Your browser isn't supported
It looks like you're using an old web browser. To get the most out of the site and to ensure guides display correctly, we suggest upgrading your browser now. Download the latest:

Welcome to the MSE Forums

We're home to a fantastic community of MoneySavers but anyone can post. Please exercise caution & report spam, illegal, offensive or libellous posts/messages: click "report" or email forumteam@.

Search
  • FIRST POST
    • 117pauline
    • By 117pauline 4th Dec 17, 4:00 PM
    • 653Posts
    • 7,282Thanks
    117pauline
    Mindful or Mind full?
    • #1
    • 4th Dec 17, 4:00 PM
    Mindful or Mind full? 4th Dec 17 at 4:00 PM
    So....... life appears to have changed today!

    I came downstairs to a letter from my partner saying he needed time away. After 11 plus years. Not sure how I feel.

    At the moment I need to get a job. Not as easy as that sounds as I have quite a problem leaving the house at all. I am waiting to get to the top of the list for some CBT help. I also have some chronic conditions too which have hindered our relationship.

    As you can imagine, I am not sure what will happen. My plan is to do nothing rash but try to pay down my loan as much as possible. Then I am going to have to find somewhere to live etc.

    I did say I was going to start a diary so I think this is one hell of a way to get started!

    Pauline
    Don't get it perfect - Get it going
    Better Than Before
Page 9
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 4th Jan 18, 9:46 PM
    • 55,020 Posts
    • 219,796 Thanks
    beanielou
    Big steps today.
    So proud of you
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 11 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.***
    ***Keep plodding***
    Out of debt, out of danger.
    • HairyHandofDartmoor
    • By HairyHandofDartmoor 4th Jan 18, 9:46 PM
    • 4,426 Posts
    • 30,699 Thanks
    HairyHandofDartmoor
    That's definitely the right approach Pauline, you need to challenge the negative thoughts.
    Finally Debt Free After 34 Years, But Still Need to Live Frugally
    Debt in July 2017 = £58,766 DEBT FREE 31 OCTOBER 2017
    NEW GOALS - Build Emergency Fund & Loss of Income Fund. Save for house repairs.
    "Tough times never last, but tough people do" - Robert H Schuller
    • Seasidegal58
    • By Seasidegal58 4th Jan 18, 10:25 PM
    • 1,978 Posts
    • 12,242 Thanks
    Seasidegal58
    Youve done so well even since the short time you started your diary. Going to the hairdressers and meeting friends have been big steps. Well done!
    Finally Debt Free! - July 2016
    Finished Emergency Fund- £10,000 April 2017

    Next Scrimpy Goal - Ad Hoc Savings - 20/05/2018: £646.59
    MONTHS TO RETIREMENT: 35!
    My diary: “Paid off the £31,0000! BUT- still scrimping!”
    • 117pauline
    • By 117pauline 4th Jan 18, 11:05 PM
    • 653 Posts
    • 7,282 Thanks
    117pauline
    I haven't got there yet!

    I have spent the last hour coming up with excuses.

    What a waste of time.

    My diary is out again and in use recording food, activity and achievements.
    Don't get it perfect - Get it going
    Better Than Before
    • Cherryfudge
    • By Cherryfudge 5th Jan 18, 1:20 AM
    • 1,755 Posts
    • 9,629 Thanks
    Cherryfudge
    I'm a great believer in 'fake it till you make it'.

    How lovely of you to put yourself out for your friend's sake. Support in those early days after a loss can seem thin on the ground (even if only because people don't yet know) so your contact with her probably meant more than you know.

    I hope you enjoy the 'new' hair and it gives you confidence. Even if it doesn't, just think - you won't have to have it done for a good while now! And hopefully tea with your friend will be enjoyable and relaxing. It often is once you actually get involved. At least that's what happens to me.
    • HairyHandofDartmoor
    • By HairyHandofDartmoor 5th Jan 18, 8:01 AM
    • 4,426 Posts
    • 30,699 Thanks
    HairyHandofDartmoor
    I also believe in fake it until you make it. I'm like the swan sometimes, serene on the surface but paddling like mad under the water . Don't give in to those excuses and force yourself to go out and it will get easier over time.

    Have you read Susan Jeffers 'Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway'? My sister says that book kept her going when her husband left her, because she was scared at first she couldn't cope without him. Now she is much more confident and has a new and much nicer DH . I have also read it and it's very good for persuading you to face things you are afraid of.
    Finally Debt Free After 34 Years, But Still Need to Live Frugally
    Debt in July 2017 = £58,766 DEBT FREE 31 OCTOBER 2017
    NEW GOALS - Build Emergency Fund & Loss of Income Fund. Save for house repairs.
    "Tough times never last, but tough people do" - Robert H Schuller
    • 117pauline
    • By 117pauline 5th Jan 18, 6:11 PM
    • 653 Posts
    • 7,282 Thanks
    117pauline
    So the good news.... I managed both the hair cut and meeting my friend.

    I did manage to fail to pay my hairdresser though! I meant to go back with cash but it slipped my mind so I will go in tomorrow morning. In my defence I did take her a new year present.

    It was horrible weatherwise this morning but I still walked into town. I went into Iceland and bought a couple of bits including their own brand Baileys at £3! There was a taste taste before Christmas and this was recommended. I decided to treat myself but what a bargain.

    I felt very shaky after this morning so I listened to the radio. For some reason I find it very relaxing.

    So..... I accomplished my tasks today so I have decided on the big challenge next week will be a check up at the dentist and a swim too.

    All these things seem so small but are huge for me at this point. However they will not be in the future.

    Have a great weekend everyone

    Take care
    Pauline
    Don't get it perfect - Get it going
    Better Than Before
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 5th Jan 18, 6:14 PM
    • 55,020 Posts
    • 219,796 Thanks
    beanielou
    So chuffed for you
    Enjoy your bargain Bailey's.
    Be proud.
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 11 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.***
    ***Keep plodding***
    Out of debt, out of danger.
    • Toni'sfriend
    • By Toni'sfriend 5th Jan 18, 6:18 PM
    • 1,308 Posts
    • 12,710 Thanks
    Toni'sfriend
    Good for you, Pauline. Little steps and you'll get there. I always feel better when I've had my hair done - gives you such a boost!
    • HairyHandofDartmoor
    • By HairyHandofDartmoor 5th Jan 18, 6:25 PM
    • 4,426 Posts
    • 30,699 Thanks
    HairyHandofDartmoor
    Fantastic Pauline, I'm so pleased you managed to get your hair cut etc .

    Would it help to listen to the radio on headphones when you go out if you find it soothing? Or listen to a soothing recording especially designed to calm people via headphones when you go out? Just a thought, it may not work for you.

    Your plans for next week sound really good .
    Finally Debt Free After 34 Years, But Still Need to Live Frugally
    Debt in July 2017 = £58,766 DEBT FREE 31 OCTOBER 2017
    NEW GOALS - Build Emergency Fund & Loss of Income Fund. Save for house repairs.
    "Tough times never last, but tough people do" - Robert H Schuller
    • UncannyScot
    • By UncannyScot 5th Jan 18, 7:25 PM
    • 1,470 Posts
    • 8,247 Thanks
    UncannyScot
    Excellent progress Pauline

    Really pleased for you
    (((((HUGS)))))
    BUGGRITMILLENIUMHANDANDSHRIMP I TOLD EM! - Foul Ole Ron
    It is important that we know where we come from, because if you do not know where you come from, then you do not know where you are, and if you don't know where you are, then you don't know where you are going. If you don't know where you're going, you're probably going wrong.
    R.I.P. T.P.
    • Cumbria lass
    • By Cumbria lass 5th Jan 18, 7:48 PM
    • 1,897 Posts
    • 11,572 Thanks
    Cumbria lass
    Great Pauline , you did grand .
    CC1 £3475 May 2018
    • 117pauline
    • By 117pauline 5th Jan 18, 8:00 PM
    • 653 Posts
    • 7,282 Thanks
    117pauline
    Thanks all for the congratulations. It does make such a difference.

    I have just had my pretend baileys in a beautiful cut glass port glass, wonderful!

    That was after a meal of jacket potato, butter, chicken tikka with tomato, carrot and cucumber salad.

    I have decided to make more of an effort with my food. I am also going to go back to reducing the additives in my food to see if it can improve my stomach problems.

    I've previously mentioned I suffer from fibromyalgia as well as a type of IBS called bile acid malabsorbtion. The panics are related to the IBS symptoms I think. So I am following some CBT ideas to try to improve my health.

    Been very lucky with Qmee surveys today which is goog. I am hoping the survey sites will be back to normal next week.

    I'll have a think about listening to something whilst I am out.

    P
    Don't get it perfect - Get it going
    Better Than Before
    • Sun Addict
    • By Sun Addict 5th Jan 18, 8:15 PM
    • 5,836 Posts
    • 38,574 Thanks
    Sun Addict
    Sounds like you're making great progress. Small steps is the way to go. Good idea about listening to soothing music when out, worth a try. Glad you enjoyed the "baileys".
    Virtual Sealed Pot 2018 £296.07
    Debt £2400
    June 4 NSDs 4 AFDs
    Weight loss 0.5/6LBS
    Emergency Fund £2000/£10,000
    • Seasidegal58
    • By Seasidegal58 5th Jan 18, 8:55 PM
    • 1,978 Posts
    • 12,242 Thanks
    Seasidegal58
    Yes your last post brims of positivity Pauline! Keep going!
    Finally Debt Free! - July 2016
    Finished Emergency Fund- £10,000 April 2017

    Next Scrimpy Goal - Ad Hoc Savings - 20/05/2018: £646.59
    MONTHS TO RETIREMENT: 35!
    My diary: “Paid off the £31,0000! BUT- still scrimping!”
    • maggiem
    • By maggiem 5th Jan 18, 9:22 PM
    • 376 Posts
    • 2,499 Thanks
    maggiem

    All these things seem so small but are huge for me at this point. However they will not be in the future.

    Have a great weekend everyone

    Take care
    Pauline
    Originally posted by 117pauline
    Not small at all - as you said huge to you - brilliant, well done,
    • UncannyScot
    • By UncannyScot 5th Jan 18, 9:38 PM
    • 1,470 Posts
    • 8,247 Thanks
    UncannyScot
    I strongly believe in music therapy. Music and mood are intrinsically linked.

    I have a wide and eclectic taste in music; I know what I like and I like what I know
    From Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart to Metallica... I love Rock / Progressive Rock / Metal... Blues... Classical... OR as my bestie puts it, "Real music by real musical artists"...

    Good music is or should be the soundtrack of our lives...
    Walking in the hills I love listening to Classical or Prog Rock
    Working / Training in the gym / ring it's Rock / Metal... pure adrenaline fuel. My mates say they know when I listening to a particular band / song if I am working on the heavy bag as the speed and power of my kicks and punches increases (and no, it's definitely NOT Eye of the Tiger by Survivor )

    Good music should move you, lift you, enhance you, heal you...

    I really hope that you find YOUR soundtrack Pauline
    (((((HUGS)))))
    BUGGRITMILLENIUMHANDANDSHRIMP I TOLD EM! - Foul Ole Ron
    It is important that we know where we come from, because if you do not know where you come from, then you do not know where you are, and if you don't know where you are, then you don't know where you are going. If you don't know where you're going, you're probably going wrong.
    R.I.P. T.P.
    • Cherryfudge
    • By Cherryfudge 6th Jan 18, 11:03 AM
    • 1,755 Posts
    • 9,629 Thanks
    Cherryfudge
    I have just had my pretend baileys in a beautiful cut glass port glass, wonderful!

    That was after a meal of jacket potato, butter, chicken tikka with tomato, carrot and cucumber salad.
    Originally posted by 117pauline
    Ooooh... that's decided me. Tea at yours today.
    • jwil
    • By jwil 6th Jan 18, 11:09 AM
    • 8,621 Posts
    • 26,603 Thanks
    jwil
    You are doing really well Pauline. I second HHD, I read 'Feel the Fear and do it anyway' many years ago, and it really helped me.
    "If you can dream it, you can do it". Walt Disney
    • Cumbria lass
    • By Cumbria lass 7th Jan 18, 8:44 AM
    • 1,897 Posts
    • 11,572 Thanks
    Cumbria lass
    Music is the one thing that is sure to make me feel better if I am having a feeling down time.

    Pauline you are doing well, how is the CV coming along? Could you perhaps try volunteering somewhere to help with your confidence issues.

    I asked my doctor to test for bile acid malabsorption and I don!!!8217;t have it , but thank you for suggesting it. I have low ferrotin levels so will be taking some iron.

    I am trying to avoid getting stressed and getting rid of said friend has helped enormously.

    Have a good day .
    CC1 £3475 May 2018
Welcome to our new Forum!

Our aim is to save you money quickly and easily. We hope you like it!

Forum Team Contact us

Live Stats

1,458Posts Today

6,866Users online

Martin's Twitter