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    • NewShadow
    • By NewShadow 6th Dec 17, 12:04 PM
    • 2,884Posts
    • 12,929Thanks
    Starting from scratch
    • #1
    • 6th Dec 17, 12:04 PM
    Starting from scratch 6th Dec 17 at 12:04 PM
    A very close friend of mine is in the process of leaving an unhealthy relationship - her OH is not yet aware, but plans are in place for her to move out for good on the 2nd of January as he's away for a few days in the New Year. She will have little more than clothes and small personal items but I have lots of everything .

    She's coming to me in the short term and I'm not going to be charging her keep. Once she's paid at the end of Jan, she'll have the cash for a deposit/first month's rent but not much else.

    Assuming at this stage a furnished flat, I was thinking about gifting her the start of a store cupboard to help her for the first month, but I was wondering - what are the priorities for your cupboards?

    My list so far:

    'Decent' coffee
    Both milk to move in and a couple of cartons of UHT

    Baked beans
    Tinned tomatoes
    Tinned soup
    Tinned tuna
    Packets of flavoured couscous

    Baking potatoes
    Loaf of fresh bread/pittas/wraps


    What do you think?
    That sounds like a classic case of premature extrapolation.

    House deposit: 26% = 23,000 + 700pm * 16 months = 33,000

    Goal: Keep the bigger picture in mind...
Page 2
    • Prinzessilein
    • By Prinzessilein 7th Dec 17, 10:34 AM
    • 2,340 Posts
    • 10,856 Thanks
    As we are now looking beyond the kitchen....

    A sim card for her Mobile ? (or a cheap no frills necessary new mobile) ensure that t*sser can't harass her on the number he presumably knows.

    A magazine/puzzle book(and pen!)/paperback book....last time I moved in something of a hurry it took a few days to get things like the TV licence and Internet these would occupy her in the evenings.

    A new keyring for her new house-key

    And whilst she is with you, make time to do a Charity Shop can pick up stuff like crockery for a few pounds....some places will do small electrical goods too (kettle....toaster...small portable heater)
    • Mademoiselle
    • By Mademoiselle 7th Dec 17, 10:49 AM
    • 163 Posts
    • 2,157 Thanks
    I would also think about toiletries, these can be quite expensive, your choice as wether to treat her to some nice smellies or just everyday items but don't forget about sanitary towels or similar depending on her age. I always donate these when our supermarkets have collections for the needy, i also took all the odd packets that no one liked or used anymore from the back of the bathroom cupboards to a women's shelter and they were delighted. Can you imagine not being able to change as often as you want or worse, I used to feel miffed if I couldn't have my favourite brand!

    Good luck.
    • AndyCF
    • By AndyCF 7th Dec 17, 1:41 PM
    • 216 Posts
    • 575 Thanks
    Just thought if 'storage space' is a problem for anything then a couple of those plastic boxs with lids (various sizes) perhaps a couple of small ones as you get the "3 pack" for about 1 or so and maybe a large one (the ones about 30cm to 60cm) too for other things.

    Are things like cooking appliances needed ?
    • NewShadow
    • By NewShadow 7th Dec 17, 10:22 PM
    • 2,884 Posts
    • 12,929 Thanks
    Thank you all.

    All brilliant suggestions and brilliant to see what we all consider our 'essentials'.

    As beautiful_ravens has suggested, this is more of an 'immediate box' than a 'everything possible' box so I'm going to be whittling your suggestions down a little based on what I know about my friend and what she likes.

    Things like she's not a baker or OS cook from scratch type - laughably not - so I'll probably bake a cake/cookies for her to take rather than sending flour

    And, hopefully, she's going to be somewhere close - so I can suggest we can cook a meal together a couple of times a week until she's settled/starts to make friends in the area.

    Until she starts looking around she won't know if she's going to be in a place with a bath or shower and won't know what's in the kitchen/needed in the way of furniture/appliances so some of this stuff is going to depend on where she ends up.

    Quite a few things that have been suggested are things I've naturally got a few of in my personal store cupboard - meaning I wouldn't be buying them specially - and completely agree that while she's here we'll need to take advantage of the many, many charity shops in the vicinity - and while doing that the many, many little coffee shops - retail therapy is a recognised therapeutic technique after all... .

    I very much doubt he is going to cause trouble - She's relocating from North Wales, so 150 odd miles and he has no idea where I live never mind where she might end up.

    We met up when she was at the same funeral as I was last week and she looked - well, awful - not that anyone looks amazing at a funeral...

    I'm sure he isn't the only one at fault and, AFAIK, he's never physically threatened her but even when we were just having a coffee I was watching him constantly undermine her - just a nasty thing to see, never mind live with.

    Still - she'll soon be out of that environment and will spend at least a little while having the cats 'forcibly affection' her - again, recognised therapeutic technique

    That sounds like a classic case of premature extrapolation.

    House deposit: 26% = 23,000 + 700pm * 16 months = 33,000

    Goal: Keep the bigger picture in mind...
    • culpepper
    • By culpepper 8th Dec 17, 8:37 AM
    • 3,912 Posts
    • 7,284 Thanks
    When I saw this, I thought of when the kids were students and what they found handy...Could you make a list of key places in the area? Eg Doctors,Dentists,CAB ,job centre ,Library ,adult ed and useful shops local supermarkets, chemists...Then she can get herself organised a bit and not feel she is leaning on you too hard .. .
    • JennyP
    • By JennyP 8th Dec 17, 10:00 AM
    • 934 Posts
    • 691 Thanks
    Stock cubes and some herbs and spices and an 'economy recipes' cookery book to help keep costs down until your friend finds their 'feet' again. Jam, honey, marmalade (any of these) packet of sugar, pack of S/R flour, stork margarine for cakes. Possibly tins of fruit as a treat.
    Originally posted by MrsLurcherwalker
    Those Miguel Barclay meals for a pound cookbooks are lovely. Just bought one new for 4 on Amazon. I like the layout - lovely big pictures - and the recipes are a for one portion!

    I am excited for your friend. Leaving an unhealthy relationship takes lots of courage but it's great when you make a new start! Just got remarried 13 years after leaving my first very unhappy marriage!
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