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Results: take your surname in marraige

I find it a bit odd that she doesnt want to take your name? I would worry.

6.83% • 19 votes

Thats fine no reason to.

83.45% • 232 votes

Should take your surname

9.71% • 27 votes

You may not vote on this poll

278 votes in total.

  • FIRST POST
    • consumers_revenge
    • By consumers_revenge 23rd Dec 17, 11:59 AM
    • 3,107Posts
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    consumers_revenge
    Wife taking surname
    • #1
    • 23rd Dec 17, 11:59 AM
    Wife taking surname 23rd Dec 17 at 11:59 AM
    Hi,


    We have been talking about marriage recently ( weve been together for a long time and also 2 children )


    Whats come up is she wants to keep her own surname which I find odd and a bit disappointing. Also makes me believe shes not that interested.


    So out to you boys and girls what are your opinions please?

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    Last edited by MSE Andrea; 24-01-2018 at 10:02 AM.
Page 16
    • Tabbytabitha
    • By Tabbytabitha 1st Jan 18, 9:09 PM
    • 2,626 Posts
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    Tabbytabitha
    is the independent a US paper then?
    Originally posted by consumers_revenge
    As you couldn't be bothered to attribute your quotation it could've come from anywhere and it certainly talks about American women taking their husbands' name.
    • consumers_revenge
    • By consumers_revenge 1st Jan 18, 10:52 PM
    • 3,107 Posts
    • 1,639 Thanks
    consumers_revenge
    happy 2018 tatitha....
    • moneyistooshorttomention
    • By moneyistooshorttomention 3rd Jan 18, 1:26 PM
    • 15,849 Posts
    • 43,877 Thanks
    moneyistooshorttomention
    Wondering if there's a reason OP keeps on making a post on here (according to the main board of sub-forums) - but when one looks it up to see what he has said = it's never actually there.

    To my knowledge that's happened twice today.

    If you're gonna make posts - it might help if you stop deleting them shortly afterwards....
    *******************
    • Ames
    • By Ames 3rd Jan 18, 1:53 PM
    • 17,292 Posts
    • 30,463 Thanks
    Ames
    Wondering if there's a reason OP keeps on making a post on here (according to the main board of sub-forums) - but when one looks it up to see what he has said = it's never actually there.

    To my knowledge that's happened twice today.

    If you're gonna make posts - it might help if you stop deleting them shortly afterwards....
    Originally posted by moneyistooshorttomention
    I think it's a forum glitch - I've seen it happen on quite a few threads over the last couple of months. The first was on the benefits board and a very well respected, long standing member.
    Unless I say otherwise 'you' means the general you not you specifically.
    • NeilCr
    • By NeilCr 3rd Jan 18, 1:57 PM
    • 1,816 Posts
    • 2,444 Thanks
    NeilCr
    I think it's a forum glitch - I've seen it happen on quite a few threads over the last couple of months. The first was on the benefits board and a very well respected, long standing member.
    Originally posted by Ames
    Isnít it to do with the fact that itís a poll.

    Every time someone votes (but doesnít post) the thread gets bumped up. You think there has been a new post and see the name - but, in fact, all it is is the last actual post on the thread. There is no new post
    • LilElvis
    • By LilElvis 3rd Jan 18, 1:58 PM
    • 3,641 Posts
    • 9,954 Thanks
    LilElvis
    Wondering if there's a reason OP keeps on making a post on here (according to the main board of sub-forums) - but when one looks it up to see what he has said = it's never actually there.

    To my knowledge that's happened twice today.

    If you're gonna make posts - it might help if you stop deleting them shortly afterwards....
    Originally posted by moneyistooshorttomention
    I think when someone votes in the poll it bumps the thread up again.
    • consumers_revenge
    • By consumers_revenge 3rd Jan 18, 10:11 PM
    • 3,107 Posts
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    consumers_revenge
    Happy for the thread to be locked admins, it's run its course
    • Red-Squirrel
    • By Red-Squirrel 4th Jan 18, 4:11 PM
    • 2,785 Posts
    • 7,440 Thanks
    Red-Squirrel
    Happy for the thread to be locked admins, it's run its course
    Originally posted by consumers_revenge
    If you want it locked you'll have to message them, they won't read this.
    • consumers_revenge
    • By consumers_revenge 4th Jan 18, 6:17 PM
    • 3,107 Posts
    • 1,639 Thanks
    consumers_revenge
    Not really that fussed tbh honest. :-)
    • Janeybee
    • By Janeybee 7th Jan 18, 1:27 AM
    • 1 Posts
    • 2 Thanks
    Janeybee
    I didn't take my husband's surname and we've been married for 10 years and now have a baby. I just wanted to keep the name I was born with as it's part of my identity, there's no need to worry about your partner not taking your name. Some people just like their names!
    • jimbo747
    • By jimbo747 13th Jan 18, 6:19 PM
    • 483 Posts
    • 1,290 Thanks
    jimbo747
    Wife and I double-barreled our names together. What were 2 ordinary names now sound very posh too!
    • kimplus8
    • By kimplus8 13th Jan 18, 10:10 PM
    • 676 Posts
    • 2,078 Thanks
    kimplus8
    I was married (divorced now) and I hated taking his surname, I felt like part of my identity was being wiped away. If I married again I would keep my maiden name.
    Dave Ramsey and Martin Lewis are my Money Saving Heros.
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 14th Jan 18, 8:27 AM
    • 20,187 Posts
    • 54,176 Thanks
    Pollycat
    I was married (divorced now) and I hated taking his surname, I felt like part of my identity was being wiped away. If I married again I would keep my maiden name.
    Originally posted by kimplus8
    So why did you?
    • kimplus8
    • By kimplus8 14th Jan 18, 7:38 PM
    • 676 Posts
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    kimplus8
    Because I felt I had to, I was in a very toxic relationship and I did as I was told pretty much. Until I woke up! Iím stronger now and would never let that happen again
    Dave Ramsey and Martin Lewis are my Money Saving Heros.
    • margaretclare
    • By margaretclare 21st Jan 18, 3:09 PM
    • 10,141 Posts
    • 17,151 Thanks
    margaretclare
    In my first marriage (1957-1990) I used my own name. When I remarried (2002) I took his name. Reason: I wanted a different identity.

    It has only ever been 'custom and practice', or tradition. There has never been a law - in England at least - which stated that a woman must adopt her husband's surname. In some countries, or some US states, there is such a law.
    r ic wisdom funde, śr wearū ic eald.
    Before I found wisdom, I became old.
    • TamsinC
    • By TamsinC 22nd Jan 18, 5:25 PM
    • 319 Posts
    • 289 Thanks
    TamsinC
    I didn't take my husbands surname - got married 1992 still married 25 years later. Older than you. Why should I change my identity just because I got married. Historically wives took husbands names so people would know who they literally belonged to. Wives were chattel. I refused to perpetuate that. My name is mine and very personal to me. It is who I am.
    • POPPYOSCAR
    • By POPPYOSCAR 23rd Jan 18, 11:01 PM
    • 11,002 Posts
    • 23,627 Thanks
    POPPYOSCAR
    It was important to my OH that our children had his surname and as I was not bothered it was my gift to him they were given his name.

    When we got married I kept my name.

    Never been a problem.
    • sprocket1
    • By sprocket1 25th Jan 18, 2:07 PM
    • 6 Posts
    • 3 Thanks
    sprocket1
    Name on marriage
    I'm a female married baby boomer who married in the mid 70s, had no intention of changing my name and am still married to the same man. I'm appalled that you should class unwillingness to take your name as a lack of interest. Most of my female contemporaries at university kept their own names. Back then changing your name was seen as a sign of the old paternalistic culture.

    Your name is your identity and I would have been distressed to lose it. It can set you back in your career as people know you by one name and may not realise who you are if you change your name. The burearcracy in changing your name is difficult.

    Some people may be born with a surname they hate. In that case marriage could be an opportunity to change it.

    I find it disturbing that so many younger women seem to opt for a change of name.
    • nicki1967
    • By nicki1967 25th Jan 18, 5:41 PM
    • 4 Posts
    • 2 Thanks
    nicki1967
    I got married the first time and changed my name. Unfortunately the marriage didn't last but s*** happens. I just left it as using the married name. He didn't mind and it was so much easier. Then I went and got married again. :/ Changed my surname to his and, b***** me, he went and had a couple of affairs a few years later. I could have put up with that possibly but the mental and physical abuse started so I kicked him out. As I'd changed my surname both times I had to get my own surname back by deedpoll. :O I'd never change my name again. I have married friends who have kept their own surname. I have married friends where the husband has changed his surname to his wife's when children from a previous relationship are involved. I'm proud of my own surname and think that it's down to the individual whether or not they want to change. At the end of the day, you'll be married.
    • Susan, Surrey
    • By Susan, Surrey 26th Jan 18, 7:57 AM
    • 1 Posts
    • 1 Thanks
    Susan, Surrey
    Drowning in a sea of paperwork.
    We got married in the early Summer. When I separated from my first husband in 2001, I didnít revert to my maiden name, so I didnít have the option this time.

    Getting my name changes done is taking a huge amount of time and energy. The size of my digital footprint seems to be enormous. In many instances, I can get my Ďgreetingsí name changed, but underlying, thereís a user name which appears to be hard coded. Can I get my GifGaf changed? Can I heck. This week, I discovered that the room booking system at work has my previous name embedded. My building society- which issued me a new book in my new name in November has just written to me in my old name (a proper letter, not marketing stuff). I could go on.

    With the benefit of hindsight, I would have changed my name back when I separated- or indeed not changed it at all the first time.

    My advice- just keep the maiden name, unless the married one just happens to be particularly lovely.
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