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  • FIRST POST
    • Chandelier.
    • By Chandelier. 30th Dec 17, 10:59 AM
    • 814Posts
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    Chandelier.
    Adventures of the Boy & Me: Part 2..
    • #1
    • 30th Dec 17, 10:59 AM
    Adventures of the Boy & Me: Part 2.. 30th Dec 17 at 10:59 AM
    Hello,

    I figured it was time for a new diary and fresh start as we head into the new year. I'm excited to see what 2018 has in store for us and plan to sail through it with as much positivity as possible.

    This year has seen many changes, both good and bad. The thing is, we made it through, that's all that matters.

    I'm a different person to whom I was at the beginning of the year. Alot has happened but its time to refocus on myself and the time with the boy. It's time to create new adventures and memories and work towards a secure future for us both.

    I've recently came into some inheritance which thankfully will clear what debt I had left. This amount was 7000. I have enough left to pop into seperate saving accounts and the money I used to pay towards the debt will be redirected elsewhere to build a secure future for me and the boy.

    I need to get back into a routine and start a new budget which is manageable and flexible. I intend to go through all my bills, accounts and budgets and see where I stand and then plan ahead for the next few months.

    This is also the year I focus on rebuilding myself back up. I've come a long way from where I was at the beginning of the year and I finally have a medication regime which seems to work for me. The next stage is to undergo CBT therapy and possibly counselling to make myself a much stronger person and to address issues that I've put to the back of my mind.

    All in all, I'm excited for the year ahead and look forward to tracking my goals, dreams and aspirations and to share them with others.

    Somethings will be left in the past, others I will carry into the future with me. It's just deciding exactly what I want and working towards it.

    Anything is possible, if you put your mind to it.

    Chandelier.
    Current Debt: 0.

    Check out my Diary
Page 5
    • Chandelier.
    • By Chandelier. 11th Apr 18, 9:22 AM
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    Chandelier.
    Morning

    It's been a little while since I last updated but I've been trying to keep myself busy with everything.

    The school holidays went well. The boy absolutely loved going to the sports camp and it only cost 10 a day, so I'll be booking him in for future school holidays. He received a certificate for being extra friendly towards others on his first day which I was immensely proud of! I know I've got something right when I look at him.

    I've been keeping my head down at work and have just been getting on with things. We had a meeting where a few things were thrown up in the air and it gave me food for thought and has made me think of where I want to be. I really need to focus on becoming more assertive. I usually take the laid back approach which although is a good thing, sometimes people can take advantage of my good nature. I've a meeting at the end of the month to discuss whether I'll be made permanent, fingers crossed.

    The plans for my mum's 60th are slowly coming together. I just need to order decorations now. It won't be a massive occasion, mostly our nearest and dearest- thats all that matters. The food, room and entertainment is sorted. I just need to follow up on who's coming and get final numbers.

    In other news, we've booked a holiday to Cornwall for the end of August for a week. We're going with the boys grandparents and I'm contributing a third of the costs towards it. We then come back for a week before heading out on a Caribbean cruise for two weeks. So it's definately a busy year so far for making memories. I may be also booking something else just for myself in June, this is dependent on many things but watch this space .

    I've a consultant appointment next week so I'll finally have a review from someone who knows me and hopefully we can sort out my treatment plan.

    That's pretty much it really!!

    I'm still saving money and watching what I spend. My healthy eating went a bit AWOL over the last week but I'm hoping I'm back on track now.

    Chandelier.
    Current Debt: 0.

    Check out my Diary
    • Chandelier.
    • By Chandelier. 19th Apr 18, 3:26 PM
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    Chandelier.
    Afternoon,

    I thought I'd post another weekly update. Time really is flying by before we know it.

    Everything seems to be going smoothly in the life of the boy and me. I had a little wobble earlier on in the week but it's nothing that I can't cope or deal with.

    I had a consultant appointment on Tuesday where they've added back in one of my medications that another consultant took me off so here we go again with titration it back up. The consultant states that I'm a rather confusing patient as he states as well as ADHD and bipolar disorder, he also suspects I exhibit signs of borderline personality disorder.. So that's three diagnoses to deal with and come to terms with. They are going to explore psychotherapy options for me and see what they can offer.

    I've been working the rest of the week. Everything at work has been going okay apart from an accident which happened yesterday that shook me up a little bit. I think I need to talk it out with my manager when I'm back in tomorrow.

    I decided to pursue the private counselling route. It's 60 a session and I had my first one today. I already feel as if a weight has been lifted and I've booked in for another session in two weeks time. So here's to a new beginning with that and hopefully l'll find my way.

    I'm currently sat in the garden sunbathing as it's such lovely weather. A little vitamin D never hurt anybody .

    I'm having my eyebrows and wax done later on and then I'm off out bowling for the evening with work friends which should be a good laugh.

    So life seems to be on the up finally. I'm still having a couple of little wobbles along the way but I'm trying to get through it and taking each day as it comes.

    Everything is finally coming together for my mum's surprise 60th birthday this weekend. I've sorted out all the decorations this morning and collated a list of final numbers. The boy accidently let slip about it in front of my Mum a few weeks back so she had an idea I was planning something. She said she will still act as if it's as surprise lol!

    Oh and I've booked to go to Dublin in June with my friend for four days which should be good! There's a possibility I may also be booking Amsterdam with another friend if he can get the leave.

    So that's pretty much it really. This month's budget is showing to be a bit tight but I'm not surprised with everything we have going on.

    I just need to book my car in for a service and MOT now then that should be it!

    Chandelier.
    Current Debt: 0.

    Check out my Diary
  • archived user
    Sounds like you are in a really good place - great to here that the counselling sessions have started well.

    Your holiday plans sound lovely!
    • Chandelier.
    • By Chandelier. 23rd Apr 18, 3:49 PM
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    Chandelier.
    So it's been a busy couple of days, albeit emotional at times but I'm coming through.

    I had a great time bowling with work friends on Thursday night and had a few drinks with the girls. Theres many photos and video evidence of this but the main thing was that I enjoyed myself, even if I did spend quite a bit of money. It was worth it all. The memories and laughs will continue.

    I worked a late shift on the Friday then went shopping for the last touches for my Mums birthday. My sister and her partner then came home for the weekend.

    Saturday didn't start of too well as I spoke to manfriend. I've not mentioned much of him lately. I thought we were getting to a better place and then he dropped the bombshell he had met someone else on holiday who he'd fallen in love with. He proceeded to tell me all about her and it literally broke me. Only two weeks before as he left he told me he loved me and we had something unbreakable. How tables have turned. I could no longer listen to it so I've blocked all forms of communication and my last words to him was I told him I hated him. I hate him for what he's done to me and he promised he was always going to be there. In my eyes you can't fall in love just like that, it's probably more infatuation but I'm coming to terms with it all now and that I deserve better and much more then he can give. I had a really good cry and then picked myself back up.

    Saturday turned out to be a busy day. All the family arrived home and the planning went ahead for my mum's 60th. The boy and I went for lunch with my sister then I took him for a haircut which made him look really grown up. I booked myself in last minute to have my hair put up for the evening which only cost me 10, what a bargain! I then sorted out the balloon saga and went ahead to decorate the venue whilst enjoying a bottle of wine to myself. The room looked amazing and my friend came and helped and also did my makeup. I looked like a completely different person and the photos show someone who looks happy and content. The night passed by quickly and everyone had a good time.

    I've spent enough in this past week that I'm now going to knuckle down on saving. My brother contributed towards the party and I'm awaiting my sisters contribution.

    I've decided though that I'm not letting the actions of manfriend affect me. I was getting myself back onto an even keel and found myself in a better place. It's yet another setback but I'm resillient enough to come through it all. He's stated we can be friends but I don't want to be friends with someone who could hurt me the way he has done, it wouldn't be the same. I'm not sitting back and watching him move on with his life with some other girl whilst I hurt myself in the process. I found myself comparing myself to her which isn't healthy. I saw some pictures and it made me think he's downgraded rather then upgraded and it made me feel better. She may have other qualities that I may not but there's alot more to me that meets the eye. I may not be the best cook, a martial arts master or any other things he told me but I'm a decent human being with a lot to offer and in the future someone will discover that and I'll find myself happy and painfree with someone else.

    For now I'm concentrating on myself. I'm due a meeting this week at work to find out if I'll be made permanent which I'm hopeful will happen. From there on I'll make some personal work related goals to meet. I'm going to continue with the gym, I've lost 12lb to date and can already feel the difference in my body. The dress I wore on Saturday night didn't fit me six months ago so that was a bonus. Another thing I've been doing is going on the sunbeds, I'm aware of the risks associated with this but I've only been occasionally and have developed a healthy looking glow which has made me feel better. I'm going to continue taking my meds and attend counselling where able to, I've alot of feelings and emotions to get out and work through so this will be good long term and I'm sure worth the money if it helps me in the process.

    I've a lot of upcoming events for the year which will be rather spendy but I've decided this year is the year I find myself. Although it's been a tough start, I'm still here and breathing. We've a lot of important events happening and milestones in life. I've the trip away to Dublin, a hen weekend in Wales, a family holiday to Cornwall and a two week cruise in the Caribbean to look forward too. Then I have my sisters wedding which I'm bridemaid for and I honestly can't wait.

    Everything else can take a back seat, I'm ready to enjoy my life and live it to the fullest. You only live once and making memories is part of it.

    I'll continue to save money each month but I'm not going to put as much pressure on myself as I have been doing. I'm in no rush to move out and I'm content with the life the boy and I lead.

    I just need to get back into a routine and everything else will fall together.

    Here's to the new positive me!

    Chandelier.
    Current Debt: 0.

    Check out my Diary
    • RhiBi
    • By RhiBi 23rd Apr 18, 4:46 PM
    • 613 Posts
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    RhiBi
    I'm sorry for the way manfriend has treated you, but it really his his loss. Your posts shows what a strong woman you are, you're facing your Denis head on ad you're winning!

    You rock xxxx
    Virtual Sealed Pot 2018 #7 352.26/350

    1 debt vs 100 days 673.72/1000
    • RhiBi
    • By RhiBi 23rd Apr 18, 4:52 PM
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    RhiBi
    You've also made me think and reevaluate. I have a lot of fantastic events this year too. One daughter is 21 in July and graduating from uni. Another daughter is 18 in July and it's her year 13 prom. We've also booked to stay with my mother in Florida for 2 weeks to celebrate their birthdays! I have been getting super stressed as I am trying to cut down our credit card debt, and the thought of the expense was making me dread these occasions when I should be embracing them as the proud mother I am. Of course I'm not going to undo the positives steps I've made with regard to the debt, but I'm also not going to let money cloud my enjoyment either.

    Thank you for making me realise this while I've got the chance to make sure I do the right thing xxxx
    Virtual Sealed Pot 2018 #7 352.26/350

    1 debt vs 100 days 673.72/1000
    • Chandelier.
    • By Chandelier. 24th Apr 18, 10:58 AM
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    Chandelier.
    RhiBi, thank you for your comments, it really is his loss and maybe one day he will wake up and smell the coffee but I'll no longer be there. It's good you've made positive steps in regards to your debt but we also need to remember to live a little, time is too precious and flashes beyond our eyes. Before we know it yet another year passes.

    I had a week off from the gym with everything going on but I'm now back into it. I'm pushing myself further then before and I'm still pursuing the running. I'm giving myself a good work out to start the day off and to get rid of some of my excess energy. I need to sort my eating back out.

    I've work today and I'm looking forward to being back in the place I know best and I'm ready to face new challenges. My shifts have changed due to people going off sick at work but I'm trying my best to accept it and work around it all. There are some changes going on which I'm sure at first I'll find hard to adapt to but I'll get there.

    I met up with a friend for a quick tea and catch up last night. We just went to a local fast food place but it was good none the less. I've also treated myself to some new heated rollers which I tried out last night and left my hair bouncy and curly. It was so easy to do and the results looked amazing.

    I've checked my bank balances this morning and they've taken a hit so I need to rein it in now.

    I'm on a bit of a high and I somehow need to tone it down a bit. I've decided I want a new bicycle so I can go on bike rides with the boy. I'm going to invest properly with this and find one thats comfortable. My savings will take a hit but its all worth it.

    I sometimes feel as if I should no longer be here or post in my diary now I have no debt. However it keeps me on track and enables me to remember all the things I learnt along the way and I hope some people can resonate with my stories. I'm careful with money most of the time but I'm finally enabling myself to enjoy life more now the burden of debt if off my back.

    I owe nothing to anyone and only use a credit card that I pay off in full each month and use it for rewards. I'm aiming to build up a solid credit history for when it's time for me and the boy to spread our wings and fly and make the most of the time we have together.

    We have many more adventures ahead of us and I'm sure I'll meet people along the way who will influence our lives in some way. I'm accepting that it's okay for people to come and go.

    Chandelier.
    Current Debt: 0.

    Check out my Diary
    • Chandelier.
    • By Chandelier. 25th Apr 18, 10:09 PM
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    Chandelier.
    I'll no longer be posting on this diary due to someone I know reading up/checking up on it.

    It's been fun to share but it's time I moved on from here and to new beginnings.

    Chandelier.
    Current Debt: 0.

    Check out my Diary
    • RhiBi
    • By RhiBi 25th Apr 18, 10:28 PM
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    RhiBi
    Oh no, I'm so sorry to read that . I've enjoyed your diary and it's sad that someone has made you feel this way.

    Take care xxxx
    Virtual Sealed Pot 2018 #7 352.26/350

    1 debt vs 100 days 673.72/1000
    • Chandelier.
    • By Chandelier. 28th Apr 18, 2:35 PM
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    Chandelier.
    After some careful thinking I've decided to carry on posting here and if certain people want to check up on me then they can. There's nothing that I post on here that I wouldn't tell other people in person. This is my place to share and one of my outlets, so it continues.

    I've had a busy week at work but the good news is I've finally secured a permanent position! I'll still only be doing thirty hours but it suits me just perfectly. I found out on Thursday so we had a chinese that night to celebrate. Everybody is really happy for me especially at work. All my hard work and effort has paid off and no one but myself doubted me along the way. I've proved myself in so many ways and I'm just so relieved now. I love being part of the team I'm in and have made so many friends, some that will last a life time. It's like my second home there and I do really enjoy what I do.

    As I've had such a busy working week, I've not had much time to spend. I've a couple of days off now which I'll use as time to recuperate.

    The boy and I have been swimming this morning and we saw one of the guys I work with there so I had a good catch up with him whilst the kids played. He offered for me to go round to his tonight but I already have plans so will arrange for another time. We are off up town shortly with my Mum as she needs some new shoes and then we are going round to my cousins house for a bit.

    I've no plans as of yet for tomorrow except to take the boy to his ice skating lesson. I'll more then likely have a catch up with my friend there. And then I'm back at work on Monday! I just need to sort out my portfolio and take that in and from there on everything should be okay.


    Chandelier.
    Current Debt: 0.

    Check out my Diary
    • RhiBi
    • By RhiBi 28th Apr 18, 2:43 PM
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    RhiBi
    Congratulations on the permanent job offer!

    I'm so glad you've decided to continue posting here, I for one enjoy reading your diary!

    Enjoy your weekend xx
    Virtual Sealed Pot 2018 #7 352.26/350

    1 debt vs 100 days 673.72/1000
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 28th Apr 18, 5:53 PM
    • 58,105 Posts
    • 239,389 Thanks
    beanielou
    Good news on the pernament job.
    Have subscribed
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 12 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.***
    ***Keep plodding***
    Out of debt, out of danger. MFW 2018. No 144
    • Chandelier.
    • By Chandelier. 30th Apr 18, 10:05 PM
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    Chandelier.
    Evening,

    Yet another new month approaches us as of tomorrow. I'm hoping it will be much quieter then April.

    My shifts are rather funny for the week ahead but it's nothing that I can't handle. I'll get more time with the boy this week then I have recently. I've nothing much planned for my days off except a couple of appointments.

    The cars booked in for it's MOT and service on Thursday which will set me back around 165 but then its done and dusted for another year. I have savings to cover this.

    I have my next counselling appointment on Friday which I'm looking forward to. I've alot to get off my chest.

    I never knew I could hate somebody as much as I do right this moment. The thought of them makes me feel sick and makes my stomach turn. How times change and you really see the person for who they are. Thankfully they are no longer in my life but it's taken me a while to realise how much negativity they brought to my life. It's been a waste of six months but I've learnt many lessons in that time. I'm never going to wear my heart on my sleeve again.

    It's time for change and new scenery.

    Chandelier.
    Current Debt: 0.

    Check out my Diary
    • Chandelier.
    • By Chandelier. 1st May 18, 12:58 PM
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    Chandelier.
    Afternoon!

    I've spent the morning going through my online banking and have allocated all funds for the month to the correct accounts. Each one is building up nicely ready for the events ahead for the year! I'm really optimistic now for the future and what it holds.

    I had an appointment with my CPN this morning which went well and she states I'm looking miles better then I have for a while and that I seem a lot more positive and enthusiastic then I have done for a long time. My medications are still being titrated back up slowly and I should be back on the full amount by the time I see the consultant again in June. I will be seeing a new consultant who is apparently lovely but my old one still asks about me apparently. So my CPN is happy to report back that I'm doing well which is good!

    I'm about to book the accomodation for my get away in June to Dublin with my friend. The whole trip works out at around 150 each, not including spending money obviously but I think that's reasonable for four days away and many memories shall be made! Who knows, maybe I'll meet a dashing irishman! Haha.

    But on a serious note, I'm taking time out of the dating game. Two bad experiences have put me off for a while. The others are not entirely to blame as I can be difficult but I'm ready to focus on me and when the time comes, I'm sure I'll meet someone lovely and that they'll be worth the wait.

    The plan today is to chill out, pick the boy up from school and then I'll go to the gym later. I've lost my mojo a little bit with everything going on but I'm ready to get back into the swing of it.

    My savings have gone down a little bit due to paying for my mum's 60th but we had an amazing time and it was a birthday to remember.

    Another thing that has been playing on my mind a little bit is that I'd like to take the boy travelling next year in the six week holidays. My options are to either explore Europe or go further afield to Australia/New Zealand. I'm yet to decide but all I know is that I want to go. I'll start saving once my holidays are over this year and will focus on saving a set amount each month to cover all costs. It will be a trip of a lifetime for him but I need to get other things in place first.

    Chandelier.
    Current Debt: 0.

    Check out my Diary
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 1st May 18, 4:02 PM
    • 58,105 Posts
    • 239,389 Thanks
    beanielou
    Glad that your mums 60th went well.
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 12 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.***
    ***Keep plodding***
    Out of debt, out of danger. MFW 2018. No 144
    • natsplatnat
    • By natsplatnat 1st May 18, 4:49 PM
    • 2,878 Posts
    • 2,617 Thanks
    natsplatnat
    [QUOTE=Chandelier.;74232559] My options are to either explore Europe or go further afield to Australia/New Zealand.QUOTE]


    I know several people who have travelled Europe using the train network - you can buy a ticket (I think) which enables you to pretty much travel all over... and it wasn't horribly priced! Just a thought!
    LBM ,- Wed 19th Nov 2008 21,225 PAID OFF
    *DEBT FREE 28th September 2015*


    • Chandelier.
    • By Chandelier. 1st May 18, 5:40 PM
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    Chandelier.
    Natsplantnat, that's what I'm possibly thinking about doing. Maybe trial Europe next year with the boy and it will give me ideas whether going further afield is viable! Plus it could work out cheaper overall. I'm thinking of maybe doing a month and have a set number of places to visit. It will certainly be educational and I could use my MSE ways to make it cost effective .

    I've spent the day sorting out my finances and then journalling down how I'm feeling in general. I got quite a bit wrote down and it felt good to get it off my chest. I've folded up the pieces of paper and put them in a shoe box in my cupboard. One day I'll look back and read on them and laugh at my ways of thinking.

    I then picked the boy up from school and spent half an hour reading with him. We then played a little football in the garden and went out for a bike ride but it started raining mid way through although we didn't get too wet. My friend is coming round afterwards and we are going to go for an ice cream and there we shall finally book the accomodation for Dublin which is exciting. I can't believe how much I've got to look forward too this year. I just need to remember to pace myself and take it all in my stride. I want to try and reduce the risk of a relapse with my mental health during all this. I don't always do well with change but it's something I'm working on. Hopefully I'll get to the gym later and burn off some excess energy.

    I'm flitting between feeling angry, hurt and upset with what has gone on in my personal life just lately. It's confusing at times and sometimes I wish I could just rewind and do everything differently. I never expected to lose somebody close to me. I know I've hurt him in many ways and that there was no longer any trust there but I do miss him and there feels like there is a small gap in my life. Hopefully by taking each day as it comes, things will get easier and maybe one day we can be friends again. I honestly wish him all the best, I'm trying to be the bigger person but it's hard. It still feels pretty raw and unreal but there's too much emotion at the moment to even contemplate a friendship. He was like a best friend to me and my go to person for many things and now I feel like I have no one. I know things happen for a reason but for now it hurts. I can't wait for the day I turn round and smile at the memories we made.

    I just need to keep regaining my focus and plod on with life and keep the momentum going. I know I can get through this, I'm resillient enough and have been through much worse. Life's a funny thing but I sure do love it and want to make the most of it, I have no regrets and I'm learning to forgive and be more compassionate with myself. I'm starting to let go of what doesn't matter and concentrate on what does.

    And thats the boy & me.

    Chandelier.
    Current Debt: 0.

    Check out my Diary
    • Chandelier.
    • By Chandelier. 10th May 18, 1:54 PM
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    Chandelier.
    Afternoon,

    Yet another week has passed before we know it! There hasn't been vast amounts going on here as I've spent a lot of time at work but all is going well.

    My car passed it's MOT and had it's service. All paid for out of savings.

    I had a mini meltdown last Friday but I finally got it all out of my system and I'm doing much better. I'm a lot happier and feel as if a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I'm no longer carrying any guilt or blame around with me and I've come to terms with certain things.

    I worked all weekend but had Monday off where I spent time with my sister, her partner and my mum. We went shopping during the day and then went for an Italian in the evening which was lovely.

    I've then spent the rest of the week from Tuesday onwards working and I'm not off until the weekend now.

    Today I've been to the gym and then I went for brunch with a friend and I'm working later on but it's only a short shift.

    The accommodation is booked for Dublin. Just over a month to go! I still need to finalise plans for my sisters hen weekend and hopefully will do that soon.

    The rest should come together itself.

    For now I'm going to continue as I am and just allow myself to be happy. The difference in me is amazing and I now no longer feel pressure to pretend to be someone I'm not

    Chandelier.
    Current Debt: 0.

    Check out my Diary
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 10th May 18, 2:03 PM
    • 58,105 Posts
    • 239,389 Thanks
    beanielou
    Always good just to be you
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 12 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.***
    ***Keep plodding***
    Out of debt, out of danger. MFW 2018. No 144
    • Scott-Weiland
    • By Scott-Weiland 10th May 18, 10:30 PM
    • 293 Posts
    • 636 Thanks
    Scott-Weiland
    Hope your well Chandlier and that alls good.xx
    Cashback Earnings Ish YTD 74.56 Survey Earnings YTD Ish 501.84
    "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit."
    Qmee 26.88 Since 3/11/2018
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