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  • FIRST POST
    • Tempus01
    • By Tempus01 31st Aug 17, 11:46 AM
    • 56Posts
    • 72Thanks
    Tempus01
    Help... I feel like my head is about to explode :(
    • #1
    • 31st Aug 17, 11:46 AM
    Help... I feel like my head is about to explode :( 31st Aug 17 at 11:46 AM
    Hi

    I am literally at my wits end today.


    My fianc! and I broke up at the start of this year and the wedding date is coming up in a few weeks. I have since met someone new and we have been together a couple of months.
    Last edited by Tempus01; 17-04-2018 at 2:27 PM.
    22.08.2017 start of my journey
    Loan = 6200.00/466.01 Barclays Card = 1631.36/ 1968.00 Tesco Credit Card = 3500/3236 NatWest Credit Card = 1422.34/ 1534 Littlewoods account = 104 / 40.60
Page 2
    • cjdavies
    • By cjdavies 1st Sep 17, 8:31 PM
    • 3,403 Posts
    • 3,639 Thanks
    cjdavies
    Hour current partner sounds too clingy.
    • mark5
    • By mark5 1st Sep 17, 8:57 PM
    • 1,203 Posts
    • 818 Thanks
    mark5
    Hour current partner sounds too clingy.
    Originally posted by cjdavies

    He's probably got issues from his last relationship and like the op jumped head first into the current one.
    • Sarastro
    • By Sarastro 1st Sep 17, 9:33 PM
    • 396 Posts
    • 342 Thanks
    Sarastro
    Hey,
    I'm impressed by your cool response to some harsh (but well meant) comments.
    Be kind to yourself. As one post said, to not be affected by 'what might have been' is unrealistic. That grief needs somewhere to go - and your new BF might not be the best place for that.
    It's okay to find someone you feel powerfully about whilst you are still grieving for a previous relationship. But, it's complex to work out how you feel! Give yourself time. Give yourself space, if that's what you want. If your new BF values you, he will understand, because he will see that you're thinking long-term, not short-term. Above all be kind to yourself.
    • cr1mson
    • By cr1mson 2nd Sep 17, 2:17 PM
    • 777 Posts
    • 589 Thanks
    cr1mson
    Rubbish at quoting but your comment about being 'careful and clear' with your new boyfriend raises red flags to me. Whilst I don't give no thought to what I say to my husband and probably gave more thought to it in the initial stages of our relationship I never felt I had to be careful and clear. If you can't be you in a relationship what is the point?

    I think you have two different issues here one is your current relationship and one is the feelings about your ex. Even if you know deep in your heart of hearts that cancelling the wedding was the right thing you are still entitled to be upset. You are allowed to 'grieve' for how you expected your life to be. The wedding date is obviously going to be a focus for this.

    Good luck.
    • chiefie
    • By chiefie 3rd Sep 17, 9:43 AM
    • 334 Posts
    • 340 Thanks
    chiefie
    Take time out to be with yourself - after a period it will come to you. You may risk losing him though so be prepared
    • Tempus01
    • By Tempus01 9th Sep 17, 2:29 PM
    • 56 Posts
    • 72 Thanks
    Tempus01
    Rubbish at quoting but your comment about being 'careful and clear' with your new boyfriend raises red flags to me. Whilst I don't give no thought to what I say to my husband and probably gave more thought to it in the initial stages of our relationship I never felt I had to be careful and clear. If you can't be you in a relationship what is the point?

    I think you have two different issues here one is your current relationship and one is the feelings about your ex. Even if you know deep in your heart of hearts that cancelling the wedding was the right thing you are still entitled to be upset. You are allowed to 'grieve' for how you expected your life to be. The wedding date is obviously going to be a focus for this.

    Good luck.
    Originally posted by cr1mson
    Me saying I am clear and careful was in response to someone who said that perhaps I'm not being clear with my BF. By clear and careful I mean that I'm not beating around the bush and when I need my space I'm straight with him and tell him.

    I think you're very much right in what you have said about the wedding. I think I am grieving it. I know that that's ok. There are a lot of dates coming up that we shared so I am trying my best to keep a clear head and get through them. Not as easy as I first thought
    22.08.2017 start of my journey
    Loan = 6200.00/466.01 Barclays Card = 1631.36/ 1968.00 Tesco Credit Card = 3500/3236 NatWest Credit Card = 1422.34/ 1534 Littlewoods account = 104 / 40.60
    • Tempus01
    • By Tempus01 9th Sep 17, 2:33 PM
    • 56 Posts
    • 72 Thanks
    Tempus01
    Hey,
    I'm impressed by your cool response to some harsh (but well meant) comments.
    Be kind to yourself. As one post said, to not be affected by 'what might have been' is unrealistic. That grief needs somewhere to go - and your new BF might not be the best place for that.
    It's okay to find someone you feel powerfully about whilst you are still grieving for a previous relationship. But, it's complex to work out how you feel! Give yourself time. Give yourself space, if that's what you want. If your new BF values you, he will understand, because he will see that you're thinking long-term, not short-term. Above all be kind to yourself.
    Originally posted by Sarastro
    Thank you for your kind words! I did see your response when you posted it but with all the negative comments (which people are entitled to) I took myself off the post. I have since taken a break from the new BF and taking some time to clear my head. In the past couple of weeks we have begun to argue for no reason and we both realise that we need the space. The break in itself has taken a weight off my mind and if anything it gives me the space to get through the next couple of weeks.
    22.08.2017 start of my journey
    Loan = 6200.00/466.01 Barclays Card = 1631.36/ 1968.00 Tesco Credit Card = 3500/3236 NatWest Credit Card = 1422.34/ 1534 Littlewoods account = 104 / 40.60
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