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    • camz2017
    • By camz2017 22nd Oct 17, 11:57 PM
    • 347Posts
    • 594Thanks
    camz2017
    Paying off debt to freedom
    • #1
    • 22nd Oct 17, 11:57 PM
    Paying off debt to freedom 22nd Oct 17 at 11:57 PM
    Started my debt free diary, 31k in the red. The way I see it, the sooner I can become debt free the sooner I can live my life.

    I am starting this diary as I have always kept my debt to myself, and I split with the girl I am seeing today... I think all of my debt and worries have meant I just ignored her, I feel bad I have literally said almost zero to her for the past 3 or 4 weeks, blanking her messages just thinking of my own mess. I was unsure how to tell her what is going on so I got kinda messy and couldn't explain myself and she naturally assumed I was hiding something and jumped to I have cheated...

    Had a huge argument where she told me I encourage women to throw themselves at me and I am a psychopath, I'm a sociopath, and a horrible human being with no conscience guilt, can't remember what else, but basically told me I'm a horrible human being. I mean I can be an !!! at times, and I am quite nasty if I'm moody, but I do really care about those around me I feel sad my debt has caused this for me, as I'd have been fine otherwise. Amazing eh how debt can impact so much.

    Anyway, felt like time to get my stuff together, get a diary going and vent out a little bit.

    I imported all my spending for the past 4 months into YNAB, and it was frankly disgusting how I spent over £80 a month on fast food alone! So bad for my budget, and also my health! Likewise I spent £109 on average per month dining out!!! I have done a budget for next month, where I have said no fast food, and halved my dining out (with a view to phase out). I just think I am best to tackle one problem area per month, whilst keeping myself on budget and not going over into more debt. If I go crazy all at once, I know me, I will break everything and go wild.
    Last edited by camz2017; 23-10-2017 at 12:00 AM.
Page 18
    • camz2017
    • By camz2017 31st Jan 18, 11:08 AM
    • 347 Posts
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    camz2017
    I was ok until I went back this morning and did abs again haha, I really want a good summer bod.
    RE spinning, if they play some loud music you can get into it.

    I'm happy today, all the guys I like are in the office, will likely be some drama today - usually is when we're together, especially as one of the guys has been dating a colleague and keeps going hot and cold. I'm quite drama free in comparison!!
    • camz2017
    • By camz2017 1st Feb 18, 1:18 AM
    • 347 Posts
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    camz2017
    Been a bit of a di*k tonight, I had a date scheduled at a restaurant with a girl, my phone died and I couldn't remember the place. I was in a bad mood so just went to my friends house... so yeah basically stood someone up at the restaurant. Cant help but think I've got some serious bad karma coming my way for this.

    I've just read all the messages and stuff from them, I think as I don't know them I don't really feel guilty kinda thing.

    Don't judge me too harshly please!
    Last edited by camz2017; 01-02-2018 at 1:21 AM.
    • camz2017
    • By camz2017 1st Feb 18, 10:33 AM
    • 347 Posts
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    camz2017
    I literally don't know how to reply to this girl, like I feel like my real reason sounds like bs. I literally got to the station where I knew it was, my phone was showing like 40% battery and then it just turned off. I didn't remember the name of the place to ask anyone, was roaming around on my own, didn't even know the girls name fully!! Home was like 50 mins+ away via tubes... So I just left after like 10 mins. Now I've got so much abuse like endless messages and voicemails... I know I should apologise but whenever I do that it backfires, and I don't even want to really explain the situation as she's not gonna be like "that's fine then" is she?! I think I will call her this evening or something.
    • natsplatnat
    • By natsplatnat 1st Feb 18, 12:46 PM
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    natsplatnat
    So late last night you didn't feel that guilty as you don't know her - and now you do feel guilty!


    You are right - your real reason does sound pretty carp. If I was the girl, I would struggle to understand how you knew which station to go to, but not where you were going when you got there (personality trait of mine to have everything sorted / remembered before going anywhere!). Having said that, if you haven't said anything to her, I can see why she would be getting wound up (personally I think its a bit of a waste of energy). You will only know how she reacts when you tell her the truth.... which everyone does deserve irrespective of how pants it is! At least it sounds weak enough to be the truth... what I mean is after all these hours you can't come out with a lie as it will look like you have spent all night and morning making it up! Let us know how you get on!!
    LBM ,- Wed 19th Nov 2008 £21,225 PAID OFF
    *DEBT FREE 28th September 2015*
    *2017 cashback pending £175.35, paid £??*
    (2011=£137.30, 12=£66.39, 13=£102.61, 14=£214.97, 15=£159.51 16=£213.05) 17= to be calculated
    Pro.Ac £23.81 + £126.19 paid
    SAVINGS TO CLEAR STUDENT LOAN £0.00 (£528.56 paid off)

    • camz2017
    • By camz2017 1st Feb 18, 1:10 PM
    • 347 Posts
    • 594 Thanks
    camz2017
    Thanks nats as always.

    Hmmm can't say I feel guilty, in total honesty even though I know this is wrong, I feel smug in a way. I think it's a power problem I have, like feeling I got the better of someone is kinda powerful. God that's horrible to say out-loud... It's obviously different for my friends + family. Either way, I believe what you do is what counts not how you feel, so I won't act on my feelings but try and make it right which is what I know I should do obviously. I will call her later & just apologise a lot and explain myself, in a weird way she kinda needs to accept my unplanned, unstructured approach to life, as it defines me so much and I am super forgetful on everything.
    • camz2017
    • By camz2017 1st Feb 18, 9:25 PM
    • 347 Posts
    • 594 Thanks
    camz2017
    Right so news, her initial reaction was I was an online troll who was catfishing her and I was just messed up... She said she swiped my profile before, so there was 2 of my profile, which is kinda messed up - not sure if that indicates I am being catfished lol... In the past I've had instagram and facebooks setup as me like multiple times in a row. Ever since I got pictures published on a modelling site years ago now, literally prob like 6 years ago, people got my name and started copying sh*t. I really cannot even understand the benefit, why go on tinder as someone else?!

    In the past was an instagram which was setup and it appeared they used some kind of bot as within literally 1 week it had like 5000 extra followers, and I could see the page was following 10+ people everytime I looked at the activity. It was scary in the sense that I had to send identification to get it removed and it was there for a long time. The ID was not a clear enough picture and it was not removed... I had that pic on all my IDs. It had like 25,000 followers when it got took down, they literally took any pictures on my instagram where I was either topless or like posing and used them. The scary thing was that someone had like downloaded 500 of my pictures and reuploaded them over a period of like 2 months, it even had a phone number which linked to a whatsapp where I could see one of my pictures was the profile picture. Number wise, never could do anything to get that removed. Who knows people could still be talking on whatsapp to whoever.

    So I finished up at like 4:30 and met her at a starbucks literally to prove I existed. She just kinda said it's happened to her before, once with a guy two times in a row, but apparently her iPhone also dies on weird battery percentages like 40% and she got it. There wasn't any mad anger apart from initially saying it was rude I left things so long & she did get really serious as I kept smiling lol. Her comment was "do you think that smiles gonna get you out of this?" Erm, maybe

    I started to feel mad guilty when I met her, so I'm glad now it's all ok. We had a bit of a flirty chat in the end.
    • natsplatnat
    • By natsplatnat 2nd Feb 18, 9:03 AM
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    natsplatnat
    It's all a learning curve isn't it! Glad she wasn't super mad at you and glad you went for the truth and not a lie... I don't think things would have worked out as well if you had!
    LBM ,- Wed 19th Nov 2008 £21,225 PAID OFF
    *DEBT FREE 28th September 2015*
    *2017 cashback pending £175.35, paid £??*
    (2011=£137.30, 12=£66.39, 13=£102.61, 14=£214.97, 15=£159.51 16=£213.05) 17= to be calculated
    Pro.Ac £23.81 + £126.19 paid
    SAVINGS TO CLEAR STUDENT LOAN £0.00 (£528.56 paid off)

    • camz2017
    • By camz2017 2nd Feb 18, 10:00 PM
    • 347 Posts
    • 594 Thanks
    camz2017
    I don't do a bunch of learning haha, but hopefully!
    Yeah she was actually really nice, bless her cotton socks
    So I returned my £129.99 earphones, again people struggled to hear me so I dunno if my iPhones bluetooth is just weird. I might have exaggerated in the store how bad they were, and got a manager over but I wasn't settling till I got my money back... I'm gonna get some cheap ones now, likely some wired ones. Aint paying that price unless it is perfect.

    Just been the gym it was really empty which was nice. Ran 15k and I feel so exhausted!! I picked up KFC so kinda outdone any benefits.
    • natsplatnat
    • By natsplatnat 5th Feb 18, 10:25 AM
    • 2,795 Posts
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    natsplatnat
    helloooo?
    LBM ,- Wed 19th Nov 2008 £21,225 PAID OFF
    *DEBT FREE 28th September 2015*
    *2017 cashback pending £175.35, paid £??*
    (2011=£137.30, 12=£66.39, 13=£102.61, 14=£214.97, 15=£159.51 16=£213.05) 17= to be calculated
    Pro.Ac £23.81 + £126.19 paid
    SAVINGS TO CLEAR STUDENT LOAN £0.00 (£528.56 paid off)

    • camz2017
    • By camz2017 5th Feb 18, 1:41 PM
    • 347 Posts
    • 594 Thanks
    camz2017
    Hey nats still here just plodding along.
    The usual got women hating on me lol, fell out with some family as well which is getting me down.

    Hungry as per normal, doctors are debating whether to put me on thyroid medication as I'm at the upper end of the scale on t3 levels which are high according to my blood tests and my heart rate is higher than ideal. They've said it can cause weight gain if I'm medicated so I'm totally against that lol. Also they've said without a heightened heart rate they would just leave it, so I kinda feel like it's messing with my hormones unnecessarily. Treat the heart rate not the hormones... I've also got higher than normal testosterone, but again nothing crazy concerning apparently.
    Last edited by camz2017; 05-02-2018 at 2:15 PM.
    • natsplatnat
    • By natsplatnat 5th Feb 18, 3:10 PM
    • 2,795 Posts
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    natsplatnat
    Plodding is good! (glad to see your apostrophes are back to normal!)
    Sorry to hear about the women and family issues Never a dull moment eh? God only knows what my sister has been up to - something cryptic on FB earlier - can't be bothered to ask!
    Hopefully the Docs will come up with something that works for you re: heartrate / thyroid. Do you feel unwell?
    I am feeling zero level of joy today! Not even food is brightening my mood!
    LBM ,- Wed 19th Nov 2008 £21,225 PAID OFF
    *DEBT FREE 28th September 2015*
    *2017 cashback pending £175.35, paid £??*
    (2011=£137.30, 12=£66.39, 13=£102.61, 14=£214.97, 15=£159.51 16=£213.05) 17= to be calculated
    Pro.Ac £23.81 + £126.19 paid
    SAVINGS TO CLEAR STUDENT LOAN £0.00 (£528.56 paid off)

    • camz2017
    • By camz2017 5th Feb 18, 4:01 PM
    • 347 Posts
    • 594 Thanks
    camz2017
    Hey nats I feel completely fine, all happy and my usual self. it's only from my hospital visit they detected my heart rate is like 100 just sitting around etc so started all these checks and tests.

    I'd rather not take medications if I'm honest. I also like my metabolism as it is thank you very much mr doctors, I'm not about to take a bunch of pills and be some fat blob of lard roaming around all day lol.

    They've even said nothing is a concern other than HR, so they'd be playing with my hormones to take me from a quite fast metabolic rate to a slower one which apparently reduces your heart rate and overall temperature. They're kinda saying my T3 levels are on the borderline treatment level.

    I like being a little radiator walking around. It has its benefits when I'm cold, women always comment how hot I am as well lol (I hope they mean in both senses )
    Last edited by camz2017; 05-02-2018 at 10:36 PM.
    • natsplatnat
    • By natsplatnat 5th Feb 18, 4:13 PM
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    natsplatnat
    Hey nats I feel completely fine, all happy and my usual self. It!!!8217;s only from my hospital visit they detected my heart rate is like 100 just sitting around etc so started all these checks and tests.

    Not keen on that either... I like being a little radiator walking around. It has its benefits when I!!!8217;m cold.
    Originally posted by camz2017

    If it's any consolation, my resting heart rate is around 95-98 and I am also always warm.... I do however have low blood pressure!
    LBM ,- Wed 19th Nov 2008 £21,225 PAID OFF
    *DEBT FREE 28th September 2015*
    *2017 cashback pending £175.35, paid £??*
    (2011=£137.30, 12=£66.39, 13=£102.61, 14=£214.97, 15=£159.51 16=£213.05) 17= to be calculated
    Pro.Ac £23.81 + £126.19 paid
    SAVINGS TO CLEAR STUDENT LOAN £0.00 (£528.56 paid off)

    • camz2017
    • By camz2017 5th Feb 18, 11:01 PM
    • 347 Posts
    • 594 Thanks
    camz2017
    Ahh welcome to my world, apparently 100 is the cut off and I was like a bit over. I hope we both live very long lives

    Weirdly my HR is not mad high in the gym, maybe that's an indication I am not pushing myself enough lol. I used to make myself work out until I was physically sick but nowadays I'm quite content with my body, I think I look good, and I've stopped my super bad eating habits. I used to eat so badly, I once did the KFC family feast to myself. I'd then workout crazy to combat it, bad cycle. I sometimes ate like 5 cheeseburgers before I went the gym. I was basically a machine, no idea how I stayed trim.

    I don't do that anymore anyway, my weak spot is just oreos and Five Guys/Mcdonalds burgers (still haha - just not 5 at once)... so nowadays I do my workout at my own pace.
    I still do a bunch of demanding stuff like strap on a 25kg weight whilst doing pullups etc but I feel much more chilled.

    If I'm honest I am much more chilled about life in general. I used to be such a douchebag about everything in life, like I would shout a lot more, be way more aggressive, work out a lot more crazily, eat to the extremes. I'd walk around the house as loud as possible just because I could and I knew it annoyed my housemate...My whole life was just me being some ripped guy who's sole mission was to workout, eat, and treat everyone like a piece of cr*p, I used to genuinely feel superior to everyone around me like no joke. It's weird like now I'm just relaxed and chilled, even when I have dramas. Yeah I've still got a douchebag side but I kinda do that now for a bit of fun, I don't do it as a result of all my mad angry energy inside. Super hard to explain but these past few years I've seen a change in myself I like.

    Anyway, where am I going with this, basically I like myself now and my hormone makeup and I'm scared of messing with that as knowing my luck I will turn back into mr angry. I said to the GP earlier I do not want medication and he seemed chilled with that he just to keep coming back for checks. He was also like "make sure you monitor for weight loss." Oh don't worry there, I'm eating Oreo Ice Cream what's new? Not a chance imma turn into a weed with my diet and exercise regime.

    Got myself a new brush for brushing my hair back so I can now look even more sleezy! haha just kidding, wish I could show you my new fancy haircut but too scared to post my profile here.
    Last edited by camz2017; 05-02-2018 at 11:12 PM.
    • natsplatnat
    • By natsplatnat 6th Feb 18, 11:17 AM
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    natsplatnat
    Morning camz,
    well, it definitely sounds like you are getting yourself together - or that just known as growing up? It's great you can look back at a younger you and be proud of how you have changed. Maybe you will grow out of liking Oreos too? lol
    Definitely go for checks at the Dr's. Worth keeping an eye on things in case they do change.
    We had an ex-army PT instructor take our circuits class once - that was the closest I have ever come to being sick through exercise! I was in a heap on the floor... I think the only reason I didn't spew was that I was gasping for breath... no room for sick! lol
    Still no signature I see!
    LBM ,- Wed 19th Nov 2008 £21,225 PAID OFF
    *DEBT FREE 28th September 2015*
    *2017 cashback pending £175.35, paid £??*
    (2011=£137.30, 12=£66.39, 13=£102.61, 14=£214.97, 15=£159.51 16=£213.05) 17= to be calculated
    Pro.Ac £23.81 + £126.19 paid
    SAVINGS TO CLEAR STUDENT LOAN £0.00 (£528.56 paid off)

    • camz2017
    • By camz2017 6th Feb 18, 7:21 PM
    • 347 Posts
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    camz2017
    Oh Nats, I will never stop loving Oreos, Peanut butter and Marshmallow Fluff. Ever. All can be eaten at great quantity and all provide equal enjoyment. Maybe I will turn fat in my older years from my sugar addiction.

    Re keeping checked up... I feel healthy, I think this doctor stuff is nonsense to some extent, I know wrong attitude lol.

    Yes Nats!!! That's exactly what I mean, you push yourself to that extreme and then usually after the workout like 10mins passes and you throw up, it's like the body keeps it in until just after when it can finally release. So totally get you on the gasping for air.

    No signature no, I will update it March 1st I promise, when the next review is of my finances. (Cover for I am feeling too lazy right now)
    • camz2017
    • By camz2017 6th Feb 18, 10:39 PM
    • 347 Posts
    • 594 Thanks
    camz2017
    Back from the gym, 2 hours later, I feel as good as dead. Arms do not move anymore. Eating Halotop ice cream to recover, for those of you unaware it's sold in TESCO for £5 (expensive yes), but it is around 300 calories in the whole tub and high in protein!! I've been buying it over in the US for years when I visit out there so it was such a welcome when it hit the shelves here. I go for the peanut butter cup flavour it's so good. Check it out.

    I have so many products like this I get, I have to substitute lol, will keep sharing as I remember good ones
    Last edited by camz2017; 06-02-2018 at 10:43 PM.
    • natsplatnat
    • By natsplatnat 8th Feb 18, 8:50 AM
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    natsplatnat
    Any lovely foods that aren't Oreo or peanut flavoured?? lol
    LBM ,- Wed 19th Nov 2008 £21,225 PAID OFF
    *DEBT FREE 28th September 2015*
    *2017 cashback pending £175.35, paid £??*
    (2011=£137.30, 12=£66.39, 13=£102.61, 14=£214.97, 15=£159.51 16=£213.05) 17= to be calculated
    Pro.Ac £23.81 + £126.19 paid
    SAVINGS TO CLEAR STUDENT LOAN £0.00 (£528.56 paid off)

    • camz2017
    • By camz2017 8th Feb 18, 11:44 AM
    • 347 Posts
    • 594 Thanks
    camz2017
    Erm all I can think of is celery sticks but I have them with peanut butter lol.

    Other snacks I have almost daily:
    Edamame you can just eat them as you watch tv or whatever.

    Roasted chickpeas are surprisingly quite nice if you want something to dip into. I bake them for 40 mins with chilli powder salt pepper and cumin and use some low calorie spray. I carry them around with me in a tub in my bag lol.

    Wheyhey! do an ok vanilla protein ice cream but stock up when it’s cheap as it goes super expensive. I get the individual sized ones.

    I really like the PhD smart caramel protein bars:
    http://images.hollandandbarrettimages.co.uk/productimages/HB/180/042512_A.png
    They’re cheaper on amazon in bulk.

    Loads of snacks
    • camz2017
    • By camz2017 8th Feb 18, 4:49 PM
    • 347 Posts
    • 594 Thanks
    camz2017
    In such a foul mood today, hating work right now and feel kinda rubbish about myself particularly, dunno why. Money wise, realised pure gym had been charging me £5 extra for multi gym use and got that removed, yay £5 extra a month (lol honestly it feels irrelevant but whatever).

    Gonna go gym when I'm done with work, went this morning also but don't wanna give myself time to feel low. Just one of those days uno.
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