I've sorted out expenses/bills and I drive a hard bargain. It's the little things that add up such as the extra shopping trips. I'm sure I can find ways to save her money and make her budget stretch a little bit further. As long as she's willing to comply then I'm happy to do it.

    I'm looking forward to these next few days and then going back to work. I actually feel content and happy right at this moment in time and everythings coming together and going well. My mental health is much improved and I'm still attending counselling as and when possible. I have a good support system around me and I feel the most stable that I have in a long time. My self esteem and confidence is also improving and I'm focusing 100% on myself. I'm meeting new friends and finding I actually have things in common with people and this makes things so much easier.

    I'm happy that I'm able to write such a positive post
    Check out my Diary
    • Chandelier.
    • By Chandelier. 14th May 18, 4:55 PM
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    • 1,654 Thanks
    Chandelier.
    I've just read through this diary from the beginning and I'm amazed to see what I've come through and how much things have changed in such a short period of time and it's enabled me to reflect on a lot of things.

    The first being my mental health. It amazes me how much a disruption in routine/lack of sleep resulted in a massive downward spiral to a depression that lasted around three months. I was in a really bad place and couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I was close to being suicidal at times which was scary and unlike me. I'm glad that I have managed to get through it even if I have had to sacrifice things along the way.

    Which brings me onto my next reflection. The time spent with manfriend. We went through so much in such a short period of time that I'm not surprised we crashed and burned and that things have turned out the way they have. I was absolutely gutted and heartbroken when he told me he had met someone else but I've come to terms that he is allowed to be happy. And if that's without me in his life then so be it. I was really hard work during these past few months and he was often on the receiving end which he didn't deserve. No matter how much we tried, it just never went back to the relationship at the beginning. Lessons have been learnt though and I now know what I want out of a relationship. I'm staying single for now and when I'm ready I'll get myself back out there. I no longer speak to him and I last heard from him ten days ago. Although I've found it hard at times, it's getting much easier. I'm no longer waiting for him to text or call. The lines of communication are still open and maybe one day we'll actually be friends once the dust has settled.

    Another reflection is how well things are going at work. I'm really finding my feet and have become much more assertive lately which is doing me the world of good. I feel a lot more in control of things and I'm more comfortable with the responsibility I hold and acknowledge that I'm actually doing things right. There are still little blips along the way but they are the things I can ignore.
    Check out my Diary
    • ramblehan
    • By ramblehan 15th May 18, 7:18 AM
    • 593 Posts
    • 1,223 Thanks
    ramblehan
    What a lovely post. You are right to be pleased about your achievements and perspective. Hope you have a lovely week xx
    01/03/18: 21,270 DFD: Dec 2035
    2018 challenge - 191.31/3,670 (5.2%) as of 25.05.18
    Sign up for YNAB via my link if you fancy it - thank you!
    • Chandelier.
    • By Chandelier. 15th May 18, 8:38 AM
    • 629 Posts
    • 1,654 Thanks
    Chandelier.
    Morning!

    Last night I ended up going for a drive out into the country with my friend and we found a nice little country pub where we had a lovely meal. We then got an ice cream and had a walk down the canal which was nice. It was good to catch up and just have a laugh about everything. They were moments where I laughed so much I was almost crying. We then had sing alongs in the car to old songs from our childhood which was fun.

    Today I'm off for a thermal journey spa day and afternoon tea with another friend that I'm excited for. This shall come out of the entertainment budget for the month.

    But first I'm due to see my CPN. I'm not really sure what to tell her as things have been a bit mixed the past two weeks moodwise. There has been plenty of ups which sometimes can be hard to manage especially when I become hyperactive. I'm sure I'll figure something out.

    I've decided to write myself a bit of a bucketlist and things I want to do. It will give me things to work towards and create many memories!
    Check out my Diary
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 15th May 18, 8:46 AM
    • 54,122 Posts
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    beanielou
    Enjoy your spa day
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 11 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.***
    ***Keep plodding***
    Out of debt, out of danger.
    • Chandelier.
    • By Chandelier. 16th May 18, 10:17 AM
    • 629 Posts
    • 1,654 Thanks
    Chandelier.
    Morning!

    The spa day yesterday was amazing and definately worth the money. We used a two for one offer and then had afternoon tea on top so it worked out at 23 each. I paid for all of it in total which came to 46 and my friend was suppose to transfer me the money. However she then confided in me that she actually borrowed the money from a friend in order to pay for it as she's struggling for money lately but wanted to treat herself as she's going through a lot at the moment and is stressed out to the max, I'm quite worried about her. I then decided to write it off and told her not to worry about paying me back and that it was my treat. I told her to spend the money she had left on food for herself and the kids which she did. She was so grateful and emotional after, that amount is no skin off my back. It felt nice to do something.

    After school me and the boy went round to my friends house for the kids to play together. They played out nicely until it came time to go home and I found out the boy had done something he wasn't suppose to. He apparently had been chasing cars that went past and touching other cars around the cul de sac. Straightaway when he knew he'd been found out he broke down into tears and kept apologising. I felt absolutely mortified as it's so out of character for him to do something like that. I think he was copying another little girl who's known to do stuff like this so stern words were had and he has now had some luxuries removed/banned for the time being and he is no longer allowed to play out unsupervised. He will learn his lesson and I plan to reeducate him about road safety and the dangers of messing around.

    I went into work yesterday and spoke to my ward manager about my plans for next year. I think we can somehow work it that I can have three and a half weeks off and I'll use this time to go travelling with the boy around Europe. We should get to see a good number of countries and do plenty of sightseeing in this time. First we need to decide which countries we'd like to go to and do some further research. So I'm excited to do this and it will give me something to focus on.

    Today I am just going to chill out. I'm absolutely exhausted after these past few days and I feel as if I need a nap.

    Tomorrow I'm possibly going out to dinner and for drinks with a friend after work. I'm not sure whether they'll pay or we'll go halves. I'll make the effort to get dressed up/look my best and hopefully have a good night.

    The friend whom confided in me yesterday also told me the true extent of her financial situation and how much debt she was in. I've pointed her in the direction of the debt charities such as stepchange and these boards and hopefully she'll figure a way out. There just seems to be too much month at the end of her money. It's one of the only things I can do to help.

    The next few months are definately going to be busy. Seeing it on paper is pretty scary for me and I'm just hoping I'll be able to cope with it all. I need to find ways to manage all of this more effective. My next five months consist of the following..

    June: Dublin with my friend then the first of my sisters hen do's in London.
    July: My sister's second hen do in Wales. My car tax is also due.
    August: A possible weekend away with my friend and kids in a caravan which falls on the boy's 8th birthday. A week away to Cornwall with the boy's grandparents.
    September: Car insurance due and registration fees. Our two week holiday on a Caribbean cruise.
    October: My sister's wedding and everything else that goes along with it.

    So as you can see, that's just the big important occasions.

    It's my nephews christening this weekend but sadly I'm working so I'll send see a some money in a card to put in his bank account. It won't be much as I've so many upcoming outgoings to budget for. This year's definitely going to be full of memories.

    The half term holidays are coming up again and I've arranged childcare so far for this. The boy is off for two weeks so the first week, his nanny is off and will have him. The second week my manager has put me on shifts which mean I'll only need to find childcare for one day which was good of her. I'll put the boy into sports camp for one of the days. I've also asked one of the school mums if her son would like to come over and play and I'll probably take them out somewhere nice.

    Due to my shifts it's hard for me to enable the boy to have friends come round for tea but it's something I want to try and do more so the boy does not feel left out. It's hard sometimes juggling everything and finding the right balance.
    Check out my Diary
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 16th May 18, 10:36 AM
    • 54,122 Posts
    • 214,708 Thanks
    beanielou
    Finding a balance is always hard.
    You have a lot to look forward too.
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 11 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.***
    ***Keep plodding***
    Out of debt, out of danger.
    • Chandelier.
    • By Chandelier. 20th May 18, 5:48 AM
    • 629 Posts
    • 1,654 Thanks
    Chandelier.
    Morning ,

    I'm up bright and early, ready for work. I've a 13.5 hour shift ahead of me so I'm just taking some time to mentally prepare myself .

    It's been a busy couple of days with a few spends here and there but it's all been worth it.

    On Thursday I went out for a meal with a friend. I was feeling nervous and had a couple of drinks beforehand, then we went to a lovely italian restaurant where we shared great food and conversation. We then went for drinks afterwards which was a chilled out affair. We have made brief plans to meet up again on Monday so I'll figure something out for then.

    On Friday I went into the boy's school to do some reading with him where he pulled out a big atlas and we had a look at countries we'd like to visit in Europe and made a quick list. We'll look into this further at another time but it was nice to do it together. We then went out with my mum for a meal and had a walk by the canal with an ice cream before we went home as I had to be up early for work.

    So although it's been rather spendy, it's been worth it but I'm going to have to really clamp down on my spends as the next few months are going to be busy/spendy.
    Check out my Diary
    • Chandelier.
    • By Chandelier. 25th May 18, 6:04 AM
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    Chandelier.
    Morning

    I've yet another 13.5hr shift ahead of me today. I'm doing extra to help my team out but this is all I'll be doing. I'm also working the next two days.

    On Monday I just had a chill out day after my other shift and just took some time to recuperate. It was much needed and I felt a whole lot better for it.

    On Tuesday the boy and I took his Nanny for lunch as a birthday treat. We then came back home and played lots of tennis in the garden which was fun, even though the balls kept flying into our next door neighbours garden. I then met up with my friend where we went to the pub for a few drinks then had a meal, followed by bowling and another couple of drinks elsewhere. That was really good and I felt really happy and content. We've planned to meet up on Monday and will probably go for a day out to the countryside.

    On Wednesday the boy and I went to our local park to play tennis with another friend. We then went for an ice cream and a drink to cool us down with the weather being as lovely as it has been. In the evening we went for a meal to a pub in the countryside that overlooked the canal with the boy's grandparents. The pub itself is gorgeous but the food was mediocre. At least we know for next time and that it's just a nice place to get a drink.

    The boy has spent the last couple of days with his Nanny whilst I've been working which he will have enjoyed. I'm working the next few weekends so I don't need to worry about childcare as much.

    It's my birthday next month and although I'm working on the day, hopefully the plan is to get away for the night/next day with my friend. I'm not sure where we will go yet but it will be yet another mini adventure.

    I'm just having fun and enjoying myself whilst I can. I'm in a really happy place right now and hopefully everything's falling into place. My smile and laughter is just lighting up the whole room wherever I go and it's infectious. That's the way I want it to be and stay.
    Check out my Diary
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 25th May 18, 7:29 AM
    • 54,122 Posts
    • 214,708 Thanks
    beanielou
    So pleased that you are in a happy place
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 11 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.***
    ***Keep plodding***
    Out of debt, out of danger.
    • Chandelier.
    • By Chandelier. 26th May 18, 6:48 PM
    • 629 Posts
    • 1,654 Thanks
    Chandelier.
    Evening,

    It's a lovely day here and I've been stuck in work most of the day, however I'm off out tonight with a friend for a few drinks so I've got myself dolled up for some bank holiday fun! I'm not expecting it to be too late of a night but I'm up for some people watching and maybe a little dance! The friend I'm going with is absolutely lovely and I can't wait to see them. I'm sadly working again tomorrow so I need to watch myself a little.

    I'm doing really well and I'm in a great mindset and I'm much more positive about the future. I honestly don't know what the future will bring but I'm hopeful that everything will work out as it should do. I'm smiling constantly these days and I no longer feel anger or frustration like I did before. It's amazing what a difference it can make when people are no longer a part of your life. I honestly do believe that people come into your life for a reason and not everyone is meant to stay, even though it may hurt at the time.

    The boy is well and has been entertained by his Nanna all day playing tennis in the garden. He really does light up my life and gives me the motivation to do all that I do. I'd honestly be lost without him.

    Have a great weekend everyone
    Check out my Diary
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 26th May 18, 9:45 PM
    • 54,122 Posts
    • 214,708 Thanks
    beanielou
    Lovely to hear you so positive
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 11 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.***
    ***Keep plodding***
    Out of debt, out of danger.
    • Chandelier.
    • By Chandelier. 27th May 18, 12:19 PM
    • 629 Posts
    • 1,654 Thanks
    Chandelier.
    Well last night ended up a late one and I'm paying for it this morning. It doesn't help that I'm working a late shift today.

    I had quite a few drinks but really enjoyed myself. My night started off wrong as I'd left my I'd at home so I had to go back for that and then we kind of did a mini scum run going into some pubs along the promenade. We went into one place where the atmosphere was great, people were dancing and enjoying themselves and even I had a little wiggle! The style of music was old cheesy pop/some of the greatest hits but they really did keep people entertained and it made me happy to see people who I don't even know happy. It helps by the fact I had great company with my friend who was forcing me to dance and I was able to completely relax and be myself. We ended the night back at their place where we just chilled out and listened to some music.

    My friend didn't know about my history regarding mental health and I felt it was appropriate last night to tell them so I could see their reaction to see where we go from there. It surprised me to be fair because they were really good and understanding about it and even confided of troubles they'd had before. It felt like a huge weight had been lifted and I know longer have to keep it in and I can be open and honest about it. I'm really enjoying being back out there, there's no pressure.

    Whilst out, I ran into the boy's Dad's girlfriend who came for a drink with us where she poured all her heart and troubles out. It was quite sad to hear what she's going through because he's repeating the same pattern as he did with me, he will never learn what he's got until it's gone. I sent him and very angry message telling him to let her enjoy having a drink with me.

    Anyhow I best get ready for work. I need to knuckle down and sort myself out. I'm feeling rather precious today!
    Check out my Diary
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