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  • FIRST POST
    • Fireflyaway
    • By Fireflyaway 6th Oct 17, 5:53 PM
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    Fireflyaway
    Money for wedding gift
    • #1
    • 6th Oct 17, 5:53 PM
    Money for wedding gift 6th Oct 17 at 5:53 PM
    We have been invited to a wedding of friends. I've known the bride for 10 years, however these days we meet up maybe once every 4 months ( used to be every week before she met her partner etc). I've met her partner a handful of times ( by chance at public events) she seems nice but only really exchanged pleasantries. We have only purposefully gone out as a group once.
    So my question is, what's a fair amount of money to gift them? I don't want to be stingy but they are not really close friends! I'm thinking 50 ish. I had originally thought 100, but if I bought a present I wouldn't spend that much.
    Last edited by Fireflyaway; 06-10-2017 at 5:55 PM. Reason: T
Page 1
    • Brighton belle
    • By Brighton belle 6th Oct 17, 6:01 PM
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    Brighton belle
    • #2
    • 6th Oct 17, 6:01 PM
    • #2
    • 6th Oct 17, 6:01 PM
    Gosh, I have never spent 100 on a wedding gift for anyone - you must have loads of spare dosh to be thinking that for a friend ( and not a close one).(And no, we didn't ask for any gifts for our wedding)
    I might go to 50 for someone special in my life, like a young relative.
    I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once
    • London50
    • By London50 6th Oct 17, 6:17 PM
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    London50
    • #3
    • 6th Oct 17, 6:17 PM
    • #3
    • 6th Oct 17, 6:17 PM
    For a close family member 100 is a fair amount but other people no more than 50 and IMO that is pushing to the max limit.
    As you say if it was a "gift" you would not pay out that for it so why worry as it is a cash gift. Knowing the way things seem to go these days once the wedding is over if you have any contact it is likely to be just Christmas/birthdays if that.
    • cjdavies
    • By cjdavies 6th Oct 17, 6:22 PM
    • 3,361 Posts
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    cjdavies
    • #4
    • 6th Oct 17, 6:22 PM
    • #4
    • 6th Oct 17, 6:22 PM
    50 for someone I rarely see is a bit much.

    I give 50 for close family and friends.
    • maman
    • By maman 6th Oct 17, 6:27 PM
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    maman
    • #5
    • 6th Oct 17, 6:27 PM
    • #5
    • 6th Oct 17, 6:27 PM
    I think the 50 is generous but as you used to see each other every week and can afford it then I'd go with it.
    • Fireflyaway
    • By Fireflyaway 6th Oct 17, 6:40 PM
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    Fireflyaway
    • #6
    • 6th Oct 17, 6:40 PM
    • #6
    • 6th Oct 17, 6:40 PM
    I have a little feeling the partner of friend might think we are being stingy. Comes across a bit needy and dramatic.... We are staying the night which costs more than 50 and I think she might think we are cheeky spending more on us than them.
    However going back to the gift thing, if it were a physical present 50 would be generous. Maybe I could get a little something for them to unwrap to.
    • London50
    • By London50 6th Oct 17, 7:00 PM
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    London50
    • #7
    • 6th Oct 17, 7:00 PM
    • #7
    • 6th Oct 17, 7:00 PM
    Yes, gift wise a small pack of tea towels {market stall} should cover and tough if it does not ;0)
    • Red-Squirrel
    • By Red-Squirrel 6th Oct 17, 7:09 PM
    • 2,786 Posts
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    Red-Squirrel
    • #8
    • 6th Oct 17, 7:09 PM
    • #8
    • 6th Oct 17, 7:09 PM
    I have a little feeling the partner of friend might think we are being stingy.
    Originally posted by Fireflyaway
    So? That's their problem, if anything less than 100 is stingy there are a lot of stingy people about!
    • lika_86
    • By lika_86 6th Oct 17, 8:36 PM
    • 1,263 Posts
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    lika_86
    • #9
    • 6th Oct 17, 8:36 PM
    • #9
    • 6th Oct 17, 8:36 PM
    I would normally give 100 if myself and partner are invited to a wedding, I tend to reckon 30ish each covers food and then some on top as 'profit'. I don't necessarily believe it should be broken down by that but it's something to work from. Plus I tend to appreciate it when friends who don't know my partner all that well invite him too, so like to cover that.
    • hazyjo
    • By hazyjo 6th Oct 17, 8:53 PM
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    hazyjo
    30 is fine. 50 is generous. 100 is too much unless a very close friend or family IMO.
    2018 wins: Single Malt Whisky; theatre tickets; festival tickets; year of gin(!); shoes
    • foolofbeans
    • By foolofbeans 6th Oct 17, 9:28 PM
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    foolofbeans
    I gave 50 to a family member for their wedding recently. I suppose it depends on your circumstances but I know they hadn't gone overboard on their wedding day and 50 was a lot to us.
    As we only got a general message on a Facebook status "thanks to all the guests for the gifts and money" I regret spending that much on them.
    I think it is definitely more difficult to economise when couples do not have gifts and you have to give money.
    • Torry Quine
    • By Torry Quine 6th Oct 17, 9:34 PM
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    Torry Quine
    30 is fine. 50 is generous. 100 is too much unless a very close friend or family IMO.
    Originally posted by hazyjo
    I agree. It's down to the individual and the circumstances they are in
    Lost my soulmate so life is empty.

    I can bear pain myself, he said softly, but I couldna bear yours. That would take more strength than I have -
    Diana Gabaldon, Outlander
    • iammumtoone
    • By iammumtoone 6th Oct 17, 9:48 PM
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    iammumtoone
    We are staying the night which costs more than 50
    Originally posted by Fireflyaway
    Would you have chosen to stay anyway even if you had to pay for your own room?

    If yes I would give the cost of the room (remember they will get cheaper than standard rate) plus what I would normally spend (30 ish)
    Sealed pot challenge ~ 11 #017 - Open 1st Nov


    • Brighton belle
    • By Brighton belle 6th Oct 17, 10:41 PM
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    Brighton belle
    We are staying the night which costs more than 50 and I think she might think we are cheeky spending more on us than them.
    Originally posted by Fireflyaway
    Would you have chosen to stay anyway even if you had to pay for your own room?

    If yes I would give the cost of the room (remember they will get cheaper than standard rate) plus what I would normally spend (30 ish)
    Originally posted by iammumtoone
    I took from the OP's post that the OP was funding their own room (as the bride might be offended that they were prepared to spend 50 on 'themselves' and less for a present for them....yes she sounds a bit ghastly...)
    I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once
    • iammumtoone
    • By iammumtoone 6th Oct 17, 10:51 PM
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    iammumtoone
    I took from the OP's post that the OP was funding their own room (as the bride might be offended that they were prepared to spend 50 on 'themselves' and less for a present for them....yes she sounds a bit ghastly...)
    Originally posted by Brighton belle
    If anyone thinks a gift should be higher in value than the cost the OP already has to pay to attend, they need to think again!

    In that case I would give 10
    • cjdavies
    • By cjdavies 6th Oct 17, 11:30 PM
    • 3,361 Posts
    • 3,589 Thanks
    cjdavies
    I have a little feeling the partner of friend might think we are being stingy. Comes across a bit needy and dramatic.... We are staying the night which costs more than 50 and I think she might think we are cheeky spending more on us than them.
    However going back to the gift thing, if it were a physical present 50 would be generous. Maybe I could get a little something for them to unwrap to.
    Originally posted by Fireflyaway
    If they think that, then they are greedy and seem to be type of people who invite for more
    • LilElvis
    • By LilElvis 6th Oct 17, 11:46 PM
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    LilElvis
    Everyone will have an opinion on what is a "reasonable" amount to give but it will be determined by their personal feelings regarding gifts and their financial circumstances - 50 could be what one person will spend on a bottle of wine whilst for another it would represent a couple of weeks food shopping. The "right" amount is what you feel happy to give.

    A small, personal gift as an addition would be a lovely gesture - and will likely be remembered long after the pot of money they have been gifted has been spent. We went to the wedding a few weeks ago for my husband's PA at his old company. They had a tradition where every time that someone in their department got married they were given a large, tacky crystal swan which was passed on at the next wedding. This went on for years and years, and many weddings, until it eventually ended up in Australia and was never seen again. I bought a small, equally tacky, crystal swan from Amazon for about 6 and my husband wrote a note to remind the bride about their old tradition. It was a rubbish gift but she was crying and laughing at all the memories it brought back as they reminisced about all the previous owners of the original crystal swan.
    • AubreyMac
    • By AubreyMac 7th Oct 17, 1:44 AM
    • 1,397 Posts
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    AubreyMac
    Why does it have to be cash? How about a voucher or a actual gift instead?

    Once my sister gave a relative 50 for their wedding, she was criticised by the brides mother for being stingie. What wasn't taken into account is that my sister travelled so paid train and accommodation as well as taking a days leave from work so was rather upset by that comment.

    I think 50 is more than enough for someone you only see quarterly. Would you be judgemental if she gave you 50?
    • mark5
    • By mark5 7th Oct 17, 1:47 AM
    • 1,203 Posts
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    mark5
    As a day guest as a couple attending a wedding at a nice venue I would be thinking 100 as a present.

    I've always thought of it as roughly the cost of our meals and evening buffet etc.

    It's 2017 not 1999, 50 doesn't go that far anymore.
    • JReacher1
    • By JReacher1 7th Oct 17, 8:07 AM
    • 2,852 Posts
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    JReacher1
    i usually go 50 per person day guest. 20 per person evening guest.
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