Money Moral Dilemma: How much should we charge our daughter for living with us?
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As an absolute bare minimum she should be paying the extra it costs you to have her there - so any aditional costs on bill, 1/3 of the grocery budget and so on.
As she is pushing back, and as you mention you are not well off, I think you may need to have a specific conversation with her and point out that you cannot afford to support her financially, she needs to be self-supporting. Be explicit - "We love you, but we cannot afford to support you financially. You need to pay your own way"
I think a fair compromise would be for her to pay less than commercial rent, so perhaps 1/2 - 2/3 of what she would pay if she were renting a room in your area, this means she still gets to make significant savings compared to living alone, and you are not out of pocket and perhaps have a little bit over after meeting the extra costs, which you can either put into your own savings or if you want, use some to help her out if she needs it in future.
It can be useful to be open about your own finances. Let her know how much you have in disposable income, once the mortgage and bills are paid, so she can understand why you need her to contribute and so she can understand if she is significantly better off than you.All posts are my personal opinion, not formal advice Always get proper, professional advice (particularly about anything legal!)0 -
I was earning around £13k a year after tax when I still lived at home and my mum asked for £150 a month, this was about 15% of my monthly earnings and this set me up well for my future, I am able to live on my own, pay rent of £895 a month and still save approx. £500-£800 a month on a salary of £25k after tax0
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If she's not keen on paying even a small contribution, give her the alternative - and tell her to close it quietly on her way out. :rotfl:0
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Time for some tough love...
She is being totally selfish & is also totally out of order !!!
When I lived with my parents we agreed an amount that was deemed fair at that time (still paid more) taking into account services bills, food, washing, phone (no mobile phones back then). I also agreed to help around the house by doing all the ironing, washed, cleaned & polished my parents car on a regular basis, cleaned the windows outside & did various other odd-job tasks - this was in mid to late 70's.
Think your Daughter should, at the very least, pay £325 per calendar month so she has a fixed amount that she could pay by direct debit & budget for every month. Don't feel guilty it is a matter of economics, especially if, as you say, you're not 'flush' with money. She should also do all her own washing, ironing & keep her room & jointly used areas tidy.
It's not fair on you to be 'abused' like this & if she had a decent heart would automatically want to contribute instead of being a burden. She needs to realise, as she is already 20, that there is a cost involved & she needs to start paying her way & not abuse/take for granted your kindness.
There's always an option for her to find alternative accommodation if she doesn't like it - and needs to realise that could well be on the table !!!
Please don't be a 'doormat' as she will keep doing this to you & she won't have any respect for you either & the situation ***will*** only get worse as she tries to push already generous boundaries.
Hope you get to a mutually agreeable resolution
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I think a payment of 20% of take home pay is acceptable (up to a limit). This is what my sons paid me when they were living at home.0
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I just worked out how much per person it costs for food shopping, and how much extra it costs me in gas/electricity for my sons to continue living at home. Now that they are all working (I was supporting two of them through uni, another was unemployed) I have asked for a minimum £40, or 10% of their wages, which covers everything mentioned. My rent would still be the same, whether they were here or not, so I don't charge them for that. The rest of their wages are spent on travel expenses to work, and saving towards a deposit for when they finally move out. As a single parent of 3, I'm trying to ensure they have the best start in life and not face the same hardships I did!0
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Hi everyone, in response to those posting that parents shouldnt be charging, perhaps read the finer details....the daughter can afford to go out socialising and the parents are cutting back in order to have her there....as a parent i would love to fund my children forever but if they ever thought it was ok to watch us struggle paying for them while they lived their life responsibility free i would be disappointed in them and in my own parenting. I have just had this conversation with my eldest who is at home while at uni and has always prefered to spend rather than save, so i am asking him for a small contribution of £50 a week to help him learn his responsibilities, it did feel bad to sit him down and talk to him about giving money but in the long term it will help him and take the pressure of us who work fulll time anyway. He also has to pay his own phone contract and a tv sports contract...this was less about the money but to give him a couple of DD coming out of his bank in his own name to start him off on the right foot as a young adult. So in total he has a responsibility to pay £265 a month.
I wish you luck but please dont feel bad, while she was away from home for a short time she would have been paying her way even if she struggled, so you are meeting her halfway between those high costs and paying nothing...very reasonable.0 -
Assuming this is a real question from a real person, my answer is unequivocal.
The daughter is acting like a child. If she really is unable to pay for her own place, the first question is why?
If it because paying for accommodation would leave her short of money to spend on "entertainment" and stuff she wants but doesn't need, she needs to be told to grow up and get a grip on that which most of us recognise as the realities of life. If she genuinely is unable to make ends meet when paying for all her basics and she is asking to move back home, she still needs to grow up and realise that her income is to pay for real living expenses first, saving money to get her own place second and treats in third place.
Whatever the parents' income, they should never be seen as a charity and said child should pay a sensible amount of money into the household expenses. The thought that one should even consider giving it back to them when they finally move out is ridiculous as that effectively teaches the child nothing good.
The way that I have used to work out a reasonable contribution, for all the invisible benefits of living at home, was to ask for an itemised list of REAL expenses before they gave up living independently and an itemised list of all REAL expenses since moving back home, subtracting the latter from the former and dividing by two and that was the monthly amount to be paid. Eating out was not considered a real expense neither were nights out nor clothing not required for work.
My daughter hated having to contribute anything at all and whinged but eventually stopped when she realised what she was getting for her contribution and how much spare cash she still had to save or to spend on herself.
Children of all ages need to learn to money manage, just like their parents did before them. They learned that you could only afford what you had money for (there was no easy credit that you could spend the rest of your life paying back). In the case of somewhere to live, it was often a bedsit or shared accommodation. Nights/eating out were not a right but a result of saving or going without something else.0 -
I take £100 a week from my 28 year old son for bed and board but I saved it all for him for a deposit should he want to buy a house. I shall have to stop doing that now the DH has lost his job but the DS has fifteen grand to put down when or if he buys a property. He's not getting it for anything else as he will waste it! I am Mrs MMF!0
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I take £100 a week from my 28 year old son for bed and board but I saved it all for him for a deposit should he want to buy a house. I shall have to stop doing that now the DH has lost his job but the DS has fifteen grand to put down when or if he buys a property. He's not getting it for anything else as he will waste it! I am Mrs MMF!
Just a heads-up, if you have to claim means tested benefits as a result of the unemployment and the money is in your name, the £15k will be counted as yours.0
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