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  • FIRST POST
    • Knit Witch
    • By Knit Witch 18th Jul 17, 8:29 PM
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    Knit Witch
    The Garden Fence - proper Old Style support and chat!
    • #1
    • 18th Jul 17, 8:29 PM
    The Garden Fence - proper Old Style support and chat! 18th Jul 17 at 8:29 PM
    As threads are going walkabout I thought I would start the next stage of this off - I will try and do the links later!
    Must use my stash up!
Page 283
    • Softstuff
    • By Softstuff 11th Apr 18, 9:28 PM
    • 3,059 Posts
    • 35,457 Thanks
    Softstuff
    Maybe you should have taken Millie to the post office already since Lamewolf was so eager? Or had Millie eaten all the stamps?

    Silver-oldie, I know it's playing on your mind, but if it is financial issues they want to talk to you about, you are not responsible for paying for that. It's something that's kept me awake from time to time, knowing what my mother is like and I'd already investigated that thoroughly. You're not responsible for her ongoing keep or any debts she might accrue, her estate (any small savings) she has, is.

    Love to all who need it xx
    Softstuff- Officially better than 007
    • Hopefuljoy
    • By Hopefuljoy 11th Apr 18, 9:56 PM
    • 346 Posts
    • 3,890 Thanks
    Hopefuljoy
    Hello all you wonderful people and thank you for the hugs and prayers and rituals that have been flying me and my DD s way. I haven't logged on for a few days and see that lots has been going on. My DD has an appointment with your MH team this Friday and the doctor was brilliant on Monday. She is on the same anti depressants as last time and we are fairly glued together. My new employer was wonderful and has given me four days leave to keep her company which is a real relief.

    I really feel for you SO about your mother and everyone has given you good advice. I'd keep your finances totAlly private in all meetings and tAke lots of notes as well. This forum is so lovely and between us we can all help you research after the meeting. Even if they say scary things you cannot be bullied into anything.

    To everyone who is struggling at the moment I am sending lots of love. I am still getting used to everyone's names and will say hello to all of you properly tomorrow. Sleep well!
    This is not the end, it is only the beginning of the end....
    • Hard Up Hester
    • By Hard Up Hester 12th Apr 18, 8:37 AM
    • 3,956 Posts
    • 50,513 Thanks
    Hard Up Hester
    Still wet, still gloomy, still muddy, life on the cut remains the same.

    No childcare today so I can sit and contemplate my navel for the next 6 hours!

    Breakfast has been eaten, supper has been planned, I just need to sweep the mud off the floor again.
    Chin up, Titus out.
    • monnagran
    • By monnagran 12th Apr 18, 8:50 AM
    • 4,045 Posts
    • 54,528 Thanks
    monnagran
    Very quick visit from me this morning. A bit of a rush around before going to meet my good friend who is travelling all the way from England to have lunch with me. Our days have a pattern set in stone. Coffee and chat at Harry's Bar until it's time to wander along the sea front to Ryde Castle for lunch and chat. This is followed by a walk back along the front to the Chocolate Factory for a hot chocolate and chat before she gets the ferry back to civilisation and I get the bus back to Millie.

    Post office demanded an extortionate amount to post Millie as she was such a very large, large letter.

    Glad all went so well for you Hopefuljoy. What a lovely employer you have.

    SO, all our love and support will be going with you today. Do not be intimidated, you are a much too special person for that.

    Must go or I'll be running for the bus in my dressing gown.

    THOUGHT FOR TODAY

    I walk around like everything is fine, but deep down in my shoe my sock is sliding off.
    I believe that friends are quiet angels
    Who lift us to our feet when our wings
    Have trouble remembering how to fly.
    • FairyPrincessk
    • By FairyPrincessk 12th Apr 18, 8:53 AM
    • 2,387 Posts
    • 25,989 Thanks
    FairyPrincessk
    Morning all,

    Still no rain here, but we're now wrapped in a thick white fog. It is the colour of the water that comes out of a milk bottle when you rinse it. My new passport came yesterday, just waiting for my other one to be returned and I should be clear to visit mum and dad this summer. I slept in a bit this morning, one advantage to it being out of term time is that I can do my work when it suits me. I still feel tired but slept much better, apart from OH having some strange dream and tapping me on the shoulder. Fortunately I got back off to sleep straight away.

    LW, sometimes it does make you wonder. When asked things like that I'm always tempted to give slightly outlandish answers but have never actually thought of anything quickly enough in the moment. If she asks again you could recommend hydrotherapy. The dog two doors down from us is taken twice per week for a swim in a special doggie pool to help keep his weight down. I think my OH was shocked to hear about a dog with a gym membership. Upon hearing this relayed Maggie the Cat stalked out of the room in disgust.

    Hopefuljoy, don't worry it takes ages to get names down. I'm glad there is brightness on the horizon for you and your DD.

    Right, I'd better get down to it. I don't want to still be marking at tea time tonight. Hugs to all who need them.
    • silvasava
    • By silvasava 12th Apr 18, 9:00 AM
    • 4,008 Posts
    • 64,033 Thanks
    silvasava
    Full & grey here but no rain. DS1 has had an invite to a posh dinner via his work and asked me to go with him. It's a lovely venue a little distance away so he's booked us into a hotel for tonight, so today will be a leisurely drive down and be spoilt for a bit - apparently it's my mother's Day present!
    I have to have a small procedure done next Tuesday at the hospital - I read the booklet they gave me and wish I hadn't 'cos I'm bricking it but trying to put it to the back of my mind. I know there are much worse things happening for many of you so feel a bit of a wimp too! As a work colleague used to say - Rise above it dear girl, rise above it.
    Small victories - sometimes they are all you can hope for but sometimes they are all you need - be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle
    • juliettet
    • By juliettet 12th Apr 18, 11:05 AM
    • 653 Posts
    • 4,215 Thanks
    juliettet
    If it what I think it is Silvasava you will be fine.
    • silver-oldie
    • By silver-oldie 12th Apr 18, 4:23 PM
    • 626 Posts
    • 9,006 Thanks
    silver-oldie
    SO, all our love and support will be going with you today. Do not be intimidated, you are a much too special person for that.
    .
    Originally posted by monnagran
    You're very kind but I'm not special, just trying my best.

    Thank you for all your support.

    You were right and I was stupid worrying.

    Meeting at mother's care home was about advanced care, and end of life care.

    I have said there are a couple of things I would like to think about. It's a life, my mother, she is difficult and can be hurtful, but she's my mother.
    If you walk at night no-one will see you cry.
    • monnagran
    • By monnagran 12th Apr 18, 5:22 PM
    • 4,045 Posts
    • 54,528 Thanks
    monnagran
    SO, why on earth could they not have told you what it was all about and saved you all that worry?
    Anyway, you are special. You are the only one of you in the universe, and if that doesn't make you special I don't know what does. Sleep tonight.

    Silva, you are doing the most scary part before you get there. The worrying bit beforehand is always worse. Keep your mind on Wednesday when it will all be over and you will be euphoric.

    Isn't enjoying yourself tiring? I feel exhausted with talking, listening and eating.
    However, my bedroom looks like the aftermath of a jumble sale so I'd better do a bit of tidying today and cleaning can wait until tomorrow.
    I believe that friends are quiet angels
    Who lift us to our feet when our wings
    Have trouble remembering how to fly.
    • camelot1001
    • By camelot1001 12th Apr 18, 6:10 PM
    • 4,109 Posts
    • 50,537 Thanks
    camelot1001
    So sorry you went through all that worry SO, the care home could have given you a hint. You've probably got a lot to think about now. Take your time.

    We had sunshine here this morning, it was breezy too so anything that wasn't nailed down has been washed. The house had every window and door open, it was blowing a hoolie through the hall but seems so much fresher now.

    I've also made a start in my rather small garden, can't do too much as I'm waiting to have the conservatory demolished, then it will be the size of a large postage stamp but at least there should be somewhere to sit, I would rather sit outside than in the conservatory, it's either too hot, too cold, too wet (it leaks) or just too grim to sit in.

    I also walked to fat club, how I managed to lose 1/2lb is truly amazing!
    • Softstuff
    • By Softstuff 12th Apr 18, 9:36 PM
    • 3,059 Posts
    • 35,457 Thanks
    Softstuff
    Seems so silly to have let you worry about that Silver-oldie. I could have written that last sentence of yours myself, have another *hug* xx

    Congratulations on your half pound Camelot

    Hope you enjoy your night away Silvasava. Wishing you the best for your procedure.

    I've been a bit mentally absent, I'm not used to as much paid work as I've been getting recently, I normally do a 3 day fortnight, I've done double this fortnight and have another 3 day week next week. Any time I'm offered it I just say yes. I'm a bit tired because I'm still otherwise trying to up my activity levels, and while work is exhausting it's desk based, so when I get home I have to fit in more activity than normal IYSWIM. Anyway, it's all working, I've been to the doctors, I'm 5.9kg down, he's thrilled with what I'm doing and how I'm doing it, hugely supportive. Going line dancing today.

    I tell you what though, my grocery bill is not for the faint hearted at the moment We probably are eating 7-10 serves of fresh veg a day, mostly greens and a lot of other good quality fish, poultry and meat. That said, though the bill scares me, it's what my best friend and my mother in law ordinarily spend on their regular shopping, but for me it's terrifying, so it's a good job I've got a bit of extra work.
    Softstuff- Officially better than 007
    • nursemaggie
    • By nursemaggie 12th Apr 18, 10:45 PM
    • 2,414 Posts
    • 32,096 Thanks
    nursemaggie
    Softstuff you sound like you are doing it like I did which largely depends on seasonal stuff. I will think up some cheaper ways of doing the meals.

    You're doing marvelously it took me nearly a year to lose ten pounds on a high protein low carb diet. I need to do it again. DS's ability to eat a diet and then another 5000 calories on top does not help. I promised myself I would go on a diet when he moves out.

    Been to the Christie again today. Not a bad journey it's always much quicker when there are very fewer students around. Nothing to report all is well for now and I have heard nothing about the flats I have applied for.
    • monnagran
    • By monnagran 13th Apr 18, 8:00 AM
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    • 54,528 Thanks
    monnagran
    Good morning. Wretched sleep last night. I was so tired that I went to bed early, slept heavily for a couple of hours, woke up and that was it. I think I drifted off for half an hour this morning before Millie anxiously woke me up to enquire about breakfast.

    Today I'm off out to celbrate another friend's birthay, but I have 3 hours before being picked up to shower, clean shower and bathroom, vacuum all through upstairs and down the stairs and clearing and scrubbing the kitchen worktops. The way I feel atm this will take double the time available. All this for the house viewing I have tomorrow morning.
    I'm actually more concerned that I've not seen anything I fancy to buy. I realise what a mistake is to 'do up' a house to sell. I've seen houses described as 'completely renovated' and priced accordingly. Unfortunately, large patterned wallpaper, maroon bathroom suites, patterned tiles and dark coloured carpets don't appeal to me at all and would all have to be ripped out again. Still, keep looking!

    Softstuff, I feel your pain regarding the cost of buying healthy, slimming food. Added to the problem is that when you live on your own it's difficult to get through the variety of fresh food you'd like before it starts to go off. Vegetables are not too bad because they can be made into soup, but I adore salads and unless you eat the same thing for several days slimy cucumbers snd soft radishes are singularly unappealing. I find that L*k*l*nd long life vegetable bags and wrapping things in kitchen foil helps a lot but I do find that I get a bit bored with them by the time I've worked my way through them.

    Enjoy that Friday feeling everyone.

    THOUGHT FOR TODAY

    The word SWIMS upside down is still SWIMS. Amazing!
    I believe that friends are quiet angels
    Who lift us to our feet when our wings
    Have trouble remembering how to fly.
    • camelot1001
    • By camelot1001 13th Apr 18, 8:03 AM
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    camelot1001
    That's great Softstuff, are you finding that you have more energy?
    • Softstuff
    • By Softstuff 13th Apr 18, 8:39 AM
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    • 35,457 Thanks
    Softstuff
    Nursemaggie, when I looked into how healthy it was as a way of eating I decided it'd be a permanent switch for the both of us. My hubby though is not unlike your DS and can get through an extraordinary amount of food! I've found a few lovely recipes recently for healthy baked snacks though, which while not cheap are a bit more reasonable cost per calorie just to add to his daily diet. The amount of weight loss for me is down to a bit of a combo of diet, exercise and, having worked on the sleep apnea, a whole lot less cortisol in my system.

    Monnagran, I'm sorry you had such a crappy night, wishing I could send you a bit of energy for the cleaning. We're getting through such a ridiculous volume of veg, nothing stands a chance of going off. Even with two of us, it used to be struggle getting through an entire cucumber or bag of spinach and I'd have to actively use things up, now though with the change of diet I'm struggling to keep up with the shopping. I tend though not to do the same thing with the veg each time, cucumber for example goes in my greek salad, in a thai chilli noodle salad, in a plain salad with ham, stir fried or pickled. I'm pretty inventive with veg and like to play.

    Camelot, I have a lot more energy, but I couldn't say for sure it's the food. I've also worked hard to avoid the sleep apnea, I drink a lot less, I'm exercising and I'm no longer anaemic. In fact, when I read that list it's no wonder I feel a bit better!
    Softstuff- Officially better than 007
    • FairyPrincessk
    • By FairyPrincessk 13th Apr 18, 8:46 AM
    • 2,387 Posts
    • 25,989 Thanks
    FairyPrincessk
    Morning all,

    I too had an interrupted night, but I did get back off and managed to sleep until almost 7. It rained very heavily last night and everything is quite soggy today, but the heavy fog has finally lifted.

    Monna, I know exactly what you mean about seeing something that says it has been done up and then wishing they hadn't bothered. There are many I've seen in my house dreaming forays onto Rightmove. One is just a few down from where we rent and has been on the market for a long time now. The price has been reduced twice. It is a perfectly nice house and I can't help but think that the issue has more to do with most people not fancying a mirrored black kitchen (floor to ceiling) and a similar treatment in the bathroom. It probably cost a fair amount to do and I've no doubt the current owners are very pleased with it, but I'd have to start from scratch.

    Last of the marking this morning, along with a few other tasks and then to the shops as we're having friends for lunch and a trip to the garden centre this morning. I'm back to feeling a bit anxious again today so hopefully this distraction will help.

    Silver--I'm so relieved for you. I know there is still a lot to think over, but really that is the sort of thing they should have told you about to begin with!

    Softstuff--Well done! It is ok to spend money on healthy food. I know not everyone has it, but as long as you can make it work then try not to worry about it.

    Hugs to all who need them.x
    • Hard Up Hester
    • By Hard Up Hester 13th Apr 18, 8:48 AM
    • 3,956 Posts
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    Hard Up Hester
    Hugs SO, what a shame you had all that worrying to do.
    NM, I hope something comes up soon and for you Monna.
    We're still listing badly but moving today, hopefully we will find somewhere easy to moor for a clue of days.
    On a serious note has anyone any suggestions about CHS, apart from murder or divorce, he is permanently a very stressed eric, one of his colleagues is unwell, CHS worries about him, it also means that CHS will have to work extra Saturday's and extra late shifts until July. His stress levels are through the roof, he takes it out on me by being snappy and irritable, it's now got to the stage where it's making me feel ill.
    Anyway enough of my whinging, the kettle is calling.
    Chin up, Titus out.
    • MMF007
    • By MMF007 13th Apr 18, 9:37 AM
    • 1,328 Posts
    • 29,574 Thanks
    MMF007
    Hester, that's tricky. I have been in both roles - the one taking stress home and the one getting it from DH. There is lots of advice about techniques for leaving stress at the door (or in your case the gangplank) on t'internet but it is not that easy, is it?

    Eventually I persuaded DH to leave his job, as there was no way of getting a reduction in workload or sensible response from senior management. Again, not always possible to swap jobs, of course! We were in a position where we could live off less money and my job brought in a steady income while DH built up a his small business.

    Could you both make a living from fettling boats, or offering gardening services to nearby houses (most households have all the kit they just don't have the enrgy or time to do the mowing, so no need to have equipment and storage for it!)

    Best tips for those that have to stick at it?
    Minimise other stress re things you CAN control - have stuff ready for work so not rushing round on the last minute. Ask for help so you can make enough time to do other things, rather than meeting yourself coming back. Don't over commit outside work, you need down time to indulge in pleasure (steady on, Girl, I meant hobbies, well other hobbies, as well as that ).

    Another helpful, if wacky, tip I was given is to mentally pack up the stress into a box, shut it, and place it outside. Sounds ridiculous but it does mean you have to conciously acknowledge the stress and consciously try not to take it home. Doesn't always work but helped sometimes.

    CHS also needs to acknowledge that while it is very considerate to be worried about his friend/colleague, his worrying is only doing one thing - upsetting himself! I am afraid that nowadays I find myself saying 'there is nothing i can do about that so I am not going to devote any more energy or thought to it'! I spent years trying to find solutions to other people's problems but it is so draining.

    If CHS is being told to do more than he is physically able to he should explain this to his employer. They have a duty of care to him and should not endanger his health in that way. Is there a Union rep he can speak to?
    .
    Just a thought but do you think that moving the boat frequently is adding to his worries? Is this necessary or could it be kept to a minimum for a few months?

    Sorry to ramble. Hope it helps a bit! Mx
    I have changed my work-life balance to a life-work balance.
    • Softstuff
    • By Softstuff 13th Apr 18, 9:43 AM
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    Softstuff
    Hester, I wonder too if financially it would be possible for CHS to start being a paid handyman here and there rather than working in that job. I realise though, things are tight for you both.

    Fairyprincess, that black kitchen rivals one I'd seen here in Australia, in a $4 million house. It had smurf blue cabinets. They must have been custom made, because I've never seen the like in my life. Anyway, this place was on the market for years. Then they had the kitchen changed to white and it sold.
    Softstuff- Officially better than 007
    • Islandmaid
    • By Islandmaid 13th Apr 18, 10:09 AM
    • 2,936 Posts
    • 41,552 Thanks
    Islandmaid
    Hi all,

    SO I cant believe they let you fret and worry prior to the meeting, still not a nice position to be in, but hope that now the financial concerns have gone you can relax x

    Monna No one will refuse to buy a house because the owner hadn't dusted - unless you can write your name in in, it doesn't count - have that extra cuppa in bed and relax before you go off galavanting x

    Hester When DH starts snapping at me (rare) when stressed I tell him in no uncertain words that the issue is NOT my fault, that I am happy to help, but as most issues cannot be helped, what's the point of stressing - like others have said, it's a leap of faith, but his handyman skills would be appreciated by many, so going self employed would be my advice too x Alternativey flash yer B oobs at him - it won't help the stress, but it'll bring a smile to his face and a twinkle to his eye

    Softstuff I have been stirfying and cooking up a storm with my fancy sauces - I must be doing it wrong, I haven't lost an ounce

    I was due to have my eye dialation yesterday, to find out whether the thingy was anything serious. turned up for my appointment, only to be told they were running over an hour behind, which would have meant I couldn't get a lift home, so had to rebook for next week - it can't be anything too serious or they wouldn't make me wait

    I know I have missed people, but my brains overloaded now - hugs to those that need them and I promise to try harder x
    Note to self - STOP SPENDING MONEY !!
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