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    • MLA73
    • By MLA73 2nd Dec 17, 9:19 AM
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    MLA73
    Work's Xmas Party Exclusion
    • #1
    • 2nd Dec 17, 9:19 AM
    Work's Xmas Party Exclusion 2nd Dec 17 at 9:19 AM
    I just found out earlier in the week that one of my colleagues has organised an unofficial Xmas Party for work colleagues and invited all 25 or so office staff, with the exception of myself and 2 others.

    I'm this person's boss and work alongside her husband who hasn't said anything to me either. I'm a little confused and a little hurt as I've felt that I've been getting on well lately and been very praiseworthy of this individual. Either I've really upset this person or someone else is pushing the buttons.

    The company I work for is very cliquey as most of the people who work there are either in their 20's and early 30's (I'm in my 40s) and live either in the local commuter town or near to it and I don't.

    This person has a precedence - she got married last year and similarly everyone from work was invited with the exception of 1 or 2 people (I was invited on this occasion and attended), but I told her future husband at that time that it was a bit off to do this.

    I know an unofficial staff party and occasions such as weddings are not work occasions so outside the jurisdiction of work but I feel using these situations to make some people at work social pariahs is a bit off.

    Does anyone have any advice? Should I confront this person and her husband and let them know how uncomfortable they have made me feel, should I make them aware indirectly that I'm aware what has happened and play with their minds (this is the vengeful me talking I know!) or do nothing and be the bigger person?

    Thanks.
Page 3
    • NeilCr
    • By NeilCr 5th Dec 17, 6:35 AM
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    NeilCr
    +3 for me.


    I'm still very good friends with a former boss of mine. The second I walked in for my interview there was a spark. Within 5 mins she said she had a good feeling about me.


    I meet up with her on average once a month, in fact I'm seeing her next week for a meal. It's been nearly 6 years since I left that company and she recently left too.


    However, there were boundaries though. We both had different opinions and different methods of working which at times can clash and it was difficult to sometimes not take things personally.


    I think it worked well as we became friends through work. As much as I love the close friends I have in my life and consider our friendship to be strong, I'm sure working with any one of them could break up that friendship.
    Originally posted by AubreyMac
    +4.

    Iím still very good friends with my last boss even though I retired nearly ten years ago. We meet up regularly and are off on a booze run, together, to Calais on Friday

    Iíve always had very relaxed relationships at work - both as a manager and being managed. And still have a number of friends who I met though work. Everyone does need to understand the boundaries though.

    I agree with @AubreyMac. There is a difference between friends you make at work and working with friends you already know
    • janninew
    • By janninew 5th Dec 17, 8:25 AM
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    janninew
    My son organises the work do for his NHS team at Christmas and arranges all the catering and drinks from the department budget. He buys them all a present from himself. He stays for a drink for 15 minutes, then he's off. As they all quite like him, they always ask him to stay on but he never does. He goes out to dinner with his g/f. Result - everybody happy.
    Originally posted by chesky
    Does the NHS budget stretch to drink and food for workers?! Surprised at that, I work in a secondary school and there is no budget for anything like that!
    Newborn Thread Member

    'Children reinvent the world for you.' - Susan Sarandan
    • Judi
    • By Judi 5th Dec 17, 8:34 AM
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    Judi
    Oops I dont think Ive explained myself very well. The groom told me who wasnt being invited to his wedding and I said to him ok it might be a bit awkward but its your wedding. His future to be wife was regularly talking about her wedding in front of someone who wasnt invited and that person was very upset about it.

    On the Xmas party thing you're right I should let it go. Confront wasnt the word I meant to use.
    Originally posted by MLA73
    ....but it really wasnt your business was it?
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    • hazyjo
    • By hazyjo 5th Dec 17, 9:53 AM
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    hazyjo
    Not sure why youíd want to invite work colleagues to your wedding if you donít like them enough to socialise with.
    Originally posted by onlyroz
    I was thinking the same thing.

    We invited work colleagues to our wedding, but we like them enough to socialise with them.
    Originally posted by Gloomendoom
    I just felt it would be polite to invite the team I worked with - those who'd got married before from the team invited me. Was only the evening do. Actually only one came anyway (partner I work for and his missus who works for our company too). I also invited friends from work who I do see socially.
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    • clairec79
    • By clairec79 5th Dec 17, 11:00 AM
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    clairec79
    My son organises the work do for his NHS team at Christmas and arranges all the catering and drinks from the department budget.
    Originally posted by chesky
    How on earth?

    We've never got anything for staff out of the NHS budget.
    Our xmas meal and drinks are all paid for by ourselves - as have the ones in other trusts I've worked in (same as when I worked for a branch of the civil service - can't spend public funds on things like that - they don't even buy pens for us to write in the notes)
    • chesky
    • By chesky 5th Dec 17, 11:37 AM
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    chesky
    How on earth?

    We've never got anything for staff out of the NHS budget.
    Our xmas meal and drinks are all paid for by ourselves - as have the ones in other trusts I've worked in (same as when I worked for a branch of the civil service - can't spend public funds on things like that - they don't even buy pens for us to write in the notes)
    Originally posted by clairec79
    I checked with him again as I didn't want to give the wrong information. A small amount does come from the department budget. He also gets donations from local companies who the team has worked with in the community. Some of this is in cash and some in kind - food, bottles etc. The Trust Chief Executive (not sure that's the correct title) also chips in personally. He says it's a bit of a bind getting it all sorted but he thinks it's worth it as he thinks they work their socks off the rest of the year.

    But that really wasn't the point - that was that he puts himself out to organise it (even more than I originally thought), tries to make sure it's going OK, then b-----s off and leaves them to it.
    • Comms69
    • By Comms69 5th Dec 17, 1:42 PM
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    Comms69
    Does the NHS budget stretch to drink and food for workers?! Surprised at that, I work in a secondary school and there is no budget for anything like that!
    Originally posted by janninew


    Sometimes yes. Sometimes no.


    If I go away with work for the day, I have a meal allowance. Same as most employees....
    • supersaver2
    • By supersaver2 5th Dec 17, 5:08 PM
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    supersaver2
    Sometimes yes. Sometimes no.


    If I go away with work for the day, I have a meal allowance. Same as most employees....
    Originally posted by Comms69
    Iím a School worker and we donít have food or drinks provided full stop no matter where you are. Certainly not for the staff Christmas party, not the best way to spend public funds in these current climates.
    • chesky
    • By chesky 5th Dec 17, 7:09 PM
    • 998 Posts
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    chesky
    You wouldn't need a food allowance if you're always based in a school would you? They were talking about travelling to other parts of the country.
    • CruisingSaver
    • By CruisingSaver 5th Dec 17, 7:25 PM
    • 373 Posts
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    CruisingSaver
    Having worked in the NHS for a while it surprises me that there is even a small contribution to the staff party from departmental budgets.

    Certainly none of the NHS Trusts I've worked for have ever done this and most definitely not in the current climate of budget cuts. However, as senior managers we have clubbed together and paid for a Christmas buffet/ meal for our staff as a thank you but totally paid for out of our own pockets.

    It simply is not appropriate for public funds to be used in this manner, any spare budget should be used to deliver patient care, after all that's why we're there.
    Last edited by CruisingSaver; 05-12-2017 at 7:27 PM. Reason: Forgot to add a bit
    • AubreyMac
    • By AubreyMac 5th Dec 17, 7:43 PM
    • 1,397 Posts
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    AubreyMac
    When I worked as a agency PA to a few Chief Execs for a Local Authority many years ago, there seems to be lots in way of budget for those at top but nothing for the front line plebs.


    I use to order coffee machines and pods with proper china cups and saucers, mini fridges for their offices, gold engraved pens (that were over £100 each) to give out to other top members, proper white thick paper (as opposed to the usual recycled), breakfast catering that were £20 per head and when someone done half a days work at a interview panel they were paid £200 worth in M&S vouchers (to avoid tax I presume). A re-structure was strategically planned so that whichever one left they were able to get maximum voluntary redundancy which was not available to those at bottom.


    Data/statistics is just an illusion as books do get cooked to hide a lot of things.
    • janninew
    • By janninew 5th Dec 17, 8:08 PM
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    janninew
    You wouldn't need a food allowance if you're always based in a school would you? They were talking about travelling to other parts of the country.
    Originally posted by chesky
    Unless you are always given a free lunch lunch why does travelling around make a difference? When we attend courses, training etc we still take our own food same as every other day when we based at our normal location.
    Newborn Thread Member

    'Children reinvent the world for you.' - Susan Sarandan
    • Comms69
    • By Comms69 7th Dec 17, 11:50 AM
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    Comms69
    Iím a School worker and we donít have food or drinks provided full stop no matter where you are. Certainly not for the staff Christmas party, not the best way to spend public funds in these current climates.
    Originally posted by supersaver2
    But how often do you go away with work?
    • Comms69
    • By Comms69 7th Dec 17, 11:51 AM
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    Comms69
    Unless you are always given a free lunch lunch why does travelling around make a difference? When we attend courses, training etc we still take our own food same as every other day when we based at our normal location.
    Originally posted by janninew


    That's your choice. Travelling typically makes a difference because you will eat out rather than bring in a home cooked meal.


    No different to hotel costs if I stay away the night.
    • F1F93
    • By F1F93 24th Dec 17, 11:54 AM
    • 326 Posts
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    F1F93
    Unless you are always given a free lunch lunch why does travelling around make a difference? When we attend courses, training etc we still take our own food same as every other day when we based at our normal location.
    Originally posted by janninew
    If you stay at home, you can provide your own lunch, as you would if you weren't at work.

    If you stay in a hotel, how on earth are you supposed to prepare your lunch without utensils or a kitchen, keep it cool without a fridge etc?

    Similarly how would you prepare dinner without a kitchen?

    Hence you get a food allowance to cover the cost of eating out in a resteraunt whilst away on business. It's not just for when you are away, it's for when you are staying away from home overnight and therefore cannot provide yourself with food.
    • Vikipollard
    • By Vikipollard 26th Dec 17, 9:24 PM
    • 636 Posts
    • 1,112 Thanks
    Vikipollard
    Thatís not true. You can be friends with your boss. I am god father to my senior managers son and two of the team that work for me are very good friends and we socialise a lot together.

    The trick is understanding the difference between a professional and personal relationship.

    In work we all act professionally and behave with the relevant level of respect to each other.

    Outside of work we are just friends and dont really talk much about work.
    Originally posted by JReacher1
    +1 to this ^^^^

    I was very good friends with my last boss, I was witness at his wedding.
    We had a great work relationship too.

    I suspect the OP has a somewhat strained working relationship with this person who has organised the party.
    Originally posted by Pollycat
    +2. I can't believe in this day and age anyone has a problem socialising with their boss, we always have works dos where everyone is invited right up to senior management and they're always a great laugh.

    A couple of years ago a senior manager got totally ratted and me and a colleague had to help him home, we never tire of reminding him at payrise time (in jest, obviously).

    I've had some bosses who I wouldn't want on a do but same with other work colleagues, nothing to do with their position in the hierarchy.

    I guess some people still work in environments like in the 70's where there's an "us and them" attitude and you call your boss "sir" or "ma'am" and they have the key to executive washroom etc...I feel sorry for anyone working somewhere like that.
    Originally posted by zagfles
    +3 to the above!

    18 years ago I worked for a haulage company where there was a definite them-and-us attitude. To combat that, my friend and I organised a night out with the managers in between Christmas and New Year. It was a fantastic night, and completely changed the dynamic, but never blurred the line between the personal and professional.

    I now work in the public sector for the emergency services. Having been out with some of the most scarily intimidating (in work) senior management - and seen them sliding down a staircase totally spannered gave them a human side which actually helped with the working relationship, again without blurring the edges around roles and responsibilities.

    Personally, I don't agree that anyone should be excluded, however, it does seem that it's a blanket no managers, and not personal at all to you.
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