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    • Knit Witch
    • By Knit Witch 18th Jul 17, 8:29 PM
    • 3,575Posts
    • 32,719Thanks
    Knit Witch
    The Garden Fence - proper Old Style support and chat!
    • #1
    • 18th Jul 17, 8:29 PM
    The Garden Fence - proper Old Style support and chat! 18th Jul 17 at 8:29 PM
    As threads are going walkabout I thought I would start the next stage of this off - I will try and do the links later!
    V3ry - 389.60
Page 495
    • silvasava
    • By silvasava 13th Sep 18, 10:17 PM
    • 3,887 Posts
    • 62,442 Thanks
    Burtha - so much good advice from people who care about you and your family so I'm just sending virtual hugs to you all.
    I think I need to get those long pins out for 3mw...........
    Last edited by silvasava; 13-09-2018 at 10:19 PM.
    Small victories - sometimes they are all you can hope for but sometimes they are all you need - be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle
    • burtha
    • By burtha 14th Sep 18, 1:29 AM
    • 617 Posts
    • 6,749 Thanks
    Hi , csa have made a assessment , he had to pay from the 1st Sept , he refused , asked for a re assessment , said his pay was wrong ( yes it's lower than it should be , but he's obviously getting it lower again) , said he's paying me per month , he's not he's making a small payment against the intrest on the morgage direct to morgage and the best bit is he's asked for contact costs to be taken into consideration , absolutely the biggest joke, since we split hes taken then for a meal once and the pictures once .... calls to see then 3 min every 10 days , ....
    Also told the csa , he's giving me a lump sum in the divorce for the kids maintenance ... no the divorce is separated from the kids ....
    All just done to stall him paying .... shocking and leave me with no cash that I need for the kids ... but it will get sorted by them just don't know how long it will take ....
    Got news today from working fam tax credits ... and thats sorted now , as youngest daughter wasn't on it , left sch in July and now at college... so a few hundred down over the last few months ... perfect time when both kids off school and needed extra cash , just to add to the stress levels
    Spoke to dd college tutor today , as she is going to need extra support ,they sent her home yesterday as she was In tears .... now they know what going on and hopefully things in place ...
    Using a halogen oven at present , not the best but will do for now ...maybe ...
    Washing machine is a pain, have to manually drain it , will have to cope for now , because either the house is reposesed soon or fingers crossed I may have a offer on it this week and ex will agree to it , ... if not we go to court ..... fun , so don't want to spend any money if I can help it ...
    running is the only thing that I've got that's positive , still going .... but stressed to bits otherwise
    so thankfully I've got food in the freezer and enough fresh stuff in... money was /is very tight after uniform costs and life ... think I managed on 40 the last 2 weeks .. no money till Monday about 14 left but dd needs money for collage ... applied for bursary ( help with travel , lunch , uniform) but may take up to 4 weeks , so she needs cash till then ... I'm spending money I just haven't got .

    bit of a paperwork marathon that's now all in place .
    So will no hopefully next week where I stand maybe with the house , if we get a offer I can try and get a mortgage and look at houses .... or rented if not .. just living in limbo land now , if we are going to get reposesed , I think I tell the council the date of repossession and they will offer some accommodation after the keys are taken from me ... I can't had anything over or I make myself homeless .....
    hey ho , funny old world realy
    today I haven't been in tears , very close lots of times its so frustrating , annoying , scary, hard
    my headaches are worse , but probably just stress related ...
    plod on
    • silver-oldie
    • By silver-oldie 14th Sep 18, 7:52 AM
    • 516 Posts
    • 7,332 Thanks
    I don't post very often but just wanted to send love to Burtha sorry things are so bad for you.
    If you walk at night no-one will see you cry.
    • pollyanna 26
    • By pollyanna 26 14th Sep 18, 7:55 AM
    • 2,364 Posts
    • 22,449 Thanks
    pollyanna 26
    Thanks for explaining things burtha It's a lot clearer now . Many here myself included will have experienced the low income angle put forward by OHs when it comes to making any payments . I began to think there was a guide book somewhere called How to cheat your own flesh and blood .

    You've stayed strong through it for those you love and I'm glad you are still running for a little headspace . Wishing your dd well at college and I'm pleased she will be getting support . Well done on applying for the bursary . I hope your son is ok .

    It sounds as though you are on the final stretch of this and will begin to see some light at the end of a long tunnel . One day things will be happy and positive again I promise you .
    There will be things to deal with as a result of 3mws total disregard of yours and the childrens wellbeing . It takes a long time to sort and move on from the various fears and emotions but you'll all get there . It can't be wiped out but such uncaring disregard helps in a way to move forward and look to the future .

    I remember friends helped you with the logs last winter . Would you reach out instead of avoiding them and ask them to lend a hand so you can light the fire and get warm . I'm not sure if you have a back boiler to heat the water but a warm room and hot water will make a real difference .

    You don't need to tell people everything just tell them it's a struggle . They know you are ill and you've helped so many yourself don't be too proud . When someone has behaved so badly there's a sort of undeserved feeling of shame felt by those they've failed . The shame belongs with the one who let them down not themselves .

    Keep talking I'm pleased you didn't cry yesterday . Here's hoping things will begin to move quickly .

    Take care

    polly xx
    • mardatha
    • By mardatha 14th Sep 18, 8:00 AM
    • 15,199 Posts
    • 147,332 Thanks
    Burtha I think if you ask the CSA they can make him pay them and then they forward it to you.
    • MrsLurcherwalker
    • By MrsLurcherwalker 14th Sep 18, 9:54 AM
    • 12,580 Posts
    • 174,489 Thanks
    Dear Burtha reading your post makes me so very angry on your behalf, your Ex is behaving abominably and it's no wonder you're in the depths emotionally having to deal with all these issues AND the emotional upheaval of a broken relationship too. There WILL be a reckoning love, at some point in the future he will have to pay for his stupidity and cruelty if not in this life then after it and retribution will come. That doesn't help you right now but you're doing all you can under such circumstances as would have flattened most folks so you're much to be admired love! It's so hard to be the sole adult with troubled younglings to comfort and help when you're feeling all the time as though you yourself need a prop but you'll get through this, there is a better life and it's not too far away, keep treading water petal, keep yourself as level as you can, keep running as that's your relief valve and keep posting. At least we're on your side xxx.
    Thumpers mum was right - if you can't find anything nice to say don't say anything at all!
    • monnagran
    • By monnagran 14th Sep 18, 11:43 AM
    • 3,965 Posts
    • 53,731 Thanks
    Burtha, better times are coming, hold on to that thought. Nothing can be worse than what you are going through just now, hold on to that thought too,

    3MW will twist and turn and lie and cheat and hopefully at some stage it will all bite him in the bum. It all goes to show what sort of man he really is, but its no good concentrating on him and the injustice of it all, the main thing is to try and keep you and the children afloat.

    It seems that your housing is in jeopardy, but as long as everyone who needs to know is kept abreast of developments you are covered there. And for the rest you are right, it's just slowly plodding on, one tiny step at a time.

    My dear girl, you are in our thoughts and prayers. I don't know if that is any comfort to you. Probably not. But we are all rooting for you and doing all we can to assure you that we are on your side and supporting and loving you through this.
    I believe that friends are quiet angels
    Who lift us to our feet when our wings
    Have trouble remembering how to fly.
    • Elona
    • By Elona 14th Sep 18, 12:10 PM
    • 346 Posts
    • 3,532 Thanks

    I am so sorry that you are going through this. If I live anywhere near you I would gladly put the washing in my machine and get it dry for you. Is there any way you can send a heating repair bill to him as "lack of heat will damage the house!" He does not seem to give tuppence if it damages his children.

    Is there still something called a crisis loan?


    I would love to help and I have not even met you so please imagine how hurt friends and family would be to know you are in this situation and did not tell them.

    Hugs, positive vibes, fingers crossed and not ill wishing anyone but fervently praying certain people get precisely what they deserve.
    • nursemaggie
    • By nursemaggie 14th Sep 18, 1:23 PM
    • 2,395 Posts
    • 31,900 Thanks
    Butha and register with the homeless prevention team. This will prevent you from ending up evicted. They will find you somewhere. We found our assigned worker was very supportive while we had homelessness hanging over us. If you don't have their backing you could end up losing all your possessions even your cloths if they evict you.
    • Sayschezza
    • By Sayschezza 14th Sep 18, 4:41 PM
    • 304 Posts
    • 2,746 Thanks
    When my dd dealt with the CSA they demanded at least 3 pay slips from exoh does that not still apply?
    • fuddle
    • By fuddle 14th Sep 18, 5:08 PM
    • 6,540 Posts
    • 100,362 Thanks
    Hi Burtha. When a lender serves you with a notice to repossess your property, it has to also let the local authority know that it is taking this action and that you might end up being homeless. The LA might already know.

    The notice is called a section 11. The LA should get in touch with you to offer support and advice about housing but this was different for me because I had to voluntarily repo my house as it was needed for the financial mess. If you have not received a section 11 notice yet and the legal action is still progressing, get in touch with the LA yourself. Burtha I'm not worried about you being homeless in our county and I don't think you should be too. We have housing stock, you would be priority too.

    You will have 28 days before you have to leave if the judge decides to grant the repossession. This can be extended to 56. You will have time to get sorted OK.

    If you get to that point and you need a shoulder feel free to PM me Burtha. Unfortunately I know about this and the excruciatingly difficult process it is. Xx
    Last edited by fuddle; 14-09-2018 at 5:10 PM.
    Be like a tree.
    Stay grounded. Connect with your roots. Turn over a new leaf.
    Bend before you break. Enjoy your natural beauty. Keep growing.
    • silvasava
    • By silvasava 14th Sep 18, 5:15 PM
    • 3,887 Posts
    • 62,442 Thanks
    Burtha - again there are people on here with up to date information for you. I can only offer a virtual hug to you and yours and I AM getting those pins out!

    Burtha - DH has asked would you qualify for food bank in the short term. If possible it may be a breather to help what little cash you have to go a bit further.
    Last edited by silvasava; 14-09-2018 at 5:25 PM. Reason: Addition
    Small victories - sometimes they are all you can hope for but sometimes they are all you need - be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle
    • pandamonium
    • By pandamonium 14th Sep 18, 10:20 PM
    • 159 Posts
    • 1,879 Thanks
    Burtha, can you take ex to court for non payment of maintenance. That could force an attachment of earnings order. He will only be allowed a small amount of protected earnings. He will have to pay a percentage of everything he earns over that. Also, don't try to be Superwoman. It's OK to ask for help; says she who us notoriously rubbish at doing so. From what people have said here, it's clear people will help you if you can just bring yourself to ask.

    In the meantime hugs and support. It will all work out eventually. You just have to hang in there.
    • burtha
    • By burtha 14th Sep 18, 11:09 PM
    • 617 Posts
    • 6,749 Thanks
    Thank you,
    This will get sorted , I'm praying that we get a offer from one of the 2 viewing I have over the next few days .. but thank you for the advice ...
    Ex will end up paying through csa , but it will take time for them to sort ...
    Today has been a long day , dd had a tearful day at college, so lots of messages back and forth to get her back into class ... but she did it
    Ex called around tonight , I was getting changed when he turned up ... In the time it took me to change from trousers to jeans he had spoken to kids and had gone
    ... joke
    Almost ran every day for a year now , im on day 349 ... hail,rain,wind,snow,beautiful sunshine ..... everyday got up and ran , over 1400 miles ... I know people ask why and they don't get it but that's ok ...
    its my time , my space and if I can do that I can do anything
    Night all x
    • ivyleaf
    • By ivyleaf 15th Sep 18, 8:46 AM
    • 5,822 Posts
    • 63,289 Thanks
    (((HUGS))) burtha, I'm so glad you've come back here, and glad you're still running xx
    • Softstuff
    • By Softstuff 15th Sep 18, 10:19 AM
    • 3,045 Posts
    • 35,256 Thanks
    You're far stronger than you realise Burtha. Every time you run you show the grit and determination that you show in dealing with every single day. And in much the same way, sometimes it's a matter of just putting one foot in front of the other, pushing through and getting to the end. We're all cheering you on.
    Softstuff- Officially better than 007
    • fuddle
    • By fuddle 15th Sep 18, 11:10 AM
    • 6,540 Posts
    • 100,362 Thanks
    We all have our coping mechanisms Burtha. Mine is to obsessively read anything and everything about the subject that I face. It's not healthy because it fills my head continually with the matter, adding to stress and worry. Running is another coping mechanism and I would hazard a guess that your strategy of 'fighting' is far healthier than mine but I'm never going to change and what people think of that is just tough.
    Be like a tree.
    Stay grounded. Connect with your roots. Turn over a new leaf.
    Bend before you break. Enjoy your natural beauty. Keep growing.
    • LameWolf
    • By LameWolf 15th Sep 18, 1:32 PM
    • 10,786 Posts
    • 118,629 Thanks
    Burtha I'm relatively new to the Garden Fence, so I hope I'm not sticking my oar in where it's not wanted.

    I just wanted to send you all the coping vibes I can muster; and hope this awful situation can be properly resolved as quickly as possible.
    If your dog thinks you're the best, don't seek a second opinion.
    • Nargleblast
    • By Nargleblast 15th Sep 18, 4:32 PM
    • 9,158 Posts
    • 58,784 Thanks
    Burtha. I detect a slightly more upbeat tone in your post last night. I think your running is doing you good physically, mentally and emotionally. Just be aware that there is an army of friends here who are working on your behalf sending positive vibes and wishes for things to turn out right for you. Watch this space, Burtha, things are going to work out for you soon and you and your offspring will be in a better situation.
    One life - your life - live it!
    • shanks77
    • By shanks77 15th Sep 18, 7:54 PM
    • 1,127 Posts
    • 10,695 Thanks
    Just popping on to add my good wishes and hugs to Burtha its sometimes good to know you are not alone xx
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