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  • FIRST POST
    • alison_1989
    • By alison_1989 28th Nov 17, 10:11 PM
    • 2Posts
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    alison_1989
    Can a relationship work without chemistry?
    • #1
    • 28th Nov 17, 10:11 PM
    Can a relationship work without chemistry? 28th Nov 17 at 10:11 PM
    I have been with my girlfriend for 6 months, and I would say a few months back things felt differently, it felt like the chemistry has disappeared. I have the best girlfriend ever, sheís so kind, and caring, everything I wanted in a person, but I donít think thereís any spark I donít think I even want to sleep with her anymore. This is very upsetting because I really want us to work, and I donít think Iíll find someone as caring as her.

    Can a relationship work without chemistry?
Page 2
    • Gloomendoom
    • By Gloomendoom 29th Nov 17, 11:48 AM
    • 13,958 Posts
    • 18,378 Thanks
    Gloomendoom
    Isn't this "spark" just another word for good, old-fashioned, lust?
    ďNever argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.Ē - Mark Twain
    • Judi
    • By Judi 29th Nov 17, 12:31 PM
    • 16,124 Posts
    • 70,113 Thanks
    Judi
    Isn't this "spark" just another word for good, old-fashioned, lust?
    Originally posted by Gloomendoom
    Physical attraction/lust yes but it has to be more than that..a mental and physical attraction. Well i think that anyway.

    Ive only felt that once.
    'Holy crap on a cracker!'
    • Gloomendoom
    • By Gloomendoom 29th Nov 17, 12:41 PM
    • 13,958 Posts
    • 18,378 Thanks
    Gloomendoom
    Physical attraction/lust yes but it has to be more than that..a mental and physical attraction. Well i think that anyway.

    Ive only felt that once.
    Originally posted by Judi
    From what (s)he has said, I think the OP has just fallen out of lust.
    Last edited by Gloomendoom; 29-11-2017 at 2:58 PM. Reason: Assumption of gender corrected
    ďNever argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.Ē - Mark Twain
    • onomatopoeia99
    • By onomatopoeia99 29th Nov 17, 1:08 PM
    • 4,188 Posts
    • 9,417 Thanks
    onomatopoeia99
    A romantic relationship can work without desire, asexual people have relationships with people that aren't asexual, but it needs both people to understand it.

    It sounds like that isn't you though. The question is whether or not it will work for you - do you believe you can spend your life with someone you love, but don't want to make love to? Will that fulfill you? And what does your girlfriend think about this?
    INTP, nerd, libertarian and scifi geek.
    Home is where my books are.
    • svain
    • By svain 29th Nov 17, 1:30 PM
    • 338 Posts
    • 614 Thanks
    svain
    Im guessing the spark/chemistry OP is referring to is the physical side. Humour and personality chemistry are both equally as important. Sex is probably the easier one to work on if the other two are there
    Last edited by svain; 29-11-2017 at 1:44 PM.
    • Ozzuk
    • By Ozzuk 29th Nov 17, 1:30 PM
    • 1,319 Posts
    • 1,948 Thanks
    Ozzuk
    As above (onomatopoeia99), it doesn't really matter what we say or think, we're not in your relationship. Talk to your partner, it won't be a fun conversation but if you are to stay together you should be open about how you feel rather than subject her to a relationship built on a lie. I'd try and find a positive angle - companionship, love etc but at least give her the choice to be in the relationship on the right terms - or the freedom to be with someone who does feel 'the spark'. Good luck!
    • sheramber
    • By sheramber 29th Nov 17, 2:54 PM
    • 4,686 Posts
    • 3,517 Thanks
    sheramber
    It sounds like the gilt has worn off the gingerbread.

    I f you are looking for more from the relationship then it won't work as you will always be looking for something else.

    If you are both happy with what you have then it will work.

    A friend of mine eventually left an abusive marriage as he could not take the violent outbursts any longer.

    He found someone else.

    He admitted that the had never felt the way he did about this new person with his ex wife and now reaised he had never loved her.

    He had been married for over 20 years without realising that.
    • suejb2
    • By suejb2 29th Nov 17, 3:09 PM
    • 1,373 Posts
    • 2,107 Thanks
    suejb2
    Chemistry
    Let her know, she may not want to live as room mates.
    Life is like a bath, the longer you are in it the more wrinkly you become.
    • hazyjo
    • By hazyjo 29th Nov 17, 3:56 PM
    • 10,528 Posts
    • 13,694 Thanks
    hazyjo
    What about his?

    Why would they run off with the postman?
    Originally posted by Gloomendoom
    Feel a bit guilty discussing my mate's sex life(!) but tbh he doesn't have much of a sex-drive and can't ejaculate (kids were donor babies). It all just seemed to fizzle out over the years.


    Not literally the postman - was a pee-take - but I've known her well for 36-ish years. She had some wild years in her teens and 20s and I know she's not in a happy and loving relationship. She has said she'd not cope without him. She's acting older than her years in many ways. I think she'll flip and do something completely crazy sooner or later (as she was prone to in the past).
    2018 wins: Single Malt Whisky; theatre tickets; festival tickets; year of gin(!); shoes
    • Robisere
    • By Robisere 29th Nov 17, 4:05 PM
    • 2,240 Posts
    • 3,054 Thanks
    Robisere
    No. But think about it this way:

    Did you make love when you slept together, or did you just have sex?

    If the answer is that it was just sex, no matter how satisfying that was, then it's time to be honest. Don't be squeamish, but do be sensitive.
    I think this job really needs
    a much bigger hammer.
    • Gloomendoom
    • By Gloomendoom 29th Nov 17, 4:08 PM
    • 13,958 Posts
    • 18,378 Thanks
    Gloomendoom
    Feel a bit guilty discussing my mate's sex life(!) but tbh he doesn't have much of a sex-drive and can't ejaculate (kids were donor babies). It all just seemed to fizzle out over the years.
    Originally posted by hazyjo
    Sorry I asked!

    Not literally the postman - was a pee-take - but I've known her well for 36-ish years. She had some wild years in her teens and 20s and I know she's not in a happy and loving relationship. She has said she'd not cope without him. She's acting older than her years in many ways. I think she'll flip and do something completely crazy sooner or later (as she was prone to in the past).
    Thanks for clearing that up. I thought you meant that the children would run off with the postman when they grew up.
    ďNever argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.Ē - Mark Twain
    • pphillips
    • By pphillips 30th Nov 17, 1:50 PM
    • 252 Posts
    • 205 Thanks
    pphillips
    I have been with my girlfriend for 6 months, and I would say a few months back things felt differently, it felt like the chemistry has disappeared. I have the best girlfriend ever, sheís so kind, and caring, everything I wanted in a person, but I donít think thereís any spark I donít think I even want to sleep with her anymore. This is very upsetting because I really want us to work, and I donít think Iíll find someone as caring as her.

    Can a relationship work without chemistry?
    Originally posted by alison_1989
    If she is physically attractive then I think you might be suffering with depression and you should speak to your GP.
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