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    • svain
    • By svain 1st Dec 17, 2:03 PM
    • 338Posts
    • 613Thanks
    our kids should not be the most important
    • #1
    • 1st Dec 17, 2:03 PM
    our kids should not be the most important 1st Dec 17 at 2:03 PM
    Just came across this from earlier this year (sorry if posted before).

    Although American publication it is still relevant imo and hits a nail firmly on the head

    "I recently asked a married couple who have three kids, none of whom are yet teens, “Who are the most important people in your family?”

    Like all good moms and dads of this brave new millennium, they answered, “Our kids!”

    “Why?” I then asked. “What is it about your kids that gives them that status?” And like all good moms and dads of this brave new millennium, they couldn’t answer the question other than to fumble with appeals to emotion.

    So, I answered the question for them: “There is no reasonable thing that gives your children that status.”

    I went on to point out that many if not most of the problems they’re having with their kids — typical stuff, these days — are the result of treating their children as if they, their marriage, and their family exist because of the kids when it is, in fact, the other way around. Their kids exist because of them and their marriage and thrive because they have created a stable family.

    Furthermore, without them, their kids wouldn’t eat well, have the nice clothing they wear, live in the nice home in which they live, enjoy the great vacations they enjoy, and so on. Instead of lives that are relatively carefree (despite the drama to the contrary that they occasionally manufacture), their children would be living lives full of worry and want.

    This issue is really the heart of the matter. People my age know it’s the heart of the matter because when we were kids it was clear to us that our parents were the most important people in our families. And that, right there, is why we respected our parents and that, right there, is why we looked up to adults in general. Yes, Virginia, once upon a time in the United States of America, children were second-class citizens, to their advantage.

    It was also clear to us — I speak, of course, in general terms, albeit accurate — that our parents’ marriages were more important to them than their relationships with us. Therefore, we did not sleep in their beds or interrupt their conversations. The family meal, at home, was regarded as more important than after-school activities. Mom and Dad talked more — a lot more — with one another than they talked with you. For lack of pedestals, we emancipated earlier and much more successfully than have children since.

    The most important person in an army is the general. The most important person in a corporation is the CEO. The most important person in a classroom is the teacher. And the most important person in a family are the parents.

    The most important thing about children is the need to prepare them properly for responsible citizenship. The primary objective should not be raising a straight-A student who excels at three sports, earns a spot on the Olympic swim team, goes to an A-list university and becomes a prominent brain surgeon. The primary objective is to raise a child such that community and culture are strengthened.

    “Our child is the most important person in our family” is the first step toward raising a child who feels entitled.

    You don’t want that. Unbeknownst to your child, he doesn’t need that"
Page 2
    • motorguy
    • By motorguy 2nd Dec 17, 10:03 AM
    • 16,604 Posts
    • 9,792 Thanks
    Ah the "snowflake generation"

    All starting to grow up, and beginning to realise the world doesnt actually owe them a living and that the world doesnt revolve around them.
    "We have normality. I repeat, we have normality. Anything you still can't cope with is therefore your own problem."
    • seven-day-weekend
    • By seven-day-weekend 2nd Dec 17, 12:02 PM
    • 30,562 Posts
    • 57,706 Thanks
    I have always said this. Our children, of course we love them and bring them up to the best of our ability, will, if we have done it right, go off and live their own lives after a comparatively short time.

    Whereas the person we created that stable family with, will still be there.

    My husband and I were a couple for nearly ten years before our son came along. After twenty-four years, we became a couple again. We have been married for 46 years.

    It's important to be friend, lovers and partners, not just mum and dad.
    Last edited by seven-day-weekend; 02-12-2017 at 12:05 PM.
    Member #10 of £2 savers club
    • Pixie5740
    • By Pixie5740 2nd Dec 17, 12:08 PM
    • 12,109 Posts
    • 17,042 Thanks
    Ah the "snowflake generation"

    All starting to grow up, and beginning to realise the world doesnt actually owe them a living and that the world doesnt revolve around them.
    Originally posted by motorguy
    D- must try harder
    • esuhl
    • By esuhl 2nd Dec 17, 2:59 PM
    • 8,146 Posts
    • 5,890 Thanks
    Under the circumstances in OP's case though, it would likely fall under the fair dealing exception.

    Its not as if OP has posted it as a journalist being paid to write a story or a blogger receiving ad revenue or is attempting to pass it off as their own - not only have they accredited it, but they've linked to it also and have posted specifically to discuss/highlight that piece itself rather than referencing it as part of their own article.
    Originally posted by unholyangel
    The link you've supplied clearly says that a "fair dealing exception" only allows the copying of LIMITED ABSTRACTS, and only for NON-COMMERCIAL RESEARCH or PRIVATE STUDY, neither of which is the case here.

    Utter nonsense. The OP gave the source.
    Originally posted by Gloomendoom
    It sounds like a lot of people here are breaking the law the without even realising it.
    • thorsoak
    • By thorsoak 2nd Dec 17, 4:20 PM
    • 5,662 Posts
    • 25,915 Thanks
    Personally, I would say that the relationship between the parents is the most important - from this flow the dynamics of the family. Then, the importance of any one person in the family would change, depending upon what is happening in the family, to any person at any time.

    There is a lesson which can sometimes be hard to learn - that is the difference between WANT and NEED. Children need to learn this as soon as possible, as do parents quite often.
    • Linton
    • By Linton 2nd Dec 17, 4:35 PM
    • 9,373 Posts
    • 9,505 Thanks
    In my view there is no "most important person" in an effective family. Some members may be more powerful, wiser, have greater needs etc. None of this make them more important. A family is created by and for all its members.

    The most important person in a company isnt the CEO. Any CEO who believes that they are and acts accordingly will have problems. The most important person in a class room isnt the teacher - without the children the teacher would be out of work.
    • Fireflyaway
    • By Fireflyaway 3rd Dec 17, 8:41 AM
    • 1,730 Posts
    • 1,880 Thanks
    If your husband needed to work to provide food for his family (a situation that used to exist here and exists in many other countries) then feeding him would be not only the priority but a necessity.
    Originally posted by Tabbytabitha
    Yes this is true! It would be different again if I were a single parent or had lots and lots of kids. Would be different if we lived in a hostile climate or 300 years ago. Its interesting. Its still about priorities rather than importance though.

    I think, no matter what the variables, kids should respect parents and be grateful, not feel entitled. Parents also need to implement boundaries and not be ruled by the kids. There is too much lazy and weak parenting going on.
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