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    • Loveandlight1
    • By Loveandlight1 4th Oct 17, 11:32 PM
    • 1Posts
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    Lost my grandfather last week - bereavement employment law
    • #1
    • 4th Oct 17, 11:32 PM
    Lost my grandfather last week - bereavement employment law 4th Oct 17 at 11:32 PM
    Hi all,

    I need advise desperately. I lost my grandfather last Sunday evening to blood cancer. I was very close to him as he brought me up after and was my father figure after my parents split up when I was young girl.

    They day after my grandfather passed my manager pressured me to come to work the next day due to deadlines. Though I felt like I wasn't ready I went in, unable to concerntrate and at the verge tears whenever my colleagues expressed the condolence I built my courage to speak to my director as my manager was on a client visit. I asked for the rest of the week off, broke down in tears. Long story short, my director called my manager who then sent me a text expressing she would talk to me once back in the office.

    My manager expressed she felt I went behind her back and waited for her to leave to speak to my director even though I reassured her that wasn't the case, I just wasn't sure if she'd be back. After a tough conversation and myself breaking down speaking about my grandfather my manager sent me home. I was given 3 days unpaid leave and 1 day paid compassionate leave for the funeral. I came in to work this Monday and even though these last few weeks have been very tough on me with myself in hospital not too long ago, during my desk review my manager pulled me aside and told me they have decided to put me on performance review. I felt like this was extremely unfair given my circumstances.

    The funeral was this Tuesday, and it was the hardest thing I ever had to go through, the toughest thing in life is saying goodbye to a loved one. I called in this morning expressing that I feel like I am unable to concerntrate at work and am suffering from sleep deprivation and a migraine. My manager was very rude and said she didn't have time to talk to me and seemed very irritated. Again I feel like that was very rude and inconsiderate towards what I am going through. My GP has signed me off for family bereavement this evening and I will email it across to manager but can my employers dismiss for this upon my return next week?
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    • mgdavid
    • By mgdavid 5th Oct 17, 1:36 AM
    • 5,616 Posts
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    • #2
    • 5th Oct 17, 1:36 AM
    • #2
    • 5th Oct 17, 1:36 AM
    how long have you worked there?
    The questions that get the best answers are the questions that give most detail....
    • Gingernutty
    • By Gingernutty 5th Oct 17, 2:12 AM
    • 3,489 Posts
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    • #3
    • 5th Oct 17, 2:12 AM
    • #3
    • 5th Oct 17, 2:12 AM
    Bereavement leave is not a right, it's discretionary.

    You may need to take it off as annual leave.

    Being signed off sick isn't a sackable offence, however, you can be dismissed with relatively little comeback after less than two years in the position.

    Hence the PP's post about how long you've worked there.
    Don't know what I'm doing, but doing it anyway...
    • Robin9
    • By Robin9 5th Oct 17, 2:59 AM
    • 2,656 Posts
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    • #4
    • 5th Oct 17, 2:59 AM
    • #4
    • 5th Oct 17, 2:59 AM
    Bereavement leave is usually only for immediate family - father, mother, husband, wife , children - grandfather is not however close you are.
    Never pay on an estimated bill
    • chesky
    • By chesky 5th Oct 17, 7:03 AM
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    • #5
    • 5th Oct 17, 7:03 AM
    • #5
    • 5th Oct 17, 7:03 AM
    As a grandmother, I certainly hope my grandchildren feel as upset as you when I pop my clogs. I think they might miss me a bit. But I also hope that they won't want to take a week off work to sit at home feeling miserable. That won't help them. At least being in work might take their minds off things and they may even manage a laugh or two. How do you get to feel good on your own at home? Watching TV? Cleaning the bathroom. I don't think so.
    • -taff
    • By -taff 5th Oct 17, 7:12 AM
    • 7,420 Posts
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    • #6
    • 5th Oct 17, 7:12 AM
    • #6
    • 5th Oct 17, 7:12 AM
    I sympathise. You've lost someone who was like a parent to you.

    Unfortunately, employers really don't give a stuff about that. If your employment lets you [if you're not going to be sacked] then get signed off .
    I did, but I went back too soon and was a complete mess and couldn't concentrate, and cried every time I was confronted with some kind of agression.

    Your employers don't care about your personal life they care about you turning up for work and working, so, you're going to have walk a fine line between taking the time you need and showing up at work.
    • hazyjo
    • By hazyjo 5th Oct 17, 9:31 AM
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    • #7
    • 5th Oct 17, 9:31 AM
    • #7
    • 5th Oct 17, 9:31 AM
    Sounds like my line manager ("LM"). One woman here was in a similar boat (grandmother, brought her up, etc) and my cow of a LM wouldn't even give her a day for the funeral, let alone any other leave.

    Sadly, you'll have to use holiday or unpaid. Don't expect them to have any sympathy though. I didn't even get so much as a card or flowers when my dad died and had less than a week's compassionate leave and had to take the rest as holiday, despite others having two or three weeks off. It was all treated as a big inconvenience, despite it being quiet here.

    I believe in karma. One day she'll look back after losing someone she loved and maybe realise how you felt. Oh, and my LM's husband had skin cancer and I lost count of the number of weeks she had off or 'worked from home'.

    Sorry to hear of your loss.
    2018 wins: Single Malt Whisky; theatre tickets; festival tickets; year of gin(!); shoes
    • nicechap
    • By nicechap 5th Oct 17, 9:31 AM
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    • #8
    • 5th Oct 17, 9:31 AM
    • #8
    • 5th Oct 17, 9:31 AM
    Condolences on your loss.

    So you've had a period of sick leave (you said you were in hospital) followed by non-attendance when deadlines were due and admit you've been struggling to concentrate whilst at work due to migraines and sleep deprivation.

    Why wouldn't your manager put you on a performance review?
    “Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.” - George Carlin
    • Comms69
    • By Comms69 5th Oct 17, 9:58 AM
    • 2,970 Posts
    • 2,939 Thanks
    • #9
    • 5th Oct 17, 9:58 AM
    • #9
    • 5th Oct 17, 9:58 AM
    Bereavement leave is not a right, it's discretionary.

    You may need to take it off as annual leave.

    Being signed off sick isn't a sackable offence, however, you can be dismissed with relatively little comeback after less than two years in the position.

    Hence the PP's post about how long you've worked there.
    Originally posted by Gingernutty

    Sorry it's two years employment with same employer, nothing to do with the role
    • barbarawright
    • By barbarawright 5th Oct 17, 12:35 PM
    • 1,717 Posts
    • 3,277 Thanks
    Its not generous but one day off to attend the funeral of someone who wasn't immediate family is pretty standard. Surely you could take annual leave if you need more time off? Unfortunately managers are always going to be more accommodating to people with a good attendance record which it sounds like you don't have (though I realise that's not your fault)
    • Fireflyaway
    • By Fireflyaway 5th Oct 17, 2:52 PM
    • 1,819 Posts
    • 1,967 Thanks
    I'm sorry for your loss. Hope you find some comfort in your memories, sounds like your grandad was a top bloke.

    I just don't understand people like your manager. I lost my auntie suddenly in a car accident and my workplace begrudgingly allowed me few hours to attend the funeral and kept hassling me to get back to work!

    The main thing is to look after yourself. Your work knows your situation and up to now if there have been no performance issues then it would be unfair to bring up your bereavement as a reason for taking any action. Statutory compassionate leave does cover grandparents but its only 1 day unpaid. Does your company have an in house policy ( I'm guessing not).

    If you have a note from the doctor then don't worry. Your workplace might be annoyed but you have a genuine reason. I don't see they can do anything. Bereavement is akin to illness. It can cause genuine physical symptoms. Speak to your gp if you need support and when you feel a bit better maybe look for another job. You deserve to be treated with respect.
    • Nicki
    • By Nicki 5th Oct 17, 3:24 PM
    • 7,753 Posts
    • 27,687 Thanks
    I am sorry for your loss and it has clearly hit you very hard.

    In answer to your question though, even though the last incident has been triggered by your bereavement, you will need to look at all your absences together.

    If you have been employed for less than 2 years, and you have had a lot of absence during this period together with performance issues (which is suggested by the performance improvement plan which has been suggested) then your employer could decide to let you go, or otherwise discipline you, whether or not you have a medical certificate for this absence. However if you have had several absences, and a difficult relationship with your line manager, perhaps this is a job which isn't right for you in the long term anyway? There isn't any shame in a job not being a good fit, and if you aren't happy where you are you could use the time off to consider your future options.
    • Kynthia
    • By Kynthia 5th Oct 17, 6:43 PM
    • 5,149 Posts
    • 7,168 Thanks
    My condolences for your loss.

    Your boss sounds fed up with you if I'm honest and I think you're expecting them to be too understanding. They don't have to give you any leave and they pay you to do a job, so they expect you to come in and meet expectations. Yes many will give you a few days off for a close relative and be understanding for a week or two but at the end of the day you need to get the job done.

    If you honestly can't work then get a fit note from yiur go as at least being off sick will make things clearer than you being unreliable about coming in or performing well. However that will only last so long and may not be enough if you've had too many other absences.

    Many people lose loved ones but manage to not lose their job. Try your best as you don't need the stress of being terminated too.
    Don't listen to me, I'm no expert!
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