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  • FIRST POST
    • HairyHandofDartmoor
    • By HairyHandofDartmoor 24th Sep 17, 1:22 PM
    • 3,868Posts
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    HairyHandofDartmoor
    Finally Debt Free After 34 Years, But Still Need to Live Frugally
    • #1
    • 24th Sep 17, 1:22 PM
    Finally Debt Free After 34 Years, But Still Need to Live Frugally 24th Sep 17 at 1:22 PM
    My DH and I have been in debt for 34 Years, apart from brief periods, ever since I was offered my first credit card at the tender age of19.

    Our debts were caused by us being impulsive spenders and not being very skilled at budgeting or managing our money, so we know it is our own fault. We always believed that one day we would have more money, mysteriously, and that this would bail us out .

    Our full light bulb moment came when we realised, "What if we never have any more money than we do right now?"

    A couple of years ago we were coping with the minimum payments, but didn't have enough to overpay on any of them. We were forking out £1300 a month in minimum payments, and the interest alone was £1000 a month .

    But then in 2015 our small business started to bring in less, and a family bereavement, and illness affected our ability to work. We could no longer afford the minimum repayments and we were scared we would lose our home. We were stricken with stress and depression .

    Step Change shone a light in the darkness for us and they arranged for us to make token payments of £1 a month to our creditors. This saved our sanity and we were reassured that our home was unlikely to be taken from us.

    My DH recently turned 55 and drew out his pension so that we could make full and final offers to our creditors. All but one accepted an offer of 50% of what we owed (which is all we had to offer). We are continuing negotiations with the final creditor and hope to be debt free by Christmas .

    Being so close to being debt free has made me realise what a heavy burden the debts have been all these years, like living our lives wearing lead boots.

    Once we are debt free we will still need to live very frugally because we have no emergency fund or savings, and our income can be irregular. I hope that starting a diary will help to focus me on frugal living, avoid impulsive spends, and keep my spirits up. Because frugal living can be a lonely and isolating experience.

    This site and Step Change has helped me so much, and I hope that my diary will help to inspire others that it's never too late to change your life .
    Last edited by HairyHandofDartmoor; 18-11-2017 at 9:49 AM.
    My Diary http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5716867
    Debt in July 2017 = £58,766 DEBT FREE 31 OCTOBER 2017
    NEW GOALS - Build an Emergency Fund & Loss of Income Fund. Then save up for repairs to the house.
    Emergency Fund 1 = £530/Emergency Fund 2 = £0/Loss of Income Fund £0
Page 101
    • HairyHandofDartmoor
    • By HairyHandofDartmoor 4th Feb 18, 12:52 PM
    • 3,868 Posts
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    HairyHandofDartmoor
    Morning lovely,

    What a stressful time you've had recently ((((HUGS))))

    Glad DH is ok and fingers crossed the MRI will be clear. Hope the doctor can sort his prostate test out soon.

    I did volunteer TA position at a local school many years ago, it was really enjoyable and I did it while I did the course. You'd be really good at it.

    Have a great day xxx
    Originally posted by Purplemumof2
    Is that the job you do now Purplemum? I know you do marketing too.

    sorry things are so tough at the minute.

    I think you need to sit them all down too, and have that chat with them too. I am sure they will help.

    You have to do what is best for you all as a family. TA roles are so rewarding, with good hours, but are not always the best paid.
    x
    Originally posted by Nicnak
    I know not the best pay, but I think I'd enjoy it and could then help DH in the holidays.

    Have a lovely day HH x
    Originally posted by WannabeFree
    Thank you all . Today we're concentrating on de-stressing, so we're going to go out to a NT place in a bit. I think it will do us good to have a change of scene and it's a lovely sunny day .

    Have a good Sunday everyone .
    My Diary http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5716867
    Debt in July 2017 = £58,766 DEBT FREE 31 OCTOBER 2017
    NEW GOALS - Build an Emergency Fund & Loss of Income Fund. Then save up for repairs to the house.
    Emergency Fund 1 = £530/Emergency Fund 2 = £0/Loss of Income Fund £0
    • Purplemumof2
    • By Purplemumof2 4th Feb 18, 1:29 PM
    • 6,003 Posts
    • 21,928 Thanks
    Purplemumof2
    Is that the job you do now Purplemum? I know you do marketing too
    Originally posted by HairyHandofDartmoor
    No, I did work in a school kitchen for a little while. I'm a document controller for a construction company now.
    Official DFW Nerd Club - Member no. 791 - Proud to be dealing with my debts
    MBNA: £6500.00 Cap 1: £437.20 BC: £6747.97
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    • elizabethhull
    • By elizabethhull 4th Feb 18, 1:51 PM
    • 197 Posts
    • 1,028 Thanks
    elizabethhull
    DH just texted me to say was I ok. I replied no I feel tired and depressed. He apologised for getting stressed earlier and offered to cook. I feel a bit better now. Sometimes I just need him to notice how tired and fed up I am. DH tends to snap at me when he's stressed and I really resent that, so I'm glad he apologised.

    What a moanfest my diary is tonight. I hope I'm not depressing everyone . I will try to cheer up.
    Originally posted by HairyHandofDartmoor
    Moan away whenever you like. What on earth is a diary for if you can't be honest about how you feel ? I think we're a pretty non-judgmental lot too.

    It occurred to me that DH probably hates being overweight, feeling fat/useless/stressed/depressed - none are conducive to seeing anyone else's problems.
    I don't like myself much when I'm at the 'top' of the weight tree, even though I know it's entirely my own fault.

    I don't know if this helps, but there are obviously times when OH and I are scratchy with each other and I don't feel kindly. So I fake it ! I deliberately do some of the little somethings that I'd normally only do if in a good mood, the idea being if you fake it for long enough it becomes real. Seems to work here anyway
    • carbootcrazy
    • By carbootcrazy 4th Feb 18, 2:24 PM
    • 4,591 Posts
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    carbootcrazy
    I hope your day out goes well, HH, especially if you are enjoying some good weather. It's so cold, grey and showery here, definitely not a day for going out however nice the venue


    Are you rounding it off with your usual Sunday meal at your parents'? Another day when you don't have to cook so I hope you can relax and enjoy being cosseted a bit. You certainly deserve it


    Probably won't get on later so sending positive vibes and best wishes to you and DH for the hospital tomorrow.
    Make £10 A Day Challenge 2018: Jan-Mar: £475.38+. Apr: £81.45


    Original Debt: £56804 (@ LBM 02/13). Now: £10005
    . Getting there.
    • Munchin
    • By Munchin 4th Feb 18, 3:07 PM
    • 2,271 Posts
    • 6,941 Thanks
    Munchin
    Hi HHD

    I hope you have a lovely relaxing day and things start to look a bit brighter.
    • HairyHandofDartmoor
    • By HairyHandofDartmoor 4th Feb 18, 4:19 PM
    • 3,868 Posts
    • 25,628 Thanks
    HairyHandofDartmoor
    No, I did work in a school kitchen for a little while. I'm a document controller for a construction company now.
    Originally posted by Purplemumof2
    That's very different . You sound like you enjoy your job
    My Diary http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5716867
    Debt in July 2017 = £58,766 DEBT FREE 31 OCTOBER 2017
    NEW GOALS - Build an Emergency Fund & Loss of Income Fund. Then save up for repairs to the house.
    Emergency Fund 1 = £530/Emergency Fund 2 = £0/Loss of Income Fund £0
    • HairyHandofDartmoor
    • By HairyHandofDartmoor 4th Feb 18, 4:27 PM
    • 3,868 Posts
    • 25,628 Thanks
    HairyHandofDartmoor
    Moan away whenever you like. What on earth is a diary for if you can't be honest about how you feel ? I think we're a pretty non-judgmental lot too.

    It occurred to me that DH probably hates being overweight, feeling fat/useless/stressed/depressed - none are conducive to seeing anyone else's problems.
    I don't like myself much when I'm at the 'top' of the weight tree, even though I know it's entirely my own fault.

    I don't know if this helps, but there are obviously times when OH and I are scratchy with each other and I don't feel kindly. So I fake it ! I deliberately do some of the little somethings that I'd normally only do if in a good mood, the idea being if you fake it for long enough it becomes real. Seems to work here anyway
    Originally posted by elizabethhull
    You're right Elizabeth I know he does hate being overweight and being unhealthy. I try to be tolerant and understanding, but occasionally I just hit the wall .

    I think our stress levels are the real problem. DH stress eats, and I rush around relieving stress by going for walks and doing housework etc.

    If we can increase our income that would relieve the biggest stress, but also a change of scene would do us both good. DH and I need quality time together which doesn't involve working or watching tv (our usual time together ).

    Today was good because we went for a short walk which did us good I think .
    My Diary http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5716867
    Debt in July 2017 = £58,766 DEBT FREE 31 OCTOBER 2017
    NEW GOALS - Build an Emergency Fund & Loss of Income Fund. Then save up for repairs to the house.
    Emergency Fund 1 = £530/Emergency Fund 2 = £0/Loss of Income Fund £0
    • HairyHandofDartmoor
    • By HairyHandofDartmoor 4th Feb 18, 4:29 PM
    • 3,868 Posts
    • 25,628 Thanks
    HairyHandofDartmoor
    I hope your day out goes well, HH, especially if you are enjoying some good weather. It's so cold, grey and showery here, definitely not a day for going out however nice the venue


    Are you rounding it off with your usual Sunday meal at your parents'? Another day when you don't have to cook so I hope you can relax and enjoy being cosseted a bit. You certainly deserve it


    Probably won't get on later so sending positive vibes and best wishes to you and DH for the hospital tomorrow.
    Originally posted by carbootcrazy
    Thank you Carboot .

    Yes we are going to my parents this evening which will be nice. Although sometimes seeing my mum makes me a little stressed because I worry about her health. She's in her eighties.

    Hi HHD

    I hope you have a lovely relaxing day and things start to look a bit brighter.
    Originally posted by Munchin
    Thank you Munchin
    My Diary http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5716867
    Debt in July 2017 = £58,766 DEBT FREE 31 OCTOBER 2017
    NEW GOALS - Build an Emergency Fund & Loss of Income Fund. Then save up for repairs to the house.
    Emergency Fund 1 = £530/Emergency Fund 2 = £0/Loss of Income Fund £0
    • HairyHandofDartmoor
    • By HairyHandofDartmoor 4th Feb 18, 4:37 PM
    • 3,868 Posts
    • 25,628 Thanks
    HairyHandofDartmoor
    When we arrived at the NT venue the car park was full but after driving around a few times a car left, phew .

    We went for a short walk (DH didn't want to venture to far) and then had a drink in the cafe. DS1 came too and that was the first time he had left the house for a week. We saw some lovely spring flowers and ducks .

    I really enjoyed it and I think the others did too. We said we'd try and go out more often on a Sunday.

    I also suggested that we spend a week in the summer going to a National Trust place every day, then we'd feel like we'd had a holiday . Normally I can only get DH to take odd days off here and there. If we take our own food it would be quite MSE .
    My Diary http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5716867
    Debt in July 2017 = £58,766 DEBT FREE 31 OCTOBER 2017
    NEW GOALS - Build an Emergency Fund & Loss of Income Fund. Then save up for repairs to the house.
    Emergency Fund 1 = £530/Emergency Fund 2 = £0/Loss of Income Fund £0
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 4th Feb 18, 5:01 PM
    • 52,618 Posts
    • 206,427 Thanks
    beanielou
    Glad that yoou enjoyed your wee trip.
    Food for the soul.
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 2 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.***
    ***Keep plodding***
    Out of debt, out of danger.
    • 117pauline
    • By 117pauline 4th Feb 18, 5:12 PM
    • 646 Posts
    • 7,178 Thanks
    117pauline
    It's good the three of you had some quality time away from the house.

    I know it is hard to break those habits that have been around for years. everyone gets a role and they play it, often without even realising it. It's also easy for those outside the situation to "see" what is actually happening.

    If you have time, have a look at articles by James Clear or Gretchen Rubin. They write quite a bit about habits. I have found it quite interesting to identify habits I have which aren't beneficial.

    And lastly, we do things for the right reasons at the time. Remember that when you are mulling things over.

    Enjoy your meal, take care honey
    Pauline
    Don't get it perfect - Get it going
    Better Than Before
    • HairyHandofDartmoor
    • By HairyHandofDartmoor 5th Feb 18, 7:32 AM
    • 3,868 Posts
    • 25,628 Thanks
    HairyHandofDartmoor
    Glad that yoou enjoyed your wee trip.
    Food for the soul.
    Originally posted by beanielou
    Thanks beanie

    It's good the three of you had some quality time away from the house.

    I know it is hard to break those habits that have been around for years. everyone gets a role and they play it, often without even realising it. It's also easy for those outside the situation to "see" what is actually happening.

    If you have time, have a look at articles by James Clear or Gretchen Rubin. They write quite a bit about habits. I have found it quite interesting to identify habits I have which aren't beneficial.

    And lastly, we do things for the right reasons at the time. Remember that when you are mulling things over.

    Enjoy your meal, take care honey
    Pauline
    Originally posted by 117pauline
    I've read The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin but haven't heard of James Clear, so I'll look out for those Pauline .

    I do think tha the whole family benefit from having a clean tidy house and the others just don't appear to 'see' dirt or clutter that is screaming out at me .
    My Diary http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5716867
    Debt in July 2017 = £58,766 DEBT FREE 31 OCTOBER 2017
    NEW GOALS - Build an Emergency Fund & Loss of Income Fund. Then save up for repairs to the house.
    Emergency Fund 1 = £530/Emergency Fund 2 = £0/Loss of Income Fund £0
    • HairyHandofDartmoor
    • By HairyHandofDartmoor 5th Feb 18, 7:38 AM
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    HairyHandofDartmoor
    Happy Monday all .

    We need to be at the hospital by 9.00am for DH's MRI scan and a scan of his throat? So need to leave earlyish. I won't have time for my walk today. I'm expecting it to take all morning by the time we've waited for the results. I'm going to take a can of coke with me to save buying too much paper cup coffee (love Wannabe's phrase ).

    It was cold in the night, and I can hear ice being scraped off cars outside. I think we'll need an extra blanket on the bed tonight.

    I hope nobody is snowed in this morning and you all have a good day .
    My Diary http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5716867
    Debt in July 2017 = £58,766 DEBT FREE 31 OCTOBER 2017
    NEW GOALS - Build an Emergency Fund & Loss of Income Fund. Then save up for repairs to the house.
    Emergency Fund 1 = £530/Emergency Fund 2 = £0/Loss of Income Fund £0
    • WannabeFree
    • By WannabeFree 5th Feb 18, 9:47 AM
    • 1,385 Posts
    • 11,612 Thanks
    WannabeFree
    Hope everything goes well today, I'll be joining in with the paper cup coffee too

    x
    “Once you hit rock bottom, that's where you perfectly stand; That's your chance of restarting, but restarting the right way.”
    • abba1772
    • By abba1772 5th Feb 18, 12:03 PM
    • 4,640 Posts
    • 15,765 Thanks
    abba1772
    Hope his appointments went ok xx
    NEXT TARGET HALIFAX CC WAS July 17 £3572.57 NOW £983.26
    POAMAYC 2011 £6382.66 POAMAYC 2012 £5000.78
    POAMAYC 2013 £3480.04 POAMAYC 2014 £4085.14
    POAMAYC 2015 £7565.24 POAMAYC 2016 £8000.90
    POAMAYC 2017 £7278.80 POAMAYC 2018 £4012.74
    • elizabethhull
    • By elizabethhull 5th Feb 18, 12:10 PM
    • 197 Posts
    • 1,028 Thanks
    elizabethhull
    I also suggested that we spend a week in the summer going to a National Trust place every day, then we'd feel like we'd had a holiday . Normally I can only get DH to take odd days off here and there. If we take our own food it would be quite MSE .
    Originally posted by HairyHandofDartmoor
    I'm a big fan of holidays from home. We once had elder daughter & SIL for a week. We did something cheap every day (a walk, a picnic, etc), and we chose in turn a comedy film to watch each evening (everything from Planes, trains & automobiles to The Lavender Mob!). Seemed really like we'd been away.

    Hope you're not waiting ALL day today. Good luck.
    • HairyHandofDartmoor
    • By HairyHandofDartmoor 5th Feb 18, 1:47 PM
    • 3,868 Posts
    • 25,628 Thanks
    HairyHandofDartmoor
    Hope everything goes well today, I'll be joining in with the paper cup coffee too

    x
    Originally posted by WannabeFree
    Hope his appointments went ok xx
    Originally posted by abba1772
    Thanks both of you
    My Diary http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5716867
    Debt in July 2017 = £58,766 DEBT FREE 31 OCTOBER 2017
    NEW GOALS - Build an Emergency Fund & Loss of Income Fund. Then save up for repairs to the house.
    Emergency Fund 1 = £530/Emergency Fund 2 = £0/Loss of Income Fund £0
    • HairyHandofDartmoor
    • By HairyHandofDartmoor 5th Feb 18, 1:48 PM
    • 3,868 Posts
    • 25,628 Thanks
    HairyHandofDartmoor
    I'm a big fan of holidays from home. We once had elder daughter & SIL for a week. We did something cheap every day (a walk, a picnic, etc), and we chose in turn a comedy film to watch each evening (everything from Planes, trains & automobiles to The Lavender Mob!). Seemed really like we'd been away.

    Hope you're not waiting ALL day today. Good luck.
    Originally posted by elizabethhull
    That sounds lovely Elizabeth. I think I'll copy your format for the evening comedy films . That would be a great stress reliever.
    My Diary http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5716867
    Debt in July 2017 = £58,766 DEBT FREE 31 OCTOBER 2017
    NEW GOALS - Build an Emergency Fund & Loss of Income Fund. Then save up for repairs to the house.
    Emergency Fund 1 = £530/Emergency Fund 2 = £0/Loss of Income Fund £0
    • HairyHandofDartmoor
    • By HairyHandofDartmoor 5th Feb 18, 2:01 PM
    • 3,868 Posts
    • 25,628 Thanks
    HairyHandofDartmoor
    We were at the hospital from 9.00am until 12.30pm, so it could have been a lot worse.

    DH had an MRI scan and ultrasound of the arteries on his throat. It turns out there was a slight abnormality on his brain scan, so he did have a TIA (mini stroke) .

    The neurologist said it was very minor, but was a warning sign. DH needs to take his blood pressure and diabetes tablets regularly, because he 'forgets' to take them sometimes, lose weight ideally and do more exercise.

    I feel a bit guilty about my Saturday meltdown but I get stressed too. I have tried so hard to remind him to take his tablets. Even if I remind him he sometimes forgets. I feel like I have to watch him swallow them.

    Still I HOPE that he will look after himself better now, take his tablets regularly and go for more walks.

    On the way home we dropped DS2's letter at the lettings agency (to terminate his lease), bought petrol (10p off a litre with our Mr T voucher ), and bought printer ink so we can print DS2's travel schedule, plane tickets etc.

    This afternoon we want to get some work done and finish DS2's travel schedule. I also need to wash some clothes for DS2 to pack.

    Hope everyone is having a more restful day than me .
    Last edited by HairyHandofDartmoor; 05-02-2018 at 2:03 PM.
    My Diary http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5716867
    Debt in July 2017 = £58,766 DEBT FREE 31 OCTOBER 2017
    NEW GOALS - Build an Emergency Fund & Loss of Income Fund. Then save up for repairs to the house.
    Emergency Fund 1 = £530/Emergency Fund 2 = £0/Loss of Income Fund £0
    • abba1772
    • By abba1772 5th Feb 18, 2:38 PM
    • 4,640 Posts
    • 15,765 Thanks
    abba1772
    Does your hubby have a phone if so set a alarm to remind him, I did this with my mil and it works for her took a couple of weeks for her to figure out all the alarms tho but hopefully these appointments will make him more aware that he needs to take care of himself xx

    You've just reminded me I need to source out best prices for printer ink xx
    NEXT TARGET HALIFAX CC WAS July 17 £3572.57 NOW £983.26
    POAMAYC 2011 £6382.66 POAMAYC 2012 £5000.78
    POAMAYC 2013 £3480.04 POAMAYC 2014 £4085.14
    POAMAYC 2015 £7565.24 POAMAYC 2016 £8000.90
    POAMAYC 2017 £7278.80 POAMAYC 2018 £4012.74
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