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    • NewShadow
    • By NewShadow 6th Dec 17, 12:04 PM
    • 2,839Posts
    • 12,708Thanks
    Starting from scratch
    • #1
    • 6th Dec 17, 12:04 PM
    Starting from scratch 6th Dec 17 at 12:04 PM
    A very close friend of mine is in the process of leaving an unhealthy relationship - her OH is not yet aware, but plans are in place for her to move out for good on the 2nd of January as he's away for a few days in the New Year. She will have little more than clothes and small personal items but I have lots of everything .

    She's coming to me in the short term and I'm not going to be charging her keep. Once she's paid at the end of Jan, she'll have the cash for a deposit/first month's rent but not much else.

    Assuming at this stage a furnished flat, I was thinking about gifting her the start of a store cupboard to help her for the first month, but I was wondering - what are the priorities for your cupboards?

    My list so far:

    'Decent' coffee
    Both milk to move in and a couple of cartons of UHT

    Baked beans
    Tinned tomatoes
    Tinned soup
    Tinned tuna
    Packets of flavoured couscous

    Baking potatoes
    Loaf of fresh bread/pittas/wraps


    What do you think?
    That sounds like a classic case of premature extrapolation.

    House deposit: 26% = 23,000 + 700pm * 16 months = 33,000

    Goal: Keep the bigger picture in mind...
Page 1
    • Prinzessilein
    • By Prinzessilein 6th Dec 17, 12:31 PM
    • 2,273 Posts
    • 10,554 Thanks
    • #2
    • 6th Dec 17, 12:31 PM
    • #2
    • 6th Dec 17, 12:31 PM
    This sounds like a lovely idea...what a supportive friend you are.

    Everyone will have their own 'essentials' for a store-cupboard.

    For me, one thing missing would be some oats - so I can have porridge in the morning....and maybe a small bottle of brown sauce (well, you've got eggs and bread...which screams out 'fried egg sarnie' to me!..and that means brown sauce!)...and maybe some instant custard (I always keep some on hand)....and stock (Swiss Marigold is a good one)....maybe an 'instant' hot chocolate type of drink?.....oh and not an issue for me, but some people would want sugar/honey for their tea/coffee/porridge.

    Plus non-food....washing up liquid and some kitchen towels?

    I have supported someone through something very similar...and wish your friend strength for the coming weeks...and all the best for her new life!
    • Stoke
    • By Stoke 6th Dec 17, 1:04 PM
    • 2,187 Posts
    • 1,411 Thanks
    • #3
    • 6th Dec 17, 1:04 PM
    • #3
    • 6th Dec 17, 1:04 PM
    I know it sounds horrific, but a pot noodle or two wouldn't be bad. It's going to be very stressful for a few weeks and she might just need instant gratification comfort food on the odd occasion. I know they're rubbish, but they're at least tasty rubbish.
    • Bigjenny
    • By Bigjenny 6th Dec 17, 1:06 PM
    • 528 Posts
    • 5,714 Thanks
    • #4
    • 6th Dec 17, 1:06 PM
    • #4
    • 6th Dec 17, 1:06 PM
    How about including some tinned vegetable, e.g. Peas, Carrots, Green Beans, etc, and Toilet Rolls.
    Last edited by Bigjenny; 06-12-2017 at 1:08 PM.
    "When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us" Alexander Graham Bell
    • MrsLurcherwalker
    • By MrsLurcherwalker 6th Dec 17, 1:20 PM
    • 11,705 Posts
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    • #5
    • 6th Dec 17, 1:20 PM
    • #5
    • 6th Dec 17, 1:20 PM
    Stock cubes and some herbs and spices and an 'economy recipes' cookery book to help keep costs down until your friend finds their 'feet' again. Jam, honey, marmalade (any of these) packet of sugar, pack of S/R flour, stork margarine for cakes. Possibly tins of fruit as a treat.
    Thumpers mum was right - if you can't find anything nice to say don't say anything at all!
    • MandM90
    • By MandM90 6th Dec 17, 1:21 PM
    • 1,371 Posts
    • 7,060 Thanks
    • #6
    • 6th Dec 17, 1:21 PM
    • #6
    • 6th Dec 17, 1:21 PM
    I do agree with a few 'ready made things' just to take pressure off.

    dehydrated cous cous packets
    tinned bean chilli

    Also maybe a smelly candle, a good book and some bath soak/posh shower gel.

    You're a wonderful friend, best of luck to both of you!
    I'm a Board Guide on the Marriages & Family,
    Old Style, Mortgage Free Wannabe, Green & Ethical
    boards. I'm a volunteer to help the boards run smoothly, and I can move and merge threads there. Any views are mine and not the official line of Board guides are not moderators. If you spot an inappropriate or illegal post then please report it to
    • AndyCF
    • By AndyCF 6th Dec 17, 1:28 PM
    • 216 Posts
    • 575 Thanks
    • #7
    • 6th Dec 17, 1:28 PM
    • #7
    • 6th Dec 17, 1:28 PM
    I know it sounds horrific, but a pot noodle or two wouldn't be bad. It's going to be very stressful for a few weeks and she might just need instant gratification comfort food on the odd occasion. I know they're rubbish, but they're at least tasty rubbish.
    Originally posted by Stoke
    I'd agree with this, some kind of 'cupboard storable' instant "just add hot water" items will always be useful given their long storage life (usually!) , there are other things besides the noodle obviously but its going to depend on preferences.

    I would suggest a pack of decent branded "Cup Soup" too as they are quite handy anyway, usually plenty of varieties to pick from and not expensive.

    The tinned veg is an excellent idea too. The 'mixed veg' tins are in my experience at least a bit hit/miss although some are reasonable. Having said that I absolutely love one brand of tinned baby carrots, but I do not like their pea tins nor their sliced carrots. It is another "low cost and very long shelf life standby" I'd concur with having a tin or two of.

    I'm assuming we're not talking any frozen bits here given it may not be practical ? That's understandable.
    • bumblebeany
    • By bumblebeany 6th Dec 17, 2:07 PM
    • 62 Posts
    • 1,118 Thanks
    • #8
    • 6th Dec 17, 2:07 PM
    • #8
    • 6th Dec 17, 2:07 PM
    Some non food items
    Rubber gloves
    Washing up liquid
    Washing up sponges
    Nice mug

    It's worth her getting a cheap payg mobile (if she hasn't already) that her ex doesn't have the number to.

    Remember to take care of yourself too during this time. If you haven't already I'd also suggest having a look at and contacting on her behalf.
    • Grumpysally
    • By Grumpysally 6th Dec 17, 2:21 PM
    • 643 Posts
    • 513 Thanks
    • #9
    • 6th Dec 17, 2:21 PM
    • #9
    • 6th Dec 17, 2:21 PM
    Might be deviating from the store cupboard, but also useful;

    Toilet roll
    Light bulbs
    Spare batteries
    Rechargeable screwdriver set

    Not wanting to be alarmist, but also if her OH is the kind who will harass ( speaking from experience here ) ;

    Door Chain
    Some kind of attack alarm to keep by the door.

    Don't forget to include some chocolate or some other treats too : )

    Wishing your friend all the best. What a good friend she has in you.
    • fairy lights
    • By fairy lights 6th Dec 17, 2:38 PM
    • 8,574 Posts
    • 28,529 Thanks
    fairy lights
    Non-food related bits:

    Toilet roll
    Laundry detergent
    Washing up liquid and sponges
    Multi purpose spray
    • AndyCF
    • By AndyCF 6th Dec 17, 3:24 PM
    • 216 Posts
    • 575 Thanks
    Couple more non foodie items:

    Kitchen roll(s)

    Tea towel(s) or something to dry things on.

    Cheap plastic (1 usually) washing up type bowl always useful too, can't rely on sink having a plug or being brilliant, bowl = fixes that.

    Cling film and a roll of foil maybe. CF probably more useful at this stage I'd guess.

    A bag of cheap 'freezer bags' or similar. 1 or less. I rarely use them for the freezer but they are so handy for other things too such as wrapping whatever up and throwing it into a cupboard / fridge.

    Possibly cheap cutlery set, although it seems to be sets of 4, only the 'little people' it seems easy to get a 'single set' for. Alternative is just to get a cheap fork/knife/spoon.

    Talking of which a teaspoon if not included in the set will be good

    Don't forget a tin opener either!

    EDIT... A pair of scissors will always be useful too if not already included in a "set of something"
    Last edited by AndyCF; 06-12-2017 at 3:39 PM.
    • thorsoak
    • By thorsoak 6th Dec 17, 3:32 PM
    • 5,662 Posts
    • 25,925 Thanks
    Some shower gel, flannels, hand and bath towels, toothpaste, deodorant - just some extras for when her current supplies run out.

    A torch!
    • moneyistooshorttomention
    • By moneyistooshorttomention 6th Dec 17, 3:47 PM
    • 15,625 Posts
    • 43,361 Thanks
    Not forgetting basic "female supplies" (ie for dealing with periods).

    Has she got a small transistor radio? - nice to be able to have a bit of general music and "chat" from it.


    Hot water bottle or two?
    Like Frankie said - I did it my way.
    It's MY life......
    • Out, Vile Jelly
    • By Out, Vile Jelly 6th Dec 17, 3:50 PM
    • 3,962 Posts
    • 13,502 Thanks
    Out, Vile Jelly
    Hot water bottle is a good idea for this time of year. Psychologically very comforting.

    How about a couple of notebooks and pens- there may be a lot of info (ie joint accounts, tenancy stuff) she made need to make notes on.

    Charity shops are usually overstocked just after Christmas, so she should be able to pick up some bargains then.
    They are an EYESORES!!!!
    • JackieO
    • By JackieO 6th Dec 17, 4:20 PM
    • 15,894 Posts
    • 134,726 Thanks
    What a smashing supportive friend you are I hope the move goes peacefully for her.

    I would add a packet of chocolate digestive biscuits or a big bar of chocolate, a little 'treat', and chocolate is a great 'comfort' treat, maybe a pair of bedsocks to keep her feet warm in the cold January weather
    JackieO x
    Last edited by JackieO; 06-12-2017 at 4:22 PM.
    Quot Libros,Quam Breve Tempus. 2018
    Running total for four months food only shopping =126.24.Freezer stuff slowly going down at last May totals 31.11 freezer and tinned cupboards are going down nicely
    • Islandmaid
    • By Islandmaid 6th Dec 17, 7:32 PM
    • 2,562 Posts
    • 37,739 Thanks
    Fantastic ideas here, but just wanted to add that you are giving the most important thing - friendship and support.

    I so hope your friend gets the clean break she needs and the past stays there x
    Note to self - STOP SPENDING MONEY !!
    • LameWolf
    • By LameWolf 6th Dec 17, 7:43 PM
    • 10,478 Posts
    • 114,429 Thanks
    My personal "essential" to add to all the great ideas here would be a packet of peppermints.

    I'm not overly bothered about chocolate myself, but I never ever go anywhere without a packet of those mints-with-the-hole in my bag.

    May I wish your friend all the very best; it takes a lot of bottle to extract yourself from a toxic relationship (I know, I did it back in 2002) and I wish her nothing but good things from here on.
    If your dog thinks you're the best, don't seek a second opinion.
    • beautiful_ravens
    • By beautiful_ravens 7th Dec 17, 7:29 AM
    • 747 Posts
    • 2,859 Thanks
    What a good friend.
    Going by advice here, youll be buying a months worth of stuff!

    But thinking back to moving house in a hurry, its always going to be quick-to-cook, long-life stuff thats most useful, versatile stuff that can be cooked on a hob or using the kettle; and milk/coffee/tea, and loo roll/soaps.
    There may not be a fridge or cooker initially.
    ''A moment's thinking is an hour in words.'' -Thomas Hood
    • JackieO
    • By JackieO 7th Dec 17, 8:06 AM
    • 15,894 Posts
    • 134,726 Thanks
    have a delve in your own cupboards for odds and ends. I know my cupboard under the sink is where my Dd when a bit broke can always find odds and ends of cleaning stuff when she runs short
    Quot Libros,Quam Breve Tempus. 2018
    Running total for four months food only shopping =126.24.Freezer stuff slowly going down at last May totals 31.11 freezer and tinned cupboards are going down nicely
    • bouicca21
    • By bouicca21 7th Dec 17, 9:32 AM
    • 3,623 Posts
    • 5,418 Thanks
    You are all missing the most important thing about dealing with new found freedom - a bottle of wine or cheap sparkly to celebrate being rid of the t%sspot and the start of a new life.
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