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  • FIRST POST
    • Chandelier.
    • By Chandelier. 30th Dec 17, 10:59 AM
    • 635Posts
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    Chandelier.
    Adventures of the Boy & Me: Part 2..
    • #1
    • 30th Dec 17, 10:59 AM
    Adventures of the Boy & Me: Part 2.. 30th Dec 17 at 10:59 AM
    Hello,

    I figured it was time for a new diary and fresh start as we head into the new year. I'm excited to see what 2018 has in store for us and plan to sail through it with as much positivity as possible.

    This year has seen many changes, both good and bad. The thing is, we made it through, that's all that matters.

    I'm a different person to whom I was at the beginning of the year. Alot has happened but its time to refocus on myself and the time with the boy. It's time to create new adventures and memories and work towards a secure future for us both.

    I've recently came into some inheritance which thankfully will clear what debt I had left. This amount was 7000. I have enough left to pop into seperate saving accounts and the money I used to pay towards the debt will be redirected elsewhere to build a secure future for me and the boy.

    I need to get back into a routine and start a new budget which is manageable and flexible. I intend to go through all my bills, accounts and budgets and see where I stand and then plan ahead for the next few months.

    This is also the year I focus on rebuilding myself back up. I've come a long way from where I was at the beginning of the year and I finally have a medication regime which seems to work for me. The next stage is to undergo CBT therapy and possibly counselling to make myself a much stronger person and to address issues that I've put to the back of my mind.

    All in all, I'm excited for the year ahead and look forward to tracking my goals, dreams and aspirations and to share them with others.

    Somethings will be left in the past, others I will carry into the future with me. It's just deciding exactly what I want and working towards it.

    Anything is possible, if you put your mind to it.
    Check out my Diary
Page 4
    • Chandelier.
    • By Chandelier. 4th Mar 18, 1:40 PM
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    Chandelier.
    I also filled the car up with petrol yesterday so 25 spent there. I'm going to knuckle down on non essential journeys and start to walk more to places that are easily accessible. I'm also about to read up and remind myself about driving more economical and ways to save on fuel. Every little helps. Although I don't always have huge petrol expenditure driving allows me the independence I need and opens up more possibilities for me to explore what's around which hopefully I'll be able to do this year. I'm still planning adventures for me and the boy, of which I'll update here.
    Check out my Diary
    • jvr
    • By jvr 4th Mar 18, 2:00 PM
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    jvr
    Well done on accessing support and remember to be kind to yourself it can be very phsyically draining and you will need more rest than normal.
    Sorry about man friend, it's a hard situation and obviously we don't know exactly what happened. When OH first came to UK he thought mental health problems were a weak English thing! Then a few of his friends experienced bad mental health problems and so did he. His understanding had come along way... I guess what im trying to say is sometimes it sounds like you feel guilty for having them and that it makes you lesser in some way but most people experience it at some point and I think any relationship needs to be able to cope with those points in life.... Im not sure if that makes any sense...
    Debt: 10,006 now 8698.38
    Emergency Fund: 456.17/ 1000


    • Chandelier.
    • By Chandelier. 6th Mar 18, 9:59 AM
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    Chandelier.
    So todays a new day.

    I've woke up feeling very tired still, I think it's these new antidepressents I was started on. I can't stop yawning throughout the day and can't shift the feeling of fatigue but I need to give them time to get into my system and hopefully work their magic.

    I should have a visit today from a support worker from the crisis team, I'm not sure what time that will be yet and will find out later but I want to crack on with my day.

    I've been putting a lot of things off just recently and need to get back on top of things. Everything is building up and I'm not quite sure where to start.

    I've not been to the gym in a couple of days but plan on doing this morning. The plan was to go yesterday but I ended up sleeping in then had to go to work.

    I keep getting comments at work that I'm a lot quieter then usual. I think people are just concerned but I'm telling them I'm okay. I have to be okay and work is a distraction from everything else, I'm able to hold it together there with the help and support.

    I have an appointment tomorrow through occupational health for some CBT which hopefully will be the start of something. It's only short term, maybe 6 sessions but its one outlet.

    I've looked into private counselling/therapy and I'm looking at around 60 a session which is rather expensive but maybe it will be worth it. I could probably afford this if I have an appointment once a fortnight, maybe give it 6-8 sessions just to get me through short term along with other support. There is room in the budget and surely it will be worthwhile. I need to email the lady back and book an initial consultation but have to pay up front. I've done my research and she has a lot of experience and covers many different types of therapies that we can work out what may suit me.

    I've had minimal spends over the past 3/4 days and most of my direct debits have come out now which is all good. I just need to transfer some funds to my mum for when she took the boy to his ice skating lesson.

    The boy is being picked up from school today by his Dad so hopefully they can have some quality time together. I need to book the boy in for breakfast club tomorrow as my appointment is early in the morning and I have work later on in the day.

    I've started to listen to music as a way to relax even when I'm doing something. I found some head phones and have signed up to a free months of spotify. If i continue to listen to music then I may sign up for it monthly and use money from my entertainment budget to pay for it. I'm expanding my playlist as I go along.

    Hey ho, that's it really.
    Check out my Diary
    • Scott_Weiland
    • By Scott_Weiland 6th Mar 18, 6:33 PM
    • 779 Posts
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    Scott_Weiland
    I've started to listen to music as a way to relax even when I'm doing something. I found some head phones and have signed up to a free months of spotify. If i continue to listen to music then I may sign up for it monthly and use money from my entertainment budget to pay for it. I'm expanding my playlist as I go along.


    Re the above I do this, I don't know your musical choices but mines rock/80's hair metal net result I listen to Planet Rock I love the Hairy Bikers off the tele they do there own radio show.
    Cashback Earnings YTD 46.04 Survey Earnings YTD 182.66
    "Always always train, be the best version of you that you can physically be"
    • Chandelier.
    • By Chandelier. 7th Mar 18, 8:09 AM
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    Chandelier.
    Morning,

    So yesterday didn't go as planned. I didn't go to the gym or get much done.

    I had a visit from a psychological wellbeing practitioner who basically told me what I already knew and the whole appointment left me feeling rather dissapointed. He basically told me I need to learn to be more assertive, work on my self esteem/confidence and let go of my high expectations and stop avoiding. He left some paperwork for me to fill in. I understand I need to engage with this but then he mentioned I had a visit for today to talk about discharge planning from the crisis team. I've only been under them for a week now and I'm left wondering what was the point? I'm really going to have to do this myself aren't I? I'll be going back under my old care team. I really don't know what I need anymore.

    I'm sat in my car waiting for my CBT appointment that is through occupational health at work. I'm hoping that something will at least come of this. I need to have hope somewhere.

    After this appointment I'll be going to the gym. I've had some porridge for breakfast this morning to start my day off. I have this discharge planning meeting at 11am and then I have work later on from 1-9pm so will be kept busy all day which I suppose is a good thing.

    I haven't spoke to manfriend much, we've mentioned about going to Bingo on Thursday night but I'm not quite sure I'm strong enough to go through with it. The more I see him, the more I'll want him. It's funny how things change. I really can't imagine him not being in my life but at the same time I need to let go and focus on myself.

    I still haven't had any spends however I've had my eye on a fitness tracker for a while and think I'm going to purchase one for myself. My mum and sister both have one and it keeps them motivated. I'm sure I can find one for around 30. I'll look into it later.

    I also need to nip to the shops for some bits and bobs so will do that on my way back from the gym before I get ready and showered for the day ahead.

    I'm going to put my brave face on at work and act like the old me. Hopefully the more I practice maybe it will finally come back to me. I must remain positive.
    Check out my Diary
    • Chandelier.
    • By Chandelier. 8th Mar 18, 7:09 PM
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    Chandelier.
    Hey ho!

    Yesterday didn't go totally to plan. I got everything I planned to do, done in the morning including a good gym workout but my care team messed up the appointment times and so my discharge planning meeting has been rearranged for next Tuesday at 11am. I've barely been under the crisis team yet they're already thinking ahead. It's disappointing in many ways because so much was promised and hasn't happened but I'm coming to terms with it. I've got to be the one making changes and I can't always rely on the support of others as it won't always be there, plus resources are stretched enough as it is.

    I managed to survive work! I spent time doing my hair and makeup and put on a happy face which seemed to work for a while. My mood dipped slightly at one point but I managed to level myself out. It's amazing how much more confident I feel once I've done my makeup. I'm getting so much better at it and often receive compliments which makes me feel good.

    After work I went home and was about to settle down for the night when manfriend phoned me and invited me round. We had a glass of red wine and ordered a pizza and watched TV for a while before I nodded off. I ended up staying over and nearly didn't wake up in time this morning. I woke up panicking and rushed home to sort the boy out for school. I'm not sure where things are going but I think we're just going to be friends for a while and see how things pan out. I hope they work out the way I want them to but one can only see. I'm just grateful to have him in my life, he's stuck around through the worst of it and he's still here. I don't think many people would do that.

    After I dropped the boy off at school I went home and fell asleep for a couple of hours before I had a visit from someone from the crisis team. They stayed for around half an hour but commented on how exhausted I looked. My eyes were bloodshot, probably because I'd not long awoke but I couldn't stop yawning. I spent the rest of my day bingewatching tv programmes and just recuperating. I then picked the boy up from school and have picked up my medication from the pharmacy.

    I'm not going to Bingo tonight as manfriend has other plans but I'm okay with it as I'll get to spend time with the boy and watch him ice skate. Due to my shift pattern this week, my mum will be taking him to most of his lessons. I'm so lucky to have my mum and how flexible she can be. She loves the boy so much and always spoils him, especially when I'm not there! I came home last weekend from a long day at work to find she had bought the boy some new lego, she had such a guilty look on her face haha.

    I need to order some new equipment for work as one of my items broke last night and I can't be without it. I should be able to get a cheap one off ebay or amazon. I also need to pay the boy's childcare upfront this month so I'll do that later on.

    The plan for tomorrow is to drop the boy off at school for 8am, go to the gym and then finally write out the invitations for my Mums 60th and I'll start to deliver them on Saturday and early next week. I then have work 1 till 9pm. I've suggested to manfriend if he wants to see me before I go to work then I'm happy too.

    I guess my post is sounding a bit more positive then my last few. I'm finding it helps to write it all down somewhere. I think I may finally be coming out the other side of this dark spell and believing there is light at the end of the tunnel. I need to take responsibility for my own thoughts, feelings and actions and turn any negatives into positives.

    I think I'm still going to pursue the private therapy option, even if its only for a few months. I may start with fortnightly appointments and then tone it down to once monthly. I'm also going to look up some self help techniques.

    I'm going to get through this and I know I can. I'm going to get better and become the old happy, bubbly, outgoing person that everyone grew to love. I have so much going for me and alot of potential in me. I'm going to work hard and achieve the goals I've set out for myself but I'm going to let go of some of my high expectations and focus on being realistic and optimistic. I'm determined and I know I'll still have bad days but hopefully the good will outweigh them.

    Money wise, I guess so far for this month I'm doing well. I've yet to spend much probably due to my shift patterns but I'm going to make sure I plan a few outings with friends and enjoy myself. However I need to ensure there is a healthy balance and not over do it. Next month I have my car service and MOT due and I'm happy to say there's money in the pot to pay for it! April will be a spendy month so I'm going to knuckle down and concentrate this month on my spends to ensure I have enough to cover the costs of my Mums 60th, I'm yet to total it all up but I have a rough budget and I'm sure my brother and sister will be contributing.
    Check out my Diary
    • jvr
    • By jvr 9th Mar 18, 9:20 AM
    • 420 Posts
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    jvr
    First thing... my sis just got a tracker
    https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B072FS4J79/ref=cm_sw_r_wa_api_TeLOAbFC4VRGT
    and she says its really good


    You do sound more positive, but you still seem to put so much pressure on yourself to be perfectly well. I might be over stepping here but also wonder about how the friendship with manfriend is effecting you at the moment. Seems a bit like he has all the cards, decides he doesn't want the relationship but when he wants he can call to meet up? Please feel free to ignore me or tell me to shut up but I wonder if a bit of distance for a few weeks and not meeting when he wants might do you some good?


    I'm really sorry to hear about the critical team, its just shocking how little help there is and I can hear you say you need to sort it out yourself and that shouldn't be the case but sadly it is. I think if you can stretch to private counselling that might be the answer to providing you with the support you need that you know you can rely on and won't be suddenly pulled out from under you.
    Debt: 10,006 now 8698.38
    Emergency Fund: 456.17/ 1000


    • Chandelier.
    • By Chandelier. 9th Mar 18, 9:25 AM
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    Chandelier.
    Jvr, you're right I do need that break. I'm holding onto something and clutching straws. He's a lovely person and I've not a bad word to say about him. I enjoy his company but I think ultinately I'll have to sacrifice things to get myself to a better place. He's stuck around so far amd if he wants to continue then I'll let him, even if it's just as friends.

    I'm currenrly at the gym and have spent an hour and twenty mins just walking on the treadmill. I feel nice and relaxed. Last night I gor myself into an anxious state and woke this morning feeling the same. I just couldn't shift it.

    I probably do put too much pressure on myself and I need to lower my standards. I'm always trying to please and make others happy but I ignore my own needs during this.
    Check out my Diary
    • Chandelier.
    • By Chandelier. 10th Mar 18, 5:40 PM
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    Chandelier.
    Evening,

    Yesterday I ended up spending over two hours at the gym exercising and getting my frustration out. I felt a lot better after for it. I then went to work on a late shift which ended up busy and stressful! I was glad to go home after 9pm.

    Although I love work, some people do test my boundaries and it makes me wonder what they're thinking when they are doing tasks that are completely irrelevant when there is work to be carried out. It's unfair to leave all the work to other members of staff whilst they faff around. I had to bite my tongue and there was a lot of tension about which made me even more anxious/frustrated.

    I came home to find the boy had waited up for me because he wanted to say goodnight! He's so lovely.

    Today we have been swimming and had some good quality time with one another, laughing and joking around. We then went to the shops and picked up some cards for mothers day and the boy decided he wanted to buy me, his nana and nanny presents.. obviously funded by the bank of me but it's the thought that counts. I closed my eyes so I couldn't see! We then went and got his hair cut and styled which has made him look so grown up. He'll always be my baby though!

    Tonight I'm off to my friends house for a takeaway and we are looking at booking a holiday together for the end of June. I've no idea where we are looking to go but we can explore our options later on. It will most likely be somewhere cheap and cheerful just for a break. I've booked the annual leave off for it at work so we have definate dates to work with.

    I got called into the managers office at work yesterday to be told I have a meeting coming up towards the end of next month to decide whether they are going to make my contract permanent. I think it's going to be positive as I've been asked to book all my annual leave for the rest of the year and my manager was smiling when we were discussing it and I also spoke about wanting to do some further training to be able to take on students which she commented that she had already thought about it as she has heard that I'm good with them. So that's all positive.

    I was suppose to have a visit from someone from my care team but they are yet to turn up. I bet I'm forgotten, I've already rung twice and had no call back. How frustrating.
    Check out my Diary
    • Chandelier.
    • By Chandelier. 14th Mar 18, 9:10 AM
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    Chandelier.
    Hello,

    It's been a hectic few days in the life of me. My emotions have been all over the place and there's been plenty of tears which is unusual as I never cry.

    The crisis team have been absolutely awful, especially one person in particular who judged me and made assumptions and questioned my whole mental health in a way that was critical. In the end I told him to leave my house as I felt I was being personally attacked in my own space. He was suppose to contact and come visit me on Saturday but I never heard anything. I asked my mum and she said no one had visited. It turns out he told her to keep it quiet and not tell me, yet he told me yesterday he had visited. So it made things seem a lot worse as I wondered why he told my mum to keep it a secret.. had I been in a different frame of mind, I could have potentially had an outburst.

    I've been working the past three days so spends have been minimal bar a few essentials. I'm also working today which is my last shift of four until the weekend.

    I'll be glad for some days off as I can feel myself coming down with something. I've woke up feeling chesty and wheezy again which isn't good and not what I need.

    I'm just trying to focus on the present and keep my head held high.

    My manager at work has put me forward for a course which will enhance my personal development, so I'm happy with that and its one closer indication that I'm likely to be given a permanent contract.

    Thats pretty much it for now.
    Check out my Diary
    • jvr
    • By jvr 15th Mar 18, 11:05 AM
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    jvr
    That's awful and incredibly unprofessional to ask your mum to keep something quiet... I really would make a formal complaint! Trust is a huge part of getting support and clearly he has more than broken that.
    Debt: 10,006 now 8698.38
    Emergency Fund: 456.17/ 1000


    • Chandelier.
    • By Chandelier. 15th Mar 18, 6:30 PM
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    Chandelier.
    Jvr, that's exactly what I'm going to do when I have the time and energy. I'm going to mention it to my care coordinator when I see her on Monday. I can't think of any reason why he would ask my mum not to tell me but also he shouldn't be discussing my care without my consent or me being present.

    I've achieved quite a bit today for the first time in a while. I went to the gym for two hours and really pushed myself, I felt much better for it. I then went to the butchers and after that I nipped into poundland and stocked up on some essentials. I spent the morning sorting out the meat into portions and freezing them, then grabbed a shower and spent the afternoon at my friend's having an overdue catch up and coffee whilst also seeing my godson. I've then picked the boy up from school, collected my prescription and came home. It's pizza night tonight for us.

    Tomorrow the plan is to go to the gym straight after dropping the boy off at school and then start writing out the invitations for my mum's birthday party. I've been putting this off for a while. After I've done this I'll start delivering them/handing them out/posting them. I've not much else planned for the rest of the day apart from taking the boy to his ice skating lesson where I'll catch up with another friend.

    I've not spoke to manfriend for a couple of days now as I feel I need to concentrate on myself and getting myself better. We had an emotional phone call last Sunday which had me in tears a couple of times, not due to anything bad but realising at the moment its the wrong time for a relationship of any sort for both of us. As much as it hurts, I'm trying to accept this and move on. He wants to remain friends and maybe something could happen in the future but for now I'm not quite sure I can handle that. I'll miss him a lot but I want to focus on finding myself again, improving my physical/mental health and getting some stability and routine back into my life.

    Since joining this new gym, I've lost 4.5lb. I need to look more closely at what I'm eating and how much. As mentioned in my post about goals for this year, I'd iideally I'd like to lose at least 5lb a month and improve my fitness. I have a target I'd like to reach that's set in my head.. slow and steady wins the race.
    Check out my Diary
    • Chandelier.
    • By Chandelier. 15th Mar 18, 6:33 PM
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    Chandelier.
    I'm going to set myself some mini targets, for every 7lb I lose I'm going to treat myself. Two items on the list are a fitness tracker and some heated rollers!

    I'm also looking at booking a holiday with a friend around June time so I potentially have something to look forward to if all plans go ahead and its more motivation. I then have my holiday in September and my sisters wedding in October.
    Check out my Diary
    • ramblehan
    • By ramblehan 16th Mar 18, 9:01 AM
    • 610 Posts
    • 1,251 Thanks
    ramblehan
    Hey C. I know you shouldnt have to pay for help yourself, but if i were in your shoes and you can make the finances work, i would. You are in compkete control then of who you see and how it progresses which is far more empowering than being at the whim of the crisis team. I definitely think you should complsin. Write it fown and send it in, as you write very well and you can sense check it to make sure its factual. You could use the model called AID to give feedback, which is ACTION, IMPACT, DO. you start by explaining what they did kerping very factual, and then you explain the impact it had so this is where you call out how it made you feel, and then do is what ypu want them to start doing / stop doing/ do differently.

    Ignore if not helpful its a model i have found useful in tricky situations. Xx
    01/03/18: 21,270 DFD: Dec 2035
    2018 challenge - 191.31/3,670 (5.2%) as of 25.05.18
    Sign up for YNAB via my link if you fancy it - thank you!
    • Chandelier.
    • By Chandelier. 16th Mar 18, 11:32 AM
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    Chandelier.
    Thanks ramblehan, that model makes sense and is so simple. I will be making a complaint at some point.

    I've been to the gym this morning and spent two hours there. I've just got home and had some porridge and later on I plan to meet a friend for coffee if all goes well and we can have a proper catch up. I'll then pick the boy up from school and take him to his ice skating lesson.

    I've realised today, it's one whole year since I returned to work in a different environment. In this time I've not had any time off mental health related which is a big achievement. I couldn't have done it without the people I work with and the support they have given me. I've become the nurse I always aspired to be, built upon my skills and now there's chance for further personal development through being put forward for more courses.

    I've set myself some targets regarding weightloss, so I have something to work towards. Ideally i would like to lose three to four stone however when I reach that target, I'll reevaluate whether I'd like to lose any more or not. There is no time frame set for this and I'm taking the "just watch what I'm eating" approach, with the hope I'll choose healthier food options and have other things in moderation. I'm going to weigh myself each monday morning and keep note so I'll be able to see how far I've come. I'm determined to do this and I'm going this is what I'll be focusing on for the foreseeable future and hopefully I'll get back into the routine of eating properly.

    Another thing I'm going to focus on is building up my savings with the hope of looking to buy my own place next year. I have a target I'd like to reach in order to place down a healthy deposit whilst also leaving room to account for other expenses such as decorating/buying furniture as I currently have nothing! I'm sure when the time comes I'll aquire stuff from others as you do.

    So that's two things to work towards and focus on. I want to improve my life in all ways possible and to build a secure future for me and the boy.
    Check out my Diary
    • Chandelier.
    • By Chandelier. 20th Mar 18, 11:35 AM
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    Chandelier.
    Morning,

    I had a lovely catch up with my friend on Friday and in the end we decided to have lunch whilst we were there. I had a hot beef and onion ciabatta which tasted amazing and my bill only came to 8.40 which included two drinks. It was nice to sit down and talk with each other in a quiet environment and we both got a lot of things off our chest.

    I then picked the boy up from school and took him to his ice skating lesson which he did really well in. He's coming on so far, especially with his jumps. Whilst there I had a quick catch up with another person who I've become quite good friends with whilst the kids played and skated around with one another.

    On Saturday I slept in quite late.. My uncle tried to wake me up by putting a cold flannel on my head. That didn't go down too well. The plan was to take the boy on a bike ride however as we set off, the wind somehow decided to get stronger and couple that with snow blowing in our faces we soon aborted that mission! We played a couple of games in the house and then went food shopping where I stocked up on some healthy foods.

    On Sunday, I worked an early shift which went well. I then came home and took the boy to his auditions for the next upcoming ice skating show at Christmas. He said he did well so fingers crossed, he gets through. We should find out within the next 7 days. He'll be gutted if he doesn't!

    Yesterday I woke up fairly early as I had a meeting with my care coordinator which went well. Things are still up in the air with everything at the moment and we'll know whats going on more next week after my consultant appointment. I then went to the gym for an hour before attending a doctors appointment where it was confirmed I do have yet another chest infection, so away I came with more antibiotics and yet another inhaler, fun times.

    I've wrote the list out for whom I'm inviting to my mum's surprise 60th and I've made a brief event on the book of face to just give a quick reminder to people before I hand out the invites. They will be done in the next few days.

    I'm working today so I really need to get a move on, have some breakfast and pack myself some lunch/tea for work. I'm improving when it comes to eating more but I'm still not there 100%. I'm probably averaging two meals a day rather then three, but I'm getting there. Usually I wouldn't even have one proper meal.

    That's pretty much it really.
    Check out my Diary
    • Chandelier.
    • By Chandelier. 25th Mar 18, 12:12 PM
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    Chandelier.
    Morning,

    It feels like it's been quite a hectic week yet quiet at the same time. I've had minimal spends this week and the last of this months bills have left the account. Only six days to go for the rest of this month!

    So where to start?

    It feels like I've worked more this week and have seen less of the boy. It's just the way my hours have worked out but I'm pleased to say I've got some annual leave to take this next week, just in time for the boy breaking up from school for the easter holidays. I'll have to put him in a mixture of sports clubs and with relatives for childcare so an extra added expense for the month. However on my days off I'll ensure we are out the house and active. I'm on a mission right now.

    I recently wanted to buy a fitness tracker like the one my mum and sister have got but I kept putting it off as the best deal I could find was around 50. However a quick search the other day and I found a brand new one for 25 so I snapped up that offer and it arrived the next day. I've been wearing it with pride ever since and have been monitoring the amount of activity I'm doing. On Friday when I finished work I realised I hadn't got as many steps in as I wanted to so off we went at 9.45pm for a late evening walk with the boy and my mum. We spent around 45 minutes walking and the boy was intensely watching the amounts of steps we took and kept updating us on our progress! He then decides he would like one so I've found a basic one for him and ordered it which should arrive later on next week. He has a watch on his so will also help him keep track of time.

    I've recently discovered that my sim only plan with giffgaff has improved. I was originally paying 10pm for 500 mins, unlimited texts and 3gb of data which seemed enough for m usage just about. However its recently changed to unlimited minutes, texts and 3gb of data which suits me even better. I no longer have to worry about running out of minutes and its better value for money.

    I was due to have a consultant review this next week of my medications however I've had a letter to say they've rearranged it for June which I am not happy about. There has been so much messing around that I don't know where I'm up to anymore. I shall be contacting my care coordinator tomorrow to discuss this and hopefully find a solution.

    The boy did his ice skating show last night. The theme was Toy Story and he played the part of Woody. He truly was amazing and did us all proud. He managed to stay upright and no falls. All the children did extremely well. Also after his auditions last weekend for the upcoming Christmas show, it's been confirmed that he's secured a place which he's over the moon about. A happy boy there .

    I've still been going to the gym and watching what I've been eating. I'm proud to say that I've lost 9lb in total so far since I first started which was at the end of February. I've been slowly building up my cardio and now I'm at a point in which I'll add weight training to my regime in hope it will help me tone up. My work uniform feels slightly baggier and I've had a couple of comments from people who say they've noticed I've lost a bit of weight. I shall continue as I mean to go on and I'm getting better at eating proper meals rather then snacking. I've pretty much cut out most junk apart from the odd treat but that's it really. I think I'm going to attempt to cook a few meals from a website I've found. It has a wonderful selection of recipes based on the slimming world plan and even has recipes if you're on a budget. I'm going to adapt these to fit into what I'm doing where possible and start to cook more.
    After I've lost the next 5lb which will then equal a total of 14lb, I'm going to treat myself to some heated rollers I've had my eye on for a while. I think the incentive of rewards is going to help.

    I've also been thinking that although we have a busy year planned, I'm somehow going to fit more into it such as days out and breaks away. I'm doing well at saving and I'm on the right track of having enough for a deposit but I can't actually see myself moving out anytime in the near future. I want to enjoy the time that me and the boy have together whilst I'm in a position to do so. It will take a lot of planning and micromanaging but I'll somehow do it. I need to sort out some annual leave for the rest of the year and then I'll be able to plan things better. The boys grandparents are also on about taking him away so I need to make sure my leave does not clash with that. If I'm able to do it before then I'm thinking of booking a caravan holiday away in August possibly.

    Aside from that there's not much else to relay. This month has been quiet entertainment wise so the budget there is looking quite healthy and intact still which I'll just move over into other savings when sorting out next months budget.

    My whole focus is on myself right now and doing what I can to improve myself. I'm no longer thinkinh about the past and those who are long gone, I don't have the emotional energy for it. I'm sad to leave some people in the past but it's for the best and I can't see a space for them in my future. Maybe one day they'll wake up and realise what they had in front of them but it will probably be too late, I'll be long gone.

    I just need to remember, small baby steps.
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    • ramblehan
    • By ramblehan 25th Mar 18, 12:34 PM
    • 610 Posts
    • 1,251 Thanks
    ramblehan
    Hey Chandelier - well done on the weightloss - that's fantastic progress. Agree with what you say about taking small steps - I am so impatient to pay stuff off / save up and the distance between pay days just seems to drag and drag. Keeping motivated is hard going!
    Well done to your DS with his show - sounds like he is a real talent xx
    01/03/18: 21,270 DFD: Dec 2035
    2018 challenge - 191.31/3,670 (5.2%) as of 25.05.18
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    • Chandelier.
    • By Chandelier. 29th Mar 18, 11:28 AM
    • 635 Posts
    • 1,678 Thanks
    Chandelier.
    Morning!

    The school holidays are finally here. The boy is off for the next ten days or so, so I'll need to plan childcare for the days I'm working and I'm sure we'll have plenty of quality time together on my days off. I'm not back in work until next Tuesday so I plan to use my time wisely and get a lot of things done.

    I've been keeping up with going to the gym and feel much better for it. I've decided to start the couch to 5k running programme to increase my fitness levels and hope to improve my running abilities, the aim of this is so I am able to run around with the boy without feeling breathless. I've also started a weights programme so I'm mixing that up with the cardio exercises. I'm slowly losing weight which is a good thing and I'm still watching what I eat and eating things in moderation. I still get the odd craving for the occasional binge but I'm slowly overcoming these and choosing better options food wise.

    I am also keeping track of my exercise with my new fitness tracker and have been aiming to reach the target I have set each day. Alongside this I've made the decision to use the car less and walk more to places close by which will save petrol.

    My car is due its MOT and annual service in April and I'm pleased to say I still have the money set aside for these expenses. I just need to book it in which I'll use a local company recommended by my uncle.

    The budget for March is still on track and there have been minimal unexpected spends. I received a parking ticket last week which I still need to pay.. that's 35... oops! I was annoyed at the time but I'm not really bothered now, lesson learnt and I won't do it again.

    All my income is in for April's budget and sat in a seperate account waiting to be sorted out into the allocated pots. It will be quite a spendy month, especially with my mum's upcoming party. I've still to send the invites out but will get on with that this afternoon. I need to get some stamps from the post office so we can post some of the invites.

    My appointment with the consultant that was cancelled has been rearranged to the 17th April which although seems far away at the moment, it will be here before I know it. So at least that's another thing sorted.

    At work the other day I found out someone had emailed the manager complimenting and thanking me for helping her throughout her first placement and said that I helped enhance her skills/knowledge and came across as approachable. It was lovely to hear especially as throughout that time I was going through so much in my personal life so at least I got something right.

    I've not spoke to manfriend in a week now which is unusual for us but I'm coming to terms with what has happened. I'm no longer looking back on things and I'm ready to move on and live my life. I've ummed and ahhed whether I could keep him as a friend but I just don't think that will work for me and I need to do what's best for me. If things are really meant to be and work out then they'll find a way but I'm no longer focusing on it anymore. I have no bad feelings towards him and he's a wonderful person but things just got too tough/intense quickly and it changed the dynamics of everything. It's sad to no longer be able to call him my manfriend but it's a chapter of my life that I'm closing. It was fun while it lasted.

    Anyhow, the activity planned for today is swimming. Then I'll write out the invites and go to the post office and get some posted and deliver some myself to close family and friends.

    Happy Thursday everyone!
    Check out my Diary
    • Chandelier.
    • By Chandelier. 2nd Apr 18, 11:16 AM
    • 635 Posts
    • 1,678 Thanks
    Chandelier.
    So its Monday yet again and we're two days into April. This year is flying already!

    Last months budget ended with a positive surplus which has been transferred straight over to my savings account. I'm surprised really because I accrued quite a few non-essential spends over the past month where I'd just pop to the shops- this needs to stop. My aim for this month is to only spend if required, I will think carefully before buying anything and will try to limit my spends overall and to certain days. I.e. Do all essential spends such as petrol on a Monday. I've sorted out this months budget and moved all the funds into the necessary pots. This month will see my mum celebrate her 60th birthday. I've wrote out the invites and have been handing them out.

    I've been keeping up with the gym and healthy eating. After weighing myself this morning I'm proud to say I've lost 11lb so far over the past month which is a great achievement for me. I shall continue monitoring what I eat and going to the gym, I'm feeling much better for it. I've a target goal set in my head which is to lose 60lb in total. As 11lb of them is already gone, I've only 49lb to go. When I hit that target I'll reevaluate and see if I want to lose anymore. I'm really determined to stick at this and will be happy to lose at least 5lb a month, I'm going for the slow and steady approach, any extra is a bonus. I've 3lb to go until I hit my next target in which I've decided to buy myself some heated rollers for my hair. I need to think of some other ideas for my next targets. I refuse to buy any new clothes whilst on this journey unless I have to. I'll be having a big clear out at some point and donating my clothes to charity/work for patients who don't come in with their own clothes. Every little helps. I tried on one of my old dresses on Friday thinking it wouldn't fit, but it did which I was happy about. It's always been one of my favourites so I was happy about that.

    It's a quiet Easter for us as the boy has gone to his Dads. We did a quick easter egg hunt yesterday followed by a morning at ice skating where I had a good catch up with my friend. I enjoy spending time with this friend as we're the same age and the kids get on so well so it makes life a lot easier. We also seem to have a lot in common and understand one another. I try to help her out where possible.

    Today I'm off to the gym as I haven't been the past few days due to closures and having other things to do. I'm quite excited to get back at it and into a routine again. I'm still pursuing the couch to 5k programme and if I keep it up I may look into entering some fun races and maybe even ones for charity at a later date. The charity of my choice would be the mental healthy charity, Mind.

    The boy is off school this week so I need to book him into a sports camp for two days this week if possible, if not I'll have to make alternate arrangements. I'm working the next three days so I'm not sure where I'll fit everything in but I'll try. I need to book an appointment at the doctors to have a check up at some point, I'll try to do that this week, if not it can wait.

    I'm going to keep my head down and crack on these next few weeks. I've had a lot of time to think about what I want for my future and I'm determined to work hard for it and to achieve everything I want to. I know I can do it.
    Check out my Diary
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