Your browser isn't supported
It looks like you're using an old web browser. To get the most out of the site and to ensure guides display correctly, we suggest upgrading your browser now. Download the latest:

Welcome to the MSE Forums

We're home to a fantastic community of MoneySavers but anyone can post. Please exercise caution & report spam, illegal, offensive or libellous posts/messages: click "report" or email forumteam@.

Search
  • FIRST POST
    • HairyHandofDartmoor
    • By HairyHandofDartmoor 24th Sep 17, 1:22 PM
    • 4,575Posts
    • 32,282Thanks
    HairyHandofDartmoor
    Finally Debt Free After 34 Years, But Still Need to Live Frugally
    • #1
    • 24th Sep 17, 1:22 PM
    Finally Debt Free After 34 Years, But Still Need to Live Frugally 24th Sep 17 at 1:22 PM
    My DH and I have been in debt for 34 Years, apart from brief periods, ever since I was offered my first credit card at the tender age of19.

    Our debts were caused by us being impulsive spenders and not being very skilled at budgeting or managing our money, so we know it is our own fault. We always believed that one day we would have more money, mysteriously, and that this would bail us out .

    Our full light bulb moment came when we realised, "What if we never have any more money than we do right now?"

    A couple of years ago we were coping with the minimum payments, but didn't have enough to overpay on any of them. We were forking out £1300 a month in minimum payments, and the interest alone was £1000 a month .

    But then in 2015 our small business started to bring in less, and a family bereavement, and illness affected our ability to work. We could no longer afford the minimum repayments and we were scared we would lose our home. We were stricken with stress and depression .

    Step Change shone a light in the darkness for us and they arranged for us to make token payments of £1 a month to our creditors. This saved our sanity and we were reassured that our home was unlikely to be taken from us.

    My DH recently turned 55 and drew out his pension so that we could make full and final offers to our creditors. All but one accepted an offer of 50% of what we owed (which is all we had to offer). We are continuing negotiations with the final creditor and hope to be debt free by Christmas .

    Being so close to being debt free has made me realise what a heavy burden the debts have been all these years, like living our lives wearing lead boots.

    Once we are debt free we will still need to live very frugally because we have no emergency fund or savings, and our income can be irregular. I hope that starting a diary will help to focus me on frugal living, avoid impulsive spends, and keep my spirits up. Because frugal living can be a lonely and isolating experience.

    This site and Step Change has helped me so much, and I hope that my diary will help to inspire others that it's never too late to change your life .
    Last edited by HairyHandofDartmoor; 18-11-2017 at 9:49 AM.
    Finally Debt Free After 34 Years, But Still Need to Live Frugally
    Debt in July 2017 = £58,766 DEBT FREE 31 OCTOBER 2017
    NEW GOALS - Build Emergency Fund & Loss of Income Fund. Save for house repairs.
    "Tough times never last, but tough people do" - Robert H Schuller
Page 180
    • HairyHandofDartmoor
    • By HairyHandofDartmoor 4th Aug 18, 9:03 AM
    • 4,575 Posts
    • 32,282 Thanks
    HairyHandofDartmoor
    Thank you everyone for your kind messages. It does help.

    My mum's funeral was yesterday. It was a very emotional day but a fitting tribute to her. After the church service and crematorium we went back to my mum and stepdad's garden for tea and cakes. My mum loved tea and cake.

    Now I have to live the rest of my life without my lovely mum, which will be hard, but I know that all she ever wanted was for me to be happy. So I will try to live my life the way mum would have wanted me to.
    Finally Debt Free After 34 Years, But Still Need to Live Frugally
    Debt in July 2017 = £58,766 DEBT FREE 31 OCTOBER 2017
    NEW GOALS - Build Emergency Fund & Loss of Income Fund. Save for house repairs.
    "Tough times never last, but tough people do" - Robert H Schuller
    • carbootcrazy
    • By carbootcrazy 4th Aug 18, 9:28 AM
    • 4,856 Posts
    • 27,598 Thanks
    carbootcrazy
    Thank you everyone for your kind messages. It does help.

    My mum's funeral was yesterday. It was a very emotional day but a fitting tribute to her. After the church service and crematorium we went back to my mum and stepdad's garden for tea and cakes. My mum loved tea and cake.

    Now I have to live the rest of my life without my lovely mum, which will be hard, but I know that all she ever wanted was for me to be happy. So I will try to live my life the way mum would have wanted me to.
    Originally posted by HairyHandofDartmoor
    Thanks for coming on here again especially after such an emotional day. We've missed you so much but realise that other more important things had to take precedence.


    Your mum sounds a very special lady and you're blessed with lovely, precious memories of her which will stay with you forever.


    Take care of yourself
    Original Debt: £56804 (@02/13). Now: £9129. Under £10K at long last.
    • mummytogirls
    • By mummytogirls 4th Aug 18, 2:02 PM
    • 6,243 Posts
    • 23,062 Thanks
    mummytogirls
    Hugs to you HHOD, it must have been hard yesterday and then writing to us guys. Take care and make sure you do what your Mum would have wanted xx
    Mummytogirls x

    £23164.32 - 12/12/10
    £5419.83 - 08/04/18 - 76.61% paid off
    • Nicnak
    • By Nicnak 4th Aug 18, 7:36 PM
    • 937 Posts
    • 5,225 Thanks
    Nicnak
    That sounds like the perfect thing for her. Much love x
    September 6th 2017 - Updated 13th May 2018
    Credit Card £0 now: £0 Tesco Loan £7500 = £0 Consolidation £15,000 = £12,592 Total = £25,330 £12,592 49.7% gone EMF #252 = £700/£1000
    Sealed pot challenge #589
    Pay off all your debts by Christmas #71
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 4th Aug 18, 7:49 PM
    • 56,138 Posts
    • 226,896 Thanks
    beanielou
    Thank you everyone for your kind messages. It does help.

    My mum's funeral was yesterday. It was a very emotional day but a fitting tribute to her. After the church service and crematorium we went back to my mum and stepdad's garden for tea and cakes. My mum loved tea and cake.

    Now I have to live the rest of my life without my lovely mum, which will be hard, but I know that all she ever wanted was for me to be happy. So I will try to live my life the way mum would have wanted me to.
    Originally posted by HairyHandofDartmoor

    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 11 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.***
    ***Keep plodding***
    Out of debt, out of danger. MFW 2018. No 144
    • Sun Addict
    • By Sun Addict 4th Aug 18, 8:19 PM
    • 5,979 Posts
    • 40,007 Thanks
    Sun Addict
    Hugs from me xx
    Virtual Sealed Pot 2018 £376.59
    Debt £2240
    Weight loss 2/6LBS
    Emergency Fund £4000/£10,000
    • WannabeFree
    • By WannabeFree 4th Aug 18, 8:22 PM
    • 1,742 Posts
    • 15,115 Thanks
    WannabeFree
    Hugs from me xx
    Originally posted by Sun Addict
    From me too

    x
    “Once you hit rock bottom, that's where you perfectly stand; That's your chance of restarting, but restarting the right way.”
    • in need of direction
    • By in need of direction 4th Aug 18, 9:55 PM
    • 5,194 Posts
    • 30,363 Thanks
    in need of direction
    joining in that group hug
    Mortgage at 01.01.14 £119,481.83 today £74,745.76, target £65,000 by 31/12/18 Offset fund today £297.27 target £5,500 by 31/12/18
    Emergency fund £860/5.5k & £200/200 cash.
    Weight 8 July 14st 4lb
    determined to stop defining myself by my mistakes.
    Progress not perfection.
    • jwil
    • By jwil 5th Aug 18, 2:56 PM
    • 8,789 Posts
    • 27,470 Thanks
    jwil
    Hugs from me too x
    "If you can dream it, you can do it". Walt Disney
    • elizabethhull
    • By elizabethhull 5th Aug 18, 9:45 PM
    • 234 Posts
    • 1,433 Thanks
    elizabethhull
    Hugs from me too xx
    • HairyHandofDartmoor
    • By HairyHandofDartmoor 6th Aug 18, 8:45 AM
    • 4,575 Posts
    • 32,282 Thanks
    HairyHandofDartmoor
    Thank you everyone for the hugs and good wishes.

    Now the funeral is over life has to return to a new normal.

    On Saturday, the day after the funeral, lots of family went for a long walk on Dartmoor to a place where two streams meet. My stepsister and her DH went home on Sunday morning. I was relieved in a way as she was laughing and joking a lot. It was probably to try and cheer us up, but it jarred a bit with me the day after my mum's funeral.

    Yesterday my stepdad, sister and I went for another long walk at a NT place. It was very hot but shaded by trees. My stepdad reminisced a bit about happier times with my mum. He become very depressed in the evening though and sat in the garden alone. I went out to join him after a while, and he wanted to talk so I managed to comfort him a bit.

    This morning my sister goes back to Scotland so it will be his first day alone since my mum died. I've told him to pop in for coffee after dropping my sister at the coach station and we're both going to ring him tonight. I've arranged to go for a walk with him tomorrow and we'll spend tomorrow evening with him too.

    This is my first full day at home for three weeks and the place is a pig sty, so I've got a full housework and laundry schedule. It's another hot day so good drying weather.

    I need to take one day at a time and live the way my mum would have wanted me to.
    Finally Debt Free After 34 Years, But Still Need to Live Frugally
    Debt in July 2017 = £58,766 DEBT FREE 31 OCTOBER 2017
    NEW GOALS - Build Emergency Fund & Loss of Income Fund. Save for house repairs.
    "Tough times never last, but tough people do" - Robert H Schuller
    • WannabeFree
    • By WannabeFree 6th Aug 18, 9:03 AM
    • 1,742 Posts
    • 15,115 Thanks
    WannabeFree
    Don't be too hard on yourself.

    Lovely you are making sure everyone else is okay but remember you need to make sure you are okay too

    x
    “Once you hit rock bottom, that's where you perfectly stand; That's your chance of restarting, but restarting the right way.”
    • Purplemumof2
    • By Purplemumof2 6th Aug 18, 9:23 AM
    • 6,292 Posts
    • 23,194 Thanks
    Purplemumof2
    Morning Hairy,

    Just caught up with your diary, sending lots of love your way xxx
    Official DFW Nerd Club - Member no. 791 - Proud to be dealing with my debts
    MBNA: £6060.00 Cap 1: £170.00 BC: £TBC

    POAMAYC 2018 #041 PD £6919.86/£7000
    Savings for Christmas £273.72/£400
    20p Savers 2018 £2 Savers 2018 50p Savers 2018 SPC 11 2018 #003
    • carbootcrazy
    • By carbootcrazy 6th Aug 18, 9:36 AM
    • 4,856 Posts
    • 27,598 Thanks
    carbootcrazy
    Thank you everyone for the hugs and good wishes.

    Now the funeral is over life has to return to a new normal.

    On Saturday, the day after the funeral, lots of family went for a long walk on Dartmoor to a place where two streams meet. My stepsister and her DH went home on Sunday morning. I was relieved in a way as she was laughing and joking a lot. It was probably to try and cheer us up, but it jarred a bit with me the day after my mum's funeral.
    Originally posted by HairyHandofDartmoor
    I totally understand how you felt about your stepsister's laughing and joking. I felt that way at the reception after my brother's funeral. It was a huge function room in a local hotel, absolutely full of people. The over-riding noise was of laughter. I felt I wanted to stand up and scream out for them to stop it.. Fortunately I restrained myself. On reflection I realise that everyone copes with grieving in their own way and those people had been really close to my brother for most of his life and were devastated at his death. I think they were getting through the aftermath in the best way they could by reminiscing on happy and fun times spent with him. They meant no disrespect.


    Sorry to hear you've returned home to a mountain of chores but I'm a big believer in being busy in times of stress and grief. It stops the mind from dwelling on things and at the end of the day the resulting tiredness might make for sleeping well.


    Hugs as ever. Thinking of you x
    Original Debt: £56804 (@02/13). Now: £9129. Under £10K at long last.
    • jwil
    • By jwil 7th Aug 18, 12:25 PM
    • 8,789 Posts
    • 27,470 Thanks
    jwil
    Take care lovely xxx
    "If you can dream it, you can do it". Walt Disney
    • Cumbria lass
    • By Cumbria lass 9th Aug 18, 8:49 PM
    • 2,041 Posts
    • 12,470 Thanks
    Cumbria lass
    Thank you for message re card, you are most welcome. Look after yourself , as well as everyone else.
    • please-let-me-be-lucky
    • By please-let-me-be-lucky 12th Aug 18, 4:31 PM
    • 8,935 Posts
    • 52,714 Thanks
    please-let-me-be-lucky
    Hope you are doing ok Hairy Xx
    Debts @ LBM £23,729.31. Debts @ 08/04/2016 £0

    NSDs achieved in 2018 32/60
    Best win so far - holiday to Florida
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 12th Aug 18, 9:08 PM
    • 56,138 Posts
    • 226,896 Thanks
    beanielou
    Popping in to see how you are Hairy
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 11 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.***
    ***Keep plodding***
    Out of debt, out of danger. MFW 2018. No 144
    • carbootcrazy
    • By carbootcrazy 13th Aug 18, 7:47 AM
    • 4,856 Posts
    • 27,598 Thanks
    carbootcrazy
    Popping in to see how you are Hairy
    Originally posted by beanielou
    Me too, beanie
    Original Debt: £56804 (@02/13). Now: £9129. Under £10K at long last.
    • elizabethhull
    • By elizabethhull 13th Aug 18, 12:59 PM
    • 234 Posts
    • 1,433 Thanks
    elizabethhull
    You understandably may not have time, energy or inclination to post, but here's hoping you get a feel for the warmth and sympathy of your followers - a big virtual hug.
    Take care xxx
Welcome to our new Forum!

Our aim is to save you money quickly and easily. We hope you like it!

Forum Team Contact us

Live Stats

2,968Posts Today

8,818Users online

Martin's Twitter
  • Ta ta... for now. This August, as I try and do every few yrs, I'm lucky enough to be taking a sabbatical. No work,? https://t.co/Xx4R3eLhFG

  • RT @lethalbrignull: @MartinSLewis I've been sitting here for a good while trying to decide my answer to this, feeling grateful for living i?

  • Early days but currently it's exactly 50 50 in liberality v democracy, with younger people more liberal, older more? https://t.co/YwJr4izuIj

  • Follow Martin