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  • FIRST POST
    • Knit Witch
    • By Knit Witch 18th Jul 17, 8:29 PM
    • 3,552Posts
    • 32,607Thanks
    Knit Witch
    The Garden Fence - proper Old Style support and chat!
    • #1
    • 18th Jul 17, 8:29 PM
    The Garden Fence - proper Old Style support and chat! 18th Jul 17 at 8:29 PM
    As threads are going walkabout I thought I would start the next stage of this off - I will try and do the links later!
    V3ry - 389.60
Page 282
    • Floss
    • By Floss 11th Apr 18, 8:47 AM
    • 4,877 Posts
    • 45,266 Thanks
    Floss
    Silver Oldie I'm not going to say stop worrying. However, if it were me I would ring the care home manager and ask if there is anyone or anything that you should bring with you to the meeting, and will your mums social worker/ named carer be there...that may flush out some info about the context of the meeting xx
    • kittie
    • By kittie 11th Apr 18, 8:53 AM
    • 12,446 Posts
    • 78,945 Thanks
    kittie
    take a mobile phone recording device in your pocket. My relative found it invaluable
    • Softstuff
    • By Softstuff 11th Apr 18, 8:56 AM
    • 3,028 Posts
    • 35,011 Thanks
    Softstuff
    Wondercollie, my fingers are crossed your colleague gets promoted out of there. In my experience that can happen, which though unfair, at least is a relief!

    Silveroldie, sending hugs for tomorrow xx
    Softstuff- Officially better than 007
    • greenbee
    • By greenbee 11th Apr 18, 8:59 AM
    • 12,688 Posts
    • 220,925 Thanks
    greenbee
    I'm with Floss. And next time, tell them that you need to check your diary and see what you can rearrange to fit the meeting in, so could they possibly let you know what it's about so you can prioritise and prepare accordingly. That kind of call 'we need to talk but I won't tell you what it is about' is very unpleasant and unprofessional. It's a bit like a sadistic headmaster at a school my brother went to - they still used corporal punishment, and instead of informing them of the punishment and inflicting it there and then, it would be 'you're going to have a beating, come back on Friday'.
    • Hard Up Hester
    • By Hard Up Hester 11th Apr 18, 9:07 AM
    • 3,842 Posts
    • 49,005 Thanks
    Hard Up Hester
    Silver oldie I hope the meeting goes ok.
    I'm at DD's today so unlimited power and WiFi is available but as I'm looking after her 3 year old I won't get chance to avail myself of all these luxuries.
    Still my washing is in her machine, as soon as it's finished dgd and are off to toddler group and then I'll take her to lunch at a nearby cafe.
    At 3 I'll collect the other dgd's from school, bring them home and give them tea.
    I should be free by 6 when I can then crawl to my cat and collect CHS, car, not cat, I drive a Nissan not a four legged fluffy creature.
    Chin up, Titus out.
    • silvasava
    • By silvasava 11th Apr 18, 9:14 AM
    • 3,847 Posts
    • 61,877 Thanks
    silvasava
    Just had a mental image of you astride a tiger Hester, cracking your whip!!
    Small victories - sometimes they are all you can hope for but sometimes they are all you need - be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle
    • FairyPrincessk
    • By FairyPrincessk 11th Apr 18, 9:28 AM
    • 2,384 Posts
    • 25,950 Thanks
    FairyPrincessk
    Morning all,

    Monna, yes there has been a lot of change some of which I don't mention online. It has been over a decade now of major upheaval. Hopefully this will rule out any physical issues, although to be honest I find the investigating itself very stressful.

    Silver-Oldie I don't have any advice, but I'd be worried as well. I hate it when people won't just come out with things. It is as likely to be something they need to deal with on their end and are uncomfortable informing everyone about as anything else. I find sheepishness often results in a failure to consider the panic of others. Big hugs.

    I suppose I shouldn't be surprised at the image of Hester astride a tiger. We've had elephants, so why not the rest of the circus?

    The estate agent are sending someone round to inspect the house, so all has been tidied away. OH has popped off to see his mum and dad and I'm working from home on marking. It isn't raining, but it is very windy here and the sky looks as if it will grace us with a nice steady drizzle given a moment or two to warm up.

    Hugs to all who need them.x
    • ginnyknit
    • By ginnyknit 11th Apr 18, 12:11 PM
    • 3,579 Posts
    • 42,282 Thanks
    ginnyknit
    Sending hugs to all in need, life is bl**dy annoying isn't it?

    Its chilly here today and my Arthur-itis is very bad, who gets it in their pelvis for goodness sake. I got a little over enthusiastic at weekend and did a but too much. I recovered the dining chairs which involved taking them apart then did a lot of cleaning and sewing so am paying for it now.

    Hubby has been in bed a lot of late so was getting stir crazy. It was our 39th anniversary last Saturday but did manage to go out for an hour - charity shop wandering mostly but spent nothing which I guess is good

    Dgs doesn't stay often on a Saturday as his ratbag daddy has him and Dgd so its just Wednesdays now. I do miss him at weekends but don't miss a wriggling singing 7 year old crawling in my bed at 4 am However sometimes he requests we have his sister too which is fun as she is a monkey who never stops talking and being as cute as he is.

    Hope everyone has a good day today and a respite from annoying things/people
    Running on optimism
    C.R.A.P.R.O.L.L.Z#3 camp fire coffee drinker
    Mantra for 2015 - Leave that purse shut.


    • silver-oldie
    • By silver-oldie 11th Apr 18, 2:00 PM
    • 488 Posts
    • 6,956 Thanks
    silver-oldie
    Thank you
    One thought is finance.
    Mother was in hospital for 7 weeks before having to go into the care home.
    The local authority only paid 495 pw, her room was 520, but they agreed to pay the extra. Probably as the hospital said they didn't think she had more than a few weeks left. (Three years ago)
    I over heard a conversation a while ago, it now costs 850 pw
    If they want to increase their charges Mother has very little money.
    DH and I could use our savings but then what happens if DH needs care, I already have to pay for help around the house, things we used to do ourselves.
    Maybe overthinking this.
    Sorry for the essay.
    If you walk at night no-one will see you cry.
    • FairyPrincessk
    • By FairyPrincessk 11th Apr 18, 2:42 PM
    • 2,384 Posts
    • 25,950 Thanks
    FairyPrincessk
    Ginny, it is lovely to 'see' you. I'm sorry that old Arthur-itis is bothering you again.

    Silver you can only do what you can do. It is possibly to wear oneself out worrying about things that haven't happened yet (ask me how I know!). Can you find some distractions for yourself?

    Our inspector has come and gone. He is really a very pleasant person, but I still feel a bit exposed having someone come into my home and poke and prod all of the corners. He has trotted off with promises to speak to the EA about longstanding issues, but I'm not holding out hope. He seemed to think that our impending decision about tenancy renewal might provide us with some leverage but I don't really want the hassle.

    Hugs.x
    • silvasava
    • By silvasava 11th Apr 18, 2:58 PM
    • 3,847 Posts
    • 61,877 Thanks
    silvasava
    Thank you

    If they want to increase their charges Mother has very little money.
    DH and I could use our savings but then what happens if DH needs care, I already have to pay for help around the house, things we used to do ourselves.
    Maybe overthinking this.
    Sorry for the essay.
    Originally posted by silver-oldie
    SO - my first thought is your duty is to your OH first so if it is about money (probably) then do some research on what your mother is entitled to and what she could possible claim. I'm sure there are other posters who have experience of this situation and can give excellent advice - hugs
    Small victories - sometimes they are all you can hope for but sometimes they are all you need - be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle
    • nursemaggie
    • By nursemaggie 11th Apr 18, 3:05 PM
    • 2,355 Posts
    • 31,420 Thanks
    nursemaggie
    silver-oldie Try not to think of things. They cannot expect you to pay for your mother. Please stop worrying, you cannot guess so why bother. Worrying will make no difference. It will change nothing. Chances you are totally wrong. If you have other thoughts not all of them can be true. Please don't keep thinking things up because that is all it is, thinking and worrying about what you just made up.

    Even if it was anything like you imagine the powers that be would take your own circumstances into consideration. Don't offer to pay!
    • Floss
    • By Floss 11th Apr 18, 3:15 PM
    • 4,877 Posts
    • 45,266 Thanks
    Floss
    Silver oldie Have a look at this link: Age UK but bear in mind it assumes that "you" is the person needing care, not their next-of-kin
    • nursemaggie
    • By nursemaggie 11th Apr 18, 3:31 PM
    • 2,355 Posts
    • 31,420 Thanks
    nursemaggie
    silver-oldie I have had a quick glance at the information floss has sent you and reading what you have done I think as far as money is concerned your mother will probably never have to pay if the NHS are paying. Local authorities will have no responsibility in this.Once the NHS start paying they have to keep on paying.
    • Bartok
    • By Bartok 11th Apr 18, 4:11 PM
    • 2 Posts
    • 10 Thanks
    Bartok
    Hi Zippychick,

    I'm new to this, where can I find more info on the Northern Ireland Board?

    Thanks
    • silver-oldie
    • By silver-oldie 11th Apr 18, 5:08 PM
    • 488 Posts
    • 6,956 Thanks
    silver-oldie
    silver-oldie Try not to think of things. They cannot expect you to pay for your mother. Please stop worrying, you cannot guess so why bother. Worrying will make no difference. It will change nothing. Chances you are totally wrong. If you have other thoughts not all of them can be true. Please don't keep thinking things up because that is all it is, thinking and worrying about what you just made up.

    Even if it was anything like you imagine the powers that be would take your own circumstances into consideration. Don't offer to pay!
    Originally posted by nursemaggie

    I'm know you are right, I cannot guess.
    I don't sleep well, can't stop all these thoughts. Need an off switch for my brain/thoughts.
    If you walk at night no-one will see you cry.
    • LameWolf
    • By LameWolf 11th Apr 18, 5:19 PM
    • 10,735 Posts
    • 118,065 Thanks
    LameWolf
    I was once bemoaning to a colleague why other people's students all seemed to come to me with their problems (I don't mind helping, but it be nice to share the load more equally). I asked what it was about me.. She just laughed and said "You look like you get sh*t done."
    Originally posted by FairyPrincessk
    This is a bit like so many local dog owners ask me what to do about this or that problem with their pooch.... For goodness sake, I'm a dog-sitter, not a vet!! I must've spent about 10 minutes the other day explaining to a lady in the next close that if she wants her overweight Yorkie to slim down, she has to feed sensible portions at mealtime, and ignore all begging. I mean... why ask me? It's not as if I come across as a particularly friendly person. *insert shruggy emoji*
    LW, no need to endure 10 dog less days. Very large, smelly mutt will be posted to you immediately. Said mutt is at this very moment stretched out alongside me on my bed. No need for any instructions, she will give you a sharp prod with her paw to let you know if you are failing to attend to her every need.
    Originally posted by monnagran
    Ooh, YES PLEASE!!!!!
    Just had a mental image of you astride a tiger Hester, cracking your whip!!
    Originally posted by silvasava
    Oh dear, that's one image I shall now me unable to dislodge from my mind.

    Silver Oldie (((HUGS))) from one worry-guts to another.
    LameWolf
    If your dog thinks you're the best, don't seek a second opinion.
    • pollyanna 26
    • By pollyanna 26 11th Apr 18, 5:55 PM
    • 2,299 Posts
    • 21,873 Thanks
    pollyanna 26
    Hi Zippychick,

    I'm new to this, where can I find more info on the Northern Ireland Board?

    Thanks
    Originally posted by Bartok
    If you go to the main forum page and go down to the Who and Where you are section you'll see the Local Money Saving section just click on N Ireland .


    silver-oldie It isn't easy but I eventually found it useful to think of the Serenity prayer , not really into organised religion but the serenity to accept the things I cannot change . The courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference " is good to bear in mind for things great and small .

    Also agree with Kittie and others about phoning and asking what is to be discussed . I always phone now if it isn't clear what is to be discussed hence my mention to ivyleaf of thinking " Just do it "
    It isn't worth losing sleep over the unknown . Tossing and turning will wear you down . It took me years to figure it out but I'm glad I did .

    Wolfy as you're here I'll be thinking of you both and sending the promised lavender wafts your way tomorrow . Hope all is well .

    Well dear fencers polly is spoonless and mse are playing up when i try to log in . So NM I hope you and your son have good news soon . Too many appts this week and flares for us both .
    Love and gentle hugs to all . Hopefully I'll be back by the weekend .
    Take care all and be good especially Mar !

    polly x
    • Hard Up Hester
    • By Hard Up Hester 11th Apr 18, 7:52 PM
    • 3,842 Posts
    • 49,005 Thanks
    Hard Up Hester
    I can just see myself on the back of a tiger!
    DD was able to finish at 3 so I was relieved of childcare duties 2 hours early, still knackered though, Tuesday morning is the next time I'm needed, I should have recovered by then.
    Tomorrow I have to do some shopping for CHS but then it will be feet up for a couple of hours.
    I burnt a handful of sage this evening and will do the same tomorrow. I shall watch Endeavour later and do some crochet before I go to bed, 5:30 start every day this week but a lie in on Friday as CHS has the day off
    Karcher are you ok?
    Nice to see you Ginny.
    Chin up, Titus out.
    • monnagran
    • By monnagran 11th Apr 18, 8:59 PM
    • 3,935 Posts
    • 53,290 Thanks
    monnagran
    SO, If you are a worried, then you are a worrier. There's nowt anyone can do about that, even you. Especially you.
    Just remember when you go into any meeting about your mother that YOU are the expert there. You know her and her circumstances much better than they will ever do. Also, you don't have to meet them on their expectations, they have to meet you on yours.
    Don't answer any question too quickly. Just say quietly, "What exactly are you asking me here?" or "So what are you trying to say?" and if you don't know how to respond simply say that you will have to discuss it with someone else and will come back to them.
    Dear SO, you are NOT responsible for all your mother's troubles and it would do no harm to say so. Hopefully this will all be over a quite minor matter but if not you are in the driving seat. No one can make you do anything you are not comfortable with.

    Just imagine when you are at your most nervous that all your friends here are gathered round you, we are pretty fearsome when roused. Ask mar's consultant heifer. We will all be thinking of you, you will feel the vibes.

    Polly, sorry you are having problems still. Hope you get it sorted out. We can't do without you.

    I am absolutely cream crackered tonight. I'm in bed already and Millie can't understand why I don't want to play tug o' war with her toy monkey. Thankfully tomorrow won't be quite so exhausting.

    Goodnight all.
    I believe that friends are quiet angels
    Who lift us to our feet when our wings
    Have trouble remembering how to fly.
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